Rebel Yell

“ahhh shit” I kicked over angrily the amp as yet another one of my guitar strings broke. My mood had gotten worst since this morning and even with the thousands of faces staring up at me tonight I carried on acting like a kid.

“Sorry guys another string-” Mike chimed in as I tried to quickly put on another, he began a steady beat on his bass guitar and wondered around the stage throwing insults at people to make the hiccup much more smooth. Tre on the other hand began to drum along to Mikes beat but was too preoccupied with his bleeding arm that he had bashed in tonight to even bother joining in with the insults.

They had been giving me funny responses today, to everything I did but as always tried to act ignorant to the fact that I had pissed off Marci this morning. However I knew who they supported in this argument and if I wasn’t the opposition I would have been lead chairman for the Marci campaign.

I knew I had done wrong this morning and I so desperately wanted to make amends with Marci. Maybe even press a reset button that would stop any of this from happening again. I had caught a glimpse of her just before we went on and my heart flopped to the floor with guilt. Why did I have to be such a dick about this situation? In fact- fuck the regrets, what I did with her on Saturday night was the best thing I could have done. Was it?

“Billie” Tre moaned at me as I tightened up the string and strummed a cord to check the tune. “Hurry up” I nodded my head and dashed back on to stage.

“ a 1, 2, a 1,2,3,4” My fingers strummed into Longview again and I could feel the blood from the string snapping, run down my fingers. I looked down at them to see a deep lash across all four fingers, fucking strings. I wasn’t having a good night at all but still i had to make this show about the fans.

The fans, well they were all covered in sweat at this point and I swear that I had seen two people having sex before my string had snapped. It seemed weird, looking at people having sex other than it being in porn. Wait I don’t watch porn- ok who the hell I’m I kidding, wait I’m still singing aren’t I. I looked towards Mike and he looked dumbfounded at me, how had I continued singing when there weren’t any lyrics to continue to sing. I blushed and he shook his head away, leaving me to look like an idiot as the crowd bustled in front of me chanting a mixture of things.

“Arizona you have been great and this next song is ‘words I might of ate” the words flew out of my mouth quicker than I could have processed them. “-now it seems I can’t keep my mind off you” I burst out loudly into the microphone and the crowd began to cheer loudly over my singing as I scouted the room aimlessly. And there she stood beautiful, glowing and bouncing along to the music with that unmistakable smile which had caught my attention immediately.

I began to sing louder down the microphone, Why was Marci here? She should be backstage because we’d be out soon...wait is that Marci? I looked back to try and catch her face and yet nothing of any relation to her was nearby. My stomach plummeted and I began to feel sick. “Just tell me the words I might of ate” I squeaked at my shameful happiness over her and I could feel my cheeks flood with heat, I really wished I hadn’t had that eighth beer before tonight’s’ show.
I practically ran off the stage when I had finished my last note, leaving Mike and Tre to do as they pleased before heading outside but there was no way that I could stand the sickly, sobering, heat filled and plain hellish atmosphere another minute longer, I needed fresh air.

Outside was blissful but the smell of the dirty dumpsters and cooking food sent my stomach into a whirlwind of knots and ties. I propped myself up on the wall outside hoping the cold night time air would cool my forehead down and I felt my stomach grumble again. I knew that I was going to be sick but I had to play this casual without being sick. I felt my sticky forehead and thought back to that image I had dreamt up of Marci on stage although it sent me ridged because it had been so clear. I had felt happy seeing her smile at me again something which after this morning’s antics would not be frequent around me. I opened my eyes to see a group of fans walking pass, looking excited to see Mike Dirnt walk through the backstage doors. I laughed a little at Mike’s weary face as one of the fans in her underwear jumped on him, kissing him very sloppily on the cheek. I belched loudly and I grabbed my stomach as it crippled me over in agony with its painful attempts at removing any alcohol from my system. I pulled myself up and tried to breath in any air I could to settle the war going on inside of me but the smell of fried egg sandwiches hit my nose which made me gip madly.

This was it; I looked up as I felt my stomach push once more upwards, squashing itself together. I could feel the weight that had laid in the pit of my stomach lurch forward, there was no stopping it now. I jolted forward as I began to vomit away from Mike and the fans that gathered around him but the quiet fed up tone from a nearby person made me look up shameful.

“for fucks sake” was all Marci had to say to confirm that my past assumptions at restarting our friendship had drifted way out of the picture. I bit my lip to look at the very tired person in front of me,

“I’m so sorry Marci, I had no idea-” I began to apologise as I looked at her vomit covered dress before darting up to her dinner that she held in her hands. She shook her head and closed her eyes before looking herself up and down,

“just perfect” she muttered and she tossed her dinner into the skip behind her. With that she turned on her heel and headed back in the direction I assumed she had come from.

“shit!” I swore aloud and banged my head backwards at the bad luck I had again struck upon. Maybe it was just me, maybe I was prone to just ruin anymore contact I would have with Marci. I looked up and two pair of amused blue eyes looked at me. “What do you want Tre?” I rubbed my hair out of the way,

“I hope you don’t mind but due to some tightness in the other bus I’ve invited Marci back on to ours until she can accommodate herself properly. Mike is fine with it” my mouth dropped open at this new information. I can see now the tension that will be on that bus tonight, the absolute nightmare of awkward politeness.

“I think I’m going to go shoot myself now, save Marci from doing it later” I smiled at Tre and he patted my shoulder lightly.

“Mike, Billie is going to go kill himself” he shouted and I rolled my eyes as everyone in close proximity turned to look at me. If I could go any redder I’d be purple but at least I’m not feeling sick anymore.