The Only Way I Know

I awoke slowly, feeling no motivation whatsoever to muster the strength to face my second day at school. I sat up remembering I left my phone to charge over night - I could call Alex!

I hastily dialed her number, still knowing it off by heart. I held my breath as it rang...and rang...and rang. It switched to her voicebox.

Hi, this is Alex, I can't get to the phone right now...

Leaving a message, I hung up in despair. I had never needed someone to talk to as much as now.

"Jamie? Are you getting up?" I heard mum's voice ring up through the staircase. My limbs dragged themselves out of bed. I couldn't feel myself moving.

My heart quickened as I thought of my one and only sort of friend in this hell. Tom's face popped into my mind - his black hair, his emerald green eyes which sparkled when the light hit them just right...He was my Billie Joe.

I shook my head again. I had to stop thinking of him as my crush. He was my one and only friend - who I barely knew. I had never had a boyfriend before, and why would the perfect guy fall for me? I had nothing in common with everybody else. And I took pride in that. Who in their right mind would go out with a freak like me?

Tom remained in my head the entire time it took me to get ready. Life was too cruel.

As I walked into the kitchen I saw breakfast readily made. I smiled to myself. Mum really pulled out all the stops.

"Good morning smiley," Mum said cheerfully. All this fake cheer really pissed me off.

I tried to act a little more sombre. Knowing my luck Tom wouldn't show up at school today. Or turn out to be a complete jerk. Or conveniently forget the offer he made last night -

I ate my food in silence, mum taking the hint.

"Do you want a lift to school?"

I shrugged my shoulders non-comittantly. Of course I wanted a ride to school. As if I wanted to be seen in public anymore than I had to. I hated everyone here without even knowing them.

As mum pulled outside the school, I took a deep breath and looked toward the main building. This school was the ultimate shithole for me.

"Have a good day at school sweetheart," mum called out after me. like those words were really going to make me have a good day. How could I control everyone else around me? How could I stop them being total assholes and fuckheads? How could I make friends when I hate them all anyway?

How come I am so pessimistic?

I waved goodbye and slowly walked to my locker. It was empty, bare and cold unlike most of the other lockers surrounding mine. Most had pictures of friends, families, boyfriends...

Don't think about Tom, I thought to myself furiously.

"Hey Jamie!"

Did someone actually just call my name? My name?

I turned around and saw Tom slowly walking towards me, his hands in his pockets. Beside him was a girl about my height - not tall, dark brown hair and wearing eyeliner. Her clothes were casual, her smile friendly.

"Hi," I said, smiling at them both. My heart raced when I thought of what relation this girl could be to Tom ...

"Jamie, this is Rachel," Tom said, gesturing in her direction. "Massive My Chemical Romance fan."

"Shuddup," she said, playfully punching his arm. "Nice to meet you, Jamie."

"You too," I said, giving a smile.

We walked off to our first class. Rachel was really nice - but the possibility that she was Tom's boyfriend lingered in the back of my mind.

First class: English.

We sat up the back. I pretty much followed them around - and was happy to do so. They knew this place much better than I did.

Before I knew it, it was recess. I couldn't wait at the opportunity to get to know them both a bit better. Tom and Rachel led me to a table under a large oak tree. I sat down opposite Tom and next to Rachel. I hope Tom didn't catch me staring at him so much...

"So tell us about yourself," Rachel encouraged, taking a bite out of her apple.

"Um - well...I come from Australia, we moved here because my parents - er...separated." I made sure I quickly changed the subject. "I play the guitar...basically, music is all I have. Apart from drawing."

"You play the guitar?" Rachel asked. "Thats heaps cool! I've always wanted to learn...but I play the drums. Tom taught me." She flashed him a smile. Shit. They were going out. I should've seen it coming.

I took a deep breath. "So - um...are you guys...friends?"

"Well, of course we are!" Rachel exclaimed. "We're not mortal enemies or anything!"

"No I mean - "

"Well, Rachel is my girlfriend," Tom said smilingly, returning a brilliant smile. I felt my heart sink, my blood turn cold. Knew it.

"Cool," I said. Wrong. It wasn't cool.

OK, I had to seriously chill out. I was obsessed. And I'd only known him for what...a day? So he was taken. Oh well. I have two new friends who are really nice. Be happy with what you've got, Jamie.

The bell rang. On my timetable it was scheduled for me to have music. I wondered if Tom or Rachel took music too...

"Shit man - I gotta get to French," Rachel said, throwing away her rubbish. "I'll catch you guys later." She kissed Tom before waving goodbye and hurrying off.

"What do you have next?" Tom asked.

"Music," I said in reply. I hope he took music too...

"Me too!" I breathed a sigh of relief again. This was too good to be true. We got our stuff before going into music - once again taking a seat up the back.

Our teacher's name was Mrs Cunningham. I knew straight away I wouldn't like her. False smile, false cheeriness and false teeth. Everything was false.

"Good morning class," she said sweetly. Yep. She was a grade A bitch. I could tell already. And why, out of any subject, did I have to have her for music?

Introductions were made between us. Before I knew it, class had ended and we had been given our first assignment - to write two verses for our own song. Maybe I would write one about how life's a bitch and so am I...

No wait - Green Day had already done it. It was called The Grouch. Damn! Those words were so true.

We left the room, Tom stopping and turning to face me.

"Hey Jamie, are you doing anything this afternoon?"

He was asking me to hang out with him!

"No," I said casually, readjusting my shoulder bag. "Why?"

"Well, would you like to hang out?"

"Sure!"

"Cool - me and Rachel are going to see a movie. That OK?" He looked directly into my eyes.

Now that he mentioned Rachel, I really didn't want to go. I really liked her and everything - but hanging out with the both of them...while they cuddled up to each other and got all friendly? I would be the third wheel.

"No wait - I have some stuff to do," I said awkwardly, pretending to look disappointed. "Mum wants me to do some...random...shit. Yeah." Great work Jamie. He'd have to be a complete douche to believe that.

"Oh...ok. Damn! We were going to see something really scary," he explained, not looking to disappointed. I should've known he didn't really want to invite me.

"Well - I've gotta go this way now. I'll talk to you later!" I sounded way to happy.

"See ya." We went in opposite directions.

Life is a bitch.

And so am I.

No wait...life is a bitch, and so is everyone else.

I'm the normal one.