Rebel Yell

“Marci, you promised and you don’t break promises, remember?” Debbie seemed to have nattered in my ear for the past hour about going to stupid water aerobics as part of her ‘I’m having a healthy baby’ plan and no matter how much I seem to sink into the old tattered armchair, she wouldn’t just leave me alone for a moment.

It had been nearly four days since my revelation of finding out that, one of the persons I dared to care about was nothing more than your regular jerk. It had eaten me up inside till I was left hollow because no matter how I looked at it, we had both fucked up whatever future we may have had. Sure, he was the dumbass in the first place to go ahead and use me as a part time bootie call whilst on tour but I was also just as bad by, just walking away from the show without giving him time to explain. ‘Why should he have the time Marci’ was all I received in reply to my question and yet something inside of me knew that he wasn’t like that at all….yet, why should I believe that inner person, her morals are lower than my own pitiful ones at the moment.

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself Marci, I hate it when you are like this” Debbie nudged me again in the arm and I turned to look at her apologetically. I had been dragging down this rot infested hell house since I arrived back in it, the dust quivering from the slamming of the door as I burst back into it, my tears hitting the ground at the realisation of returning back to my old life.

“I’ll go to the stupid water aerobics then” My voice croaked from the little practice it had made since last night and Debbie smiled, throwing me my swim suit into my lap.

“Tre called asked me how you are” she muttered as she tossed another picture frame away from the sideboard which once held a picture of Louie dearest. “I said you were officially rotting away” she chuckled and yet, I didn’t find the humour in my own demise into this household, “Apparently nobody has seen Billie in over two days, said he went out to the store for some cigarettes” His name hit a nerve in my body and my ears tuned in, hoping that he had said something about me, “at least the bastard is feeling a small bit of guilt, maybe he might have gone off to meet up with that Cheri whatsherface” I sighed heavily and turned to look at my best friend as she blew the dust of a photo, which contained the both of us.

I hated when she talked about him that way and I don’t know why, it was like a surge of defence for the guy took over and I started to make excuses up for him. But how I missed him.
“come on Marci go get your suit on” she demanded me like my mom would and I heaved myself up right, feeling my bones creak from the stiffness of being sat in one place all day.

I hadn’t told my mom or dad about my little mishap, I just didn’t want them to get involved in it anymore, too many people already knew about the embarrassment I had gone through and I couldn’t stand it, if anyone else realised that I was that ‘sweet Rhode island girl, the groupie, unaware of Oakland’s number one player and bachelor of the year, who played her like the same old record he always plays’, I would blow a fuse.

Even quoting that stupid reporter made me sick inside.

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The water aerobics woman didn’t seem to see, that I was not in the mood to do a demonstration for the whole class but yet, she had me stood in the middle of a circle, surrounded by a bunch of middle aged women who, stared at me curious to what was so special that I was chosen.

“Now Marci could you lift your float into the air and do five pelvic jump twists to show the ladies how to achieve maximum stretch” I huffed and looked around to where they all waited in anticipation. I wondered if I wacked the teacher on the head with my float and made a runner to the changing rooms, anyone would care but by the menacing looks I received, I jumped into the air instead. The water splashed all around me as I did five of the stupid movements and I could hear Debbie laugh in the background at my misfortune.

“very good Marci, now if we can all take our positions and we’ll finish off with our warm down” the room applauded me, as I slinked back to where Debbie was stood, resting on her float, smiling at me.

“very good Miss Madison, already the teacher’s pet” she scoffed and I smiled a little as Billy Ocene began to play.

“Now girls one arm over the other and st-re-tch” the woman emphasised the word and pulled on her toned brown arms with her other hand.

“When the going gets tough Marci, the tough get going” Debbie sang to me and I smiled at my best friend, who in her own rights was trying to make me smile by looking like a complete idiot this evening. “When the going get rough, the tough get TRE!” she spurted out

“Tre?” I asked, curious to why the tough get Tre and her eyes were wide with excitement as she abandoned me with the float and swam towards the poolside.

My breath hitched in my throat as I watched Tre walk out to meet Debbie by the poolside, hugging her loosely over her bump, covering his yellow t-shirt in water. My eyes quickly scanned the rest of the poolside, a bit of hope searching for that familiar face, smiling like normal and walking towards the pool to meet me….but no such luck. My eyes sunk towards the water as the swim instructor clapped her hands for us to go.

“Hey Marci” Tre shouted over the chatter of the other women and I looked up, smiling casually and holding my hand up to say hi. I waded through the water, looking at everyone else, as they chattered aimlessly about the news and the new diet they were trying.

“we were just saying Marci, it’s strange not having our routine every morning” Debbie pattered my back as I managed myself out of the pool and onto the poolside, my eyes still unintentionally looking around to spot that face.

“Yeah…” I added aimlessly and Tre sighed before grabbing my shoulders and hugging me slightly like he had done with Debbie.

“How are you Rhodes?” he spoke quietly and I laughed, as if my already dull complexion wasn’t already giving it away. “you look gre-“

“hey, aren’t you that guy from that band, erm what was it, Green Day?” Some nosey woman from the pool interrupted us and Tre nodded, “my kid went to see you guys in Vegas, apparently you were ‘well dope’” I looked to Debbie, who shrugged her shoulders in unison at the new way of describing Green Day,

“cool that was ages ago right” Tre wrinkled his nose as he thought back to the Las Vegas show…our second show ever, the one after mine and Billie’s huge fight, the one that started the cold war….my eyes began to water again and I screamed at myself for being such an idiot as to bring him up again.

“That article about your lead singer wasn’t really nice, was it true what was wrote? That poor girl, did you know her well?” the woman who had brought up my fifteen minutes of fame asked Tre, like I was now deceased.

“erm…” Tre stuttered and I watched the woman as if she had just found out that, her favourite Osmond had moved next door.

“Hey Debbie” a very bright cheery voice yelled over towards us and I turned to see Adeline and Mike walk in, hand in hand with Mike swinging his car keys in the other. “We sent Tre in here to speed up the process of you getting changed, well done Mr decoy’ Adeline laughed as Tre mouthed a ‘thank you’ to her, for getting the gossip hungry woman away.

“Marci” It sounded more like a surprise statement, rather than a question and I could barely lift my eyes to look at Billie’s best friends as they stood there happy. I lifted my hand again and nodded to them both before beginning to play with the seam around my swim suit. “Come on girl get your shit on, we have reservations at le taco le bell” Adeline shouted again and many people who walked passed her, looked at her displeased.

“come on Marci, I didn’t tell you that we were going out with these guys after but I wanted you out of that armchair” Debbie lead me towards the changing rooms as we left Tre to return back to Adeline and Mike.

“He is mad at me, I can tell” I spoke softly, showing my insecurities of being near anything in relation to Billie Joe.

“who, Mike?” she asked, thumbing behind her and I nodded,

“don’t be silly, Mike got pissed at Billie too, apparently that Cheri and Mike didn’t get along so well when Billie dated her” she lifted her eyebrows like she knew something more than I did as we emptied out our lockers to go get changed, for an awkward dinner out.

It wasn’t, so much the going out and eating or even being in a social setting that made me agitated but it was the unfamiliarity of knowing that, we were all together and Billie wouldn’t be there. He wouldn’t be sat next to me, making me laugh at his cuteness or at his pathetic jokes…it just wouldn’t feel right and I knew I’d spend most of the time missing him.