The Only Way I Know
This Pain Is Just Too Real
I was standing outside, well away from the crowd of people. Tom stood by my side, staring into space. We were both deep in our own thoughts.
A horn beeped from behind me. My mum was there, waiting in the car to pick me up. I turned around to face Tom, blocking his eyes from whatever he was staring at. He looked directly into my eyes, doing that weak smile again.
"It'll be OK, Tom," I said softly. He nodded, lowering his eyes to the ground.
What the fuck was I on about? It fucking wasn't going to be OK. It never would be.
I pulled him into a hug. I felt him begin to cry on my shoulder, causing me to bite my lip and hold back my tears. I thought I had cried them all out; I thought there were none left. We broke apart as he tried to hold back as well.
I hugged him once more before forcing myself to say goodbye. He waved sadly, watching me go and climb into mum's car. She pulled out of the gravel carpark and headed home.
The car ride was silent.
"Are you OK, Jame?" mum asked softly, reaching a hand over to hold my shoulder.
What the fuck was with everyone asking if it was OK? I hated myself for telling Tom it would be. Of course I wasn't OK. And I felt like nothing would be. It didn't feel right, the life I was living.
I refused to answer, instead staring out the window and forcing my eyes at the townhouses standing crowded next to each other. It was raining yet again, just reflecting my sombre mood. The tears pricked my eyes as I blinked them away.
When we arrived home, the first thing I did was go up to my room. I pulled off my black jeans and dark blue jumper, both wet from the rain. I turned on the heater, trying to warm myself up without success. I climbed into some fresh clothes and dragged a brush through my hair, before scrubbing the smudged eyeliner off.
"Why?" I whispered aloud, lying down on my bed with my face up to the ceiling. I couldn't possibly think it enough...but why could so much bad happen?
I sat up, realising I had to do something. For Rachel.
I padded downstairs and crept towards mum's purse, taking out some money. "Just going into town, mum!" I called, pulling on a jacket and shoes and going out the front door before she could reply.
The rain steadily drizzled down, causing me to bow my head against the cold breeze and tiny raindrops. I walked the familiar footpath to the mall and walked inside the CD store. Thank god it was open.
"M...m..." I muttered the letter out aloud to myself, walking over to where the artists beginning with M were located. "Aha," I said, finally finding My Chemical Romance. Now, which CD to get...
I decided on The Black Parade. I bought two copies, and lingered around in the store for a little while longer, before I decided it was finally time to go home. I slipped the CD into my CD player and turned it up nice and loud.
This was really good.
Have...you heard the news that you're dead?
No, I hadn't, actually. But it sure felt like my soul was dead.
I held the other CD tightly in my hand. I knew exactly what I was going to do with it.
A horn beeped from behind me. My mum was there, waiting in the car to pick me up. I turned around to face Tom, blocking his eyes from whatever he was staring at. He looked directly into my eyes, doing that weak smile again.
"It'll be OK, Tom," I said softly. He nodded, lowering his eyes to the ground.
What the fuck was I on about? It fucking wasn't going to be OK. It never would be.
I pulled him into a hug. I felt him begin to cry on my shoulder, causing me to bite my lip and hold back my tears. I thought I had cried them all out; I thought there were none left. We broke apart as he tried to hold back as well.
I hugged him once more before forcing myself to say goodbye. He waved sadly, watching me go and climb into mum's car. She pulled out of the gravel carpark and headed home.
The car ride was silent.
"Are you OK, Jame?" mum asked softly, reaching a hand over to hold my shoulder.
What the fuck was with everyone asking if it was OK? I hated myself for telling Tom it would be. Of course I wasn't OK. And I felt like nothing would be. It didn't feel right, the life I was living.
I refused to answer, instead staring out the window and forcing my eyes at the townhouses standing crowded next to each other. It was raining yet again, just reflecting my sombre mood. The tears pricked my eyes as I blinked them away.
When we arrived home, the first thing I did was go up to my room. I pulled off my black jeans and dark blue jumper, both wet from the rain. I turned on the heater, trying to warm myself up without success. I climbed into some fresh clothes and dragged a brush through my hair, before scrubbing the smudged eyeliner off.
"Why?" I whispered aloud, lying down on my bed with my face up to the ceiling. I couldn't possibly think it enough...but why could so much bad happen?
I sat up, realising I had to do something. For Rachel.
I padded downstairs and crept towards mum's purse, taking out some money. "Just going into town, mum!" I called, pulling on a jacket and shoes and going out the front door before she could reply.
The rain steadily drizzled down, causing me to bow my head against the cold breeze and tiny raindrops. I walked the familiar footpath to the mall and walked inside the CD store. Thank god it was open.
"M...m..." I muttered the letter out aloud to myself, walking over to where the artists beginning with M were located. "Aha," I said, finally finding My Chemical Romance. Now, which CD to get...
I decided on The Black Parade. I bought two copies, and lingered around in the store for a little while longer, before I decided it was finally time to go home. I slipped the CD into my CD player and turned it up nice and loud.
This was really good.
Have...you heard the news that you're dead?
No, I hadn't, actually. But it sure felt like my soul was dead.
I held the other CD tightly in my hand. I knew exactly what I was going to do with it.