The Only Way I Know
Goodbye?
What the hell was up with me? The words didn't seem real. They were instead just really distant. As though I was in another world.
"We're leaving..."
"Mum, we can't leave," I said, breathing deeply to calm myself down. It was such an absurd thing to say. So sudden. She couldn't just make us pack up our things and leave, just like that.
She sniffed loudly. "Jamie, it isn't right here. I can't get a job here - your father was always the one who supported us finacially."
OK, so that was definitely true. Dad had a really good job. God, I went to a fucking private school in the heart of Sydney. Of course his job must've have been good.
I felt the tears in my eyes. She was really serious about this.
"Mum, my whole life is here - " my lip wobbled. I didn't cry much. At the end of primary school while all the girls burst into tears about moving onto high school, I sat there with Alex laughing. They were playing all their sad music and I was playing air drums while listening to Sunday Bloody Sunday by U2.
She put her arm around my shoulder. "I know, but...he ruined my life, Jamie."
I thought about throwing a tantrum and running away from home for a couple of days.
But how shallow of me. Mum needed me more than ever. I was all she had. I would just have to try and convince her to stay.
"But what about school - its halfway through term!" I exclaimed. "And Alex, and my guitar teacher...and - "
My mum lowered her eyes to the ground. I was making this so hard for her. It was like a ping pong match inside my head, battling between the two arguments.
I fell silent. I couldn't make her change her mind. I got up suddenly, went to my room and closed my door. I collapsed on my bed.
I burst into tears. This couldn't be real. My life had taken a turn for the worse. Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.
I got up again and went out the front door. My mum hadn't left her room. I made my way up the street to the park. I bowed my head, not letting any passers-by see my tear streaked face.
I sat on the swings. Those swings were where I went went I was feeling sad or lonely. But that didn't happen often - only when I had a fight with Alex or something stupid like that.
I slowly swungs on the swing, staring at the ground. It was overcast and windy. It made me feel even more miserable inside. I leant against the cold hard chain. Anything that could make me upset seemed to be happening all at once. And I always bottled up my feelings. Guess that always made it worse. Always made it harder for me to make new friends.
The tears rolled down my cheeks, making my eyeliner run. I hastily wiped them away. Grabbing my mobile, I quickly called Alex.
"Hello?" she answered.
"Alex I - " I broke down in tears. I couldn't say it.
"Jame?" I liked it when she called me Jame. Dunno why.
"Jamie, meet me at the park."
How come she always made time for me?
"OK," I said quietly. I hung up and sat there for a couple more minutes.
Soon Alex was there, on her bike. Usually she rode her skateboard. In fact, she was the one who taught me how to ride one and got me one for my birthday present.
"Jamie?" she asked n panic. She ran to my side and grabbed me into a tight hug.
I explained the whole story to her. I took a deep breath before telling her the worst piece of information.
"I'm leaving," I said in a rush.
She was speechless, only managing to stare at me in shock.
"We're leaving..."
"Mum, we can't leave," I said, breathing deeply to calm myself down. It was such an absurd thing to say. So sudden. She couldn't just make us pack up our things and leave, just like that.
She sniffed loudly. "Jamie, it isn't right here. I can't get a job here - your father was always the one who supported us finacially."
OK, so that was definitely true. Dad had a really good job. God, I went to a fucking private school in the heart of Sydney. Of course his job must've have been good.
I felt the tears in my eyes. She was really serious about this.
"Mum, my whole life is here - " my lip wobbled. I didn't cry much. At the end of primary school while all the girls burst into tears about moving onto high school, I sat there with Alex laughing. They were playing all their sad music and I was playing air drums while listening to Sunday Bloody Sunday by U2.
She put her arm around my shoulder. "I know, but...he ruined my life, Jamie."
I thought about throwing a tantrum and running away from home for a couple of days.
But how shallow of me. Mum needed me more than ever. I was all she had. I would just have to try and convince her to stay.
"But what about school - its halfway through term!" I exclaimed. "And Alex, and my guitar teacher...and - "
My mum lowered her eyes to the ground. I was making this so hard for her. It was like a ping pong match inside my head, battling between the two arguments.
I fell silent. I couldn't make her change her mind. I got up suddenly, went to my room and closed my door. I collapsed on my bed.
I burst into tears. This couldn't be real. My life had taken a turn for the worse. Everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.
I got up again and went out the front door. My mum hadn't left her room. I made my way up the street to the park. I bowed my head, not letting any passers-by see my tear streaked face.
I sat on the swings. Those swings were where I went went I was feeling sad or lonely. But that didn't happen often - only when I had a fight with Alex or something stupid like that.
I slowly swungs on the swing, staring at the ground. It was overcast and windy. It made me feel even more miserable inside. I leant against the cold hard chain. Anything that could make me upset seemed to be happening all at once. And I always bottled up my feelings. Guess that always made it worse. Always made it harder for me to make new friends.
The tears rolled down my cheeks, making my eyeliner run. I hastily wiped them away. Grabbing my mobile, I quickly called Alex.
"Hello?" she answered.
"Alex I - " I broke down in tears. I couldn't say it.
"Jame?" I liked it when she called me Jame. Dunno why.
"Jamie, meet me at the park."
How come she always made time for me?
"OK," I said quietly. I hung up and sat there for a couple more minutes.
Soon Alex was there, on her bike. Usually she rode her skateboard. In fact, she was the one who taught me how to ride one and got me one for my birthday present.
"Jamie?" she asked n panic. She ran to my side and grabbed me into a tight hug.
I explained the whole story to her. I took a deep breath before telling her the worst piece of information.
"I'm leaving," I said in a rush.
She was speechless, only managing to stare at me in shock.