The Only Way I Know

The day after arriving home was the day I had to return to school.I felt sick at the mere thought of returning to that hellhole - mutterings and rumours would be much worse this time. Me going into rehab was going to be the biggest scandal of the year. I had been hoping we'd get a few more weeks of holiday because of Christmas, but, unlike Australia, England schools had only a few days around Christmas.

But, something had happened to help make my life that little more enjoyable. Just as I was getting ready for school, my mum gently knocked on the door and entered my room.

"I have soemthing for you," she said, holding something behind her back. "I never gave you your Christmas present."

I had felt so guilty going into rehab that not for one moment had I expected a gift.

"Mum, seriously, you don't - " I began. I gasped when she revealed my present. Cupped in her hands was an adorable kitten. My insides immediately melted when I saw its gorgeous light green eyes looking back at me. It was black and white and had a little red ribbon tied around its small neck.

"It was the last of its kind at the petshop," Mum explained, passing it over to me. "I had it reserved while you were away - it'd be too lonely here for him." She smiled as she watched me handle the warm bundle as though it was made of glass. "It reminded me of you."

"It's perfect!" I exclaimed. Remembering suddenly, I handed it back to my mum and opened my cupboard. I pulled out her present.

"I forgot about this," I explained, handing it over to her. She passed the kitten back and took the pot. "I figured you probably missed your gardening."

"I love it!" She examined the pot carefully. Quickly forcing myself to rid any memories of Tom, I quickly hugged her and glanced at my bedside clock. "Crap - I've gotta go." My eyes swept down to the small furball in my arms and its innocent eyes. "But - "

"It's okay, Jamie, I'll take good care of him while you're gone," she said calmly. "While you're at school you can think of a name for him."

I reluctantly handed him back. Grabbing my bag and quickly kissing my mum on the cheek, I made my way downstairs and out into the bitter wind. Snow covered the old buildings around me - something which I hadn't seen much during my life. Wrapping my scarf tightly around my neck, I trudged my way to school.

As I crossed the last road I saw the front gate and lawn of the school loom in front of me. Girls stood in groups, while the guys either hung around them or chased after each other with a soccer ball. I swallowed and bowed my head, hopefully obscuring my identity from view. I entered the school and hurried up the path, soon entering the main hallway. Just as I got inside I heard an 'EMO!' cry from behind me. Holding back my tears, I avoided looking at the people staring at me as I aimlessly wandered to my locker. I could hear people whispering.

"I heard she tried suiciding..."

"I heard the police forced her into rehab..."

"I heard she did drugs..."

Desperately trying to ignore this, I opened my locker and pretending to be searching for something. I hastily wiped away the tears. Is this what school would be like forever? Fear surged me at the thought.

Chancing a glance, I looked down the hallway to the English rooms. There, just about to go in, was Tom. He saw me and froze, his dark emerald eyes full of shock. Our eyes met for a brief second before he lowered his eyes and abruptly walked into the room. I bit my lip, wondering if I could just skip English...the teacher would probably just assume I hadn't come back to school...but the rest of the students had probably seen me anyway...

I would have to go. Get it over and done with. I gathered my things just as the bell rang and nervously walked into class. I felt two dozen sets of eyes stare at me as I was the last to arrive. I looked around the room, trying to find a seat. Tom was in the back room, but he hadn't saved me a seat. He avoided my eyes and pretended to get out his things.

Much to my annoyance, I was forced to take a seat up the front. I hated the front and felt extremely vulnerable - people could stare at me as much as they wished, and I couldn't see them at all.

The lesson dragged on endlessly, yet thankfully I had art next. I packed up my things as quickly as I could the moment the bell rang, and bolted out the door and down to art.

As I worked on my artwork during the lesson, yet again the girls were gossiping at their table. Fortunately, I wasn't the subject of their talking. They were eagerly discussing some party they were having that weekend.

"OK, so Alicia, you can bring crisps, and Brit...can you get the alcohol?"

Brittany, a tall blonde, nodded. She nudged the girl who asked the question. "Hey Jade - you bringing Tom?" I froze. Surely there was another Tom. There must be...

Jade smiled slyly, pretending to look embarrassed. "I asked him yesterday - and he said yes."

The whole table squealed excitedly, much like a group of pigs at feeding time. My fingers numbly painted while my mind was elsewhere. If this was the Tom I was thinking of...then...he had moved on. Sure, I had expected a cold return...but this?

As the bell rang I again packed up my things hastily and darted for the door. Just my luck, I thought bitterly as I got caught behind the pack of girls. When I finally got outside, I was rooted the spot almost immediately. Tom was up ahead, leaning against the wall. He was waiting for me!

My limbs couldn't move. My mind was in a state of emptiness. I forced myself to move and slowly walked forward.

It all happened so quickly: one minute I had opened my mouth to call out, the next Jade had sauntered up to him and kissed him on the cheek.

My heart skipped a beat...before I felt it slowly breaking in half.