Cover Me

"A year and two weeks ago, Cassandra and I came here on our first date. I used to come here as a child with my older sister Allison. Allison and I were playing on the beach down there and decided to try swimming. Our mother told us to stay out of the water but it was so hot out, we just couldn't resist. The water was dark so I was afraid to go in. Allison went first to show me everything would be fine.

"I wasn't exactly convinced so she went out farther when she must have slipped on a rock or something. The current caught her but I was too afraid to go in and save her. If I was brave enough, I could have saved her that day. Well Cassandra and I knew each other from university. We were both taking psychology together but I did it just for fun. I never really wanted to take it seriously like she did.

"Ever sicne Allison died, I was afraid to get close to anyone. I was afraid that I was some bad luck charm or sometihng, but with Cassandra, I couldn't stand being away from her. When I realized that I wanted to get closer to her, I asked her out on a date. To my surprise, she accepted. Later on I decided to take her here and show her why I was afraid to get closer to her. I was crying telling her how I felt like it was my fault that Allison died. She just grabbed my hand and told me it was an accident. I couldn't accept it though. Cassandra tried so hard to make me understand but it was too much to just let go of such a burden.

"She told me I could trust her and that she would never hurt me and always be there for me as long as I was willing. So... I stopped looking at the past and decided that I wanted this girl in my life more than anything else in the world. This was the first place we kissed. One year, and two weeks ago." I said choking back more tears.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"Because, I understand what it feels like to take the blame for something that wasn't exactly my fault. I don't know why I am saying this or why I feel like forgiving you in some ways, but... looking at you when I was about to kill you, reminded me of that little boy who stood there while the future took hold of my only sister. I want you to suffer. I want you to feel the pain that you have caused me, but at the same time, I want you to find what I have found. I found the truth, and I found true and real love."

"I don't deserve real love Daniel. I ruined your life after all that you have been through, I took away the one thing you had left. You can't let me go on Daniel. You can't, finish me now and you will never have to regret this."

"Regret what? Regret a young person living a life of fulfillment? John, you could have so much that you never had.Hell, you deserve to regret what you've done. I don't want to give you this but please just take this oppertunity to live." I offered.

"I can't go on with this anymore. I can never get over myself, you try to live with murder. Actually, I beg you to live with it so maybe you can understand what it's like! You think you know me and have it all figured out don't you? You don't even know the half of what I am. I have been used by the only girl I thought I ever loved, I killed for her and the only person who realy cares about how I feel, is someone who held a knife to my throat and almost killed me! I don't want your pitty, I don't want anything from you, so keep it for yourself and that little boy you think I might have something in common with. " John spat at me.

"John listen to me, now take it or leave it."

"You keep it. I don't need you, I'll finish myself off." He replied as he quickly climbed the railing of the bridge.

I bolted toward him as he threw himself off and dropped. "No!" I screamed as my body slammed against the bridge.

I stood watching in disbelief as his body splashed into the water to never be seen again. My body began to shake as goosebumps arose. I didn't feel better at all. My girfriends killer just died in front of my own eyes and it feels as if the burdens got heavier. I collapsed to the ground noticing John's blood stained jacket lying on the concrete next to me. I picked it up with shaky hands and squeezed it against my chest. I wept with loss until comething hard caught my attention.

I put my hand into the jacket pocket and pulled out my pocket knife still clean and unused. I opened it up and stared at my reflection on the sharp thin blade. My eyes were dark red from crying. I can't remember the last time I cried. Even when Allison died, I have never cried. Cassandra opened up my emotions and helped the person inside me finally come out.

I held the knife firmly in my hands and thrusted it against my chest. I screamed at the pain and fell to the ground. Now I would be wherever Allison and Cassandra may be, if not, I will see John somewhere; if there really is an after life. Whatever may happen, the pain began to numb, and finally the darkness will fully cover me.