What Has Become Of Me?

When reality hits me with the first glimpse of the morning sun many things become obvious; the first being that I am definitely not waking up in the same place that I last remember being. Tall ancient trees tower above me. The land beneath me is damp and covered in debris shed by the trees. It is dark as the massive branches obscure the sunlight attempting to pierce through their swaying leaves. Another obvious thing is that I am definitely not wearing the clothing I had been wearing before all memory was stripped from me, leaving last night as a simple gap in my mind. I didn’t need to glance down at myself to know that I am not wearing the cloths I should have been because I felt completely naked as I lay still on the forest floor in the cool breeze. The last and most chilling fact is that the reality I have been running from for a year now, has finally caught up with me. Not only has it caught me, it has knocked me down with a blow that shattered everything that I had once hoped for. There was no more running from the truth, because now, it has captured me and I’ll never find a release from its grasp. The truth is I’m not human. I am just like my mother, even though I have prayed all year, since discovering the possibility of what I am, that I was more like my human father. I shivered as the early morning breeze ruffled my long brown hair that has natural gold highlights from days in the sun. It wasn’t the cold that is making me now wrap my arms around my exposed body; it was the chilling thought that this is going to be my life forever. I am just as much a wolf as I am a human, just like my mother.

Last night is hard to remember, but my adoptive parents had told me it would be like this. A year ago they had sat me down and explained everything. They had told me that my biological parents had been captured, tortured before being murdered. All that had happened because of what they were, the love they shared and the forbidden daughter, me, they had given birth to. No werewolf was to have offspring with a human; every wolf knew this rule. It was the only rule where no exceptions were made. It’s apparently a miracle that my biological parents had reached my adoptive parents, Marcus and Louise, before they were captured, otherwise I wouldn’t be here today. My adoptive parents had told me that werewolves actually did exist beyond movies and story books. Markus and Louise shared with me the plea my biological parents had made to them. My adoptive parents are both werewolves and they knew what I was, after two hours of begging, pleading and discussion, finally Markus and Louise accepted me as their own. With a solemn goodbye to me, my biological parents disappeared back into the night, only to be captured the very next night when a nearby pack sniffed them out. After I had been told everything, we began to prepare for the possibility of last night, the first full moon after my sixteenth birthday.

I walk over and sit against one of the towering giants that created this heavily wooded area as I wait for the pack. The local pack should be well informed by now that there is a new she-wolf in town. I hear nothing escapes the pack leader Nathan. Their tracker, Dominick, will be hunting me down by now. She-wolves are becoming fewer and fewer. I have no choice in the matter of joining the pack, all I can do is hope they are decent. This town’s pack is six strong and all male. Some packs are so dominate over the she-wolves they encounter, the poor girl becomes nothing more than a sex slave to them. Instinct courses strongly through were-beings, due to this women encounter an issue many animals face that ensures the continuation of the species, and it is referred to as the she-wolf being on heat.

Louise shared with me her experiences with this before she found her mate, Markus. Every three months a need will show itself. At first Louise tried to bury it, but it slowly became more and more painful. First it was a dull throb in her abdomen that became more pronounced when in the presence of male werewolves. By the third day the pain was the only thing she could think about, and in the presence of male wolves it became savage, like a thousand red-hot knives being thrust into her by an unseen being. Male werewolves are lucky enough to escape this experience, but instead they become much more like their wolves when around she-wolves on heat and feel a deep longing to have her. Males become highly territorial and many packs have been ripped apart by uncontrollable war when the werewolves feel the drive to make that she-wolf theirs. I hug my knees to my chest as anticipation begins to make me shake. Now that I’ve passed the first change I’m at what is called the ‘pup stage’; any strong emotions will force my wolf to rip through into form. There is no telling how long my pup stage will last but the shortest recorded was two months.

A howl rips through the trees terrifying me. Dominick has found me and I can only hope he has brought clothing. Privacy will be a thing of the past for me in just a month’s time. Next full moon brings my welcoming to the pack. I will join the pack and the mind-link they share in a ceremony where Nathan will offer me his blood to drink in order for me to officially become one of the pack. I’ll discover if I am lucky enough to just be another wolf of the pack or if I will be forced to become Nathan’s mate. She-wolves don’t get much of a say because while male werewolves are able to break free of the power alpha holds over them, although that isn’t advisable because a wolf must be strong in order to survive as a rouge, she-wolves aren’t able to survive without a male-wolf for longer than three months due to them going on heat. The only way to end the pain is to share a bed with a male werewolf and that is very difficult if you have run away. Rouge wolves are the lowest in the werewolf world because not many people actually want out of their packs but are rather banished by the pack.

A wolf whistle greets me as Dominick strides towards me completely naked having just regained his human form. I grimace at him making sure to only look at his face not downwards along his toned chest that ripples with muscles or his strong build or his; I cut the thought off then returning my eyes to his deep honey eyes.

“Looking good Anika,” Dominick says with a smile as he drops to sit beside me.

“Hi Dominick” I say quietly not enjoying how his eyes occasionally slip from my green ones to trail down my exposed body.

“Welcome to the wild side” he grins, chuckling at his little joke.

“Can we just get home?” I ask desperate to be clothed again.

Dominick frowns.

“You know, we could just stay here” he says moving closer.

I move away trying to cover myself with my hands and failing to do so.

“My wolf is just begging me to pounce on you” he says in a low tone right beside my ear.

Dominick is the only one from the pack that I know. He has normally acted like my big brother but I know now he will never see me the same because through his eyes I can see how his wolf is tearing up his insides just so he can claim me. I had been told this was likely to happen. It has been said half human-half wolf women have caused wars because of how strongly they spark to life the wolf inside werewolf men.

“Stop,” I say firmly and stand up, “just take me to the cabin.”

The cabin is owned by the pack and it is where we store clothing and other things needed after an unexpected change. People can’t go strolling back into town naked if they have changed because of emotions or because they have needed to chase something down. The change is when a wolf that normally lurks inside a werewolf sharing with them wisdom from past generations - survival instinct most humans lack - and its own emotions suddenly jumps into being. A werewolf suddenly changes their entire structure from once being a human being to suddenly walking on four paws. Last night was my first change and I had no control over it; that is why I had been forced to wander through the woods. If I had been at home in civilization when the change occurred, I could have gone on a killing spree.

“Yes, sorry Annie” he apologises jumping to his feet.

Dominick stands a fair distance away to change; it is a very violent event. His change happens with blinding speed, for a twenty two year old he is a very experienced wolf. I won’t be able to voluntarily change until Nathan talks me through it, but before then my wolf will often try to come forward. The sudden sensation of fire rips through my veins and I fall to my knees. Every inch of me aches and feels like in is being compressed. An involuntary scream tears through my being as I wrestle for control with my wolf. She wants to come forward but if she does now I won’t have control, I don’t know how to control myself in wolf form yet. I fall backwards off my knees and onto my back as my spinal column feels a tremor run through it. My wolf is extremely strong. Finally I regain control. I’m sprawled on the ground panting with silent tears left on my face as Dominick stares down at me with a very concerned expression. He’s in his wolf form and he licks my nose gently as a silent gesture of comfort. I cough feeling my throat is raw from the scream; I don’t normally scream. Once my breathing is once again in control I pet Dominick’s head. This agony will follow me until the alpha helps me through a change. Without the alpha’s help I will be stuck in my pup stage and experiencing these moments when my wolf wrestles for control.

I get to my feet and looked at the massive wolf that stood before me. It was closer to the size of a horse rather than a wolf. His grey coat shimmered in the small patches of sunlight that broke through. Dominick’s eyes remained the same honey colour even in his wolf form and revealed the human intelligence working with this giant creature. I watched as his eyes travelled from my face and downwards making me instantly feel in need of a long shower. A low growl rumbles through his chest and my wolf perks up knowing that it was far from a warning.

“Pervert” I mutter as I approach him.

He makes noise similar to a bark and the tone tells me it is his form of laughter. I slap his shoulder but then regret it as my hand hurts. His shoulder, well in fact his entire form, is rock hard with muscles.

“Kneel down so I can climb up” I command knowing my only way back to the cabin will be a ride on this giant wolf’s back.

Dominick licks the hand I injured hitting him before following my instruction.

“You big softy” I mutter as I climb onto his back.

Without warning Dominick begins running. I clutch at his silky fur as his massive body pushes us forward to speeds of at least 100km/h. Trees rush past in a blur. I close my eyes and bury my head into his back. What is his rush? Just as suddenly as he began running, he skids to a halt almost throwing me from his back. I slide down from his back feeling slightly nauseous. Just because I could probably run faster than him in my wolf form doesn’t mean that I am unable to get motion sickness in my human form. Dominick steps away from me to change back. Bones snap and crack as they resemble themselves. He does it so quickly and makes it seem so painless, it is outstanding. I get lost in my thoughts when suddenly I’m snapped back to the present as Dominick waves his hand in front of my face.

“Going to stand around showing off all day?” He asks trailing his eyes down my body half way before suddenly snapping back to my eyes with a hint of regret in his honey pools.

A blush steals across my face as I duck inside the cabin.

Ten minutes later I emerge fully dressed and presentable.

“Where’s the pack?” I ask as I close the cabin door behind me.

Dominick brushes past me and produces a key from a thin leather strap around his neck which seems to survive every change. I notice he has cargo pants on now.

“Hey, where’d you get the pants from?” I ask, suddenly full of questions, “And when do I get my own key?”

Once the door is locked, Dominick turns to me and slings his arm around my shoulders with a chuckle.

“Firstly, the pack is waiting for us at Nathan’s house,” he begins answering in order as we stroll together up the mulched path that presumably leads to his car, “the pants came from inside the cabin and you get your key at the ceremony.”

I glance at him with a frown but he just grins back at me.

“There is plenty you will receive at the ceremony” he promises with a smile that keeps the statement from sounding evil.

“That isn’t why I gave you that look” I tell him still frowning, “I gave you that look because you snuck inside, while I was changing!”

I couldn’t help but yell the last part of my sentence. His smile turns to a devilish smirk.

“For a wolf you sure aren’t perceptive, I honestly thought you’d kick me out once you noticed me watching you.”

I’m fuming with anger as I tear myself away from him and glare the sharpest, deadliest daggers at him.

“You asshole!” I scream.

He just laughs and attempts to hug me.

“You know you love me” he says trying to wrap his massive, strong arms around me.

I duck out of the way and growl a very animalistic sound.

“Touch me and die” I threaten in a growl.

He just chuckles and takes his car key from the same leather cord as we approach his old bomb of a car. I swear one day this car will fall around him while he is driving. The faded blue paint is peeling away in areas. He slaps the bonnet before climbing in the driver’s seat. I pause for a moment seeing if the slap sends the car to scrap metal at our feet before climbing in.

He starts the engine and we drive in silence. Dominick tries to place his hand on my knee but I swat his hand away.

“I’m still not very fond of you” I tell him as I cross my arms over my chest.

He just laughs, rolling his eyes while watching the road. More silence in ensues as we finally enter town. Only a few more minutes before I have to meet the other five men that I will spend the rest of my life tied to. The atmosphere in the car turns more serious as Dominick faces me after stopping at a red light.

“In all honesty Anika, keep your wits about you today” he warns me with concern filling his honey coloured eyes, “listen to Nathan and whatever you do, don’t get caught alone with Brian; he doesn’t play nice with girls and if he feels anything half as strong as my wolf is howling at me around you than you will need to be on your toes.”

I stare at him absorbing what he has said. The traffic light flicks to green and Dominick turns his attention back to the road. Today will definitely be interesting.