This Animal I've Become

January 12th, 1976

“It isn’t safe for her here anymore,” the woman said quietly with a light, barely noticeable French accent, to the tall, old man standing beside her who donned a long white beard and half-moon spectacles.

Both were watching the center of the room. They stood side by side in a large, fairly lit, room; it was large enough to easily fit a football field. Currently, the room looked like a grassy field, but often transformed to look like a forest or desert, practically any setting in any element a person could think of. The walls were covered with various scorch marks on walls from spells that had missed their target. Along the wall to their right was a group of men, and very few women, lined up with their backs against the wall, facing the center of the room. In the center was a young looking girl and a man in his mid twenties dueling each other.

The man nodded thoughtfully, “And you believe sending off your daughter to another, even more dangerous, country is going to help?”

“I have my reasons,” she replied pushing her blonde hair, which was starting to gray with age, back over her shoulder. The woman was not very tall (but nor was she short either), only reaching the man’s eyes, and wore a set of decent, dark navy robes. Both sets of blue eyes met each other’s momentarily; the woman’s icier than her company’s. “Going to England would be last place he’d expect to find her. Why go to the one place where he’s the strongest?”

“There is logic in that thought,” he replied and waited in the small silence for the woman to continue with her reasoning. If he was going to help this woman out with a risky task, she was going have to give him better reasons than that.

“I want her to have a normal life, interact with other teenagers like her,” she said slowly. “I want her to be able to choose her own path. I don’t want her to be following in my footsteps or running away all the time.” The woman sighed heavily, “Professor Dumbledore, this will be her last chance to stop running once and for all. I just want her to be herself…because I’m afraid that she doesn’t even know who she is either.”

Dumbledore nodded once again, a bit more sadly this time. “And if she chose to fight, Miss Johnson,” he asked slowly, “would you be opposed in her doing so? From what I believe, we need all the talent and willing wizards we can get.”

The woman known as Johnson closed her eyes momentarily. She knew her own daughter well enough to know what she would do if given the option. “Yes,” she replied before opening her eyes. “But I know her; she would not pass up the chance to fight if given the choice. Although, I would like to emphasize upon my one request to not let her do so until she is fully ready.”

“I agree completely,” Dumbledore said in reply before a silence fell between them once again. “Tell me how she could be an asset to the Order,” he asked in just above a whisper.

She nodded slowly, thinking about her daughter’s strong points. “She’s obviously quite the dueler,” she replied gesturing towards the now finished duel that had the man limping away slowly. Johnson carried on, sounding as if she was being interviewed and needed to list all of her strengths to seem appealing to her interviewer. “She can take on about two at a time; depending on the wizards’ skills of course. Three wizards if their skills are below decent. I’ve been encouraging her ever since she was young to use wandless magic – when she started showing signs of it – so she’s been improving greatly there. And she’s steadily been doing better at nonverbal spells…I’ve taught her everything I know…

“She can be silent in the quietest places and is fast when it comes to striking. I’ve taught her hand to hand combat and how to use muggle weapons. She’s always on guard, using her senses whenever possible. She’s mentally and physically strong and usually has her emotions in check; it’s rare to find her acting upon her feelings only. She can adapt easily and quickly to any situation. She’s a thinker, methodical in her thoughts and plans. She’s smart and dedicated. Always tries to put the operation before herself. And she can-” The abruptly stopped herself from going any further. Johnson glanced at Dumbledore who gave her a nod.

“As a mother, I do not wish to admit this about my own child,” she confessed, “but she has the ability to seduce even the strongest of men; even the older, married men. She knows how to play the game of seduction well.”

Dumbledore nodded once again as he watched the young girl start up another duel with another man in the center of the room. “Although it may pain you to hear me say it,” Dumbledore said cautiously, “but I feel that your daughter is just what we need.”

The woman’s expression was grim as she sighed in defeat. “You mean to say that I’ve unknowingly raised the perfect killer,” the woman muttered darkly, ashamed of what she made her daughter become. Her daughter, her own flesh and blood, had not asked for this.

“Killer?” he doubted as he shook his head. “No, I do not think so. She is purely a soldier, almost ready for battle. A killer only feels insatiable hunger who cannot tell what’s deemed wrong from right; a soldier feels remorse and knows right from wrong, although what they do might not always be right.

“If the Order had fifty versions of your daughter, I’m sure this war would be over quickly and quietly. Believe me, I would not think about accepting her so soon if I did not feel that this battle we’re fighting wasn’t getting worse with each day that passes.”

He paused for a second before continuing, “If she chooses, I will take her to Hogwarts. There she will be able to decide whether or not she wishes to continue with this life or decide to let it go. Though, I have my doubts that she would agree to turn away from everything she’s ever known.”

“That’s what I fear as well,” Johnson agreed solemnly. “I fear that she does not know how to slow down or live without the fear of someone finding out what she is and having to run off.”

Dumbledore was silent as they both watched the duel continue in front of them. Flashes of different colored lights reflected upon his glasses. “I have a young man at my school already, her age actually,” Dumbledore said. “He is also a werewolf, bitten at a young age. Do you foresee any problems with having them transform in the same place?”

Johnson was quiet for a few seconds before answering. “It all depends,” she said. “If he was bitten by someone who still carries the ways of the elders, it should be fine. If not, she should still be okay. She knows how to deal with other werewolves.”

“Good, good,” Dumbledore mumbled.

The woman looked at her watch. “The session’s over,” she stated. “I’ll bring her over for you to talk to.”

Dumbledore nodded and watched as the woman took down their shield and walked towards the duelers. Johnson dismissed the people along the wall and brought the young girl in Dumbledore’s direction. In a matter of seconds the girl was standing in front of him with her mother at her side. She had long blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, flawless pale skin that was hued red from exertion, and light brown eyes. Her clothes, which were not robes, were rumpled and torn up slightly from spells that had just barely missed their target. There was very blood splattered on the opened tears, but the cuts were already healed. She stood at a height higher than her mother, almost meeting Dumbledore’s own height. From the moment she got within arm’s reach, Dumbledore could tell that she had placed glamour spells on herself.

“You must be Megan Johnson,” Dumbledore greeted pleasantly and stuck out a hand for her to shake.

The girl eyed the hand for a second before reaching out and shaking it. “Professor Dumbledore, I presume,” she replied.

Dumbledore nodded, “Might I ask we speak in a more private room?”

Both women nodded at him and turned to lead him out of the room. They exited through a pair of heavy metal doors and walked through various hallways. Many people had nodded in acknowledgement to the two women as they wove around other workers in the building. Unlike the Ministry of Magic, this capital building was more up to date with the times, using cement, metal, and dry wall to create their workplace, giving the room a more modern feel to it.

After a minute of walking they had headed up two flights of stairs. The mother had led them down a rather busy hallway with nine office doors, four on each side and one at the end. The hallway was made wider than the other floors due to waiting chairs that were placed outside some of the doors. There was one haggard and dirty man slouching in one of these chairs, a guard at his side, with a pair of magical cuffs around his ankles tying him to the chair and magical binds woven around his wrists. He glared at the mother as she walked by, eyed Dumbledore warily, and leered at Megan while letting his eyes stray over her. “Eyes off her, Kilpin,” the mother scolded and with a wave of her wand his head had snapped to the side like he had just been slapped in the face.

They all made their way to the very last door straight ahead of them, which adorned a plate stating ‘Pauline Johnson – Head of Magical Law Enforcement’. With her wand, Johnson opened up her office and let her daughter and Dumbledore into the room.

The room was a decent size, longer width wise than it was in length. There was a large wooden desk that sat in the middle with a high-backed chair facing the door. Sunlight poured into the room through the large rectangular window, which took up the whole wall that looked out over the city. There were numerous pieces of paper and files strewn about the surface of the desk. On the desk was a lamp and office supplies, no photos or personal items to be shown. Along the left wall were different sized filing cabinets. A large stack of papers in the back left corner were being magically filed away into the cabinets. The right wall had a skinny, but tall, bookcase that held various legal texts amongst books from other departments that held information that may be necessary. In front of the desk were two maroon, plush armchairs that were tilted towards the desk and window. The room was simple and impersonal.

“I’ll let you two speak privately,” Johnson said, as she stood in the doorway. She then said to Megan, “I’ll be in Monroe’s office if you need me.” The daughter nodded and watched as her mother closed the door.

Megan felt a little awkward standing with the older wizard who happened to be a legend all over the world. She did not feel as confident as usual, but didn’t let her uneasiness show.

Dumbledore took out his wand and quickly cast a silencing spell on the room before turning to the younger girl and gesturing to the two chairs. He waved his wand once more and both chairs turned and faced each other. She nodded at him and made her way to the left chair as he sat in the right.

There was a few seconds of silence before Dumbledore spoke, “If you were to attend Hogwarts, I do not let my students walk around all year disguising their true identities with glamour spells only. It leaves possible room for discovery and consequences, and I will not take that chance; so if you could, please.” He lifted his arm and gestured towards her.

The girl nodded slightly and hesitated a second before taking out her own wand and waving it over herself a few times. In a matter of seconds her blonde hair had darken to a dark brown, her brown eyes into a vibrant, icy blue, and her clear pale skin covered with freckles.

Dumbledore nodded in happiness and smiled lightly. “That was the young lady I was hoping to see,” he commented before he paused slightly. “Your mother has suggested you attend Hogwarts for the next two years for your education.” The girl nodded in understanding. “You would undoubtedly surpass your peers with your education, but that is not why she wants you to go, is it?”

She shook her head. “She doesn’t want me living like the way I have for the rest of my life,” the girl explained with a sad smile.

“And I too, agree with her that you should have a choice over what kind of life you could lead,” Dumbledore said softly, his features showing the seriousness of the situation at hand. “Which is why I have agreed to let you attend my school. Would you accept this offer?”

Megan was silent, mulling over all the pros and cons that she had developed in her head ever since her mother had first proposed this idea. Going to Hogwarts meant that she would have to leave her mother, her rock, behind, and another move meant another clean slate, another reputation to create. These were things that she had built up over a few years. Attending that school also meant that she could finally feel like she belonged somewhere, be with kids her own age; see what being normal was really all about. This also meant she could be closer to the war, closer to the action she was fighting so dearly against.

“Truthfully,” she said hesitantly as she explained, “I’m still torn. Going to Hogwarts is a really wonderful offer and I thank you for that, but I still doubt that I would ever want to stop fighting. To just simply - give up everything I’ve been working for.”

Dumbledore smiled gently at her answer. “I had a feeling that would be your answer,” he replied, a small twinkle shining in his blue eyes. “I have a proposition for you, or a few actually, but I will only tell you after you have made your decision. I do not want to sway your decision in any way, although telling you that I have propositions could have swayed your decision already.” He chuckled lightly as she smiled.

“Before you tell me your decision,” he quickly continued, “I would like clarify a few things.” She nodded for him to continue. “If you chose to attend Hogwarts, I am assuming you will be changing your name again.” Megan nodded again. “And while you are there I implore you to not spend all of your time spent training as you are attending to try and find a way of life away from preparing for a battle. Also as I said before, no using any more glamour spells. Lastly, as much as I would like to show my some of my pupils what they could possibly do at their full potential, I would ask for you to keep your talents to the bare minimum; try to blend in a little with the other students.”

A confused look appeared upon her face. “How would I go about doing that?” she asked.

“Well, essentially,” he started, “you would possibly try to stay out of dueling in the hallways, something that is prohibited by the way, maybe do spells on the second or third try instead of the first, and maybe even try to hide how much information you actually know. Understand?”

Megan nodded slowly. “Basically I just act like I’m learning things for the first time when I actually have already mastered it. Pretend like I don’t have all the skills I’ve developed,” she clarified.

He nodded in reply and waited for her decision. He had a feeling on what she would choose, but did not want to jinx it in any way.

She looked down at her clasped hands in her lap and debated. She thought over everything she had now heard and everything they had spoke about. What would be the harm if she went to Hogwarts? In actuality, the day after her supposed graduation she could come straight back home to her mother. There would be no problems in her leaving if she found that she did not want to be normal and boring. She never thought about what would happen if she had gotten attached to the people there; that thought never crossed her mind.

With a sigh she looked up at Dumbledore, who had been waiting patiently for her answer. “I’ll go to Hogwarts,” she replied firmly, leaving no room for debate.

Dumbledore smiled warmly and nodded pleasantly. “Marvelous,” he replied. “Now, about those propositions…”

Present Day – September 2nd, 1976

Addie had followed Lucy’s directions, as well as following other people, and found the Transfigurations classroom. Upon entering the room, she could see that the room was already almost a third of the way full. There was no chatter that filled up the room, due to the prank, as Addie stepped even further in and began to look for a good seat. She chose an empty desk near the middle of the room and off to the side a little more. She chose the right side of the desk. There was no reason to try to draw attention to herself; she was the new girl, an outsider.

There were four columns of desks, and five rows. Each was made of dark wood, and seated two students per desk. The wooden chairs were a match to the desks. The walls were bare, but there were a set of windows on the front side of the classroom that faced the Quidditch Pitch. The professor’s desk sat at the front of the room in the middle. It was made of the same dark wood as the student’s desks. There were two large chalk boards side by side in the front and off to the left side. The teacher was nowhere in sight.

The clock on the wall indicated that class was to start in a few minutes and Addie was wondering if all the students usually just happened to slip into class right before the bell or was it just because of the prank that most of the students had not arrived yet.

As more students poured into classroom, Addie felt even more alone than before. Everyone had friends that they could sit with; she felt misplaced in a room full of well-acquainted people. Was this how it felt to be a normal teenager at school? She never had to fret about being the odd man out back home.

She was pulled out of her thoughts when she felt a tap on her left shoulder. Addie looked up to the familiar face of Ricky who smiled warmly. He gestured to the open seat beside her, clearly asking her if it was okay for him to sit there. Addie smiled and nodded her head. He shot her a smile before he sat down quickly and began to take out his supplies.

“You’re not going to sit with Ed?” she asked curiously. Ed seemed to be Ricky’s only connection to others.

Ricky shook his head with a small smile as he took out his belongings and then pointed to where Ed was sitting two rows ahead of them and a desk to the left. Addie looked to see where he was pointing and saw Ed sitting next to another Ravenclaw girl already. Since the girl was sitting in the left seat, facing towards Ed, she was able to see the girl’s features. The girl had pin straight light brown hair at fell to just above her elbows, porcelain skin, high cheek bones, and dark brown eyes.

“Ah, figures he would choose to sit with a pretty girl over his best friend,” Addie commented jokingly as to which Ricky nodded and laughed, but did not reply. “Don’t talk much do you? Met a girl like that yesterday.”

Ricky nodded his head to her question. He then held up a finger, telling her to wait, as he took out a piece of parchment and dipped his quill in his ink bottle. Ricky quickly scribbled across the paper and slid it across the desk when he was finished, it read I usually only talk about schoolwork, Quidditch, and out on the pitch.

Addie read it over and was surprised. “You play Quidditch?” she asked, the surprise was evident in her voice and was portrayed lightly in her face.

He chuckled with a nod. Surprising, I know. People usually don’t take me for a player.

“No kidding,” she replied grinning. “You are a little small. And skinny too, of course.”

Both best features of a seeker, he then answered back with a wider smile.

Addie was about to respond when the door opened and in flew in the flustered teacher; Professor McGonagall Lucy had told her, the one who had done the sorting the night before. “Take your seats everyone, the bell will be ringing shortly,” she said on her way up to the front of the classroom. Everyone who had not yet taken a seat began to find one.

Ricky scribbled something else on the paper and shoved it in front of Addie, You really aren’t all that bad for a Slytherin.

Addie laughed and nodded. “Thanks,” she replied. “I hope you aren’t the only one who sees that I’m not truly evil.”

Suddenly the door banged open quickly. In through the door waltzed the four Marauders, two of them sauntering their way to four of the back seats that were still open with large grins planted on their faces.

“Good morning everyone,” James had boasted in the silent room.

“Blimey, James,” Sirius said with fake enthusiasm as he sat in the back desk to the right of James. “You could hear a wand drop in here.” Remus’ sigh could be heard faintly as he dropped into the seat in front of Sirius and Peter slipped into the one in front of James. “What’s that, Lupin?”

Remus rolled his eyes and replied dryly, “Your wit never ceases to amaze, Sirius.”

Sirius was cut off by the sound of the bell. He could not reply to Remus’ statement because McGonagall had immediately started speaking. “If you boys would please tell us what you have done this year and how long it will last, it would be greatly appreciated,” McGonagall reprimanded quickly.

“Why do you always assume it’s us?” Sirius defended, his fake sincerity could be heard by everyone. “I mean, sure we have a little fun every once and awhile, but to jump to conclusions and say it was us when you have no proof at all is just rubbish.”

“Detention, Mister Black,” she replied sternly. Sirius opened his mouth to respond, but McGonagall had cut him off swiftly, “Tonight, with me, you know the time and place. Now, boys tell me how long the potion will last, Professor Slughorn has already identified that there was a good amount slipped into the drinks and the house elves admitted that there were three boys in the kitchens this morning.”

“Clearly there were three boys,” James pipped up. “There are four of us.” Secretly he was astonished that the house elves had said that there was anyone in the kitchens at all. Then again he did not specify that they could not tell the teachers that there was anybody in there this morning.

“Please do not try and be conniving with me, Potter,” she quickly said as she started to walk slowly down the aisle towards their desks. “Or else you’ll be spending time with Mister Black in detention tonight. Perhaps Mister Pettigrew or Lupin will be kind enough to tell me what I would like to know.”

“We didn’t do it, Professor,” Remus spoke up. Addie had mentally commended Remus for his straight face, genuine tone, and un-fidgety behavior. He was as almost as good of a liar as she was. Almost, she was the best.

“As brave as you are to lie to a professor to protect yourself and your friends, Mister Lupin,” McGonagall explained, her eyes narrowing in on all four of the boys, “there are hysterical first years who have no idea what is going on and are scared to death about being here. They believe that the food is poisoned, and I wouldn’t be surprised if they chose to starve themselves rather than eat.” Sirius and James couldn’t help but snicker at the image of little first years freaking out.

“On the other hand,” McGonagall said as she stepped to the side of Peter’s desk, “seeing how all four of you are not under the effects of the potion, I have reasonable cause to hold you after class.” Leaving no room for argument, she promptly turned on her heel and strode back to the front of the room.

Addie had smiled along with Ricky beside her. It was funny to see the boys being punished by a teacher. They acted as if they ruled the school, but a few minutes with a professor, they would be reminded of where they actually stood. They weren’t always going to be invincible in the real world and their tongue in cheek attitudes were not going to cut it either.

The rest of the class rolled by quite slowly, McGonagall had planned on basically telling the class about what the rest of the year was going to be like and what they were going to cover. If students had questions they were forced to write them down on a piece of parchment and let McGonagall read it off the paper. The speech had not taken up a lot of time, so the rest of the class period was spent trying to use a nonverbal spell to change a match into a needle, something they had done their first year. If they had completed that task successfully, they were able to move on to changing beetles into buttons. Addie had done both quickly and successfully, although she did take a few tries to complete the tasks. Even with a few staged stumbles, she still had been the first to get done in class, receiving a pleasant praise from McGonagall and curious gazes as well as light glares.

After the class had ended, Addie made her way down to the Entrance Hall with Ricky and Ed, who was finally joining them, along with the girl he had been sitting with before. She had learned the girl’s name was Annalise Morgan or Anna. Addie had then introduced them all to Lucy, who had gotten quiet around them, before heading off to her potions class, leaving Addie in good hands.

Addie had a lot of classes with the three Ravenclaws, but had Herbology, Charms, and Arithmancy with Ed only. But she would not be with any of them in her Care of Magical Creatures class seeing how they had all dropped the class.

As the day had slowly winded down, Addie had started greeting more and more people in her year. Addie was also introduced to many of the students in the year above and below. She had even become well-acquainted with the Bloody Baron and had a run in with Peeves in the following days. Over the first week of being at the school she had actually felt welcomed, even though she was a Slytherin.

She had a feeling that Ed, Ricky, and Anna must have told people that she wasn’t actually all that bad and to give her a chance. Merlin knows that the boys didn’t have to be told twice. The Slytherin girls did not give her much trouble like she thought they would, but she had not talked to them much since she was talking to everyone else so much. Not like she wanted to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with Susan any time soon though. Addie still talked to the boys in Slytherin more than the girls, and met one seventh year that gave her the creeps named Antonin Dolohov; she felt violated by his eyes.

The four Gryffindor boys she had befriended during the summer still had not talked to her; they upheld the Gryffindor Slytherin rivalry to the T. Actually none of the Gryffindors had ever gone out of their way to make her feel accepted. This was something she had not expected from the timid Hufflepuffs, who tended to stay away from the Slytherins, but was pleasantly surprised when they began to welcome her a little later in the week.

During breakfast on the first official Sunday that completed the first week of school, while sitting with Ed, Ricky and Lucy at the Ravenclaw table, Addie had received a note by owl from Professor Dumbledore. The note was reminding her of their mandatory meeting after breakfast and gave her the password as well.

Telling her new friends of her meeting soon, she had quickly bid them a goodbye and headed towards Dumbledore’s office.