Closed Away

Pushing Gloria off, I simply shook my head. “Don’t. Just…don’t.”

“Jimmy--” hand reached out to grab mine, I shook my head and got up from the couch. Everything was pulsating in me, and my headache was growing to be unbearable.

“Don’t kiss me and get everything in me hopeful. Dammit Gloria, I don’t need hope anymore. I’ve finally realized that I don’t give a damn. I don’t. Let Christian run hell. Nobody’s going to notice whether or not I help anyways.” arms slummed down to my sides in a loud clap, I shook my head. Going back to mom’s today was a huge mistake, and I was finally showing emotions that I didn’t intend to ever show.

“Jimmy, that’s absurd. You were sent with me for a special reason,” giving me that damn Saint like smile, Gloria’s eyes lit up. Scoffing and kicking something with my shoe, I watched as the light bulb flew into the wall across from me and smashed.

“Who do you think you’re bullshitting? Don’t bullshit a bulls hitter, Gloria. I know what it sounds like. The only damn reason I’m even standing here is because I was getting in Christian’s way. Just like everything else, I’m constantly in everyone’s way. And you know what? I’m damn sick of it. Nobody would even notice. I don’t care how many times you tell me they would, they wouldn’t. I’ve dealt with it for forever. You know what, I’m just going to go.” spinning on my heels and quickly getting out of the house where the walls felt like they were closing in, I ran towards Jingletown. My sneakers hit the ground so hard that I was convinced they’d rip, but I didn’t give a fuck.

I couldn’t give a fuck about them anymore. They were inanimate objects, and if they were animate, they wouldn’t give a fuck about me either.

Taking a turn down the turn pipe, I let the graffiti walls stare back at me. They laughed at me, taunted me as they surrounded me with memories that haunted like a ghost. Curling up on the recliner in the back, I buried my face in it.

It didn’t matter that the fabric was soaking wet, or the fact that it was too cold under here. All that mattered was that everything was laughing at me, ready to make me break. The walls whispered voices of Whatsername, and I tugged at my hair. How fucking stupid had I been to believe that she loved me?

How stupid had I been to think that Gloria loved me? Two Saints didn’t clash, never. They couldn’t, wouldn’t. She went for the basket case who never showed her affection until she broke down.

And for the first time in years, I cried my eyes out until I fell asleep.