This Animal I've Become

It was currently Tuesday, two days after the confrontation in Dumbledore’s office, and Addie found herself in the library during her free period in the afternoon with her robe draped across the back of her chair and sleeves rolled up to her elbows. She rather enjoyed having this period off because it meant she had a few solid hours before dinner to get things done rather be in class for two hours and have two more hours to start her work to only have to stop for dinner. Addie liked getting all her work done in one sitting.

For her only third time at the library, she had taken refuge at the same table near the back next to a set of windows that overlooked the grounds, but she was still close enough to the entrance that she could see the people who walked into the library. Even though she had only been there three times, she was beginning to like the library; the old, worn books seemed to interest her more than she thought they would.

The library was made up of large, dark, wooden shelves that stood high and wide. There were ladders upon each row so that a student could reach the top shelves with ease. Books were being put back in their place magically. The atmosphere of the library was rather quiet, you could hear a little bit of whispers, turning of pages, and frustrated sighs, but otherwise it was rather silent.

Addie ran a hand through her dark locks slowly with a heavy sigh. “Je ne peux pas lire une autre phrase,” she told herself as she slumped forward and rubbed her eyes with the heels of her palm.

“Do you always talk to yourself in French?” a voice inquired quietly.

By voice and smell alone, Addie could tell who her new companion was. She laughed softly as she looked up from her hands. Remus Lupin was looking down at her with a slightly amused expression upon his face and his hand up by his shoulder, upon the strap of his bag. She realized that he could be stealthy and he didn’t even know.

She gave him a bright smile and joked, “Only when I feel especially insane.” She then turned back to her Transfigurations essay that was due tomorrow. Addie expected him to sit down, but when he didn’t move she looked up at him again. He looked slightly uncomfortable. Addie thought his shyness was an endearing quality about him.

“Can I sit?” he finally asked, gesturing to the seat across from her.

With a flat, even tone, a shake of her head, and a straight face she answered him simply. “No.”

He was surprised with her answer, but the surprise on his face was gone within a second and was then taken over with embarrassment. “Oh, alright, sorry,” he stammered. “I’ll go-”

Addie laughed, seeing Remus squirm amused her. She liked his pleasant manners and perfect schoolboy demeanor around him. But she felt the need for him to loosen up around other people besides just his three friends. “I was kidding, Remus,” she interrupted him smiling with a shake of her head. “By all means sit, you didn’t have to ask.”

Remus flushed slightly before he dropped his bag onto the table and sat down across from her. Underneath him he could still feel the warmth from someone else sitting there. He glanced at the chair and murmured, “The chair’s still warm.”

Addie smiled, but didn’t look back up from her essay. “Ah, yes,” she airily replied, but softly, “that would be Ed who is now trailing after Anna like a lost puppy. Quite entertaining actually.”

He smiled as he took out his books and parchment along with ink and quill. “He’s been chasing after her since fourth year, if not longer,” he replied with a quick smile before pushing all of his unnecessary items in his bag and onto the floor beside him. “Everyone knows that he likes her, but has never seemed to make a move. I’m pretty sure that she likes him too, but just won’t admit to it.”

Addie sighed. “Young love,” she said with half a smile, “how messy it can be.” Before Remus could reply she jabbed her paper with a period in triumph and a smile on her face. This also resulted in a broken tip of her quill and turned her smile into a frown and a groan.

“You know quills aren’t sturdy enough for you to be smashing them down onto hard surfaces,” Remus told her in a matter of fact tone as he dipped his own quill into his ink bottle.

Addie huffed as she tossed the broken quill onto the table. “Obviously,” she grumbled. “That’s something I don’t understand. Why do you guys even use quills? I mean there are inventions such as pens or even pencils. They don’t make huge messes and are a whole lot easier to carry around. And you guys call this parchment. Why can’t you call it paper, or even use paper that doesn’t look like it came from the fourteen hundreds?”

Remus smiled at her rambling. Dare he say that she looked rather cute when she was exasperated at concepts that she couldn’t quite grasp. He knew he promised himself that he would never put himself in this position with the girl, but if the main insecurity that held him back was something she had as well, did that rule still exist?

“The wizarding world doesn’t embrace the muggle one,” Remus explained. “So even if there are advancements in that world, it is highly unlikely that this world is going to use them. And for the parchment thing, it’s all just terminology. We sometimes call it paper too.”

Addie laughed softly as she closed her book. “Your guys’ words are way different from Americans. Like the loo and ghastly or the boot or bugger and kip or sarny. Sometimes I get confused about what you guys say sometimes.”

“And you don’t think we get confused by the Yanks' terms of speech?” he asked in fake offense.

“I never said that,” Addie countered smiling softly. “It’s not like you’re in America now, now are you? You don’t have to familiarize yourself with our way of speaking. I’m here for my third week in England trying to make up for the last fifteen years of not speaking the same way as you do. It’s just going to take some getting used to. I’ll be confused for a little while I bet.”

“It’s really not all that different, really,” Remus told her as he looked up from his half way finished Muggle Studies essay. He glanced off to the side towards a table diagonal from them and saw two seventh year Ravenclaw boys sitting at the table by themselves, both sitting facing Remus. One of them he recognized to be Cory Lyons and the other he only knew by face. Remus knew that they were nice boys, but he couldn’t help but feel a little mad at the way that they were blatantly talking about Addie seeing how they wouldn’t stop looking at her. Why did everyone seem to think it was okay to stare at her?

Addie was just getting started on her Ancient Runes essay due later that week as she brought out a new quill from her bag that was on top of the table. She didn’t bother putting it on the floor, it was too much of a hassle to lean over and grab something. “I know, I just don’t like feeling stupid if I accidently say the wrong thing,” she declared as she looked Remus in the eyes.

If someone asked her, she wouldn’t hesitate to say that Remus was attractive. He had a defined jaw with a ghost of facial hair that had been shaved off and a straight, pointed nose that turned up slightly at the end. His eyes were a light brown, but were usually not seen under his light brown hair that hung in and around his face like curtains; to draw away attention from the scars she presumed. She liked his hair the most she mused, seeing as how she could picture herself running her hand through his hair; it was the shade of a light milk chocolate and turned into light waves and loose curls at the ends. His hair was too long and heavy to be combed forward like other boys, but it barely reached the top of his shoulders, so it was swept to the side, only letting half of his face show when he wasn’t looking down or pushing it out of the way.

The only problem with her finding Remus attractive was the part where he was already closer to her than anyone in the whole school, and he didn’t even know it. Well, maybe it wasn’t the only problem, the other problem was that she didn’t fall for the intelligent, insecure, nice boys. She usually fell for the semi-smart, egotistical, bad boys; a category that Remus definitely didn’t fall into. So she was confused as to why she was feeling this attraction in the first place. This was by no means a crush; to her there was a difference between crushes and attractions. You could be attracted to someone, but not like their personality at all, which was the category that most boys fell into with her. But a few of these small attractions could lead to an inevitable crush and a crush on Remus was not somewhere she wished to go at all. And if the ever obvious fluttering in her stomach was any sign of attraction, she was doomed.

“I think your obvious American accent would signal the person that you aren’t originally from this country,” Remus teased slightly with half a smile on his face.

Cue said fluttering.

“Fine, what if I spoke with an English accent?” she asked with an English accent and continued on the same way. “Can you tell that I’m faking it?”

“No, actually you’re pretty good at it,” Remus admitted with a shy smile. He liked her American accent better, with the hint of French (now that he knew that the unknown language was) woven into it.

“Thanks, love,” she beamed, carrying on with her English accent and her shoulders shrugging. She stopped with her accent and asked Remus a serious question, “Hey, Remus, is scrubber a bad thing to be called?”

Remus’ face screwed up slightly, almost as if he ate something sour. “Yes,” he replied mildly, while having the slight feeling to punch the person who called her that name. “Who called you that?”

“Oh, no one special,” she responded calmly as she examined her nails with a humorless laugh. “I was just in the bathroom earlier and heard some girls talking about me. They ran out as soon as they saw me come out of the stall. So what does it mean?”

“It just isn’t a nice term,” he answered, trying to skirt around the direct meaning, but she was still silently waiting. “It’s kind of worse than being called a slag.”

“And slag means…slut, right?” Remus nodded slowly.

“So I’ve only been here for a week and people are already calling me a slut. Just peachy,” she said sarcastically. Addie sighed heavily as she slumped in her chair. “You know, this is why I prefer spending my time with boys; girls get all bitchy and talk about you behind your back all the time, even if you’re their best friend. And boys are so much less complicated.”

Remus felt bad about Addie’s victimization from the other girls. He knew that other girls might not like her, based upon the fact that she was a Slytherin and, yes, she did grab most of the attention of most of the boys because she was now easily one of the prettiest girls at Hogwarts. She wasn’t even here for two weeks and people were already talking about her like she was the school’s biggest whore.

“Don’t worry about what they say,” Remus said in an effort to cheer her up as he leant forward and placed his chin in his hand. He picked up his quill and began writing a new sentence. Remus then muttered unintentionally, “They’re probably all jealous anyway.”

Of course Addie heard him. “Jealous of what?” she asked her eyebrows raising. “The fact that I have to make new friends or the fact that I have to get used to being in a whole new country?”

Remus flushed lightly, she was waiting for him to elaborate on his little slip up. “Well, you’re very…” he paused feeling foolish under her gaze. He was really pulling for some Gryffindor courage at the moment. Remus decided it would be better if he just said it all rather quickly, “…Attractive and the other girls are obviously jealous of the attention that you’re getting from being new and from the blokes. They feel threatened by you.”

Her? Attractive?

“Shhhh!”

Both Remus and Addie instantly turned their heads at the sound. Standing beside their desk was the librarian. She was old and thin with a bird like, sullen face. She had many wrinkles and gray-white hair that was pulled back into a high bun (reminiscent of McGonagall’s similar hairstyle). Her beady eyes were narrowed upon the two teenage werewolves.

“The library is no place for socializing!” she whispered fiercely.

“Sorry, Madam,” Remus apologized in a whisper. “We’ll be quiet.”

“I expected better from you, Mister Lupin,” she criticized with a glare. Then they both watched her walk away towards a table filled with young Hufflepuffs behind Remus’ back.

“Madam Pince, right?” Addie asked in a whispered as she watched the old lady berate the Hufflepuffs on the mess they were creating with her books and grimaced slightly at the sight of the frightened Hufflepuffs.

Remus nodded before turning forward. “She puts some nasty spells on some of the books to make sure they don’t get kept for too long,” he informed her.

“Where exactly does she think we’re going to go with these books? Surely there’re tracking spells that she could use,” Addie said.

“She probably gets more of a thrill from frightening a student to bring back her books,” Remus reasoned. He chuckled as he remembered a bit of information that he remembered. “Do you know Filch?”

“I think I’ve seen him, the creepy old guy with the hunch back?” she whispered back with interest.

Remus laughed softly and nodded quickly. “They say that they both have some sort of aff-”

“Shit,” Addie suddenly blurted out as she saw Pince walking back towards them with a mighty mean look on her face. “Pince’s coming.”

By the time she finished her sentence and looked down at her barely started Ancient Runes essay, Pince was beside their desk once again.

“If I have to come back here one more time and ask you to be quiet, I will be forced to ask you two to remove yourselves from the library immediately,” she hissed, a scowl firmly set upon her face. The librarian promptly turned and walked away quickly.

Addie laughed and whispered with a grin, “I think we should be quiet now.” Remus just chuckled and nodded in response before getting back to his essay.

It wasn’t for another thirty-five minutes when Addie sighed happily and dropped her quill onto the table.

“How did you do that?” Remus questioned.

“Do what?”

“You didn’t even look at the book at all, you just kept writing,” Remus pointed out, confused as how she could write an essay to translate any runes without looking back at the text to make sure it was all correct. From all the times Remus had flipped through his book for quotes or reassurance, he did not once see her even glance at the book she had open beside her. Then again most of the time his eyes moved to where her teeth were biting her bottom lip like he had seen in the Leaky Cauldron, but that was beside the point.

Addie simply smiled at him and then tapped the side of her head. “You’re forgetting that I have photographic memory,” she reminded him. “I remember almost everything I read, from page numbers to direct quotes and book versions; which is good for learning foreign languages and Ancient Runes. I also have a good habit of remembering faces as well. Both come in handy frequently.” Remus nodded in understanding as she leaned forward and took a glance at his book and essay. “Muggle studies, what’re you writing about?” she asked.

“We’re currently studying all the inventions that Thomas Edison made,” he replied. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the two Ravenclaw boys standing up and gathering their belongings.

“Good ‘ol Tommy,” she joked with a laugh.

“Indeed,” he answered as he watched the boys walk towards their table. Remus held back the want to give them an annoyed glance.

Addie, seeing Remus’ looking at something behind her, turned to look at what he was looking at. As soon as she turned, she was met with two boys that she had met just last week.

“’Ello Addie,” greeted Cory with a grin.

“Hi, Addie,” said the other.

Addie smiled pleasantly at them. “Hey, Cory. Hey, Justin,” she greeted back.

“So are you going to sit at the Ravenclaw table with us again tonight?” Cory asked with a flirty smile as he sat back upon the table, deliberately trying to cover Remus from her view in which he failed in doing since Addie could still see Remus perfectly well. Remus was now glaring slightly at the back of Cory’s head.

“Aw, I’m sorry, Cory,” she replied as she leaned rightward against her hand beside her cheek that was propped up on the table. “I already promised Evan that I was going to sit with him tonight.” She leaned over and whispered jokingly with a smirk, “And you know how he gets when he doesn’t get his way.”

“The high and mighty Rosier doesn’t always need to get his way now does he?” Cory suggested as he wiggled his eyebrows a little. Addie could see Remus roll his eyes and gave an inaudible scoff. She smiled at his actions.

“I don’t break promises,” Addie told him in a matter of fact tone as she leaned back to the right.

“Surely you could fit us Ravenclaws into your schedule somewhere,” he pleaded as he faked a pout. Remus stared at the back of Cory’s head shamelessly with a look of disbelief. Cory was coming off needy and annoying in his opinion.

Addie smiled lightly, “I’ll sit at your table for lunch tomorrow. Deal?”

“Deal,” he agreed with a large grin across his face. He pushed away from the table. Cory winked as he bid her goodbye and left the library with Justin by his side.

“Surely you could fit us friendship seeking friends into your schedule somewhere,” Remus mocked in a voice that nearly matched Cory’s and flipped a page of his book.

“Shut up,” she admonished, a smile threatening to break out with a light blush on her cheeks. She grabbed her broken quill and threw it at his chest. Remus laughed as he caught it against his chest. “If I’m not mistaken, Mister Lupin, you still have an essay to finish.”

Remus just shook his head with a laugh and went back to work on his essay. Addie had grabbed a random book off the shelf behind her; she did not feel like leaving the library yet, Remus was pleasant company. He stayed quiet when silence was need and he talked when a conversation brewed.

“Finally. Finished,” Remus said with a grin as he sat back and stretched his neck. He turned and glanced at a clock on the wall. “It’s almost time for dinner and I have to put my bag back in the tower.” With a sigh he began to pack up his things as Addie mutely copied his actions with a nod and put the book that she was reading back on the shelf.

They both slung their backpacks over their shoulders and held onto their robe in their arms. They then walked out of the library side by side in silence and headed for the staircases.

“So I guess I’ll see you later then,” Remus said as he gave her a small smile.

“I’ll go with you up to the tower if you want,” Addie offered, shrugging her shoulders. “I didn’t plan on dropping off my stuff, so essentially I have fifteen minutes of free time to fill up.” She smiled softly.

“Sure,” Remus grinned. He dropped his smile and then quickly added, “Only if you want to of course.”

“I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t want to,” she told him with a smile as she headed to the direction of the Gryffindor tower. “Besides I’d rather get there when all the food’s out and everyone has their mouths too stuffed with food to notice me.”

“Ah, so you have an ulterior motive for coming with me,” he pointed out as he walked along side Addie and up the stairs.

“Not exactly,” she flimsily said. She then gave him a large grin and stated, “I’m fitting a friendship seeking friend into my schedule.”

Remus laughed. It was the sort of laugh that was light but fit along perfectly with his baritone like voice. It made Addie’s stomach flip-flop; it was the definition of the Remus Lupin laugh. This laugh was not held back from trying to be quiet or laughing because he was supposed to, it was an uncontained laugh that was sincere.

They easily fell into a conversation about Hogwarts, mainly him asking her how she was liking it so far, and him answering any questions that she may have had.

A good eight minutes later they were outside of the Gryffindor Tower. Remus let her wait outside this time as he quickly ran inside to drop off his bag.

She stood opposite the portrait hole and waited for Remus to come out. Not thirty seconds after Remus had disappeared behind the portrait had a small group of three seventh year girls appeared from where Remus had just been.

“What are you doing out here?” one of them had asked in a snooty voice. All three of them eyed the new girl in the Slytherin robes as they stood side by side in front of her.

“I’m waiting for my friend,” she replied smoothly. She then raised her eyebrows. “Not as if it’s any of your business.”

“What Gryffindor, in their right mind, would befriend the Slytherin slag?” asked the one in the middle in disgust.

“Probably the only one who doesn’t let prejudice hinder their judgment,” she replied in an annoyed fashion. “Unlike the rest of you chauvinistic pigs.” The three girls didn’t notice the portrait open from behind them and Remus, without his robe over his required uniform, stepping out behind them with a confused look.

“Seeing as there are three of us and one of you, and you’re up by the Gryffindor Tower, I think you aren’t in the position of saying such things, Ferrari,” the one of the right chided.

Remus had seen Addie’s stony expression and after hearing what one of the girls was saying, he immediately knew that this was not a friendly conversation. He quietly made his way around the three girls and made his appearance next to Addie. “Is there a problem here, ladies?” he asked in a professional tone.

The three girls were slightly surprised that Remus had shown up. “Nothing at all, Remus,” the one in the middle replied nicely. “We’re just a having a little friendly conversation.”

Remus nodded unconvinced. “Okay then,” he murmured before turning to Addie. “Come on, let’s go.”

Addie smiled thankfully at him and began walking away with him. She turned around and smirked at the girls, the one in the middle had her jaw dropped slightly. “Nice talking to you girls,” she said sweetly. “We should do it again sometime.”

Once they were a good distance away Remus asked, “So what happened?”

“Nothing really,” she said flippantly with a wave of her hand. “They were just asking me why I was out there. I told them that I was waiting for a friend and they said, and I quote, ‘What Gryffindor, in their right mind, would befriend the Slytherin slag?’. Then, I told them that you were the only nice one in Gryffindor and the rest of them are just bigoted idiots. And then you heard what they said before you intervened. It was such a lovely conversation.”

“Well, you know that Gryffindors and Slytherins aren’t known for their friendliness towards each other,” he responded wryly. “Had that been James or Sirius about four days ago, things probably would’ve gotten uglier.”

“Do you think they’re still going to be treating me like every other Slytherin? Or will they actually see me as a person now?” she questioned curiously. Addie didn’t want to spend months just trying to get the boys to act at least remotely pleasant to her; especially since they were going to be spending at least nine full moon nights together. Thankfully she had met them at Diagon Alley, or else they would most likely not give her a second thought of friendship, and she must have done something right for them to like her back then.

“They just need some time, I think,” Remus replied slowly as they made their way slowly down the stairs. “They usually aren’t used to Slytherins who are actually nice and friendly.”

Addie nodded. “Understandable. I just don’t want to be wasting my breath on a lost cause.”

Remus chuckled and shook his head. “Of course they can be stubborn, like most Gryffindors, so it’ll take patience until they fully trust you.”

Addie gave a sad smile as they went down another set of stairs. “I wouldn’t blame them,” she said softly. “I wouldn’t trust the new girl who seemed to be nice and then was sorted into the house full of the cunning and conniving.”

“Being sly or conniving isn’t the only trait that makes someone a Slytherin. I mean, take Peter for example,” Remus explained. “He isn’t the bravest person out there, obviously, but that’s one of the main qualities perceived for being a Gryffindor and he got in. So there are evidently other attributes to a person that makes them fall under a certain house. So I’m sure that there are other traits in you that got you into Slytherin. I’m sure being conniving is not a prerequisite.”

There was a small pause that filtered its way into the conversation. The two teens glanced at each other, meeting each other’s eyes for a second before looking ahead with small smiles on their faces.

“Thanks,” Addie told him with as they stepped into the Entrance Hall. Remus did not say anything in reply, just nodded and held the smile firmly on his face.

Addie sighed as they neared the open, large doors. “I’ll see you later, Remus,” Addie told him as they passed through the doorway. Remus nodded and smiled kindly before saying goodbye and before heading towards the Gryffindor table, watched for a brief second as Addie turned and walked towards the Slytherin table.