Ash Over Seas

It wasn’t until Monday of the next week that my façade finally broke and Cammie’s antics had driven me too far. She knew her ‘relationship’ with Jake was bothering me, even if I never said anything, and had taken it upon herself to flaunt it in my face every chance she got. She was obviously trying to get a rise out of me, which for the longest time, I had refused to give her. But a girl’s patience can only go so far.

I had sat in the darkroom, patiently gritting my teeth as she chattered on to me about the progress of her and Jake’s relationship “since I was so cool with it”, until I finally couldn’t take it anymore. Her smirking eyes were begging for it.

“So maybe one of these days we can go on a double date or something!” she grinned cruelly, toying with her hair as she leaned on the counter next to me.

I had sighed loudly and tried to keep my patience while I fed my negatives into the enlarger. “Cammie, just leave it be, okay? I don’t need dating advice, especially from you.”

Her eyes twinkled as she realized I was on the verge of my breakdown. “Why?” she asked slyly. “I thought you didn’t have a problem with me and Jake?”

“Did I say anything about you and Jake?” I bit, rolling my eyes. “No. I’m just sick and bloody tired of you chattering on about your shit all the fucking time! No one wants to hear you fucking talk, okay?” I had snapped, beginning to lose my temper as my negatives shook slightly between my fingers.

Cammie had scoffed, her lip twisting in a sneer as she moved in on her kill. “I see what it is. You're just jealous of the fact that Jacob would never want to date someone as plain as you. I mean ever since like last month you really went down the drain, hon… You really ought to get some cover-up for those circles,” she sneered, motioning between her eyes mockingly.

That had done it.

In that single moment I had snapped. Without thinking, my fist connected with her nose in a sharp crack that resounded through the tiny walls of the darkroom as Cammie stumbled back and clutched at her face.

“You stupid bitch!” she shrieked as a thin line of red slowly began to dribble from her nose. She clearly hadn’t expected me to react physically.

“You know nothing,” I seethed as I stormed from the class, not even bothering to leave the proctor with an excuse before disappearing down the hallway.

The news of my ‘brawl’ traveled fast—mostly because of Cammie’s milking everyone for sympathy—and by the time I walked into English, I was greeted with a loud and cheering whoop from Jared, and even a tiny smirk from Kim, who had been slightly distant lately because of my reluctance to answer her questions.

“Dude, nice work,” said Jared as I took my usual seat behind him, trying to avoid the many ogling stares I was receiving from my peers. Clearly my taking down Cammie was huge news, which I guess made sense for such a small school.

“I saw her in the hallway on the way here… her nose is like the size of a hockey puck! What’d she do to set you off?” the boy continued excitedly, as if Christmas had come 15 days early.

Kim turned also, eyeing me intently and most likely preparing to analyze every word that came from my mouth as she waited for my response.

I glanced quickly to the side, noting Atticus’s tiny smirk as he nonchalantly scribbled in the margins of his paper. He was clearly pleased with my actions and I bit my lip, turning hesitantly back to the eagerly waiting couple.

“She just wouldn’t shut up,” was all I said as I pulled out my tattered copy of Catcher in the Rye and placed it carefully on my desk.

Jared’s eyes twinkled with amusement and he chuckled heartily before turning back to grasp the hand of his girlfriend—who seemed less-than-pleased by my response—underneath their desks.

The rest of the class was devoted to reading the next three chapters, and also—apparently—to sneaking glances at me over the tops of books while whispering about the reasons behind my shocking outburst.

I should have expected it when the lunch bell finally rang, but I was too caught up in the quietly whispered rumors to notice as Kim approached me with a determined look on her pretty face.

“So,” she began, smirking as I startled and glanced up at her. “You punched Cammie. I can only imagine what that was about.”

“She’s had it coming for a long while,” I muttered simply, not really wanting to discuss the matter because I knew where she was going with it already.

“So does this mean you're fighting for Jake now?”

Yep. Predictable.

“No, Kim. I don’t think I am,” I said icily as my mind flipped once more back to last week’s library run-in. I packed my books into my bag, grudgingly motioning for Atticus to go on ahead because I knew Kim wouldn’t be letting me go without a fight.

“You're kidding, right?” she snapped incredulously as we wandered through the crowded halls. “So you’ll punch a girl in the face over him but you don’t actually want him?”

“This has nothing to do with wanting him,” I replied sharply.

She scoffed. “This has everything to do with you wanting him!”

“No,” I spat. “This has to do with him clearly wanting to be with Cammie now so I’m backing off. I don’t give a shit; he can do whatever he wants. She got punched because it’s what she deserves.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it!” she replied, angry now at my stubbornness.

“Excuse me?”

“That’s bullshit. You know he only wants to be with you. And you know you give a shit, otherwise you wouldn’t have punched her!”

“Well if he wanted to be with me, then why the hell did I find him liplockingher not even an hour after we’d parted!? In the bloody library for God’s sake!” I cried angrily as I rounded on her, my breathing uneven. I knew this stress wasn’t doing me any good, but Kim’s snotty attitude was enough to push me not to care.

“You saw that?” she breathed as her eyes widened in shock as her face paled slightly.

“Yeah, I bloody saw it,” I spat quietly. “So much for fucking imprinting.”

Kim’s eyes quickly became resentful once more and it was clear to me that she was going to stick on Jacob’s side through this no matter what.

“Can you blame the guy for looking for a little comfort after you’ve freaking shot him down so many times?! You have no idea what this is like for him!”

“That doesn—“

She abruptly pulled me off into a connecting hallway and I got the impression we wouldn’t be making it to lunch today.

“Shut up and just listen to me,” she growled and her normally kind face suddenly seemed as dark and foreboding as any vampire or werewolf’s, making me cringe slightly against the wall as I waited for her to speak.

“Do you even know what he went through before you came along?” she hissed venomously as she stared firmly into my eyes. “He was a fucking mess. He ran away to Canada for three months before you got here because he was so god damn heartbroken over that stupid girl. And then you came along and he was so happy and I thought everything was going to be back to normal but no, you’ve only freaking made it worse!”

My mouth fell open slightly and my brows creased with confusion.

“Jake… was… who?” I breathed, unable to properly organize my thoughts.

She crossed her arms coldly over her chest and peered up at me. “Has he ever told you about Bella?”

My brows knitted further as my mind pored over that conversation we’d had in his car so many months ago. “Yeah… he told me they were best friends….”

Kim snorted and shook her head; her pretty eyes glancing toward the ceiling. “He would,” she muttered. “They were best friends for a while… until he fell in love with her.”

“He… he what?” a lump formed in my throat as I realized how naïve I was to think Jake would never have loved before I came along.

“He fell in love with her,” Kim repeated coolly. “Edward left her because he thought he was too dangerous for her and she leaned on Jake for help. She constantly rejected him, all the while leading him on and selfishly letting him love her because she thought Edward wasn’t coming back, only to drop him like a rock as soon as the leech came home. He was an absolute wreck.”

My heart wrenched for his pain and the breath in my lungs seemed to abandon me as I floundered for something to say. My stomach rolled nauseatingly and my arms instinctively wrapped around it, trying to hold myself together as I processed this new information.

“I… never knew…” I murmured, finally falling back against the wall to support my legs, which were rapidly turning to Jell-O.

“Of course you didn’t,” Kim snapped. “He didn’t want to worry or scare you off into thinking he still loved her… not that it would have mattered now anyway, since you so obviously want nothing to do with him.”

I shook my head, fighting back tears as I realized just how badly I had screwed up.

“I’ve killed him, haven’t I?” I whispered as one hand released my abdomen to idly grasp at my throat, which was burning with my effort not to cry.

“Just about,” she muttered, seeming to soften slightly as my regret shone through. “It’s actually a wonder he hasn’t run off again… He’s probably only still here because he can’t leave you.”

“It shouldn’t be that way,” I replied in a strangled whisper. “He shouldn’t be forced to love me. I’m not right for him.”

“You keep saying that!” she rolled her eyes, throwing her hands into the air angrily. “Don’t you realize that he wouldn’t have imprinted on you if you weren’t a perfect match for him?”

“There must be some mistake….”

“Why are you so convinced you're not right for him!?” she demanded. Her eyes were angry at my constant excuses, and with good reason. She had no idea what was really going on….

I bit my lip, teetering on the edge of my decision as she stared me down.

I finally cracked under her gaze and slumped against the wall, my back sliding down it until I hit the floor, my knees falling against my chest as my palms fell uselessly to the ground next to me.

I stared up into her chocolate eyes, unsure of my expression as I opened my mouth and my confession tumbled out.

“I’m sick, Kim,” I whispered, feeling the hot tears breaking free from my eyes now as they traced lines down my cheeks. “I’m sick and I don’t have very long and I just can’t… I can’t… it’s not fair.”

“Wait—what?” she breathed as her voice softened. She fell to her knees in front of me, placing a warm hand on my leg as her eyes searched my face.

“Can’t you see it?” I murmured. “The dark circles, why I’m always tired, how pale I’ve become… my bones? It all makes sense, Kim. I’m dying.”

She shook her head vigorously, her eyes wide with shock. “But you… you're practically immortal. You can’t be sick!”

I grimaced, my lip trembling at the corner as I let out a watery laugh. “You’d think. But that’s just my luck, isn’t it?”

“Are you sure?”

I nodded softly, staring at my knees as my fingers played with the bracelet on my wrist. “I’ve been going to appointments with Carlisle for a couple months now.”

“So that’s what Jake walked in on…” she breathed.

I nodded. “I’m surprised he didn’t figure it out then,” I muttered, shivering as I remembered how furious his eyes had been when they’d locked with mine.

“So you….”

“I’d be leaving him soon, anyway,” I murmured, casting my eyes down at the shining waxed linoleum. “I figured it would be better for him to start moving on now….”

“Oh, Colby,” Kim sighed, leaning forward to wrap her arms around my thin and shaking shoulders as light sobs began to escape my lips.

“Shhh,” she soothed. “It’s all going to be okay.”

I could hear the waver of pain in her tone, but leaned into her anyway as she allowed me to soak her shoulder.

“I think you should tell him,” she said quietly, several minutes later when she pulled away. She lightly brushed the water from my cheeks and held them in her palms, staring into my eyes meaningfully. “He needs to know.”

I shook my head, a lingering sob escaping my lips. “I can’t… his face… Kim it’s hard enough to stay away from him this way… telling him I’m going to leave him forever… I don’t think I can do that….”

“He’ll find out eventually, Cole. He needs to hear it from you, otherwise you know you’ll regret it,” she said softly.

“It’s not like I’ll be around very long to suffer from it,” I muttered.

“Colby,” she scolded softly, forcing me to look at her again. “If you really love Jake this much, then you owe it to him to be the one to tell him…. You do love him, right?”

I nodded, staring off to the floor on my right. “More than anything.”

She smiled softly and her hands slipped away to lightly grasp my shoulders. “Then you need to tell him.”

I frowned uncertainly, chewing the inside of my lip. “I’ll… think about it,” I murmured finally.

Kim sighed and nodded as she gently helped me to my feet, making sure I was steady before releasing my shoulders.

“Lunch is pretty much blown by now, huh?” she grimaced as we made our way back to the main hall.

“I wasn’t that hungry anyway,” I murmured as we reached the fork in our paths.

She paused for a moment, seemingly deep in thought before a light sigh escaped her lips. “Thank you for telling me, Colby, even though I don’t know why you felt you couldn’t before.”

I grimaced. “Makes it more real… and I can’t stand the looks I get all the time…” I muttered and she nodded in understanding.

“Well… remember what I said?” she pressed hopefully.

I nodded, my lips twisting in a grimace as my stomach rolled nervously. She pulled me into a light hug and then sent me off to my next class.

Walking into the large gymnasium was the first time I had seen Cammie since Photo, and I kept my face neutral as my eyes roamed over the ice pack she was keeping pressed to her nose, which—unfortunately—was not broken. She was leaning against the wall, next to Jake once again as she complained profusely about how much of a delinquent I was, and how I probably would end up in juvy at some point.

The tall boy’s eyes glanced between Cammie and I, clearly shocked that the story was true, and I allowed a tiny smirk to twitch at my lips before averting my eyes and wandering over to Embry, who seemed shocked that I was voluntarily interacting with him.

“Colby… hey…” he said uncertainly as I neared, ignoring the protests of my stomach as I decided I would play today.

“Embry,” I nodded curtly.

“Are you playing today?” he asked conversationally as we strolled to one side of the gym.

I nodded. “Yeah. There’s no way in hell I’m sitting out next to that,” I replied, glancing over at the swollen-faced girl.

Embry chuckled lightly and shook his head. “They’ll be talking about that for weeks, you know.”

I shrugged. “Won’t matter in the long run, anyway.”

He frowned, glancing down at me and opened his mouth, but was interrupted as Wilson blew the whistle, calling the class to attention as he introduced today’s activity—in honor of the heavy snow falling outside—floor hockey.

I grumbled some choice words as I rummaged through the plastic bin, fishing out a plastic hockey stick as we all took our positions around the room and a small rubber ball was placed in the center of the floor. The whistle blew once more and the game began as the star athletes took over.

As expected, I was winded within the first ten minutes, but my stubborn nature forced me onward. Like I’d said, there was no way in hell I was sitting out next to Cammie for the rest of the block.

“Colby, what are you doing? Pass the ball!” a lanky boy by the name of Devon shouted as I fumbled with the stick, my vision blurring slightly as I felt my heart skip a beat. My stomach rolled and I hiccupped slightly as I began to sway on my feet.

I leaned heavily on the sticks plastic frame, clutching my head as the room spun around me and the worried voices of my classmates blurred together into one dull roar. Everything sounded as if it were being shouted down a long hallway and the corners of my vision faded to black as I felt my body release.