Mutatio

"So..." Angie mumbled. Georg was driving, always being the responsible adult. I was in the front, everyone else squeezing into the last six seats of the van. "Was it just me, or did those songs kinda like describe...like our life? Like, in order."

There was a general consensus that yes, the concert as a whole was what everyone needed. It described us to a T, some songs more than others. Depending on who it was, I would even go as far as to say a couple of us could pick out theme songs. Angie would be "Brighter" and I'm pretty sure Gustav could fall into that category too. "Fences" could be Georg when it comes to the girls, Tom when it came to me. Ashley, with her firey spirit could fit inside the words of "Monster" or "ignorance," but with her it's different. with her, it's not like she could sing it. I feel like she'd be playing lead guitar instead, punctuating each note with a certain intensity that didn't need words to go with it.

Lor had a couple. After her Hickville fiasco, "Misguided Ghosts" would fit, "Monster" after the paparazzi incident. My heart broke a little when I thought of her all alone, needing help right after she moved to L.A. with Ashley and Angie. where was I when she needed that support? At home in Germany, soaking in my own self-pity, wallowing in my own numbness. All I wanted was you, but then I caught myself. Yes, I caught myself, on a plane ten minutes away from L.A., and things had become easier. We'd gone to see her, Lor, on a whim. Because that seemed like the right thing to do. And it was, or I thought it was; still think it was. Because even if I wasn't in love, life without Lor just didn't seem possible. She'd said it too, that it seemed like we'd grown up together. I could almost see her there with us, see Angie, Ashley and Lor all there with Tom and I while we were suffering through highschool, when we thought we were just SO cool. I could almost remember Lor sitting at the playground with Tom and I when we were little. Lor and I would be holding hands and Tom would be swinging across from us. But that's the thing about memories, isn't it? You only remember what you want to. And so you remember things that aren't true, because you WANT them to be true.

Once we got back to the hotel, we decided that Angie, Ashley, Gustav and Georg would stay behind and Tom, Lor and I would go get pizza. We left them in the girls' room and headed off in the van. I would drive with Lor in the passenger seat and Tom sitting behind me. It was a quiet ride, the radio low until a country song came on.

"I love this song!" Lor cried and cranked the music up to twenty. She started singing along, a goofy smile on her face. "Knee deep in the water somewhere..."

It was contagious. Tom and I began swaying to the music and I had to fight from making the car swerve in rhythm. I succeeded and was rather proud of myself.

"Hey, isn't that the Cb van?" Tom asked, pointing out a car in the distance. It was behind a semi, a VW bug, and an old redneck pickup truck.

"Yeah I think it--"

The world slowed down as the pickup swerved in our lane and there wasn't enough time to swerve back. I slammed on the breaks but I wasn't fast enough either, both cars slamming headfirst into eachother at highway speeds.

"My only worry in the world is the tide gonna reach my chair..."

We spun out of control and the airbag exploded into my face, pushing me back, ripping my hand away from the wheel. All the air was knocked out of my lungs as my car door flew open and I hung outside the rolling vehicle, supported only by my seatbelt. I saw the flash of the guardrail on the side of the highway and the green blur of trees and my stomach dropped out of me. If I didn't unbuckle myself, I was going to be crushed.

I snapped my seatbelt off just as the car started to roll and smash through the railway. Tom and Lor were going to roll of the cliff.

I heard Lor scream and glass shattering as the rolled over the side towards the man-made lake that supplied LA with most of its water. When the car stopped it was tipped to one side, stopped on both ends by parallel trees, only just before a ten foot drop off to the shore of the lake. My ears rang at the sound of the crash and I sprinted down the hill towards them.

"Is everyone alright?" I shouted, barely hearing myself. I could make out the faint outline of Lor, trying to unbuckle her seatbelt. The car groaned and shook unsteadily.

"We have to get out." I heard Tom say to her. I couldn't see much, sunce the roof of the car was in the way. "I'll get out first and help you, ok?" he added.

"Lor?" I called. She didn't answer, but I heard her whimper from inside. "Lor!" The cliffside was too steep for me to get down fast enough for my liking.

"It'll be ok, it'll be ok." I heard Tom keep saying. there was shuffling inside the car and a thud as Lor jumped up enough to get her upper body through the broken window. She cried out, shards of glass from the broken window embedding themselves in her hands and abdomen.

"Lor look at me, it's going to be fine. You're going to be ok." Tom said, reaching his hand out towards her. He was on top of the car, keeping his balance on one side of the tires. "We'll jump down together, ok?"

Lor shook her head and whimpered, tears making muddy trails down her cheeks. "I can't."

"Lor, come on. It's going to be fine, Lor, I promise."

"I can't--"

"Lor look at me!"

"I can't!"

The unthinkable happened and all I could do was watch. I almost didn't believe it but....he kissed her. It seemed so natural, like he didn't even have to think about it. And she responded to it! Her trembling stopped and she lifted herself onto the top of the car. She fell into his arms and Tom wrapped his arms around her. It was wierd--I'd admitted to myself
that I didn't love Lor, and yet I somehow felt this little twinge of betrayal, as if that kiss was mine to have.

A car pulled up on a turnout next to the bent and broken railway. It was the CB van. Strify and Kiro were the first to exit the van, rushing to the cliffside.

"Is everyone ok down there?" Strify called. Yu, Romeo amd Shin started climbing down the steep hillside to the wreck. "Where's Bill?"

"I'm here!" I called up, moving from behind a tree into view.

Yu was the closest to the wreck. "Tom, Lor! Be careful up there! We're coming down to give you a hand!"

I saw Lor look up at Tom and their eyes met. There was a helplessness in her eyes that looked to Tom, looked to my twin, not me, for comfort. She kissed him again and he kissed her back. It was so genuine between the two of them; like it was meant to be. Like it was right.

Strify and Shin stopped in their tracks, unsure of how to responde. The rest of them continued sprinting onward, stopping themselves on trees every so often so they wouldn't fall. Yu, Kiro and Romeo raced past me, getting to the car. Lor and Tom clasped eachother's hands and used Romeo's help to get down. The car lurched and nearly fell into the lake.

Without really knowing what I was doing, I started towards them purposefully. Romeo and Yu
met my eyes and must have noticed something near hostility in me that I hadn't meant to be there, because they each took one of Lor's arms and began to lead her away. Both Tom and Lor protested, Tom Moving himself protectively in front of her, but he too saw the hostility in me and released her hand.

"Tom?" Lor asked, confused, while Yu and Romeo continued leading her gently but firmly away. She struggled against them, uncertain about what was happening and still dazed from the crash. She looked to me and met my eyes. What I saw in her face was nothing short of terror. Terror of me, the terror in seeing something that had already happened. The terror that comes with a nightmare coming true. "Bill!" she cried. "Bill no!" I ignored her screams, her worried anguish. I ignored everything. Everything but him. For a moment I thought I heard her say something along the lines of 'don't let them get me.' the phrase struck me ass odd, as if she was afraid something terrible was going to happen. As if she knew.

"Billa...."