The Only Way I Know

At first I did it because it relieved the pain; at first I did it to get that blissful feeling of escape. But now...now it was habit. And it was ruining my life. Ruining those around me. Everyone around me was my wrist, I was slicing them in half, permanently scarring them.

How could I do this to the people I love? How could I mutilate myself?

What if I didn't feel the need to live? Why couldn't I trade my life with Rachel? She deserved it more than I did. I don't want to live. Rachel died in vain. And I was a parasite. A dirty liar. An oxygen thief.

I imagined Tom's face in front of me.

'What would you do?' I imagined myself asking. His mouth opened to speak; his face creased in thought. He then turned away suddenly and ran, further and further away, out of sight.

I screamed and screamed. But no sound came out. Silence, and an empty space in front of me.

'Kill me...' I whispered. But again, no sound. I began to scream, cry plead...nothing. Emptiness.

'Let me find myself...' I thought desperately. Rachel appeared in front of me, her eyes sad, lips trembling.

'Why...? she whispered. No sound, just her moving lips. 'How could you...?'

Tears began to stream down her cheeks as her body shook violently.

[i['I'm sorry,' I pleaded desperately.

She bit her lip, glancing behind her.

'No...please - '

She turned around and ran, further and further away.

I grabbed the hair at its roots, screaming and keeling down on the ground. But there was no ground...everything was white...