Ash Over Seas

By Wednesday, Jacob Black had finally surrendered into what felt like an endless pit of nothingness. His usually vibrant russet face was slack and lifeless, his smiles broken and forced. His chopped hair stuck out at odd angles due to constantly shifting through sleepless nights and when he walked there was a distinct sound of his shoes scuffing along the hallways.

He had all but given up by now.

“Man, she’s going to come around sooner or later,” Embry assured him, grimacing at the doubt coloring even his own tone.

“That’s what you said three weeks ago,” Jacob said dryly. His body felt empty; numb and devoid of all feeling, as if something had come along and sucked out his soul. It wasn’t pleasant.

“Yeah but no one’s ever resisted an imprint before… it’s like impossible!”

“She’s doing a pretty good job for herself right now,” he muttered bitterly.

“Maybe she’s doing a good job avoiding you but we’ve all got to admit she looks like shit,” Embry said, glancing with sympathetic eyes at the now ivory-skinned girl slouching two rows in front of them as they waited for their first class to begin.

A low growl rolled in Jacob’s throat and Embry held his palms up in defense.

“Hey, you know I like her as much as the next guy. I’m just saying she looks beat. Did you ever get it out of her why she’s like that? Like what happened?”

Jacob stared blankly at him, his eyes slightly annoyed. “I haven’t talked to her in two fucking weeks. Do you really think I know?” he spat.

Embry sighed heavily, raking a weary hand through his cropped hair. “Look at least that’s kind of a good sign,” he murmured, quickly continuing as Jacob’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “Well, I mean, at least you know it’s bothering her too!”

Jacob scoffed. “Yeah cause it’s every man’s dream to cause his imprint misery.”

“Jesus, Jake,” Embry huffed in irritation. “At least you know she likes you so much she has to actually keep away from you to try to get over it. At least you know she’s hurting over you.”

“Yeah but the fact that she’s ignoring me kind of kills all optimism in that.”

“I’m beginning to think you're killing all optimism anywhere,” Embry muttered.

“Can you blame me?” Jake snarled. “How would you like it if the person you loved more than anything told you it was all a mistake and then started avoiding you?”

“I know, man, I know. It sucks but it’ll get better. Gotta go,” he grimaced, patting Jake on the shoulder once as Cammie flounced into the room.

Her light brown hair had been impeccably sleek and smooth lately and her eyes always shone with just a little extra spark as she slid into her seat next to the large boy.

“Hey, Jake,” she smiled kindly as her eyes flitted over the room. Jake merely nodded as he vaguely acknowledged her presence. These days it felt like he was living life under 20 feet of water. All sounds seemed to blur together and all people were reduced to fuzzy shapes, all indistinguishable from one another. Except for one….

“Wow, she still looks terrible. You’d think she’d know how to use a brush by now,” the tiny girl murmured to herself from beside him as the teacher began announcing a review session for the test the next morning.

It was obvious that Cammie knew Jake could hear her, and clearly thought that pointing out every one of his imprint’s flaws would make him realize how wrong they were for each other. Unfortunately, she hadn’t been informed of the strength imprinting held.

Jake’s eyes roamed over the long, dark hair that fell from Colby’s crown, reaching just below her shoulder blades. Admittedly, it was looking duller, but he knew that she would be beautiful no matter how worn she looked. He felt his heart clench painfully as his mind roamed over the possible causes of her appearance. There was obviously some sort of underlying stress and it killed him to know that she couldn’t share her problems with him when all he wanted to do was pull her into his arms and feel her now cool skin against his own. He could almost smell the lavender in her hair if he tried hard enough.

He was so dazed and focused on absorbing everything he could of his imprint’s appearance that he scarcely noticed the small fingers brushing innocently along his forearm all through the entire block.

His world passed in a blur and before long the lunch bell was ringing and he was being jostled along the hallways toward the cafeteria once more. He slumped over to the table, plopping himself into his usual seat as all talk seemed to cease around him. Not that he noticed anyway.

“Jeeze, you're like one of those things from Harry Potter,” Paul muttered as he shoveled in a bite of sandwich, his eyes flitting between the now silent occupants of the table. “You know, those things that make the air all cold and suck all the happiness out of everyone?”

Jacob’s fist clenched in his lap and he glared venomously at the boy across from him. If there was anyone’s shit he didn’t need, it was Paul’s.

“If you don’t like it then fucking leave,” he growled as the rest of the table became tense. Kim held cautiously onto Jared’s arm as her dark eyes fluttered between the two.

“Hey don’t take your anger out on me. It’s not my fault your imprint wants nothing to do with you,” he bit defensively.

“Paul!” Kim scolded as she glared angrily at the boy, who just shrugged and took another bite.

“Who knows? Maybe it’s one of those imprints that’s supposed to just be friends, maybe you should just try to move on like she said. Go for someone who likes you… like that one,” he chuckled, gesturing to the wheat-haired girl approaching the table. “She can’t seem to get enough of you and she’s not bad looking either.”

Paul’s point was proven further as Cammie wandered over and positioned herself in the seat as close to Jake as possible without actually touching him.

“What are you all talking about?” she asked brightly, oblivious to the death stare she was receiving from Kim as her brown eyes sparked expectantly.

“Nothing,” Jacob replied sharply as his tortured eyes stared at the table. He ripped his gaze from the marbled plastic for a moment as his brain idly contemplated Paul’s words. He glanced over the small girl’s face, noting the way the tip of her nose rounded elegantly and how the corners of her mouth seemed to be etched into a permanent smirk. She was admittedly a very pretty girl, but that was all Jacob felt as he looked at her. There was no excitement, no rush of emotions, just a pretty face. Somehow he knew that wouldn’t be enough.

He still couldn’t get that last resounding statement unstuck from his mind…

Maybe it’s one of those imprints that’s supposed to just be friends.

Was Paul right? Could she possibly be meant to only be his friend? The legends had said that the shifter would be anything his imprint needs: a lover, a friend… even a brother…. Panic lashed out through his chest as he thought of the possibility that he might never be truly meant to have her as his own. But he felt love for her… so wouldn’t she naturally feel the same?

He really didn’t know and as the bell rang to dismiss him to Gym, his mind was swirling with a fog of confusion and possibilities.

He took his time gathering his books from the table, falling in step behind Colby just far enough back that she wouldn’t notice his presence. Sure, it may have been a slightly creepy thing to do, but seeing her was the only thing that helped ease the ache in his chest.

His eyes never roamed far from her as Gym carried on. They were playing volleyball today and Jacob couldn’t help but watch as her graceful form reached to tap the ball forward for her teammate. Even in this frail state she was the most perfect thing he’d ever seen and he knew—as he had all along—that he couldn’t just stand by and let her get away. He was ready to try again.

As the coach dismissed the class to change Jacob held back once more, allowing everyone to file out in front of him before he entered the hallway. He chewed his lip, contemplating if it was worth it to corner her up there.

Throwing caution to the wind he went for it, lurching up the staircase and into the place of nearly every high school male’s fantasy: the girls’ locker room.

As expected, there were indignant screams and protests as he waltzed through. Most girls changed as quickly as possible before hurrying out, disgusted scoffs flying from their lips.

“What—“

Colby’s eyes grew wide as she rounded the corner in confusion and found Jake standing there awkwardly, unsure of how to start.

Jacob’s eyes quickly roamed over her frame—which unsurprisingly was only clad in black cotton shorts and a maroon sports bra—as he noticed the skin nearly hanging off her.

“What are you doing here!?” she shrieked as she tried to cover herself up.

Jacob, in a daze, stepped forward, ignoring her protests as he captured her wrist gently in his hand and pulled it away from her body, staring down at her protruding hipbones.

“What happened to you?” he whispered, his eyes distressed as he lightly brushed her hip with his free hand.

“It’s none of your business!” she hissed firmly as she wrenched herself from his grasp and hurried to throw on a t-shirt.

“It is my business! You're my imprint, or did you forget that?”

She scoffed loudly and her expression hardened to a blank mask. “So what, does that give you some sort of claim on me? Am I your property now?” she demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.

“What? No!”

“Then I don’t see the problem.”

“The problem?” he almost laughed. Almost. “The problem is you look like you haven’t eaten or slept in weeks! You’ve been ignoring me and you won’t even talk to Kim! You don’t even sit with us unless you have to!”

“And that warrants your barging into the girls’ locker room?”

“It’s the only place you can’t make an excuse and run away again! I would burn down the whole fucking school if that’s what it took for you to listen to me,” he said fiercely, his eyes smoldering with intensity

She sighed deeply and her violet eyes softened just barely. “You're not doing what I said.”

He snorted. “What? Moving on? Yeah, cause that’s going to happen.”

“Jake—“

“Give me one legitimate reason why we can’t be together,” he ordered as he set his stance more firmly against the floor.

She peered up at him for a moment, opening and closing her mouth as if on the verge of spilling something out. Finally she cast her eyes away and muttered something about leaving for school in less than a year.

“I don’t care if you're in London then!” he shouted. “I’ll do the long distance thing!”

“Overseas?”

“Anything,” he breathed, his brow creasing with sincerity.

“I can’t let you do that,” she said quietly.

He narrowed his eyes. “What, are you telling me you’ll want to see other people over there? You're afraid of commitment, aren’t you?”

She shook her head sadly. “I’m not afraid of commitment.”

He growled in frustration. “Then what? And don’t tell me you don’t love me because I know you do, I can see it! Don’t lie to me.”

“Look I know I’ve been a bitch to you and I’m sorry, Jake, I am!” she shouted, her eyes pooling with tears of frustration as her tiny fists clenched stiffly at her sides. “I know you’ll find out soon enough but I just can’t tell you, okay? I can’t. Because that makes it real and I can’t even begin to process how much it’s going to hurt us. Because it will hurt you, Jake, if you love me as much as you claim and I’m not ready to put that on you.”

Jacob had no idea what she was talking about, but it was more than he’d ever gotten from her before. And the dread that accompanied it almost made him wish he hadn’t asked.

Colby took several deep breaths in attempt to quell the sobs threatening to choke her lungs. Her watery eyes were endless pools of regret as her lip quivered with words left unsaid. The locker room was silent until her soft voice spoke once more.

“We can never be together, Jake. I’m sorry.”

And with that, she gathered her bag into her hands and brushed past him through the exit. A numbing sensation trickled over his limbs as he finally realized that she was never going to give in; she would always run from him.

She would never let him in.

Something inside him broke, and as he drifted catatonically through the halls toward his class, he prayed for some relief of the pain scorching his chest.

Something to ease the fiery ache.

Anything.