Fragile

I sat against the wall on my bed in my dorm room, staring at the wall opposite of me. The time on my alarm clock switched numbers every, what seemed like, hour instead of minute. My mind was anywhere but where I was. I could hear my stomach growl and, with out moving my head, I looked down and then back up to the wall.

I’m pregnant.

I was quickly taken out of my thoughts when I heard my alarm clock going off, telling me that I had class in fifteen minutes. John would be waiting outside to walk with me to our class, so I hurried to get myself together and met with him down stairs in the lobby.

“You’re looking a lot better,” he said to me as I got off the elevator.

“Yeah. False alarm, I guess,” I replied as we began walking to class.

He didn’t ask anything else as we walked to our math class together. I wonder if he could see the worried look on my face, and just didn’t want to ask what was actually going on. Not that I would tell him. Well, at least not yet. First, I needed to tell my parents.

Class passed by faster than either John or I could have imagined. Math was usually the most boring class, but I was relieved to know it was done for the day.

“Can’t believe he let us out early today,” John said as we left the class.

“Yeah,” I said, not really paying attention.

“Okay,” he scratched the back of his neck, wondering what he should say next. I felt bad that I was keeping such a big secret from my best friend. Well, he is my best friend; I think I could tell him what’s going on. Maybe.

We walked up to my building and stood outside for a few moments in silence.

“So, dinner later?” He looked at me; hopeful. I nodded my head and waved goodbye as I walked into my building.

I couldn’t stand any longer; I was starting to feel sick again. I got to my room as fast as I could and sat on my bathroom floor, facing the toilet. It felt as if my insides were falling out. My stomach felt even worse than it had the past two days. I flushed the toilet, hoping that my upset tummy wouldn’t repeat itself. I slowly leaned over so the left side of my face was on the cold floor. It wasn’t working like I had hoped it would, and I was up and leaning into the toilet again. This is miserable.

I was happy to know that by the time dinner rolled around, I wasn’t feeling as crappy as I was earlier. John was waiting down in the lobby, just like always.

“Always waiting for me, huh?” I smiled as he walked up to me. He held out his arm for me to wrap it around mine. “What a gentleman.”

The dining hall had nothing special that night, but everything looked so appealing to me. I grabbed the first table in front of the soda machines. John waltzed over with his tray as full as mine was.

“A little hungry tonight?” He laughed and sat down across from me.

“Oh,” I looked down at my tray, every inch of it filled with a different type of food. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

“Are you okay? I mean, you’ve been sick the past two days and today, your mood swings have been all over the damn place. You’re practically swallowing your food whole. What’s up?”

I was in the middle of taking a huge bite of a breadstick, chewing slowly. There was a shocked look on my face as he asked. He looked at me, waiting for my answer. I was speechless for that moment until he spoke again.

“Izzie.”

“Sorry,” I shook my head and finishing chewing the breadstick. My first plate of spaghetti was already nearly polished off without me even noticing it. “Uh, John?”

“Yeah? What is it?” He mumbled after shoving a piece of bread in his mouth.

“If I tell you something, would you promise to tell no one? Not anybody?” My look was sincere, and I could tell he could see that and he nodded his head. “John, I want a verbal response, please. This isn’t any daily gossip or girly secret I’m about to tell you. You need to promise me.”

He grabbed hold of my hand. I hadn’t expected him to do that, and it made me all the more nervous than I already was. I had no idea how he would react to my news. Would he be angry? Upset? I wasn’t sure.

“Izzie, anything you’ve got to tell me is safe with me. I promise.”

A feeling of safety swept over me. It made me wish that I had asked him to come with me that night to the store. I always hated walking by myself, but I didn’t want to bother him. I really wish I had. My eyes were beginning to sting slightly from the tears that filling them.

“Uh, do you mind if we get out of here?” I whispered. He nodded his head again, and took my tray to throw out everything that was left. I waited for him by the front exit.

“So, what is so important that you can’t even let me finish my dinner?” He joked. I wasn’t in a laughing mood and I made a face. “Sorry. But seriously, what’s wrong?”

“Would you absolutely promise that you will not at all get mad at me or want to, like, rip my head off or something for not telling you before?”

“Okay, really,” he led me out of the dining hall and we began to walk down the street. “I promise. What is it?”

“D-Do you remember last month when I was in the hospital for a few nights?”

A third nod of his head that night signaled that he remembered. Moment of truth I suppose, but I tried my best to drag out telling him. He nudged me and I stopped, tears now streaming down my face.

“John, I’m pregnant.”