Ash Over Seas

When I woke the next morning I felt as if my veins had been infused with lead. Every limb felt as if it weighed a thousand pounds and raising my head from my pillow was far beyond a normal effort. Still, I forced myself out from under the comforters, stumbling around the house to get ready while Atticus watched me with wary eyes.

I knew I was going to fail my Calculus test today, so I don’t know why I really bothered going to class, but something in me just knew I needed to go. My apparently sick and masochistic nature needed to see them again with my own eyes. I needed hard proof that what I’d witnessed yesterday was real, and not just some sort of nightmare I’d fallen into without realizing it.

The ride to school was silent as I tried to keep my eyes open and my head from lolling onto my shoulders with sleep.

It didn’t get any better when I walked through the front doors of the school and received my confirmation.

Last night Atticus had managed to work out the reasons for my abrupt change in health and had immediately stormed out in a fury of curses and threats toward the Quileute shifter’s health. It had taken me a whole ten minutes to calm him enough to sit back on my bed while I explained how it was, in fact, my fault that all this had happened.

But that didn’t seem to matter to my brother and as we walked back into the school, my hand gripping his tightly for support, a low growl ripped through his throat at the sight of Jake leaning against the lockers with Cammie smiling brightly up at him.

Nope. Not a dream.

“Atticus, don’t cause a scene,” I murmured as I nudged him slightly, averting my eyes to the floor. “It’s my fault anyway. He deserves this.”

“You're too nice for your own bloody good,” he muttered, his scowl creasing deeper over his golden eyes as Cammie laced her fingers with Jake’s. He didn’t protest—in fact, he hardly even seemed to notice as his gaze stared unbrokenly at the floor to his left.

“He doesn’t deserve anything,” Atticus snarled softly and I could feel his hand slightly trembling around mine.

I saw Jake’s head begin to turn and quickly averted my eyes again as we passed, determined to have nothing to do with him now that he was no longer a part of my life. I held my head high, making my way down the hall until I reached Calculus and bid a quiet goodbye to my brother.

Kim was silent for once as I took my seat next to her, feeling a slight fatigue setting in already as I yawned and picked up my pencil. The rest of the class filed in and the exams were passed around as a hush fell over the students and all that could be heard was the scratching of pencils on paper.

My brain fought hard to pay attention to the problems on the page, but my concentration was out of focus and by the time I passed my sheets into the teacher at the end of the block, I couldn’t recall a single thing I’d written. But I couldn’t find it in myself to care.

Throughout Biology, Atticus allowed me to sleep, slumped over against the desk while he covered for me, softly nudging my leg when it was nearly time to leave.

I thanked him kindly and shuffled off to Photography, feeling slightly better now that I was more rested, though also slightly worse because I would have to spend the next hour with Cammie and I could already tell how that was going to be.

As expected, she strutted around the darkroom the entire time with a huge grin plastered across her face that only set my fingers itching to punch it off her.

“Oh my gosh, I know,” she breathed to one of her friends after a lengthy discussion about how attractive Jacob really was. “And have you felt his skin? It’s always so warm, I mean, I’d like to have that next to me in the winter, wouldn’t you?”

My lip curled in a sneer as I suppressed a growl. She treated him like a piece of meat and this is what he chose to get over me?

I gritted my teeth, focusing more deeply on my enlarger as I tried to focus it with my shaking hands. In the back of my mind I could hear her footsteps approaching and my body reflexively tensed.

I glanced up quickly as she settled herself against the counter to my right, leaning on it with her hip as she smiled kindly down at me. I could tell it was fake from the moment it met my eyes.

“Cammie,” I nodded curtly before turning back to my work. I needed to grab the border frame from the counter, but of course she was oh-so-conveniently blocking it, therefore forcing me to face her once again.

“Is there something you need?” I asked politely, trying to keep my voice friendly.

“Well, I don’t know if you heard what I was just saying to Andrea…. But I just wanted to… clear something with you,” she said slowly, seeming to actually think about her words before she spoke.

I nodded expectantly, raising my brows for her to continue, though I already knew what was coming and my fists were already quivering.

“Well… see, I know that you and Jake have been having some… issues, lately. He’s told me all about them and I just wanted to make sure there were no hard feelings between us.” Her voice was condescending, as if she were speaking to a two-year-old and my fingers clenched so hard I could feel them digging into the skin of my palms.

“Why would there be any hard feelings?” I asked my smile tight and my tone as clearly faux-polite as her own.

“Well, it’s just I know how close you were and well… after he kissed me yesterday… well, you know how it goes,” she answered, unable to hide her victorious smirk as her eyes twinkled in the red glow.

“Did he now?” I played along, disguising the disgust from my voice.

She nodded and twisted her lips into a half smile. “Yeah, I just thought I should be the one to tell you.”

“Spectacular,” I replied plainly, my voice lacking any interest for her comment—I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction.

“Isn’t it, though? Oh, I’m so glad you approve!” she trilled, flashing her teeth as she quickly pulled her hair into a perfect knot. “Well, I guess I should get back to work then!”

“Yeah, that might be good,” I muttered as I watched her flounce back to her station, a sneer already threatening to curl at my lips again. Angry waves rolled through my stomach and I quickly finished my print, tossing it in my bag and telling the proctor I wasn’t feeling well—which I really wasn’t—before hurrying off to the nurse.

My higher-than-human temperature immediately sent the short, squat woman into a frenzy and I was easily granted a pass to sit out in gym once I had explained to her that I didn’t need to go home early… as much as I would have liked to.

So it was with a heavy sigh that I sprawled myself out on the bleachers, ignoring the questioning glances from my classmates as I watched their game of kickball unfold.

Actually… it went more like this: I got to sit out and watch Cammie launch herself exaggeratedly at Jacob’s catatonic frame whilst Quil and Embry glanced nervously between us both, whispering in hushed tones to each other.

Jacob’s eyes would occasionally roam over to me, in which case I would firmly turn my head and refuse to so much as peek at him until I was positive he wasn’t looking anymore.

As far as everyone else was concerned, I wanted absolutely nothing to do with him, so it vexed me greatly when, during the halftime water break, he made his way over to my seat with a hesitant smile. Cammie clearly was not pleased either as she glared us down from the doorway.

“Hey,” he said quietly as his shuffling came to a stop in front of me.

I turned my cold eyes on him, feeling the anger churn fiercely at the sound of his voice addressing me. I stared blankly at him, my lips twisted in distaste as he shifted his weight awkwardly between his feet.

“So… why are you sitting out today?” he had asked after several moments of silence. He was clearly trying to make conversation and as much as I wanted to speak with him, I couldn’t dispel the image of his rendezvous in the library from my mind.

“Because I feel like it,” I answered icily, feeling my eyes sting slightly as they narrowed in disgust.

“Are… are you okay?” he asked, clearly confused by my sudden hostility. After all, he had no idea I knew of his special encounter.

“Peachy.”

“You don’t sound okay,” he pressed as his brows creased with what looked like worry. At this point I really couldn’t tell. He scratched the back of his neck nervously as the class began filing back into their positions behind him.

“Don’t pretend like you care,” I bit quietly, my hands balling into fists on my lap.

“What? What do you mean I—“

“You have to get back to class, Jacob. Wilson will dock points,” I said emotionlessly as I glared at the wall across the room from me, making sure to use his full name. I heard his weight shift several times more in his reluctance to comply, before he finally gave in and dragged his feet back to his place next to Cammie.

She greeted him warily, eyes still darting toward me now and then as she appraised my body language, searching for any indication of a threat. After several minutes she seemed to relax and the rest of the block was able to pass with indifference.

As History approached, I thoroughly contemplated skipping to avoid sitting next to Jacob, but decided I needed to start getting used to this, so pushed my feet through the echoing halls and into the classroom.

Jacob was already there, staring at me with the same concern he held during gym, but I had no use for it as I slid in next to him, ignoring his inquiries expertly as I studiously took down Giovanangelli’s notes. After a good fifteen minutes he sighed, and ceased his interrogations, knowing he wouldn’t get anything out of me.

I forced all of my concentration on the textbook in front of me, trying to ignore the delicious scent that was swirling around me. His scent was like the forest on a hot summer day, with the tiniest undertone of mechanics grease from all the hours he spent working on his beloved Rabbit. It was intoxicating and I wanted to stay mad at him—I really did—yet all I could think about was how much I wanted to lean into his warm embrace.