Rebel Yell

Idaho, Oregon and Washington, three great places and yet Billie hadn’t even shown a flicker of interest and instead focused on ranting daily about Steve, the now ex bus driver.

“I’m going to sue him, I’m going to grab that dick by the balls and sue him for every penny of his goddamn wages” Billie had begun his morning by doing his ‘legalese’ talk on how he was going to seek, much needed retribution for slander of the band and for discrimination towards him. Now, his only reason to include discrimination was the fact that he had ‘decided to pick at him by secretly knowing it would remove me from him and therefore make him suffer, due to discrimination obviously’…or something amongst those lines.

Truth be told, I hadn’t really been paying attention the forty something times that he spoke about it, instead my eyes and head were rebooting for the day ahead by power napping like a fish would. Half of my brain would fall asleep, whilst the other tried to focus on the days tasks at hand, it just happened that the part of the brain that would concentrate on Billie, was always asleep when he spoke.

He had though calmed down somewhat dramatically after the Montana incident, where he had stormed off.

As soon as he had stormed out of the bus to walk off his anger, I had decided to do the brave thing and go talk to him.

“It’s not like I won’t see you because even though I’m driving you back to California, I still have my daily duties to do” I had found Billie stood in the pouring rain, a cigarette in his hand and looking painfully furious. His head titled to the side as our ‘debate’ came around to his first point once again,

“I’m going to miss waking up with you” he had brought his hand to my face and kissed my bruised forehead, “I might just come and sleep next you” he joked, although you could see in his eyes he was still pissed off at the idea. He had calmly retreated back to everybody else before disappearing to go warm up for the show. That had given me enough time to revise two state maps in order to ensure a correct journey.

The journey however was dreary, it was painfully dull and I had so wished that Billie hadn’t fallen asleep with his head on my lap, it made it so much more difficult to drive. He had fallen asleep talking to me about France, about how he wanted to come with me and asking me questions as he fazed in and out of sleep. I tried to keep his head perfectly still as I tried to shift gear and move my feet to work the clutch and accelerator but every now and again, his head would shudder forward.

But here he was again, two hours before the show ranting at me, making up for lost ‘bunk talk time’.

“You look tired Marci and that bruise hasn’t seemed to have faded at all” he brushed away my horrid greasy hair and kissed my forehead.

“just a little tired but tomorrow is the last show and I can actually sleep again, in a bed, in a warm bed with a nice duvet” I reminisced back to my lovely bed back in Oakland and felt my eyes slowly close shut as the sun hit my face through the small backstage window.

“tell me about it, I can’t wait to get home and become the slob I have always dreamt to be” he chuckled to himself, as I forced my eyes to open. “I can’t wait for you to meet my family too, they’ll love you” he smiled, pulling up a chair next to mine and resting his head on my shoulder. “my mom, she’ll just glue you in somewhere into the family, she has a knack of keeping the family together- so organised I don’t know what went wrong for me” I lent my head onto his, as he began to remenis about being back home. “we once went to a baseball match and Anna, my sister, you’ll meet her one day, she got into a fight with this other family and my mom, like a don of the family, marched over to the other family and just took them all on” he chuckled, “then there is my brothers, alan and david along with my sisters Hollie, Anna and Marci, I’m sure they are going to love you, I can’t see why not, I mean I do and I’m usually good on these things” he kissed me gently on the cheek, as I slowly came to terms with his family names.

“you have a sister called Marci?” I asked out of curiosity that he hadn’t just repeated my name to check I hadn’t fallen asleep,

“yeah, she is my big sister, I think she is 30 or something now” well this was new and yet it was a little weird at the same time,

“don’t you think it’s weird, like having to use ‘marci’ in two different contexts” I asked, a little concerned that it would be weird for me.

“no but that’s because I’m generally always talking about you and when I talk about my sister I just call her ‘my sister” he laughed, probably a little bit of an inside joke and yet I was still a little bit bewildered by the sudden piece of information, maybe it was purely because I was tired but for whatever reason, I was a little miffed that I hadn’t known anything about this earlier.

“Billie, you coming to warm up?” Mike suddenly burst through into the little dressing room that Billie and I was in.

“do we have too?” Billie asked a little exasperated and Mike pulled a sympathetic face to signal that they had to.

“it’s a necessary evil Billie but at least you’ll be done by tomorrow evening” I gently shoved his head up from off my shoulder and he moaned a little, rubbing his face as he contemplated standing up.

“quite the optimist today Rhodes” Mike smiled and I stood up from where I was sitting and wondered towards the dressing table to pick up some paperwork.

“Aren’t I always Mike?” I asked pulling the papers close to my chest, along with some magazines that Debbie had bought me earlier.

“I’ll see you after the show Marci hunny” Billie’s hands grabbed me by the waist and pulled me close to his body, “you can tell me more about your sexy French antics” he whispered into my ear before placing a kiss on the side of face, making me smile even though it was a weak attempt by the little energy I had.

“Bye Rhodes” Mike hollered, as he took off at great speed back down to the stage area for the bands warm up followed by Billie Joe.

What else had I not learnt about Billie Joe, I asked myself as I studied my weary tired image in the dressing room mirror. How could something so insignificant such as a name of his sister make me dubious about what else he hadn’t told me. I was scared that I knew nothing about him, about his life before this tour or even the more mundane topics such as favourite colour or favourite ice cream flavour.

I rolled my eyes in the mirror at myself and how pathetic I was being over such a silly little worry that really made no difference no matter how much I over analysed it. So what if he hadn’t told me that piece of information, I shouldn’t really care, should i?

I sighed heavily and headed out to the tour bus in order to get some forms filled out before the boys returned.

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I rubbed my eyes and “oh shit” was the first thing that came to mind, as I realised that I had fallen asleep on the mound of paperwork needed to be filled out. “Good job Rhodes, sleeping on the job” I spoke to myself again, as I fiddled around with the different scattered papers that was spread over Billie’s bunk and which I had fallen asleep on.

“You know the first sign of madness is talking to yourself, Dr Freud said that” Debbie startled me, lifting her head up to see me from where she was sat on Mike’s bunk.

“I think that I have already passed that stage, I think curing it is just admitting that I have a problem but so far it isn’t working” I smiled back at her, yawning slightly before scooping the last remaining forms and papers into a big yellow folder. “What time is it?” I asked, still a little bit unaware of the time and the whereabouts of the other four pawns on board this 1964 nightmare bus.

“it’s a little over half past nine in the evening and I’m pretty sure that the guys will be back sometime soon” my mouth hung wide at the time, how on earth had I slept through the day without having the subliminal reminder in my dreams to get up and do some work. “Adeline went to get some food for you; she guessed that you’d have the munchies bad”. Debbie rose from the bunk, as I let my legs dangle from the bunk and I watched her go to a carrier bag placed on top of the makeshift cooker.

“What do you have there?” I pushed myself of the bunk, finding every bit of energy that I had obtained to walk over to Debbie.

“I got you some supplies for tomorrow, just a restock on some magazines, chocolate, that kind of thing” I was intrigued by this gesture of kindness and nodded my head, delighted with the buy from my best friend.

“Thanks Debbie, I’ll probably eat all of that tomorrow and be just a complete fat cow for the day” I laughed as I tossed the bag into the drivers compartment. “do you want a drink?” I asked idly, going into autopilot of my kettle duties.

“su-“ she was interrupted by a sudden hit to the side of the bus, “what the hell was that?” she looked just as stunned as I was and I shrugged my shoulder, curious to find out. But there was another sudden shock to the bus frame followed by a shriek of a voice.

“What the fuck” I held my friends shoulders as we both headed towards the bus door, looking out of the small window to see a crowd begin to form in a semi circle around the bus.

“Do you think it’s a fight?” Debbie asked as another whack could be heard on the side of the bus, as if someone had been hit by a cricket ball in the face.

“best bloody hope not, I’ll be liable” I pushed open the door, holding out one hand to stop Debbie from coming anywhere close to a possible punch up.

“You’re a filthy piece of scum that deserves to rot” Tre’s voice was tight in emotions as I peered out the doors to see Tre grab someone around the neck, his other fist held high. I held my mouth closed with my hand, it was so scary and so unrealistic to see Tre look so violent and I bit my bottom lip, hoping that I was still dreaming in that cosy bunk.

“Marci stay inside” I heard Billie call for me to retreat back inside but how could I, I was witnessing a very calm man become a hulk of a person who could be capable of anything.

“Marci?” the strained voice, that seemed to come from the silhouetted figure, tangled in Tre’s fists, cried and I squinted my eyes, hoping to see if I could put a face to the slightly recognisable voice. “Marci please, is Debbie in there? I need to see her” his voice trailed off into tears,

“you’re dirt you know that. How dare you. How fucking dare you touch even a hair on that girls head” Tre’s voice rose again and a sudden, stomach curdling realisation hit me and Debbie.

“it’s louie isn’t it?” she asked quietly, her voice quivering in fear of the man who once hurt her so badly. I bit my lip again, my eyes fixed on Louie all the time as I shook my head at her realisation.

“Marci, just fucking listen to me, I need to see her. She is my girlfriend and I need her” his pleas were getting louder and I could hear Debbie behind, sob in fear as possibilities whirled in her head, her main fear being that of the safety of her baby.

“No” I said softly, I wasn’t letting him get to her again I wasn’t having him make her miserable again. I wasn’t going to allow him to make her feel unloved, unimportant or unvalued as a person ever again. She was happy with Tre, it was Tre she needed to be with and not with some mentally ill person.

“Marci that wasn’t a fucking question, it was a request” he demanded and Tre hit him once again across the jaw, sending more blood from his mouth to hit the side of the bus.

“Don’t ever talk to Marci like that again, dick” Tre tightened his jaw and stared at Louie, his eyes scowling menacingly into Louies.

Billie suddenly took my side, next to the bus, grabbing my hand in his tightly “Marci take Debbie back into the bus please” he asked in an authority tone and I looked up to him, as he watched Mike try and calm down Tre. “Marci” he said again, looking at me and then up to a terrified Debbie. I nodded and walked back up the bus stairs.

“Marci, don’t do this she is carrying my child and not you or this dirty punk should keep me away from something which is legally mine “ he screamed and Debbie howled her first sob at the man she still held a little bit of love for. I shook my head as I let go of Billie’s hand and lead Debbie back inside the bus.

“He needs me Marc, he isn’t ever going to let me go, is he?” she asked in breaks of sobs and I rubbed her back as she cried into my shoulder.

“he might need you Debbie but you don’t need him, you have never needed
him and for once you have your independence back” I kissed the top of her head, “he has pulled us apart for a long time, we had grown apart for a while Debbie and at times I wondered if I had lost you completely” her sobs increased as more voices were raised outside.

“I know but-“she trailed off, her cries overpowering her voice.

“Come on hunny, sit down and I’ll make you a drink. We can talk about how much of an idiot I am” I tried to force some humour into the situation, my best form of a defence mechanism.

I led her over to Mike’s bunk and sat her down, passing her a bottle of water from off the side and kneeling in front of her. Her eyes were red as tears rolled down her grey cheeks to her quivering chin. “I loved him Marci and how am I suppose to be able to bring up a child without them knowing who their father is?” she asked, pushing away a tear

“Debbie you are suppose to bring a child in a safe environment with a happy parent and not in some place where mommy possibly could be getting beaten in the next room or have a child wondering whether the next raised fist by his dad is going to be aimed at them” her eyes darted to her baby bump and her hand rested on it, caressing it as another thud echoed from outside. Debbie jumped nervously, “Debbie are you honestly going to tell me that you’re going to be able to live like a nervous wreck up until that ass dies?” I was getting mad by watching my best friend tick over the idea of Louie in her head over and over again.

“But” she stuttered before the tour bus door suddenly opened, making Debbie cower into the corner of Mikes bunk.

“It’s just me Debbie” Adeline’s friendly voice rang through the door and I smiled at the friendly sight walking closer to us. “Debbie, Billie has rung for the police and Mike is calming down Tre, who still has Louie in a lock against the bus.” She kneeled down next to me, as Debbie nodded,

“Louie came looking for you tonight, drunk and at first, Tre tried to be democratic but apparently Louie was just being too violent in what he was saying about you” Adeline rubbed Debbie’s leg reassuringly and I smiled at Debbie, hoping to reassure her that the situation was being settled. “Tre never gets angry like this ever, you do realise that he cares for you so much right? I have never seen him be so passionate about wanting to be with someone” Debbie smiled but police sirens echoed outside making her face become grim again.

“I just want it to be over, I want him to go but I know that I, somehow still love him” she touched her chest, as tears began to freely flow down her cheek. “but I know that wherever I go, I will have the constant reminder of him. How could Tre even consider-“ she rubbed her eyes as her cries became more persistent.

“What could I not consider Debbie?” Tre’s voice startled us both and I looked up to see a much calmer Tre stood behind us. Debbie’s eyes flickered open and she stared at Tre, as his eyes returned back to a much softer look, “consider being with you, loving you?” he asked impatiently and I pushed Adeline slightly in order for us to get out of their way. “Debbie, I don’t know what else to say to you. If you don’t think I care about you enough to want to be with you, why do you think I did what I did? From the moment I met you, I found something in you that I just loved. Mike found that something in Adeline and Billie in Marci. When I knew it was there, how could I let you go when you and everything about you is perfect for me? I don’t care if you have another man’s child because I know, I know that I will love it because it came from you. So tell me Debbie what do I really need to consider?” I smiled at Tre’s words, as Adeline and I both stepped off the bus and outside to see a police lady push Louie’s head into the police car.

“it was purely self defence officer, he came at Tre like this” Mike mimicked a overhand gesture onto the officer, who dodged out of the way, noting down Mike’s every word onto a small note pad.

“And you sir, where were you?” the male officer who wore a winter coat asked, as Billie approached Mike’s side,

“I was packing away our tour gear for the night with the tour roadies and I was about to head back into the bus to see my girlfriend, who was with Debbie at the time before I saw this guy out of nowhere raise his hand to my drummer” Billie pointed towards where Tre had once held Louie and I grimaced at the slight dint in the side of the bus.

“Thank you sirs, if we could just take your names and contact details” the officers asked as Adeline went to direct the un interviewed roadies back to their buses.

“Marci, whenever you’re ready, I think it’s time for us to go back to California” Billie’s hand grabbed my waist and kissed me on top of the head “I think we all need an early night tonight” I nodded before the officer beckoned Billie back over towards him.