Rebel Yell

“Billie it’s been ten days since-“ Mike spoke again, nudging me awake as I lounged on his sofa again. It had been seven days ago since they finally found me, drinking away in a bar in west side Berkley.

“I know” my voice broke as I rubbed my tired eyes again, sitting up to face the late afternoon sun that shone through Mikes curtains.

“So, do something other than sitt” he spoke, starting his pet talk off once again,
“I know” I answers nonchalantly and he sighed, knowing he wasn’t going to get past these barriers today or even tomorrow.

I didn’t want to move from this spot, I didn’t want to go outside and bump into two people I really didn’t want to see. If I saw Cheri, walking down Broadway in Oakland centre I would probably hit her, I’d spit on her and I’d set her alight, she has destroyed my relationship with the one girl that I missed so much, that even with the thought of her my eyes would well up.
I had gone out on a wing during my drunken first three days and tried to buy nearly every one of those articles and burn them, I wanted no one else to read about how I’d fucked it up with Marci.
She was the second person I didn’t want to see, or in fact see me, in this sorry state because if I saw her, I’d fall into a complete mess, bigger than the one I’m in now. I’d cry and I’d crumble in front of her and I questioned myself, if I did, would she even bother, would she even remember it was me. ‘Don’t be silly’ Mike shouted at me after I had told him my thoughts, ‘she’d notice who you are and she’d shout at you and tell you to stand up’ but how was that enough to make me want to go out.

Mike was still, slightly pissed at me that I had gone off with Cheri, even though he had took my side of the story and realised I hadn’t slept with her or even said anything about getting back with her. That though had only resolved itself after he had picked me up from the bar and Mike had calmed down somewhat about what could have happened.

“I’m not happy what you have done Billie, not at all and you deserve everything you get or loose, but you are my best friend and I can’t really do much about that can I” was the first things Mike said to me after I woke up for the first time, in those three days, sober. It wasn’t the most pleasant of things but I knew after my talk with Mike, he had my back.

I sighed again as Mike placed a cup of coffee and a piece of toast in front of me, just like Marci would and I closed my eyes trying to remember every bit of detail of her face.

“Come on, eat up mate” he encouraged me to eat the toast in front by bringing it up to my face and wafting it. I snatched the first piece and bit into it, feeling my stomach grumble in satisfaction of being fed.

“Thanks” I smiled at Mike kindly and his smiling eyes fell again into concern for me as I turned back to stare at the cup of coffee on the wooden coffee table, next to the couch.

“We’re taking you out tonight Billie, it will help to be around friends” he rocked my back before squeezing my shoulders.

“I don’t want to go” I said simply and Mike huffed again, rubbing my back as I bit again into the piece of toast. How could I go out when I would just bring everyone else down, just like I’m doing to Mike. “did she…” I scratched my forehead and Mike paused before passing me the cup of coffee,

“did she what?” he didn’t need to know who I was talking about, it was the same person I always talked about.

“has she gone to France then?” I smiled to him and his face turned away, making me a little unnerved. It was strange to see Mike become so distant when talking about Marci. He had become used to appeasing me by talking about her, I suppose he just wanted to talk to me about anything since that’s the only thing I’d ever talk about. “Mike?” I asked, placing the cup of coffee down on the table in front of me.

“She didn’t go to France” he said abruptly and my face sunk at this news, had she not gone because we had bought the ticket for her.

“why not?” I asked, my voice croaking and my eyes welling up again,

“she cashed in her plane ticket and used it as a deposit on a new house in upper Oakland” He said and my eyes opened wide but I couldn’t ask anything else except,

“why?” my hands were shaking and I rubbed my head. That ticket was the last thing that tied me to her and she had cashed it in and now she was moving, moving somewhere further away from me, to the other end of town…what chance do I have now?

“Please come out tonight with us” Mike prodded me again and I grumbled, standing up, feeling my stomach turn on itself again. I felt faint, high up here and I held my head still, closing my eyes and seeing the flashing slideshow of Marci going throw my mind.

“I’m going to be sick again” I spoke softly and dashed off upstairs towards the bathroom, where I quickly emptied my stomach from the little bit of food that I had. My cheeks flushed red and my headache returned, banging away on my skull as I collapsed my body down onto the cold bathroom floor. My thoughts about Marci returned, they shouted at me loudly and danced along proudly, taunting me with their harsh colours. My eyes became wet again and I sobbed endlessly on the floor.