The Wonder of You

Emmett smiled when he saw Paula fall on the floor in his window. It wasn’t that he was happy about the fact that she had just hurt herself, but he was happy that she had hurt herself trying to get into his room.

Paula stood up off the floor and walked over to him she was going to let him have it, “You insufferable, selfish, son of a bitch! You have no idea what you put me through this past year,” Emmett opened his mouth but was silenced by Paula screaming, “Shut your mouth! This is not your time to speak, it’s my TIME!”

Emmett shut his eyes tight, not wanting to see the look on Paula’s face as she screamed at him. Paula breathed deeply the blood pulsing through her veins in an unnaturally fast pace.

“How dare you have left me at the alter like that,” she asked him angrily.

Emmett stared at her and responded, “I didn’t leave you, Rosalie stopped the wedding!”

“Shut up! Don’t put this on her, this all on YOU! This is all YOUR FAULT! You hear me?”

“But she showed up,” he countered.

“I don’t give a fuck if she showed up! She should’ve never had a reason to show up you bastard! Fuck. Do you not how bad I felt when I was up there, our happily ever after within my grasp and then all of a sudden it all crumbles DOWN! And the worst part is that you didn’t even come after ME! You didn’t chase me down that aisle; you loosened your grip and let me escape! YOU LET ME LEAVE!”

“I THOUGHT THAT’S WHAT YOU WANTED,” he shouted back.

“How dare you think that, that was WHAT I WANTED! I wanted you to chase after me, to slam the fucking car door and tell me that I wasn’t ever gonna leave YOUR SIDE! I wanted you to stand in that church and tell her that it was over between the two of you, and to tell her to leave and never LOOK BACK! That’s what I wanted, but you didn’t give me SHIT! You forgot about me so EASILY!”

“I forgot about YOU?! You got jokes now.”

“I got no jokes, NOT FOR YOU!”

“Really? Last time I checked you were the one fucking JAMES!”

“What did you want me to wallow me in my own misery while you were off with ROSALIE!?”

Emmett grew quiet; he couldn’t tell her that that was exactly what he had wanted her to do.

He couldn’t tell her that he had secretly hoped that she would be miserable without him and never find love, even though he had Rosalie by his side.

Paula was fuming, but she was beginning to feel better. She realized that keeping all your feelings bottled up inside was not a good way to manage one’s emotions. She was angered by the fact that he had no comeback for her question

“You weren’t even there at the hospital after I almost died. You didn’t visit me ONCE!”

“The greasers and your family were there I didn’t want to cause any more problems!”

“I know for a fact that they weren’t in there with me 24/7. Most of the times I was by myself at night. Why didn’t you go then? Why didn’t you at least go watch me sleep even if that was all you did! I know you could get into my room if you really wanted too, but you didn’t because I wasn’t important to you.”

“DON’T YOU EVER SAY THAT! You are the most important thing, object, being, substance, thought in my existence.”

“Then why didn’t you go after me? Why?”

Emmett had no answer for that question.

In his mind he blamed it all on Rosalie, on the fact that she had shown up and ruined his wedding; but in his heart; in his heart he knew that she had nothing to do with it.

In his heart he knew that the only reason he didn’t run after Paula; the only reason why he didn’t visit her in the hospital; the only reason why he hadn’t gone after her when she had gone on the road was because he was scared.

Scared, that isn’t something that Emmett has ever been.

He wasn’t scared when they went after James.

He wasn’t scared when they fought the army of newborns and Victoria.

He wasn’t even scared when the Volturi had visited them to check if Nessie was an immortal child.

But ever since he met Paula, he was scared.

He was scared of draining her, of her crying, of her being hurt, of hurting her with his strength, of losing control, of her walking away, but most of all he was scared of not being enough for her . . . of not being good enough for her.

Paula broke down in a fit of tears; all she wanted to know was why he didn’t go after her. She didn’t give a damn about the fact that everyone said that Emmett was a mess without her all she cared about was knowing why he hadn’t followed her.

Why he had let her leave so easily.

Emmett stepped forward, wanting to hold Paula in his arms, but she put her hand out and shook her head fiercely.

“I just want to know why. Don’t I deserve that much, Emmett? Don’t I deserve to know why you never came after me? Why you didn’t find me while I went up and down the coast?! Why didn’t you drag me back here and tell me that I am your woman and HAVE NO RIGHT TO LEAVE YOUR SIDE!”

No answer.

“You think that just because I’m a greaser, that just because I beat people up and have killed a couple people that I have no heart, that I have no soul? How dare you. How dare you treat me like I have no feelings?! How dare you treat me as if I don’t deserve an answer for your conduct towards me. You don’t see what you’ve done to me. LOOK AT ME! I’m a mess . . . I’m a mess.”

“Paula . . .”

“You’ve broken me Emmett. Was that your plan all along? To make me fall head over heels in love with you? To have me rip my heart out of my chest and give it to you on a silver platter for you to just cast it aside as if it meant nothing to you?”

“No.”

“You are a monster.”

Emmett’s eyes grew wide at that, had she finally realized the gravity of his being a vampire meant?

Paula saw his eyes widened and realized that he must have thought that she was calling him a monster because he is a vampire so she clarified.

“You aren’t a monster because you’re a vampire. You’re a monster because you don’t take anyone else’s emotions into consideration! All you care about is making yourself happy, you don’t care about who you hurt on the path to your happiness!”

“That’s not true!”

“It’s not true? Tell me then why didn’t tell your MATE Rosalie about me. I think she deserved to know what was going on here while she was away. Imagine how she felt when she found out that you were getting married, that you were going to turn a human because you wanted to spend eternity with them and not her! And then me, I was the other woman the whole time. I just don’t get how you could do that. Not you Emmett, I expect that kind of crap from other people, from Scorpions but not you . . . never you.”

“I’m a selfish bastard I know that, but I love you. I love you more than I’ve ever anyone in my entire existence. When you were gone I felt like dying. I felt like going to Italy and having the Volturi rip me apart and burn me. I love you so much, that it hurts. It hurts to know that you’re hurting and worse yet, to know that I’m the one that’s put you through all this pain.”

Paula was taken aback by his words, and her heart felt as if it was being squeezed when she saw Emmett crying.

Of course Emmett, wasn’t literally crying, vampires don’t cry, but he was sitting there with venom welling in his eyes and making sobbing noises.

Part of Paula wanted to run over to him, wrap her arms around his neck, and attack with kisses to make him feel better.

But she couldn’t do that, she was a Lombardi and like all the Lombardi’s that have ever walked Cherryville’s streets, she was a very proud person; her pride is her greatest flaw.

Back in the 1930’s she had an uncle that was so proud, that when another man held his fiancee’s hand he broke off the wedding, because he felt she was “tainted.”

He died alone and angry, but he was somewhat happy because he had ruined that woman more than he had ruined himself.

Emmett grabbed Paula’s hand like a begging child and said, “Please tell me what I can do to make this up to you.”

Paula looked at him and knew what she was about to say was going to break her heart into a million pieces and ruin the rest of her life, but one thing made doing it easier was that Emmett didn’t have a life to be in pain, he had all of eternity.

She glared at him and said, “There’s nothing you could ever do to make me want to be with you ever again.”