The Only Way I Know
Disbelief
A mixture of shock, sadness, rage and jealousy flodded over me. I stood there for what felt like hours, my mouth hanging open and everything slowing down. I lost all feeling in my face as the colour rushed away and I came to the realisation that I had screwed it all up.
Slowly Tom turned around and saw me. His face was emotionless as Jade stood next to him, gossiping endlessly. My eyes searched his empty ones...they said nothing. He had locked me out. I abruptly turned on my heel and got away as fast as I could. Everything was a blur around me. I waited until I was in a distant place on the school lawn before pulling out my iPod and letting all loose.
What did you expect? I thought angrily. That he would be waiting for me with his arms wide? That he would give me a warm reception?[ That everything would go back to the way it was?
I felt my phone beep from within my pocket. Trying to stop the flow of tears threatening to escape from my eyes, I wiped my face on my sleeve and fumbled with the zip on my pocket.
I had received a new text.
It was from Julian.
Hey! 1st day of school alrite? Mine has been shit :(
I hastily texted back.
You have no idea D:
Soon enough he had replied again.
Wanna talk about it after school? We can meet in town...?
Even though the last thing I felt like doing was going into town, I decided to go anyway. Hanging out with Julian felt like the only bright spark in a world of darkness.
Definitely. 4pm outside my school?
Sure. See you then :)
The meeting with Julian was the only thing keeping me sane for the rest of the day. When the bell rung and signalled the end of the day, I nearly ran out the door. Sure enough, Julian was standing outside the gate.
"Julian!" I called, running forward. "Thank God you're here!" I gasped.
"For you, also," he said, giving a brilliant smile that made my insides melt. "Rough day?"
I nodded silently, glancing behind me. Tom was there, talking to Jade and a few people in her group.
"Ah, so thats Tom," Julian said quietly.
"How can you tell? There are four other guys standing around him."
"Tom's the one with the black hair, right?"
"Yes."
"Well, he looks like your type. Come to think of it, doesn't the lead singer of Green Day look like him?"
I gave him a surprised look, which he returned with a sly grin. How did he know these things?
"And that, fair Jamie, is why I am so brilliantly awesome."
"And that, fair Julian, made no sense whatsoever," I retorted, trying not to laugh.
Julian grinned. "In a way, it did. So where shall it be?"
"Anywhere but here," I sighed.
"How about a milkshake?" Julian suggested.
"Sounds good." we made our way across the road and down to the mall where many people our age were happily spending their afternoon. We bought our milkshakes and sat down on a nearby bench.
"So what happened to you today?" I asked, spooning the thick chocolate froth off my milkshake.
"Besides the whispering, staring and pointing, nothing much."
"Sounds like my day," I said bitterly, violently stabbing at my cup.
"Half of those people don't know what happened. All they know is that I'm a violent, insecure child." Julian stared at the ground.
"We're just feeding their gossip needs," I added. "None of them know what happened. Except maybe Tom. But around his new girlfriend he'll just feign innocence."
"Girlfriend?" Julian asked in surprise. I swallowed and nodded, unable to speak again. "I'm sorry, Jamie." He sounded so sincere and genuine.
I looked into his eyes, giving a weak smile, which felt so fake anyway. "I just can't watch him fade from my life. Or cry over it, or constantly wonder about how things would be...and how I hurt him, for that matter."
Julian nodded understandingly. "And I can't just watch you fall to pieces. Not when you're the only one who understands me."
I avoided his eyes, forcing myself not to break down. "Thank you," I murmured, "for everything."
He shook his head. "Don't thank me. We're in this together, okay?" He held out his hand and I took it.
Slowly Tom turned around and saw me. His face was emotionless as Jade stood next to him, gossiping endlessly. My eyes searched his empty ones...they said nothing. He had locked me out. I abruptly turned on my heel and got away as fast as I could. Everything was a blur around me. I waited until I was in a distant place on the school lawn before pulling out my iPod and letting all loose.
What did you expect? I thought angrily. That he would be waiting for me with his arms wide? That he would give me a warm reception?[ That everything would go back to the way it was?
I felt my phone beep from within my pocket. Trying to stop the flow of tears threatening to escape from my eyes, I wiped my face on my sleeve and fumbled with the zip on my pocket.
I had received a new text.
It was from Julian.
Hey! 1st day of school alrite? Mine has been shit :(
I hastily texted back.
You have no idea D:
Soon enough he had replied again.
Wanna talk about it after school? We can meet in town...?
Even though the last thing I felt like doing was going into town, I decided to go anyway. Hanging out with Julian felt like the only bright spark in a world of darkness.
Definitely. 4pm outside my school?
Sure. See you then :)
The meeting with Julian was the only thing keeping me sane for the rest of the day. When the bell rung and signalled the end of the day, I nearly ran out the door. Sure enough, Julian was standing outside the gate.
"Julian!" I called, running forward. "Thank God you're here!" I gasped.
"For you, also," he said, giving a brilliant smile that made my insides melt. "Rough day?"
I nodded silently, glancing behind me. Tom was there, talking to Jade and a few people in her group.
"Ah, so thats Tom," Julian said quietly.
"How can you tell? There are four other guys standing around him."
"Tom's the one with the black hair, right?"
"Yes."
"Well, he looks like your type. Come to think of it, doesn't the lead singer of Green Day look like him?"
I gave him a surprised look, which he returned with a sly grin. How did he know these things?
"And that, fair Jamie, is why I am so brilliantly awesome."
"And that, fair Julian, made no sense whatsoever," I retorted, trying not to laugh.
Julian grinned. "In a way, it did. So where shall it be?"
"Anywhere but here," I sighed.
"How about a milkshake?" Julian suggested.
"Sounds good." we made our way across the road and down to the mall where many people our age were happily spending their afternoon. We bought our milkshakes and sat down on a nearby bench.
"So what happened to you today?" I asked, spooning the thick chocolate froth off my milkshake.
"Besides the whispering, staring and pointing, nothing much."
"Sounds like my day," I said bitterly, violently stabbing at my cup.
"Half of those people don't know what happened. All they know is that I'm a violent, insecure child." Julian stared at the ground.
"We're just feeding their gossip needs," I added. "None of them know what happened. Except maybe Tom. But around his new girlfriend he'll just feign innocence."
"Girlfriend?" Julian asked in surprise. I swallowed and nodded, unable to speak again. "I'm sorry, Jamie." He sounded so sincere and genuine.
I looked into his eyes, giving a weak smile, which felt so fake anyway. "I just can't watch him fade from my life. Or cry over it, or constantly wonder about how things would be...and how I hurt him, for that matter."
Julian nodded understandingly. "And I can't just watch you fall to pieces. Not when you're the only one who understands me."
I avoided his eyes, forcing myself not to break down. "Thank you," I murmured, "for everything."
He shook his head. "Don't thank me. We're in this together, okay?" He held out his hand and I took it.