The Only Way I Know

The next morning I went through the same routine - dragged out of bed, ate breakfast, pretending to be content in the car ride and got out of the car.

I walked down the main pathway, thanking the weather over and over again for being cold. I was wearing a long sleeved shirt to cover up my wrist, making sure the scar was not visible. Stopping at my locker, I emptied the books from my bag and saw Tom and Rachel across the hallway. They looked pretty busy doing what lovers do. I forcefully avoided my eyes and hung around my locker, waiting for them to come over.

"Hey Jamie!" Rachel greeted me with a quick hug.

"Hi," I said, smiling. "How was the movie?"

"Really good," Rachel said, glancing at Tom's face with a cheeky smile.

"Are you kidding? The movie was shit. Half the time you weren't looking." Tom rolled his eyes. "Seriously, Jame, you would have liked it."

I felt regret at having not gone. It would have been fun. Plus, I wouldn't have to have read that horrible letter. The words remained firmly etched in my mind, much like the healing scratch on my wrist...

I will love you and your mother forever...

"Something wrong?" Rachel asked in concern.

"Uh - no. Just forgot...about that...English essay." I was getting better at thinking up stories.

"Aw man! I haven't even started either," Tom groaned. "Fucking teachers. That reminds me. I've gotta go see the teacher now about that. I'll see you guys at morning break." He kissed Rachel on the cheek and gave me a wave before leaving. I wondered how long I would have feelings for him.

Would I have to hide those as well? I had pushed them so far inside me I wondered if I could properly act on them anymore.

"Hey Rachel...do you know anyone who takes art?" I asked, quickly ridding my head of any thoughts of Tom.

"Yeah! I do," she replied with a smile. "Have you got it in first period?"

"Yep," I said in relief. Thank God...if I didn't have Rachel or Tom in any of my classes, what would I do?

"Awesome," she said. "Let's get our stuff. We've gotta go down there soon anyway, the bell's about to go."

I gathered my pencilcase and followed Rachel. I didn't have an art diary yet, but Rachel promised me I would be getting one as soon as I arrived in class.

We walked into the art studio. It was perfect - various pictures of art were hung up randomnly on the wall, the desks and stools were scattered across the room allowing plenty of space everywhere. Expensive paints were stacked up in shelves, paintbrushes near the sinks.

"Wow," I said in awe. Maybe I could hang out here I bit more.

"Its good, huh. Art's probably my favourite subject," Rachel said with a smile, getting us seats at a nearby desk. "We're doing portraiture at the moment."

"Who are you doing?" Somehow I knew the answer before she even opened her mouth.

"Tom," she said, smiling slyly. I smiled absently in return.

The art lesson went by pretty quickly - I was given my art diary and set of paints. I had decided to do me for my portrait - but with Billie Joe Armstrong's reflection in my eyes. The art teacher at least thought it was a good idea.

"I never knew you liked Green Day!" Rachel exclaimed as we left art for morning break.

It must've slipped my mind to mention that part...

"Are you kidding? I've met them," I said.

"Are you fucking serious!? Jesus Christ! I have always wanted to meet them!" She turned into a hyper teenie girl. I smiled at her reaction.

"Calm down Rachel," I grinned. "I've got some signed stuff if you want it."

"Oh my fucking god!" She hugged me before pulling away and breathing in deeply. "Kay, that was my psycho stage." She couldn't stop grinning. Tom's face was questioning as we met him under the big oak tree at recess.

"Whats going on?" Tom asked curiously, giving Rachel a kiss in greeting.

Rachel hummed innocently. "Oh nothing..." she smiled evilly.

"Fine." Tom rolled his eyes and bit into his apple. "Doesn't matter..."

Rachel tapped her foot impatiently. "ARGH! I can't not tell you. I'm gonna get signed Green Day merch." She seemed really happy. Wow...I had released a vicious demon!

"Serious?" Tom asked in awe. "Can I have some too?"

"Fine." Now it was my turn to roll my eyes, smiling. Tom's face was also one of excitement.

The rest of the day sped by in a blur. My friends were becoming closer to me with each day I came to accept life here.

But with each day the pain seemed to deepen...