This Animal I've Become

Remus felt awkward.

If he had half of the suaveness Sirius had, he probably wouldn’t be feeling the way that he was now.

He was alone with a girl in his dormitory.

Let’s reword and repeat that.

He was alone with Adelaide Ferrari, whom he thought was very, very attractive, and who also just so happened to be sitting on his trunk next to his bed. If that didn’t make his palms sweat and have lecherous thoughts, then he wasn’t a teenage boy overridden with hormones.

It wasn’t like he had never been alone with a girl in his dorm, he might have been at most twice or three times, but other than those times he was usually only up there with his friends when there were girls around. Being alone with a girl was something Sirius and maybe even James would usually do. He was Remus Lupin, the one who respected all women, the one who usually didn’t take much interest in girls enough to take them back up to any empty dorm room. Although he did respect women, one of the many things his mother had taught him, he was very interested in girls.

Due to his lycanthropy, Remus thought it was hard to get close to a girl; it was like his secret put up some invisible barrier. Even though his friends always encouraged him to get with a girl and just get a good snog or two in, no strings attached, he was not going to be like Sirius; he didn’t like treating girls that way. They didn’t deserve to be used and abused just because he was feeling lonely. And even though he wouldn’t admit it, he would like to keep his reputation the way that it was; he did not want to be labeled as a heartless man-whore. He was confident that he could probably get a few girls out there if he tried, not as easily as Sirius because he could easily get practically any girl out there, but he was smart enough to realize that most girls probably only wanted to be with him because he was part of the Marauders and wanted a ticket to popularity. No, Remus was fine on his own for the time being.

“So…” Addie trailed off as the leg that was draped over the other was swinging back and forth at a slow pace. For one of the first few times in her life, she found that she couldn’t start a conversation. Addie was usually a very good conversationalist and conversation starter. But with Remus, she found that she didn’t exactly know what was running through his head, so she didn’t know how to proceed exactly.

Remus was a complex character to her. Unbeknownst to him, she was watching him during the past week; not in a stalker way, of course. Just a couple of glances when it was easy to pass off her gaze towards someone else was how she watched. She could see that he tried to keep expressions blank and indiscernible when he was around other people. There was a time when she went into the library last Thursday and she found that he had let his facial expressions change. He had had his focus on the books. Feelings of annoyance, interest, and lack of enthusiasm had become apparent in his features; he showed his true self when no one was around (besides his friends of course), and that bothered her. Although she could be accused to be a hypocrite if she said anything about it.

When he was with his three friends, which was hard to not look at most of the time, she could see that he laughed freely with them and let his true personality shine through. Why he had a problem doing that around other people who were not considered his best friends was what she questioned. She had deduced that maybe he felt as though his lycanthropy shouldn’t allow him too many friends. This was opposite of herself because she basked in the friendships that people offered her. Addie could see why he wouldn’t get romantically involved, but a simple, platonic relationship was harmless. He had the type of personality that would be liked by everyone, so why did he stick around to just his three friends?

Remus Lupin was a conundrum and a contradiction in her book.

Remus chuckled lightly as he stood up off the opposite side of Frank’s bed. So he wasn’t the only one who felt a little awkward in this situation…

“So…” he mimicked with a chuckle as he walked over to his bed and sat up against his headboard. His left leg laid flat and bent against the mattress and his right still planted on the floor.

Addie had turned on the trunk with a small smile. She glanced around the room and then said, “I had a feeling that this one was your bed.”

“And what brought you to that conclusion?” he asked with a bit of a teasing smile on his face.

She laughed lightly. “Sirius is probably the only one who would feel comfortable showing his underwear to everyone,” she said as she pointed to the messy bed in front of her. Then she pointed to James’ bed, “That one’s James’ because of the Quidditch gear and the obvious Quidditch decorations on his trunk.” Peter’s bed came next. “Peters’ because I believe that he would be a bit dirty, hence that pile of socks. And that one’s Frank’s because I had already figured out the rest of the beds. And of course your scent is the strongest over here, so that’s how I knew.”

He had the blank look on his face again. “Is my scent strong to you like yours is to me?” he asked tilting his head to the side slightly.

Addie nodded. “It’s stronger, and bit heavier. Much more wild than others,” she replied. Remus was silent once she stopped talking and looked down at his hands that were picking at his fingernails. This silence was a bit more comfortable than before, but she could sense some uneasiness on Remus’ part.

“What are you thinking?” she asked softly.

He shrugged slowly before dropping his hands and meeting her blue eyes. “I’m still trying to get used to the thought that there’s someone else who’s normal and in the same position that I’m in is all,” he said and paused. Addie could tell that was not all that he wished to say so kept quiet. “Just wondering why we’re so different, y’know? I mean, why don’t we have the same ability to keep our heads during the transformation? Stuff like that,” he answered back quietly, dropping his gaze back to his lap.

She sighed inaudibly as she stood up. Remus’ eyes snapped up to the girl as she stood and made her way over to the foot of his bed. He watched as she sat down gracefully, like she seems to do everything else, against his bed post and mirrored his position while making sure her skirt was not exposing anything that he shouldn’t be seeing.

He was happy the full moon was a good week away, or else he would be having a problem right about now. Remus felt his pulse spike and race a little at her simple movement, along with a light blush tainting his cheeks because of his unclean thoughts and quickly looked down. She was sitting on his bed. He could see the freckles that were splashed upon her knees and lightly trailed down her shins and seemed to scatter on the top of her feet. How was he supposed to keep his cool when she was close enough to touch?

“You can do the exact same things I can do,” Addie assured him, thankfully bringing him out of his thoughts. “That’s probably only one of the few differences between us. We can both see father and sharper than everyone, run faster, have more stamina, hear things from a mile away, have faster reflexes, smell scents that no one else notices.” She stopped as Remus lifted his head. She smiled and then declared, “That’s actually how I avoided your prank last week, I could smell the potion in the water. I’m sure no one else could really detect it unless they were specifically looking for it.”

Remus chuckled. “I told them that the potion smelled, but they told me it didn’t,” he replied with a shrug of his shoulders. “So I just figured I was imagining things, it was after the full moon after all, so I couldn’t be sure about it.”

Addie looked at him skeptically. “You don’t know how to use your senses when it isn’t the full moon do you?” she said more than asked. “I mean, besides the vision part which probably comes naturally.”

He had the courage to look a little embarrassed at her accusation which was totally true. Remus didn’t know that he could do all that when it wasn’t close to the full moon. Sure there were times when he felt like he heard things or smelt things, but he would always write it off as nothing.

“Nothing to be ashamed about, really, I was taught how to as well. If you want I could teach you,” she offered. “It might take a while because we’re starting a long time after you’ve been bitten, but I’m sure you’re a fast learner.”

“You could teach me how to use my…wolf…senses all the time?”

She nodded happily. “It just takes some time and getting used to,” she explained. “Once you do it a few times it becomes easier after some practice. It’s very useful, especially in these times.”

Remus grunted and nodded, knowing exactly what she was talking about. If he could learn to do everything she said she could teach, he could learn how to attack and defend better.

“There’re a few things I can do that you can’t like, I have what they call a photographic memory that comes along with the epikefalí̱s strain, it comes in real handy with school work and remembering faces. And as an epikefalí̱s, I can sort of control other werewolves, not fully of course, but it all depends on who bit them. If they were bitten by a werewolf that still holds the ways of the elders, then I can somewhat control them to an extent. I won’t be able to tell if you were bitten by a such werewolf until we get closer to the full moon, but it will make like a whole lot easier if you were.”

Remus stayed attentive during her short speech. He wanted to know how they were so different and she seemed to know a lot for such a rare condition. “Why would it be easier?” he questioned.

Addie froze slightly and immediately felt uncomfortable as she avoided his gaze. She was holding off this part of the discussion for a while because she knew how awkward it was going to be. She was immensely grateful that Dumbledore let them speak in private about everything. Who knew how Remus was going to react to what she had to say. Hopefully he would appreciate that they didn’t have to sit in the headmaster’s office while he told them about this subject. How embarrassing and uncomfortable would that be?

She cleared her throat as she absentmindedly scratched the back of her head and looked back up at Remus who was giving her a curious look. “You’ve had the sex talk with your parents already, right?” she asked quickly as a soft blush grazing her pale cheeks.

Remus blanched as his eyes widened slightly and suddenly knew where this conversation was headed. He hoped that if she could control herself during the full moon, they could avoid this discussion as well. Obviously he thought wrong. He now knew what Dumbledore meant in his office when he said ‘And you, Remus, would probably prefer if I was not there for that part of the conversation’. Remus nodded to her question, not trusting his voice at the moment.

“Believe me, this conversation is awkward for me as well,” she said, trying to find the funny side to this conversation. “You probably know already that your…libido isn’t exactly normal when it gets close to the full moon, and the pheromones from the girls when they’re ovulating don’t exactly help either.” Addie sighed and readjusted herself in her spot on his bed while picking at his bed sheets.

“It isn’t exactly going to get easier when I’m around,” she explained slowly, making sure that he understood everything that she was saying. “As a female werewolf, my ovulation cycle goes along with the full moon, unfortunately, and lasts a little longer than other girls. It’ll last from four to five days instead of the normal two or three. And since I am a werewolf, you’re going to feel an even stronger pull to me than to other normal girls to…mate with me a few days before the full moon and maybe a day or two after, depending. It won’t be too much stronger thankfully, but still enough to get a reaction whenever I’m in the same vicinity.”

Remus stayed tight lipped and was getting a little redder every second that she spoke. At the rate she was going, he would resemble a tomato in a minute or two. It wasn’t the fact of what was going to happen to him that affected him – every full moon his sex drive drove him up the walls sometimes, especially when a girl would decide that it was a good time to chat up Remus Lupin the day before or of the full moon – but the fact that Addie would know exactly what she was doing to him was mortifying.

“So around Friday, maybe even Thursday is when you’ll start to feel the pull to me. I’ll make sure to stay as far away from you as possible, which will be hard seeing as how we are in basically all the same classes, but I’ll still try my best to sit on the opposite side of class. I’ve seen what happens around this time of month and you’ll most likely be setting your friends off from being brash and irritating. And it will undoubtedly be very uncomfortable for you. But by December, hopefully, you’ll be able to resist it more easily. It just takes a lot of self-control and some time getting used to, which I’m sure you’ll be able to master after a few months.

“But luckily,” she continued quickly. “If I can control your actions during the full moon, that means we could avoid the whole uncontrollable attraction during the transformation.”

Remus’ face was still red when he asked, “And how are you sure that you can do that?”

“Well, technically, since you’re a lone wolf without a pack or alpha, I am able to challenge you for the alpha role even though I am a female. Being an epikefalí̱s has that advantage. We’d actually share the role, seeing how we aren’t actual mates or anything,” she replied. She paused for a second before starting with a quick breath of air, “I knew I was forgetting something earlier. That’s something I forgot to tell your friends. During the full moon we’re gonna have to fight for dominance, so it would be best if they didn’t interfere because they’ll only get hurt. And I don’t want to be looking after them for the whole night. I know that they want to help you not get hurt, but fighting is the only way we’re going to get it done. And thankfully one time is enough; your wolf side will be able to recognize me as an equal afterwards.”

Once again a silence fell over them. “Have any other questions or anything?”

Remus frowned softly, his face returning back to its normal shade quickly. He was still taking it all in and was sure he was going to be soaking it in for a while. “How did you become an epikefalí̱s? I mean you said you lot were on the verge of extinction.”

“Oh,” she started, a little thrown off at the quick change of subject and hesitantly answered, “I was actually born this way, I wasn’t bitten.”

Remus stared at her for a few seconds. He sudden felt bad for her, she couldn’t avoid the animal that she would become once a month. Unlike him, she was made this way. This also confirmed to him that, yes, his curse could be passed on to any offspring. “Oh, I’m sorry,” Remus muttered as he gave her a form of a pitying look on his face.

“Sorry?” she questioned kindly her face showing confusion. “You have nothing to be sorry about, it was all chance really.”

“Chance?” Remus repeated slowly, clearly confused.

“Well, yeah. Lycanthropy affects the blood and DNA, not the body itself, so a werewolf bite infects the bloodstream and mutates the DNA. And since the werewolf gene is a recessive trait, when producing an offspring, both parents have to have the recessive trait. When both parents are werewolves there’s a one in four chance that the child will contract the virus. When one parent is a werewolf, but other isn’t a werewolf but still holds the recessive trait, there’s about a one in eight chance of the child contracting the trait. When both parents have the recessive trait but aren’t werewolves, there’s an almost slimmer chance; little to none really.”

“You seem to know a lot,” Remus pointed out.

She shrugged loosely. “Just something you learn after hanging around many of them.”

“How many epikefalí̱s werewolves are still around? Have you met all of them?”

Addie shrugged slightly. “Two for sure, three maybe. I’m not sure about the third one.”

Remus nodded sadly. “You weren’t kidding about the extinction part.”

“Nope,” she replied with a shake of her head. She then smiled and joked, “I’m a rare breed.”

Remus smiled and laughed as a short silence fell between them. He decided to ask another question. Who knew when he would have another chance to ask her all these questions. “So which pairing do your parents fall under?”

“Werewolf, werewolf.”

“Ah, so I’m guessing that’s how they met.”

“Right you are,” she replied smiling faintly.

“Are they both epikefalí̱s? Or just…”

“No, just my mother.”

Remus nodded again absentmindedly. So the third epikefalí̱s was out there somewhere; maybe.

Remus was getting the feeling that Addie wasn’t comfortable with discussing her parents, but felt as though they were on good terms so far and decided to take the risk. “Have you ever gotten mad that they, you know, made you this way?” he asked hesitantly in a soft tone. He knew that he was asking a rather personal question, but to him she seemed as though she was comfortable with her lycanthropy. Maybe it was because she could keep her head during the transformation or maybe it was just because she’s dealt with it her whole life whereas Remus could still faintly remember being a normal, healthy child.

Addie glanced up at him for a few seconds before looking away. He knew he shouldn’t have asked the question.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry,” Remus spluttered to apologize for his curiosity.

“No, no, it’s okay. You’re just curious,” she reassured giving him a soft, toothless smile to go along with it. She was a quiet for a little while, a silence that made Remus shift in his seat a little out of feeling slightly uncomfortable. Remus mentally smacked himself for getting himself in this uncomfortable situation. “To answer your question, yes, there was a time in my life when I was mad at them, but I’ve gotten over it and looked at all the positive aspects of it.”

Remus held back his scoff. Positive aspects? There were no positive aspects to being a werewolf. You got the joy of turning into a blood thirsty monster a least twelve times a year, and all the pesky side effects that arose around the time of the full moon. Yes, those were real positive to Remus, everyone was just dying to become a werewolf.

She must have seen the skeptical look on his face because she gave him a stomach churning smile. “You don’t believe that there are positive sides to being a werewolf.”

“Not really, no,” he responded back rather quickly and firmly.

Addie laughed softly and smirked at him as she stood up. It wasn’t any type of smirk, it was a true Slytherin type of smirk. One that gave him a chill down his spine and uneasiness in his stomach. Maybe she was in the right house after all.

“You won’t be thinking that when I’m done with you,” she told him. Remus gulped at her statement, which could have been taken in a whole different way, and which he just so happened to do. Especially since she was standing next to his bed, her hip jutted out to the side a little and hand resting upon it. She was still wearing the goddamn smirk on her face. The suggestiveness of the whole situation sent heat pooling throughout his system.

“I better go before Sirius gets any ideas that we’re doing anything besides talking,” she said, snapping him out of his thoughts and headed towards the door. “Unless you have anything else to ask me?”

Remus got up as well and shook his head as he followed her to the door. “No, we can always talk later,” he replied tentatively. “We’ve got all week.”

Addie turned towards him, a hand on the door knob. “A Gryffindor wanting to be friends with a Slytherin,” she replied along with a teasing smile. “And everyone says Gryffindors and Slytherins couldn’t get along.”

Remus chuckled. “Every rule has to have an exception to it.”

“Too true,” she responded as she took out her wand and took off the silencing and locking charms on the room. Addie looked back at Remus, “I guess I’ll talk to you later then.” With one last smile she waved her wand over herself and disappeared right before his very eyes.