Rebel Yell

If I had to describe California, it would be hard. I wouldn’t know where to start or even where to end, all I knew was that it was home.

So typically, as I stretched my legs after the horrific damp and warm sleep last night; a flood of senses about the area we were parked in came screaming my name as if it had missed me that much. Sure I was more than an hour away from my stopping ground but the familiar things around Sacramento only put a larger smile on my face. The smell of coffee brewing constantly from the nearby café’s was sweet to the nose and the breeze of air through the humid Californian heat was enough for me to stretch my arms out in relaxation.

“Is Debbie and Tre still out?” Mike asked me, slumping into the chair next to me as I bathed in the bliss sunshine.

“yeah, they have been out all morning” I sneaked a peak at Mike as he lifted his eyebrows up and sighed a little,

“I really hope it works out for them now” I nodded my head in agreement, I don’t think anyone on this tour wished them apart now, I think that whatever happens today, it means nothing, their fate was already set in the cement after last night’s antics.

“Where is Adeline?” I pondered what trouble that girl was getting herself in now and Mike laughed subtly.

“Convincing Marci to go clothes shopping with her when we get back to Oakland” I eyed up Mike suspiciously at the unlikeness of Marci going shopping for clothes that weren’t readily available at the nearest WalMart. “I thought the same thing but the last time you let Adeline alone with Marci she came out looking, well…”

“Like somebody who got drunk and left their defences down?” I remembered back to only a few days ago where Adeline had cut and dyed that beautiful head of brown hair to a mushy blonde mess.

“You know Billie, I’m so glad you got your shit together and didn’t fuck around with Marci’s head. I loved the Billie Joe who used to be the biggest bachelor going on the east bay, you know, but I think I love the new Billie Joe even more” he laughed and pushed his hair back in exhaustion.

“wait till my mom finds out” a chunk of pride washed over me as I realised that, for once my mom would be proud that I wasn’t a deadbeat in relationships anymore. I wasn’t going to be Billie Joe ‘one shot’ Armstrong anymore, doing tricks down in clubs for one night stands and a scratch on another bedpost.

“Bill you know your mom would be impressed, a little scared but impressed with you even if you brought home a dominatrix by the name of-“

“Now then, dominatrix’s are my area of expertise” Tre burst around the corner, a smile beaming his pearly white teeth and I could feel my body relax just that little bit more.

“So, we are going to assume that it went well then?” Mike asked as we both stood up to go question Tre a little further.

“you can assume that but all I’m saying is that Tre Cool is back in business baby” he twirled his drumstick in the area and kissed Mike on the side of his face before turning his attention back to me, hugging me around my shoulders tightly.

“I’m pleased for you, I think we both are” I patted his arm and he gleamed at me with his now normal bright blue eyes, rather than those dark holes that had consumed him last night.

“I think we have a show to do, don’t you?” he danced off towards the backstage doors and I smiled to Mike, to see that everything seem to be just perfect for once in life. We were home, Mike was in love with Adeline, Tre had gotten Debbie, Debbie was expecting, we had incredible fans, we had an incredible tour group and most of all, I had Marci Madison.

“Are you two girls coming?” he broke me away from yet another moment of thought happiness.

“let’s get this bad boy on the go” Mike and I jogged forward to catch up to him as we pushed through the backstage doors. This was it, this was the end to this tour and I couldn’t wait for the end…Marci would no longer be my tour manager, my bus driver but she’d be my girlfriend, all to myself, forever.

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We carried the show on for a good more hour than usual, it just seemed to be like Armageddon was upon us and we were playing up until the mouth of hell swallowed us up but as my voice wore to a raw core, Tre’s arms became bloody from the pain and Mike’s fingers stung from the roughness of the bass strings, we ended it.

Dookie tour was finally over and it was unbelievable, magnificent and unforgettable but it was the end to one of our eras. Who knows when another album will be released, when songs will start being wrote or even if people like us then, maybe we won’t even get to another album, maybe this is it.

I hung my head as we dashed off the side of the stage, to where the crew all stood, clapping their hands at us, some patting us on the back as we placed our instruments away.

“Well done” some shouted, whilst others just whistled in relief at the end of yet another tour for them. I was going to miss these guys a lot, they had seem to have become family within the last couple of months and it was like tearing out a photo of them for good, knowing you’ll never see them again.

“Well done Billie, great last show” Eric, our original bus member, smiled at us as he picked up one of our backing amps.

“Where’s Marc?” I asked Mike as he too was complimented by Eric and he shrugged, nodding towards the door that, Marci had locked herself in for the duration of today.

“I suppose she’ll be with Adeline and Debbie” Mike picked up a complementary beer and began swigging from it.

“Where is my baby momma?” Tre cried, as I edged closer to the door, being complemented every few seconds by roadies and in return, thanking them for their help this tour.

“with Marci” somebody yelled over the loud chatter of voices as I grabbed the door handle tightly, pushing it open, hoping to see my girlfriend be there with pom pom’s and a pocket brass band in her hand.

The room though was not cheery at all, it had no signs of celebration and even the occupants looked solemn. It was not a calm sight to see and even the room itself, beckoned me to flight and not face the truth that was yet to await me.

Marci was in tears, her hands pushed into her hair as she sat in front of her paperwork scattered desk and little whimpers from where her lip wobbled only broke the cold silence. Everyone else was sat watching her as if they had found out that they all had an hour to live. Debbie was sat on the broken brown chair next to Marci, her face full of sincerity and yet concern, that she had nothing more to offer to her bereaved best friend, whose back was being comforted by the softest touches of Adeline’s hand. Adeline was stood adjent to Marci, her eyes near enough black with anger as she plotted in her head, an infliction of torture onto whom or whatever they were all shaken about.

My hand shook at the door, I should have been diving into that room and taking over the care of Marci, comforting her and promising her that I would seek whatever solution would be needed in order for her pain to go away but I didn’t, because something in that room was telling me not too, that I should just flee on my heels.

I was frozen. Marci’s whimpers formed a chorus of the room and my head whirled at the repetitive squeals of anguish, as if it was ripping apart my nerves, leaving it in taters for me to deal with as I wondered why my legs remained still and my voice, mute.

“I just-“ were the first words to make my ears spring to life, it didn’t sound like it came from Maci, it seemed to weak, to pathetic to have come from her and I watched in amazement as she felt the glossy, ripped sheets of paper in her hand before letting them fall to the table in front of her. I sighed lightly, I had to do something, anything and even though it went against everything the signs were telling me, my mouth formed four words I would later regret deeply,

“are you okay, Marci?” All eyes shot up to look at me; Marci’s glittering eyes, dripping with tears, welled up again as she watched me step into the lions den. Her fists baled up before loosening them quickly and letting out a high pitched cry.

“What the hell-“ Debbie stood up her eyes darting at me like I was some sort of vermin before Adeline pulled her down,

“Debbie don’t, it’s not worth it” she whispered and I opened my mouth again, the worry inside of me building more and more as I watched Adeline shake her head at me disappointingly.

“What is wrong, Marci hunny please tell me” my voice came out wobbly as fear took me by surprise, was there something wrong with her, with her parents, did I need to do something. “You have got to tell me or I can’t do anything” My legs walked shakily towards the desk, Debbie and Adeline’s eyes watching tentatively at my movements as if they were stupid moves to make.

“you’ve done everything now” Marci spoke softly in-between sobs and she pushed out underneath her, the glossy pieces of paper that she had hold of previously.

“What?” I asked, uncertain of what on earth was going on, had I done something wrong and I wished badly that somebody would come and clear everything up and make everything right again.

“Why are you such a worthless piece of shit, why did you bother with her, what did she ever do wrong to you or has this been your plan after all?” Debbie screwed up her fist and stood up again as I took the glossy pieces of paper in my hand. I gulped as Debbie walked closer to me and turned to Adeline, who shook her head constantly as she bit her lip whilst Marci’s sobs became repetitive again. “I’m sorry Marci but I can’t be here with this looser anymore or I might do something that I’m going to regret” She turned to her best friend and spoke quietly before biting her lip lightly, shaking her head and looking back and forth between Marci and me, in disgust.

Debbie walked out of the room and out to where the roadies still packed away our stuff, ready to be delivered back at our home and our studio tomorrow.

“Marci you have got to tell me” I asked, worried of the consequences of what could possibly be wrong and she lifted her head up suddenly, her mood swinging from upset into this angry person I had never seen before.

“Isn’t it enough that I had to find out through this shit. Why make me tell you of what you have done, why make me re-live this news again and again, when every time I do read it, it only becomes even more clear” she shouted a little, her lip still wobbling from tears and she wiped her eyes as more tears formed, making them look glassy.

“What?” I asked confused myself as I thought quickly about anything that I could have possible done,

“leave me alone, why didn’t you leave me alone, Please just go” she asked, in between sobs and I shook my head, moving myself closer to her, “leave” she yelped and I stumbled backwards a little,

“Billie, just leave. I can’t help you out of this one anymore than you can yourself. You’ve only done this to yourself and I suggest you just leave” Adeline reinforced Marci’s demands and I shook my head, my eyes coming wide with disbelief of what was happening in front of me. This must be a wind up or something and I searched Marci’s eyes as she cried further looking at me, heartbroken.

“No, I want to know-“ I demanded and Adeline shook her head,

“Billie just go please” she wondered over to me and pushed me a little backwards but I didn’t want to leave, I couldn’t and so I pushed back against her. I wasn’t scared of Adeline because who was she to stop me and my girlfriend from speaking to each other. I held out my arms but Adeline pushed me further and further back,

“Adeline, please don’t” I pleaded with her but Adeline shook her head again, pushing me back out the door.

“I promised you Bill that I’d keep Cheri a secret from Marci but I can’t stop everything” she whispered into my ear and my eyes bolted wide with a sickness that I didn’t want to feel ever again, “You should have never had trusted Cheri” and with that she closed the door, leaving me to look stunned at the door and at what I had just been told.

My hands shook at my side and my eyes welled up at my own incompetence and my own stupidity of what could have officially ruined one of the most genuine and loving friendships/relationships I had ever had with a girl.

I rocked on my heels, knocking again on the door, hoping that the last ten minutes was just a dream and yet, my fist wouldn’t hit hard enough, maybe it was fear or maybe it was reluctance but I just couldn’t do it.

I knotted my first up tightly as every single withheld emotion, tiredness, hunger, craving, love, frustration, anxiety, lust came and hit me square on in the face, making my eyes pour with tears. “no, no, no, no, no” I repeated to myself and roadies, who still lingered in the foyer, dodged me as I rocked and my bottom lip hung, as my tears fell down my cheek.

I couldn’t stand this place any longer, I looked around the dirty backstage and everything was closing in on me, the space around it strangled me and the walls taunted me as they caved in on me. I had to get out, I had too and so I took off running towards the outside area, pushing past anyone or anything in my sight until I pushed through the backdoor that I had once, so pleasantly been happy to enter.

The air clung to my tears as I stood in shock of myself, more tears falling down my cheeks and onto the floor beneath. My hands were still crumpled and I could feel the sweat circulate into pools in my palms and onto the glossy papers I had been given by Marci.

Wait, glossy papers? I unfolded them in front of me and my eyes grew wider as I spotted the cover to the three page article in my hand;

Having a blast, Chump?

Billie Joe Armstrong, leading front man of world’s best punk band? or another east bay love rat, making his rounds once again?

By Cheri Rigby