The Only Way I Know

I ran blindly through the mall. People stopped, stared, whispered. They were non existant to me. They had no purpose in my life, and I had no purpose in theirs - why did they have to care how I felt?

I soon found myself in the CD shop again. It was as if I was a magnet, attracted immediately to its vibe.

Hastily wiping away my tears, I headed inside. I wandered around aimlessly, realising where I had to go. I went to the back of the shop, where the more obscue rock music was sold. I stared at the rows of CDs. What was I even doing? My limbs were controlling themselves, independent of my own mind.

I was even driving myself insane.

I shuffled through the racks. I had no idea what I was looking for, either. I pulled out my mobile from my pocket. Great, I thought bitterly. I hadn't even charged it up when I got home...there was no way I could call Alex.

"Can I help you?" A voice from behind me said bluntly.

I turned around. It was Tom.

"Oh - hey," he said, his face dragging itself out of its bored state.

"Hi," I said shortly. I turned my back to him and continued my aimless searching through the racks.

"Are you OK?" He sure got straight to the point.

"Fine," I said, again as if I had a limit to the words I could say.

"Really?"

"Of course I'm fucking not ok," I said sharply, turning around and rolling my eyes. "Does it look like I'm fucking not ok?"

He looked slightly taken aback. "Geez, sorry - I was only trying to - "

"I know," I sighed in exasperation. "Sorry." I could feel hot tears prick at the back of my eyes. Was there no one else I could talk to in this world apart from Alex?

"Hey, its ok," he replied. "So..."

This really was awkward.

I smiled, feeling happier that moment than I had in days. He flashed a grin - and boy, did he have a hot grin.

"Well, my shift ends soon. Wanna hang out?"

Now I felt slightly shocked. I could feel my mouth hanging open before I hastily shut it.

"Uh...s-sure," I stammered. How could things change so quickly? All I knew about this guy was that his name was Tom and he thought Green Day was fucking awesome. Why did he want to help me?

He nodded, hurrying off to the counter. I slowly followed, watching him grab his bag and let the manager know he was leaving. We left the shop, walking in silence out into the courtyard.

"So - hows school for you?" he asked.

"Terrible," I admitted. "I just want to go back to Australia. I have never hated living somewhere as much as I do right now."

He nodded, at a loss of what to say. "Do you wanna hang out with us at school? I mean, its ok if you don't want to - "

I was in no position at all to reject the possibility of forming new friends.

"No! That'd be awesome!" I said. "I mean - yeah, that'd be...good." I winced inwardly. I had it bad for this guy.

"Cool," he said. "So - its Jamie, right?"

"Yes," I said. OK, so he'd been unsure of my name. But he still remembered....

"I should probably get home," he muttered, looking at his watch. "Sorry to cut it so short."

i was sorry too.

"Nah its fine," I said quietly. "I'd better get home too."

"See ya around, Jamie." He quickly walked off, pulling out his mobile and calling home.

I felt as though I was in a daze as I walked back out into the cold drizzly air. The streets had quietened down - I was in my own entire world.