The Only Way I Know

The arrival of the weekend seemed almost too good to be true. My first two weeks back were, to say the least, interesting. The only good part of the day was hanging out with Julian. I hadn't spoken to Tom since the CD store mishap.

That weekend Julian had invited me to the movies. I couldn't help but wonder if we'd be anything more than friends. He could make me feel better anytime, always knew how I was feeling and always completely understood my thoughts.

As I got ready Saturday afternoon I kept comparing the two together. I didn't even know why I was bothering - Julian probably only liked me as a friend, and me and Tom were done. Well, more than done. We were finished.

I thought of the way I could talk to Julian for all of eternity. His sparkling blue eyes, the way he smiled all the time. The way he understood.

But Tom...his sensitivity, his generally nice personality. How he could be fun if he wanted to...how he could be serious if he wanted to. How he used to make me feel...

Used to.

But does he still make me feel that way? I asked myself, cautiously probing my own feelings.

No. A small voice answered truthfully. You just think he does...but you're living off the good memories...

I rolled my eyes, looking at my reflection in my mirror. I nervously flattened my black t-shirt and readjusted my pale blue scarf. I readjusted my studded belt and looked at my lovingly worn down black jeans. I reapplied my eyeliner and spent a while trying to get my messy pony tail to sit straight.

"Argh! Stop trying so hard!" I muttered to myself, throwing my eyeliner in the drawer and slamming it shut. Why am I trying so hard?

Because you like him, That small voice said simply.

I rolled my eyes, annoyed with my own feelings. I grabbed my wallet and made my way downstairs. My mum was seated at the kitchen table, reading a book while drinking a steaming cup of coffee.

"Well you're all dressed up," she said with a sly smile. "Where are you going?"

"Movies," I said while pulling on my jacket.

"With who?" she asked, sounding more interested than she should have.

I rolled my eyes. "Julian," I said, trying not to smile.

She gave a knowing look and continued to read. "Have fun," she said, trying to avoid my eyes.

"Mothers," I muttered to myself, stepping out into the blistery cold wind. It felt like it would never get warm again...I wistfully thought of the hot summers in Australia as I walked to the movies.

I met Julian outside the cinema where he was in line buying tickets. His face lit up as he saw me and he gave that brilliant smile again, causing the usual sensation in my stomach.

"Hey," he said. I wished he would stop smiling so my stomach would stop fluttering. "You look nice."

I tried to stop myself going red. He only said I looked nice, after all.

"So, what movie shall it be then?" I asked, looking up to the board.

"Ah, I was thinking horror," he said with a grin.

"Perfect, my favourite," I said, returning the smile.

"Aw, so you're not going to cuddle up to me?" I could tell he was embarrassed as soon as he said those words as well. He avoided my eyes and anxiously changed the subject.

We bought our tickets and food and sat down in our seats.

"Uh...don't look that way," Julian advised, turning to face me. I looked around, until I saw something truly horrible.

Oh no, I groaned inwardly. I carefully avoided Tom's eye contact as he and Jade walked in, looking extremely close together. Thankfully they didn't see us - but I could feel something inside of me ignite. It felt like jealously.

The movie had a really complicated plot. And I couldn't concentrate. All thoughts were on Tom. I became angry with myself - and with Tom. It was somehow his fault that all this was happening. How could he be seeing the same movie as us...on the same day at the same time?

Once the movie ended me and Julian exited, the town outside dark as night began to set in. We walked outside into the cold air, but I couldn't help but look around for signs of Tom and Jade. They weren't far behind us, laughing loudly. Well, all I could hear was Jade's voice.

"Jamie, just ignore them," Julian advised as he saw my angry face.

I quickly realised that I was probably ruining his whole evening.

"I'm sorry," I said sadly, tearing my eyes away from them. "I'm such a - "

"An idiot?" Julian laughed. How could he do that? Just make everything so ... understood?

"How about we go and get something to eat?" he suggested, steering me clear of a sign post I was about to run into. My thoughts were so confused and angry, I completely forgot about where I was going.

"Sounsd good," I said, shaking my head and forcing a smile. I should enjoy being with Julian...he, at least, was nice...

We got our food and sat down at our usual bench in the courtyard with our hamburgers, doing more talking than eating. We ate in silence for a few minutes, until Julian suddenly spoke up. His voice was quieter than usual, nervous even -

"Jamie, will you go out with me?"