The Only Way I Know

In the two weeks leading up to Christmas, I could feel the festive spirit setting in around me. Funnily enough, I wasn't catching on to it. Some form of social commitee at school had organised an end of year dance for the whole school. They had never organised stuff like this in Australia, which was good. I hated social events.

I definitely didn't want to go.

As I lightly sketched my portrait during art I noticed my sleeve had slipped down my wrist, revealing three very faint scars. While hastily forcing my sleeve back up, I overheard a group of girls gossiping amongst themselves. I realised that during my whole time at this school, not once had I talked to them.

"So who are you going with to the dance?" the blonde girl asked. Well, she wasn't actually blonde. Her normal red hair was visible due to the bad dying job.

"I dunno yet," the other girl whispered. "I was thinking maybe someone would ask me to go..."

"Of course you'll get a date," the other one sighed. "You're so pretty!"

I rolled my eyes and bent closer to my work, trying to get every feature of my face right. The girls continued whispering.

"Have you seen Tom lately?" the blonde girl said, her face looking evil. "He's a wreck."

I looked up and stared at their little gossiping session.

"It's probably been since Rachel died," another girl whispered, casually sketching while she chewed on some gum.

"He's such a ... quiet one," the blonde girl said again, her voice on full of disgust.

"And what the fuck is wrong with that?" I said angrily, rudely interrupting their conversation. They all turned their heads to stare at me.

"Who asked you?" the blonde girl asked. The other girls exchanged glances.

"What the fuck does it matter what you think?" I said loudly. Luckily the teacher had left for a few minutes to get some more canvas.

Blondie rolled her eyes and went back to her work, before they quickly went into a gossip session again in a whisper - presumably about me. I packed up early and left as soon as the bell went, making sure I was well away from them.

I was putting my stuff away and getting my food for recess when Tom crept up behind me.

"Argh! You scared me!" I laughed, closing my locker.

"Good," he grinned. "Wanna hang out in the music centre?"

"Sure," I said, smiling. I followed him down to the music rooms, finding the rock room empty. Tom eagerly took his seat by the drums while I picked up the Gibson, feeling in awe of its...awesomeness.

We jammed out randomnly for a while before the bell rang, signalling the end of recess. I put the Gibson down, feeling annoyed at the fact recess had to end so soon. We were crossing the lawn when Tom seemed to start acting kind of nervous.

"Hey Jame, I wanted to ask you soemthing..."

"Yes?" I stopped to face him.

"Uh...do you wanna go to the christmas dance with me? I mean, just as friends, you know..." He bit his lip. And he sure was cute when he bit his lip. Like every bit of attitude had left him and all that was left was anxiousness, like a seven year old waiting for his mum to pick him up from school.

But I had already said yes as soon as he asked the first question. Way to sound desperate, Jame.

"Yes! I mean...sure. That'd be ... cool," I said. Great work, Jamie, great work.

"Great," he said.

"Uh ... what do we wear to this thing?"

"Anything, seriously. There's pretty much no dancing...just hanging out with people, thats all. Shall I meet you there?"

"Sure," I replied, in ecstasy just at the thought of doing something with someone. "So this Saturday night, seven o'clock, right?" Calm down, Jamie, calm down. He's probably thinking you're about to have a coronary.

"Yep," he said, smiling. "Will probably be really lame, but I'll make it loads more fun for you. I promise."

"Perfect," I said, also smiling. I was kicking myself on the inside. Why couldn't I act all cool and collected? I hadn't been asked out on a date. I was going as friends. I shook my head and followed Tom to English.

--

The rest of that week flew by. The dance had surprisingly distracted me from anything else...especially hurting myself. Sure, Christmas was a week away and my whole life was messed up, but every minute around Tom made my life seem worthwhile. I hated myself for hating myself.

I sat down to lunch on Saturday, bored senseless from a day stuck in the house. I had no money and it was pouring down with rain outside. Time seemed to have slowed down, leaving me insane. Why was I so excited? All it was was a stupid excuse for the sluts to dress like sluts, the jocks to act like jocks and the social bees to buzz around in the PE centre at night on a Saturday.

"You seem incredibly happy," Mum commented, handing me my sandwich.

I rolled my eyes and began to eat.

"Whats with your attitude, Jamie?" she asked in exasperation.

"What do you think?" I snapped back.

She didn't even bother arguing. I had noticed how our relationship was worsening with every minute that passed. She left the room silently, leaving me alone with my sandwich.

Pfft. Oh well.

At 6 o'clock that night I began to get ready. Never had I put so much effort into my clothes...after much deliberation I chose my skinny leg black jeans, black Converses, dark blue and pale blue striped top and of course, my eyeliner. I made my way out the door, turning on my iPod and making my way to school.

I heard music blaring from the PE centre as I walked up the lit pathway. Outside the door I took a deep breath. Here goes. I bet everyone was wearing fancy clothes...or...I dunno. I had to stop freaking myself out.

I walked through the door and looked around in awe. Tinsel and fake snowmen lined the walls, and a live band was playing. A live band! People casually hung around, some by the food tables, others in front of the music. I scanned the crowd and found Tom.

"Hey!" he exclaimed, looking relieved to see me.

"Hi!"

"Come outside for a minute," he said, grabbing my hand and taking me into the freezing cold air. I wish I brought a jacket...

"I wanted to give you your Christmas prezzie now," he said.

"Really?"

He pulled something from his pocket. "You can't open it until Christmas day, ok?"

"Okay," I said slowly.

"Hey, Jame, can I ask you something?" He looked directly into my eyes.

"Yeah..."

"Will you go out with me?"

He said it so quickly, I thought I was imagining it. Tom, Tom, had asked me out.

"Fuck yes!" I threw my arms around him.

He pulled me into a kiss.

I nearly gasped with surprise. My first kiss and boyfriend! I settled into it, enjoying the feeling.

I was in love.