Ash Over Seas

Embry Call watched as his best friend slumped through the front doors in the main hallway of La Push High. The moment his tall frame had ducked through the doors, Embry had known something was up. Jacob’s lackluster appearance said everything about how the ‘study date’ had gone last night, and he felt the pack tense around him as the sullen boy approached.

He hadn’t phased last night so that pack had received no news until now.

Upon closer inspection, Embry could clearly make out the dark circles under his friend’s eyes, and the disheveled state of his cropped hair, indicating he hadn’t gotten much sleep.

“Hey, Jake,” Seth said gently.

The tall boy glanced up as if he hadn’t expected anyone to be there. Embry, not knowing what it was like to imprint, couldn’t even imagine the pain Jacob was feeling right now, but knew that it must be devastating.

“Hey,” Jake replied roughly, attempting at a smile and failing miserably.

“Oh my god, Jake, what’s wrong?” Kim asked, her eyes creased with worry as she clutched to Jared, who was stroking her arm soothingly.

Jacob’s gaze darted to the happy pair, scanning over them in envy, his eyes guarded but his hurt could easily be distinguished. His fist clenched tightly at his side and he quickly brushed past the group, stalking down the hallway.

“I’ll go,” Embry murmured as he took off after his friend, easily catching up to the boy’s long strides. He left the pack and the confused Kim far behind as he trotted forward.

“What happened, man?” he asked, trying to keep the pity from his tone.

“Left,” he grunted. “Doesn’t want anything. Doesn’t think we should see each other.”

Embry’s eyes widened. “At all?”

Jake nodded sharply as they rounded the corner and strode into the Calc room, seeing it empty as there was still a good fifteen minutes before class started.

“Did she say why?”

Jake scoffed, his eyes tightening and Embry had to look away from them. “She said she was doing it for me, whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” Embry frowned.

“Tell me about it.”

“Well… how are you holding up?” he asked meekly, though he could have easily guessed the answer.

Jacob took a deep breath, running a tired hand over his face. “I called her twice already last night and she didn’t pick up. I couldn’t even get it together to leave a fucking message. She hasn’t answered once. This is so fucking fucked up,” he said bitterly. “I should never have come back. I’d probably be better off just going again.”

Embry’s face softened and he placed a warm hand on his friend’s shoulder. “You know it would hurt her if you did that. She might be denying it but we all know she cares about you a lot.”

Jacob scoffed and turned his glaring eyes out the window, peering at the slowly falling snowflakes as bitter thoughts plagued his mind. He chose not to answer and Embry sighed softly as the warning bell rang and students began filing slowly into the room.

Jacob’s heart was beating erratically in his chest as he waited for the tall, raven-haired beauty to glide through the door, but the minutes passed and by the time the final bell rang, the seat next to Kim sat as empty as it had been upon his arrival.

A large lump formed in his throat as he realized she was avoiding him. He’d really fucked things up now.

“Where’s that tall girl you're always hanging out with?” Cammie asked from his side as the teacher strolled into the room and began announcing the lecture.

Jacob shrugged, refusing to look away from the board, which he was staring blankly at.

“Well, I don’t really mind,” the girl said casually. “She seemed a little weird.”

Jake felt annoyance flaring up in his stomach and had to bite back the sharp retort that was forming on his tongue. He glanced over to see Embry watching him nervously, which only annoyed him more and he forced himself to take several deep breaths.

He forced his gaze out the window again, zoning out as Cammie’s monologue dragged on. He gave his attention to the lightly falling snowflakes, so delicate and unique as they began creating a blanket of white over the damp ground. Winter was fast approaching and for many people that meant the holidays.

Jacob now understood the statistics of suicide jumping at holidays like Christmas. It fucking sucks when the one you want to be with isn’t around. When they’ll have nothing to do with you and even goes to lengths to avoid you.

He felt his fist quivering lightly again and the stinging behind his eyes was too much for him to handle. Without so much as raising his hand, he quickly swept his books into his arm and stalked out the door.

He stormed through the hallways until he came to the back staircase that no one ever used. He slumped himself down against the dirty floor, taking deep breaths as he willed his muscles to stop vibrating. He gritted his teeth together and forced the red out of his vision. Mostly, he was angry with himself for ruining what they’d had. He knew he could never truly be mad at her.

His ragged breaths eventually evened out and he numbly reached his hand into his pocket.

He quickly dialed her number, cursing as it went straight to voicemail and her light voice requested he please leave a message. He regretted calling without actually preparing what to say, and as he heard the soft beep, his mouth vomited the first words that came to his mind.

“Colby, look I just—you can’t just—I mean—ugh, fuck it!” he gasped, slamming the phone shut and burying his hands in his hair as his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. He couldn’t even talk straight.

He took several calming breaths and tried again, deciding it would be best to just apologize and see if he could convince her to rethink things. He dialed.

When the beep rang he took another breath and launched into a slightly more prepared statement, keeping his voice as level as possible.

“Look, I’m sorry,” he breathed, squeezing his eyes shut as he rested his head on the wall behind him. “I—I know I should have eased you in or something.”

His words were running together already as the panic took over him.

“Please, can’t we at least be friends? I can’t bear not going through the day seeing or talking to you. You don’t understand how this is for me. I—ugh.”

He slammed his head back against the wall as his tongue twisted itself into knots once again. He angrily shoved the phone back in his pocket, hearing the dismissal bell ringing in the distance. He threw his bag over his shoulder, contemplating just going home.

His mind changed instantly as he saw a familiar pale, black-haired figure gliding down the hallway, stopping at a locker on the way.

He quickened his steps as he approached the brooding boy with the golden eyes.

“Hey, um, where’s Colby today?” he asked, trying to keep casual as the Atticus looked up with his cold, frozen eyes. Jake had never actually talked to the boy, so he didn’t really know how to go about it.

“Busy,” he said shortly, his eyes narrowing defensively.

“With what?” Jacob snapped, his temper flaring up again.

Atticus slammed his locker shut and turned abruptly to the russet-skinned boy in front of him.

“That’s her business,” he said icily before sweeping past Jacob and toward his class.

Jacob cursed, glaring at the boy’s back until he disappeared, before heading off to his Chemistry class.

The rest of the morning passed gruelingly slow. Jacob felt a tiny swell of relief as the dismissal bell rang and he gathered his Psychology books into his bag. If he’d had to read one more paragraph on the workings of the human brain he was sure he was going to smash his head against a wall.

His mood wasn’t much improved as he noticed a small, light-haired girl waiting for him outside the doorway.

“Hey, Jake. How was class?” Cammie greeted as she fell in step beside him.

Jake just grunted as the girl continued to chatter on, oblivious to the fact that he couldn’t care less and as they made it to the cafeteria, she didn’t leave his side once, taking new confidence in the fact that her navy-eyed rival was still MIA.

“So I was thinking we ought to really get to work on that Hamlet project soon,” she trilled contentedly as she trailed her fingers along Jake’s arm. He hardly even noticed as he idly pushed the mashed potatoes around on his tray.

“Isn’t it due like next week?” he muttered and she shrugged, still beaming.

“I know but I want to make it really good. I don’t know about you, but I could really use the good grade,” she sighed.

“Mmm,” Jacob answered vaguely, his eyes drifting to Atticus who, without his sister, had opted for a seat in the far corner of the room. It pained him to even see anything that reminded him of her and his ears itched to hear her voice again. He knew it was useless to call again, but he felt the need to try.

Shoving himself back from the table, he quickly retreated to the edge of the cafeteria, away from all the laughter and chatting as his fingers dug for his phone once again.

He listened to it ring several times before he was put through to voicemail again. His nerves were frayed and his inner resentment and fear spilled through the phone as he tried one last desperate attempt to get through to her.

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on,” he snapped as his fingers pinched the bridge of his nose. He paced back and forth frantically as his hands trembled. “I don’t know where you are right now and I don’t know what the fuck I’m supposed to do. I know it was a lot yesterday but you just fucking left!” he cried, his hysteria shining through as his fingers gripped his hair. “No one knows where you are,” he pleaded, his voice uneven. “Please, we can find some way to work around this. Please, don’t just go… don’t leave again….”

The lump in his throat threatened to explode and he quickly disconnected the call before he completely lost it. He took the time to compose himself before heading back to the table, scraping up as much pride as he could. It wasn’t much.

“Where’d you go, man?” Paul asked through a mouthful of fries as Jake slouched back into his seat.

“Just making a call.”

“She didn’t answer again?” he asked, his eyes shining slightly with opportunity.

Jacob glared and chose not to answer.

“Sucks she’s blowing you off.”

Seth, thinking fast, quickly reached out and grabbed Jake’s arms before he could lash out at the insensitive boy from across the table.

“Way to fucking go, Paul. You treat Rachel like that, too?” Jared asked tiredly.

Paul just rolled his eyes and shoved another bite of burger into his mouth. “At least I could actually get Rachel to like me.”

“Paul!” Embry snapped as Jake shoved back from the table and stormed from the room.

Cammie sat there, wide-eyed and awkward as the table of boys continued to bicker around her.

Jacob reached the fresh air of the parking lot, relaxing slightly as the cool snowflakes sizzled on his burning skin. He took a deep breath, making for his car as he decided he was just going to head home. He knew it was useless to stay in school and hope she would show up late.

Part of him longed to drive to her house and force her to talk to him, but the stronger part knew he couldn’t handle the rejection again just yet. He knew she wouldn’t have changed her mind yet.