The Only Way I Know
One Final Goodbye
A few days later I managed to return to school. Most of those days spent at home were filled with crying, smashing things, going on long walks or sitting at the park me and Tom went to when we got the news of Rachel's accident.
I'd talked to Tom a few times via the phone. He was doing OK I guess...but it felt like it would never get easier. He became the person who knew what I was going through...I had avoided talking to Alex since Rachel's death. It wasn't right.
I went through my regular morning routine - clothes on, eyeliner applied and hair messily tied back from my face. I skipped breakfast and walked to school, breathing in the chilly air deeply. It was nearing closer to winter, being late October...even though at that moment it was spring in Australia.
My head was bowed as I walked through the front gates. People were gossiping around me, shooting long glances all the while. News sure travelled fast. I pulled up my jacket further around my neck, re-wrapping my scarf tightly to cover my freezing ears.
As I walked inside into the blissfully warm air, I noticed Tom waiting by my locker. His face was solemn, as though he hadn't looked happy in a while. He didn't look as depressed anymore, although the sadness still showed through his eyes.
"Hey Tom," I said, greeting him with a hug.
"Hi Jame," he murmured in reply. I heard him sigh as he looked to the ground while I opened my locker and got my books out for the day. What was I supposed to say to him? I wondered, frantically trying to think of something to say. He noticed me scrutinising him and smiled. I weakly smiled back, not noticing the bell ringing.
"Music is first, right?"
"Yep," he replied, waiting for me to zip up my shoulder bag. We made our way down to the music rooms outside, walking in silence. I watched the fog emit from my nose as I breathed out. It was oddly calming, the cold air freezing the tips of my ears and nose. The warm air greeted me again while we walked inside and took our usual seats up the back.
Our teacher greeted us again in that same false tone, before leaving us to wander around the music centre to continue working on our songs. I led Tom out into the courtyard, in the middle of the various music rooms surrounding us. The small water fountain sparkled in the morning light and helped ease the awkward silence.
"Shall we grab a couple of guitars?" I asked, gesturing in the direction of the orchestra room.
"I've got a better idea," Tom replied, tugging on my shirt and leading me off in the direction of the music lesson rooms. He stopped outside the door of a room with a sign hanging up, reading 'The Rock Room.'
"The Rock Room?" I asked in curiosity.
"It's a room where bands or people wanting to jam together can play," Tom explained, opening the door and revealing the contents inside. Not even at my private school back in Australia had there been such a thing; in front of me sat an electric guitar, amp, microphone, bass, full drum kit and a huge stereo player.
I stared at all in awe, my mouth hanging open.
"Like it?" he teased, taking a seat by the drums and pulling a pair of drumsticks out from beside him. He casually tapped away at the drums, each beat perfectly in rhythm.
"This is where I taught Rachel how to play drums," he said softly, stopping his drumming at staring at the ground again.
I nodded, again unsure of what to say. I picked up the guitar and noticed it was none other than a Gibson. I had never even touched a Gibson in my life.
"A Gibson?" I exclaimed. "A FUCKING GIBSON?" I paused awkwardly, realising Tom had just lost himself in his own thoughts of Rachel. I coughed slightly. "Uh...sorry..."
"Don't worry," Tom said quickly. "Show us what you've got."
"Uh...OK..." I slung the strap around my shoulders and plugged it in. I quickly adjusted to the feel of the guitar. I thought for a minute before playing the familiar tune of Holiday.
"HOLIDAY!" Tom yelled and began his drumming following the riff. I grinned in content as music blasted around me. I was in pure heaven. I few chords in I stopped, realising I hadn't even begun on my song yet.
"Yeah I was thinking the same thing.." Tom grinned when I realised we should be writing our songs. We reluctantly left the rock room and went into the orchestra room to write our songs by the end of the lesson. All too soon music had finished, and it was recess.
It had warmed up a little since that morning; the dew had evaporated off the grass as we trudged back up to the main building and through to the familiar oak tree. We sat down at the table.
I realised this was the first time we had sat down at that table without Rachel there. We ate our food in silence.
"Tom, I had an idea..." I began, trying to break that awkward silence for what seemed like the umpteenth time.
"Mmm?" he asked, looking up.
"One final goodbye, for Rachel," I said softly. "I bought another Chemical Romance CD at the shop the other day...and I was thinking we could leave it at her... grave... with some other stuff..."
Tom nodded silently. "This afternoon?"
"Sure," I replied softly.
The rest of the day sped by in a blur. I met up with Tom at the end of the last period, making our way towards the cemetery. It began errily cloudy as we walked in silence, quietly chatting about random stuff.
Soon enough we were at the graveyard, an eerie breeze blowing around my ankles. My zipped up my jacket, fumbling around in my bag for the CD. Tom made his way over to Rachel's grave, the newest addition to the cemetery. He stood with his hands in his pockets, staring sadly at the white gravelled ground. Her tombstone was marble, freshly engraved and looking oddly alone, with no gifts or flowers in front of it.
Rachel Annabel Wood
Born 12th of July, 1991
Died 27th of October, 2007 - Age 15.
My eyes slowly moved to the top of the tombstone, where the words were engraved in a bolder font.
Your memory will carry on...
Forever sleep in your beauty and your youth, Rachel.
I recognised the first line from Welcome to the Black Parade.
But I had never heard the last line before...
Tom and I stared at the grave in complete silence for a few minutes, wallowing in our thoughts. I stared at the CD and placed it right in front of the marble block. Tom left for a few minutes and picked some flowers from a nearby bush, adding them to the ground where the CD stood.
"Rachel, we want you to listen to this CD all the time," I whispered, holding Tom's hand tightly as we looked upon the grave. "We're gonna miss you forever."
Tom whispered something inaudible while I began the tears well up in my eyes again. He finished, allwing me to rest my head on my shoulder as we tried to remain strong.
As darkness grew around us we finally decided to make our way home, the dark clouds above threatening to pour down with rain any moment. Tom and I slowly walked out the gate of the cemetery, before I turned around and looked at Rachel's grave one final time.
"We'll carry on," I whispered fiercely, tightly shutting my eyes and letting Tom lead me home.
I'd talked to Tom a few times via the phone. He was doing OK I guess...but it felt like it would never get easier. He became the person who knew what I was going through...I had avoided talking to Alex since Rachel's death. It wasn't right.
I went through my regular morning routine - clothes on, eyeliner applied and hair messily tied back from my face. I skipped breakfast and walked to school, breathing in the chilly air deeply. It was nearing closer to winter, being late October...even though at that moment it was spring in Australia.
My head was bowed as I walked through the front gates. People were gossiping around me, shooting long glances all the while. News sure travelled fast. I pulled up my jacket further around my neck, re-wrapping my scarf tightly to cover my freezing ears.
As I walked inside into the blissfully warm air, I noticed Tom waiting by my locker. His face was solemn, as though he hadn't looked happy in a while. He didn't look as depressed anymore, although the sadness still showed through his eyes.
"Hey Tom," I said, greeting him with a hug.
"Hi Jame," he murmured in reply. I heard him sigh as he looked to the ground while I opened my locker and got my books out for the day. What was I supposed to say to him? I wondered, frantically trying to think of something to say. He noticed me scrutinising him and smiled. I weakly smiled back, not noticing the bell ringing.
"Music is first, right?"
"Yep," he replied, waiting for me to zip up my shoulder bag. We made our way down to the music rooms outside, walking in silence. I watched the fog emit from my nose as I breathed out. It was oddly calming, the cold air freezing the tips of my ears and nose. The warm air greeted me again while we walked inside and took our usual seats up the back.
Our teacher greeted us again in that same false tone, before leaving us to wander around the music centre to continue working on our songs. I led Tom out into the courtyard, in the middle of the various music rooms surrounding us. The small water fountain sparkled in the morning light and helped ease the awkward silence.
"Shall we grab a couple of guitars?" I asked, gesturing in the direction of the orchestra room.
"I've got a better idea," Tom replied, tugging on my shirt and leading me off in the direction of the music lesson rooms. He stopped outside the door of a room with a sign hanging up, reading 'The Rock Room.'
"The Rock Room?" I asked in curiosity.
"It's a room where bands or people wanting to jam together can play," Tom explained, opening the door and revealing the contents inside. Not even at my private school back in Australia had there been such a thing; in front of me sat an electric guitar, amp, microphone, bass, full drum kit and a huge stereo player.
I stared at all in awe, my mouth hanging open.
"Like it?" he teased, taking a seat by the drums and pulling a pair of drumsticks out from beside him. He casually tapped away at the drums, each beat perfectly in rhythm.
"This is where I taught Rachel how to play drums," he said softly, stopping his drumming at staring at the ground again.
I nodded, again unsure of what to say. I picked up the guitar and noticed it was none other than a Gibson. I had never even touched a Gibson in my life.
"A Gibson?" I exclaimed. "A FUCKING GIBSON?" I paused awkwardly, realising Tom had just lost himself in his own thoughts of Rachel. I coughed slightly. "Uh...sorry..."
"Don't worry," Tom said quickly. "Show us what you've got."
"Uh...OK..." I slung the strap around my shoulders and plugged it in. I quickly adjusted to the feel of the guitar. I thought for a minute before playing the familiar tune of Holiday.
"HOLIDAY!" Tom yelled and began his drumming following the riff. I grinned in content as music blasted around me. I was in pure heaven. I few chords in I stopped, realising I hadn't even begun on my song yet.
"Yeah I was thinking the same thing.." Tom grinned when I realised we should be writing our songs. We reluctantly left the rock room and went into the orchestra room to write our songs by the end of the lesson. All too soon music had finished, and it was recess.
It had warmed up a little since that morning; the dew had evaporated off the grass as we trudged back up to the main building and through to the familiar oak tree. We sat down at the table.
I realised this was the first time we had sat down at that table without Rachel there. We ate our food in silence.
"Tom, I had an idea..." I began, trying to break that awkward silence for what seemed like the umpteenth time.
"Mmm?" he asked, looking up.
"One final goodbye, for Rachel," I said softly. "I bought another Chemical Romance CD at the shop the other day...and I was thinking we could leave it at her... grave... with some other stuff..."
Tom nodded silently. "This afternoon?"
"Sure," I replied softly.
The rest of the day sped by in a blur. I met up with Tom at the end of the last period, making our way towards the cemetery. It began errily cloudy as we walked in silence, quietly chatting about random stuff.
Soon enough we were at the graveyard, an eerie breeze blowing around my ankles. My zipped up my jacket, fumbling around in my bag for the CD. Tom made his way over to Rachel's grave, the newest addition to the cemetery. He stood with his hands in his pockets, staring sadly at the white gravelled ground. Her tombstone was marble, freshly engraved and looking oddly alone, with no gifts or flowers in front of it.
Rachel Annabel Wood
Born 12th of July, 1991
Died 27th of October, 2007 - Age 15.
My eyes slowly moved to the top of the tombstone, where the words were engraved in a bolder font.
Your memory will carry on...
Forever sleep in your beauty and your youth, Rachel.
I recognised the first line from Welcome to the Black Parade.
But I had never heard the last line before...
Tom and I stared at the grave in complete silence for a few minutes, wallowing in our thoughts. I stared at the CD and placed it right in front of the marble block. Tom left for a few minutes and picked some flowers from a nearby bush, adding them to the ground where the CD stood.
"Rachel, we want you to listen to this CD all the time," I whispered, holding Tom's hand tightly as we looked upon the grave. "We're gonna miss you forever."
Tom whispered something inaudible while I began the tears well up in my eyes again. He finished, allwing me to rest my head on my shoulder as we tried to remain strong.
As darkness grew around us we finally decided to make our way home, the dark clouds above threatening to pour down with rain any moment. Tom and I slowly walked out the gate of the cemetery, before I turned around and looked at Rachel's grave one final time.
"We'll carry on," I whispered fiercely, tightly shutting my eyes and letting Tom lead me home.