Shades of Love

"Brett, do you seriously have to look at me like that?" I asked irritated and annoyed. Ashton had gone to the store for some more makeup and so it was just Brett and I sitting by the water at the beach.

I could feel his eyes boring into me, like there was something wrong with me and I felt self concious. I really needed to boost up my ego just a tad bit, but I just couldn't. Its hard to feel good about yourself when nobody lets you.

"I just didn't know that you had, had sex ... thats all," What was his deal? Why did Ashton even have to bring it up in the first place? I looked at Brett and then down at the sand.

"Well stop staring at me like that," I said uncomfortable. He wouldn't stop and then after a while he finally did. It was a long while though and I was about to punch him for making me squirm.

"It's just, with everything you've ever told me, you never mentioned that. And you'ved told me some pretty serious stuff, just like I've told you some pretty serious stuff. I just thought that it would have come up in conversation or something, thats all." Why did it matter?

"It hurts," I said, thinking back to it all.

"Well it always hurts the first time," He said reassuringly. He didn't get what I meant and so I had to explain it all to him. Here comes another Brett and Shenay heartfelt moment.

"No, I mean it hurts. I don't like to think about it or bring it up because Jensen hurt me," I said and I could feel the tears begin to boil up inside of me. Why did he have to live in London? I could have gone the rest of my life not thining about it and now I'm forced too and I can't help but think about it.

"How?" Boys were so clueless sometimes. I wish there was some sort of remote built so that girls can make the guys feel the way they're feeling, with just one click of a button. There isn't though and so explanation and words are the only chance of having them understand.

"I was falling in love with him, and it was summer. I was sick of the world and I actually had thoughts about suicide. Jensen was the only one I ever told that to, Ashton doesn't even know. And I guess I just told you too, but it was a long time ago and I don't think like that anymore... but that summer... Jensen made me feel alive. He made me feel like I mattered and belonged in the world, and then there was that one night, the night before we were all leaving. After a whole summer of kissing and being goofballs around each other, things got more serious. 1 summer may seem like a short amount of time, but it was the best time in the world. I slept with him and he never talked to me again. He claims to have been scared, but I don't know." I now sat in silence as Brett took it all in. I could hear his breathing, it would speed up and then slow down and then I couldn't hear it at all, which scared me, but then it would start up again.

"Wow," Was the only thing he said for a while and then he continued to say more,"You deserve better than that. I mean after all you've been through, especially after suicidal thoughts ... he just pushed you away? Only an idiot would do that," I smiled at his comment to my long story.

I looked at him and smiled and he was looking right back at me. It took all of my strength not to attack him and kiss him. He was so sweet sometimes and it was obvious to why I had fallen for him. I liked things a whole lot better when Ashton was gone. It may not make sense, but Ashton's more herself when shes not around Brett and Brett's more caring towards me when shes not around. Everything seemed simple that way ... too bad it couldn't be like that permanently.

Brett randomely got up after a while and took off his shoes and then stepped in the water. He splashed me a few times before I got up and ran in the water and pushed him under. I was in jeaned shorts but I didn't care, I was having fun. The party tonight might be a little bit better than the last one. Well atleast I hope it will.

Brett picked me up by my legs, ignoring my screams to put me down, and threw me in the water. We were laughing so much and we were soaked, but we didn't care. We suddenly stopped and everything got quiet. He had his hands around me, ready to throw me in again but then things got more serious.

"Brett," I said, realizeing my arms were around his neck. I could have pulled him in for a kiss right then, but I didn't because of Ashton.

"Shenay I -"

"I'M BACK!" Ashton shouted down to us, all smiles with a new outfit on. We were far out enough for her not to see us holding each other, and we immediately let go. I kept telling myself that it was just my imagination, and hoping so badly that it was.

We swam back to the surface and then got out. I could feel the water dripping down my body and I didn't have a towel. Leave it to Ashton to ruin a perfect moment. It wasn't her fault though, I had to admit, I wasn't thinking like a good friend should be.

"You guys are soaking wet!" Ashton said laughing, but a little angry at the same time.

"We ended up going for a swim, it was out of the blue so we forgot to change," Brett said as soon as he was able to wrap his arms around her. Her arms were around his neck as they shared a kiss and it made me envious. I don't know what, but something was going to happen between Brett and I and we were in that exact position.

"Alright, well lets eat and then get ready for this party!" Ashton said and I rolled my eyes. Love sucks, and I'm a horrible friend.