Break Apart My Heart

“Wake up!” Someone yelled.

I moaned, and buried my head more into the pillow.
“Come on, get up!”

Wait a minute … Bella?

I looked up and Bella was standing in front of me. In my room. I looked around, and saw the presents from last night scattered around my floor, but I couldn't wrap my head around the situation.

“Bella .. why am I here?” I asked, sitting straight up and rubbing my eyes.
“What do you mean? You live here.” She smirked. “Are you okay?”
“Yea, I'm fine, but I went to Matt's house last night. Didn't you get my note?” I looked around for the piece of paper I had left for her on my table, but I didn't see anything.
“Babydoll, I think you should lay back down. You were here all night.” She gave me a concerned look.
“No, I wasn't! Matt left me a Melissa Etheridge note and I went to his window and I waited by the light of the moon, and there were candles and we ...” I stopped, realizing how ridiculous I must have sounded.
“Okay, and Andy and I frolicked in the autumn mist with Puff the Magic Dragon and Peter, Paul and Mary.” She giggled to herself. “What did you take last night?”
I shook my head, “I didn't take anything! That's the thing.” I sighed in defeat.
“Okay then … I'll just bring you up some cereal.” She gave me one more strange look before heading downstairs.

Is it possible I really dreamed the entire scenario? I reached down and felt myself, and I was definitely wet. Maybe that's all it was, was a wet dream? It just felt so real; his skin, his lips on the most sensitive area's of my body … Great. I'm going insane.

“Here Babydoll,” Bella said, handing me a bowl of fruity pebbles. “By the way, Matt's downstairs, but Melissa Etheridge isn't anywhere in site.” She giggled, walking back out.

I rolled my eyes and dug into my cereal. When I was done I put it aside and looked at the mountain of gifts that was taking up the corner of my room. I didn't feel like seeing anyone yet, especially Matt, so I decided to open them. I have this thing, where I usually won't open presents in front of the people who gave them to me. I'm not a terrific actress, so if I hate it, I don't want them to be offended. Going through the presents, a lot was money, cloths that I'd never wear, jewelry I'd never wear, then I found Jimmy and Beli's present. I almost choked from laughing when I opened the bag and saw a box of Chocolate Chip Cookies and a Duck stuffed animal. I sorted through some more gifts, gift cards from the Sanders clan, but Amy's gift I could tell because it was pink wrapping with a pink bow. It was long, like a necklace box, but when I shook it, it didn't rattle like a necklace would. I opened it up and saw 4 court side ticket's to a basketball game. Basketball? I don't watch basketball, what is she on about? I shook my head and looked at the date; it was for this upcoming Friday. Amy was like my sister, the ying to my yang, so I didn't want to offend her by not going. I found my phone and dialed her number.

“'Sup chickie?” She answered.
“Nothing, just opening presents from yesterday. I just opened yours so I wanted to give you a call and say thank you.” I tried to sound appreciative, but she knew I didn't watch sports, so I was wondering what this was about.
“You're more than welcome. I, uh, I have my own tickets, so those four are for you, Bri, Bella and Andy.” She sounded funny.
“Uh, okay. Is something up, Ames? You sound weird.” I asked.
“No, no, I'm fine. I know you're not really into sports, but I thought it'd be fun!”
“Okay, well count me in. I don't know if I can drag Bella and Anders there, depends how much duct tape I have left.” I giggled.
“Okay, well I've got to go, me and mom are going shopping.”
“Okay, tell Kim I said I love her, and have fun.” I smiled.
“I will, she loves you too, later bitch!” She hung up.

I sighed and tossed my phone onto the ground. I attempted running a hand through my knotted mess of curls to no avail, and I decided to take a shower. I was a sweaty mess and my underwear were saturated, so I figured a hot shower could fix me up. I managed to work some conditioner through the knotted mess of catastrophe I call my hair, and wash it out. I got out of the shower and decided to actually brush my hair out, considering the only time that's possible it when it's wet. I'm not sure how possible it would be regardless, because of the amount of time it's been since the last time I brushed it, but I'll give it a shot. After an hour of hell, brushing out the knots and tangles, and adding some gel to it, my hair actually looked like a normal human's hair, and not some wild jungle animal hair. I threw on a red oversized shirt, black skinnies, leather converse, the locket Matt gave me, the ring Zacky gave me, and my aviators. I grabbed a black skull bag and threw in my phone, wallet and cigarettes and I was ready to face the day.

I planned on dropping by Zacky's house to surprise him with a blunt to say thank you for my ring, and maybe just hang out for the day. I had nothing planned, and my two best friends were ditching me. Not really, but Andy and Jimmy were going off somewhere, apparently those two had become good friends, and Bella and Brian were going on a proper date. I wasn't sure yet if I liked the idea of my brother and my sister dating, but I didn't have much say in the matter. As long as they didn't kill each other then I guess I'm okay with it; I don't think I could live without either one of them. I ran down the stairs and saw Bella and Andy sitting in my living room, flipping through channels.

“Why are you guys out here?” I asked.
“As opposed to where?” Andy asked, arching an eyebrow.
“As opposed to in there,” I pointed to my kitchen, “Where Bella said my brother and Matt were?”
“We were, but Jimmy and Zacky got here, and now their 'talking business'.” Bella said, using air quotes.
“Business?” I snorted. “Okay, well I was going to head to Zacky's, but I guess since he's here, I'll go say hi and let you ditchers hang here.” I poked my tongue out at the two.
“Were not ditchers, we're just popular!” Andy shouted at me as I walked into the kitchen.

They didn't even notice me as I slipped in and put my cereal bowl from earlier in the sink. I leaned against the counter, waiting for at least one of them to notice I was here.

“We could sell our sperm!” Jimmy shouted. I cocked my eyebrow. What the fuck are they on about?
“We're not selling our unborn children, Jimmy.” Matt stated, shaking his head. “We need jobs, real jobs. If we save all our money, we should have enough in like … three months, tops.”
“Dude we can't wait a three months, nobody will even give a shit about us in a three months. We need to get the cash quick, so we can take advantage of the popularity we have now.” Zacky stated.
“But how are we supposed to get cash fast?” Brian asked.
“We could sell our sperm!” Jimmy shouted again, waving his arms around. “They pay a lot of money for that stuff!”
“Dude, I am not selling anybody my sperm. I don't want to have children running around that I don't know about.” Brian explained. “Maybe we could sell some of our stuff?”
“Do any of you have anything to sell?” Zacky asked.
They all shook their heads, and I decided to let my presence be known.

“Maybe you could sell your bodies. I'm sure there are some older women looking for the company of some sexy young men.” I added as I folded my arms over my chest.
“You just called your brother sexy.” Jimmy stated, scrunching up in face in disgust.
“I am sexy, you were saying the same thing last night, Jim.” Brian joked, wiggling his tongue at Jimmy.

They continued going back and forth while Zacky stood up and walked over to me. He wrapped his arms around my waist in a hug and I hugged back, leaning my head on his shoulders. I glanced over towards Matt and saw him quickly avert his eyes from us; his fists were slightly clenched and his gaze looked like he was trying to set fire to my kitchen table. I didn't really want to talk to him today, out of pure embarrassment from having a wet dream about him last night. I couldn't look into his eyes and not think about what happened, or what didn't happen, rather; doesn't mean I don't wish it did.

“I missed you.” Zacky whispered softly into my ear.
“I missed you, too, Zack.” I lied. I couldn't miss him, my mind was too wrapped up in naughty thoughts about Matt. “I was actually headed to your place.”
“Really?” He asked. “If you want to wait a few minutes til were done, we can take my car.”
I nodded and smiled at him. He stood next to me and leaned against the counter I was on and looked towards the guys.

“Matt, how much money are we talking about exactly?” Zacky asked.
Matt shook himself out of his thoughts and glanced at the paper in front of him.
“Uh, we basically need enough to get some CD's made up, and a bus.” He scrunched his face. “So, it's looking to be about $3,000.” Everyone sighed in defeat.
“Well, how much do you have so far?” I asked.
“$72.34.” Matt grumbled.
I bit my lip and looked around at the guys. They all looked so down, and I hated seeing them like this. I knew what I had to do; I didn't like it, but I knew they could really go somewhere, and if this was all they needed to do that, then I would help.

“Hey guys, cheer up.” I ordered.
“There's nothing to be cheery about.” Brian threw his hands up in defeat.
“Yes there is!” I encouraged.
“Do you have any idea how to come up with that much money?” Matt asked.
I nodded, and all the guys looked at me skeptically, except Matt. He had a knowing look in his eye, mixed with hesitation.
“Wait here.” I ordered.

I ran past Bella and Andy, up the stairs and into my room. I went into my closet and took out the jewelry box that Nan, my dads mom, had given to me a long time ago. I opened up the compartment for necklaces, and took the bottom piece out. There was a hidden space there, where Nan told me to hide my good jewelry in case anyone ever broke in and tried to steal my jewelry. Being that I don't keep my jewelry in this one, I used it for storage; money storage. From dancing, I managed to save about $2,500. It's not everything they need, but hopefully they can come up with the remainder. I ran back downstairs, money in hand, and walked into the kitchen where all four boys were staring at me. I held up the money and all of their eyes widened.

“I've got $2,500 here, and I'm willing to invest in your band.” I smiled.
Brian ran up to me, picking me up in a hug and spinning me around. “Your the best little sister I could have ever asked for!”
“Where did you get all that money?!” Jimmy asked, eyes wide.
I chuckled. “I saved it from working. It's all I've got, so you boys better make it big!”
“Colie, we can't take all of your money.” Matt reasoned.
“Why? What do I need it for? I have enough cloths and drugs to last me a while, so I should be fine. But I want bragging rights when you guys are famous.”
“You're the best!” Zacky yelled, running over and grabbing me. He spun me around like Bri had, but didn't let me go.

He set me down, and wrapped his arms tighter around my waist. His face inched closer, and he planted his full lips on my own. It was such a tender, adoring kiss, and I got a little lost in the moment. I had forgotten the rest of the guys standing there, and we had never kissed in front of everyone before. I heard Matt clear his throat and we pulled apart. I sent a small glare his way and he just shrugged his shoulders.

All the guys hugged me and told me how amazing I was, and that I had a spot on the bus when they got the tour together. First thing, they still had to find a bassist. They all started leaving, Jimmy with Andy, Matt went home, and Brian with Bella. Me and Zacky were the last ones.

“You ready to go?” Zacky asked.
“Uh, actually, I'll meet you at your house. I've got to stop somewhere, first, okay?” I asked.
“Sure, baby. I'll see you in a little bit.” He smiled and leaned in, pecking my lips.
“Okay.” I nodded kind of awkwardly. Did he just call me baby?

Zack hopped into his car and drove away, meanwhile, I began walking in the opposite direction. It didn't take long for me to get there, and I did what I always do. Unfortunately, the window was closed, so I sighed, and knocked a few times. Within a minute, Matt's bulky form appeared and he opened his window for me. I climbed in and took a seat on the bed. As awkward as this is for me, with my dream still fresh on my mind, I needed to make sure we were okay, and I had to address the look he gave me when I told them about the money.

“What's up?” He asked, laying next to me on the bed.
I shrugged. “I just wanted to know what was up with the look before, when I mentioned the money.”
He sighed. “I didn't know you had it already, and I thought you might go back to … dancing, to try and get the money for us. Besides, I didn't want to take all of your savings.”
I shook my head, “Matt, it's fine. I can make it back.”
“How?” He asked quickly, standing up. He started pacing around his room.
“How I've always done it, by dancing.” I looked away from him.
“Colie, I don't want you doing that kind of stuff anymore.”
“Yea, but it's not like I get naked! I just dance around in a bikini, it's not a big deal!”
“It is to me!” He fought back.
I stood up so I was directly in front of him. I was almost a foot shorter then him, so looking him directly in the eye was a little difficult.
“Why? Why is it such a big deal to you?” I asked.
“The same reason you kissing Zack is a big deal!” He yelled, throwing his hands up in anger.
I narrowed my eyes. “You have some serious balls, Matthew. You're dating Valary! You have absolutely no control over me, or what I do, or who I do it with!” I yelled.
He stopped pacing and his head snapped back to look at me. “What do you mean, do it with?”
“I meant exactly what I said.” I sneered. “Me and Zack are together, Matthew. So yea, we've done things.”

I was only slightly lying to him. Me and Zacky did fool around, and I liked him a lot, but I didn't consider us to be together; although, I wasn't sure where his mind was at about things. I was just trying to get a rise out of him, and oh boy, did I. Matt didn't say anything, instead his face turned a violent shade of red. He clenched his fists and cocked his arm back, and I flinched out of instinct. I'd known Matt for all of my life, but this was a different Matt. Amy had told me about his anger problems, but I'd never seen them first hand before, and I wasn't sure what he was going to do. Before I could blink, his arm flew into the wall, effectively smashing through it, and scaring the shit out of me. I fell into the wall, tears streaming down my face as he cocked back and punched another hole next to the first one. I'd never seen Matt as terrifying before now, and if anyone would have tried to tell me different, I'd laugh and tell them what a teddy bear he was. But now, I see it, and I understand why Amy was so concerned.

“What the hell is going on in here, Matthew?!” Kim screamed, slamming his door open.

Matt said nothing, just paced in circles, holding his hand. Kim was about to yell more, but looked down and saw me on the floor.

“Matthew Charles Sanders, can you even see her?!” She yelled. “She's terrified right now! Stop acting like an overgrown child throwing a temper tantrum and deal with whatever your going through like an adult!”

Kim grabbed my hands to help me up and escorted me out of Matt's room. Amy came out of her door to see what was going on and saw me.

“What's going on?” Amy asked, worry flashing across her face.
“Your brother is in one of his moods.” Kim explained, anger still clearly evident on her face.
Amy sighed. “What did he do, now?”
Kim shook her head, “I can't deal with him when he's like this.” And with that, she walked into her bedroom.

Amy motioned for me to come in and I closed her door behind me.
“What the fuck was that about?” She asked.
“Your brother is a douche bag.” I stated simply. “He's dating Valary, but he thinks he can control what I do. When I told him off, he went into a rage and punched two holes on his wall.”
“Doesn't surprise me,” She sighed. “My dad's had to Spackle his walls more times than I can even count to. Just understand, as fucked up as the situation is, he cares about you. He's been at your house for days, I don't even think he's talked to Val. She's come around here a few times looking for him already.”
I shook my head. “I don't care, he has no grounds to tell me what I can and can't do. My own mother doesn't even tell me what to do, so I won't take it from him, or anyone.”
“Just be careful with him, okay? His anger just masks his sensitivity. If something upsets him, instead of dealing with it like a normal person, he likes to punch holes in walls.” She smirked, rolling her eyes.
I nodded. “I'm going to stay away from him for a while, or at least try to. I've got to head out, Ames. I told Zack I'd meet him at his place.”
Amy nodded. “Be careful, you're walking a dangerous line, here.”
“I'm not going to wait around for your brother to break up with his girlfriend to be with me. I like Zack, and I'm having fun with him.”
“Okay.” She sighed. “Call me later.”
“I will.” I blew her a kiss and made my way out of the Sanders residence.

The walk to Zacky's house only took 15 minutes or so. He didn't live as close as Amy, but it still wasn't that bad of a walk. I got there pretty quickly and texted him to let him know I was outside. I didn't really feel like having his parent's open the door, I wasn't in much of a talkative, friendly mood anymore. A few minutes later the door opened, and Zacky ushered me in. I smiled at him and went to give him a quick kiss, but was surprised when his hands gripped my waist and he lightly pushed me against the door. His lips were so soft, and so full, I swear I got lost sometimes in the feeling. His hands traveled from my hips, up my sides, and back down. He took my bottom lip into his mouth, biting at it slightly and running his tongue along it; I would be lying if I said it wasn't turning me on. He left one more chaste kiss on my lips before pulling away, smiling like he just won the lottery.

“I wanted to do that so badly before ...” He drifted off. “But you know, I want to ease Brian into this, so it's not uncomfortable.”
“Wanna talk about being uncomfortable? Try walking in on him and Bella dry humping on my couch.” I shuttered with disgust remembering it.
He pulled my belt loops, bringing me closer to him again. “Maybe we should try that sometime.”
“You're in a mood today.” I smirked. “Where are your parents? And your sister?”
“Out.” He smirked. “Visiting my grandparents. They won't be home until tomorrow.”
“So what have you got planned?” I asked.
He smiled deviously, “I've got a few idea's.”
“Let's keep it R, Baker. For now, anyway.” I winked.

Zacky and I hadn't had sex yet. We'd fooled around, but that's one thing. I didn't know for sure if I wanted to go all the way with him yet. I really liked him, he was a great kisser, and his tongue made me scream in way's I didn't know possible. I may not exactly be categorized under the 'social norm', and my views on a lot of things may be fucked, but I feel like sex should be with someone you really care about. Not to say I don't care about Zack, because I do, just not in the same way as I care about Matt. I'm still getting to know Zacky, but Matt … I've been in love with Matt since I could remember. Even if he did go a little crazy today, I can't say I didn't provoke him.

“Hey, you okay?” Zacky asked, waving his hand in front of me.
“Yea, sorry. I go off into Nikki-land sometimes.” I smiled.
“I just wanted to say thank you again. It was really cool of you to give us that. I still feel bad about taking your savings, though. Maybe I could make it up to you?” He asked nervously. He looked so cute, biting his lip and picking at his thumb, I couldn't say no.
“Okay, what were you thinking?” I asked.
His entire face broke into a smile, and those green eyes of his shone brighter then I've ever seen.
“I was thinking of making you dinner tonight? We really don't have any extra money to spend, everything is going into the Avenged fund.” He explained.
I looked at him hesitantly, “Uh, Zack, do you know how to cook?”
“I'm Italian, of course I know how to cook.” He chuckled. “Don't worry, it's nothing like your brothers cooking.”
I sighed in relief. “Good, I don't think I could get Andy and Bella here to catch the bullet for me again.”
He looked at me strangely, “What?”
I shook my head and giggled. “Never mind.”

Zacky and I hung out for a few hours, just playing around and watching movies, until he said he had to start cooking. He said dinner would be done around 8, and I was welcome to hang out in his room, but he needed the downstairs to be 'private'. I told him it was fine, and I'd just head home for a bit and be back at 8. He told me to change into something nice, which slightly confused me since we were just eating at his place. Regardless, I went home to change and hang out for a bit. I was expecting to come home to a full house, but the place was empty. I called out for Bella, Andy and Brian, but they were all still out. I sat on my couch, wondering how I could kill the next few hours, and I came to a realization.

I definitely don't like being alone.