The Only Way I Know
You're Impossible To See In This World of Lies
I left art feeling angry and confused. Every time Jade's face popped into mind, there was a strong urge to stab something...
I stopped outside my locker, fumbling around my pocket for my phone. Except it wasn't there.
"Looking for this?" A quiet voice murmured from beside me. I wordlessly took my phone from Tom's grip, slammed my locker door shut and strided outside towards the front lawn.
I could hear Tom's footsteps hurrying after me. "Jamie, please - "
"I don't have time for your shit, Tom," I said forcefully, keeping my eyes up ahead. I continued pacing across the frosted lawn, ignoring Tom's frenzied presence beside me.
He grabbed my elbow and pulled me to a halt, moving in front of me to block my path. He loosened his grip on my elbow, before awkwardly pulling it away. I refused to look into his face, and instead directed my gaze at my feet.
"Jamie, will you at least look at me?" Tom pleaded helplessly.
"Why should I?" I asked, relenting and directing my gaze toward his eyes. "Going to pull the same stunt as last time?"
"Look, Jamie, I didn't mean to - it wasn't - "
"Wasn't what?" I cried, angry tears pricking the corners of my eyes. "You've been fucking around with my feelings since day one! I'm sick of your fucking shit!"
Tom continued to stare back into my eyes, refusing to break contact. I could see tired lines etched beneath the eyeliner, lines that seemed to have been there for a long time. His eyebrows were creased with genuine concern.
He took a deep breath. "You have every right to be pissed off. I'm a selfish bastard who thinks he can have everything with a click of his fingers."
"More like a kiss on the lips," I said quietly, forcing myself to keep eye contact.
He smiled sadly. "I can't fuck around like this."
"Tom, I was always the one chasing you. And now you're chasing me when you know you can't!" The tears continued to burn as I thought of all the painful times I watched Tom and Rachel.
Tom opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't say anything.
"Did you tell Jade?" I asked in a quieter voice.
Tom shook his head and lowered his gaze. This pissed me off even more.
"Well I told Julian. And you're fucking lucky he's a decent guy," I said bitterly. I saw Tom's jaw clench.
"I'll have to tell her," Tom sighed. His eyes turned pleading once again. "Please, can you forgive me for being such an ass?"
I rolled my eyes. "You're got to stop living in your fantasy world."
Tom nodded silently, beginning to move backwards until his froze momentarily.
"What - what does Julian have that I don't?" He asked hesitantly.
I paused.
"He was there for me when you weren't."
Tom gave a sad nod and turned away, hands deep in his pockets, heading up to the school building to find Jade.
***
Tom came into music looking depressed and sullen. Suddenly everything around me seemed to fade away; nothing else mattered but what he was feeling.
Tom lazily slumped into the chair beside me, holding his head in his hands.
"Tom?" I asked tentatively, watching every little bit of his body language. He sighed, lifting his head from his hands.
"We're done," he said shortly.
"She dumped you?" I asked in amazement, yet still trying to not look relieved.
"I dumped her."
"But how - ?"
"I told her what I did, and she slapped me-" he directed to a red mark on his cheek "-and then before she could humiliate me further, I broke it off." Even he looked slightly dumbfounded.
I stifled a laugh. "If it were me, you wouldn't be able to walk for a week. Ah, come on. It's only Jade - "
"Nah, thats the thing. I took her away from the group, but they still all saw me get slapped." He shook his head.
"You're better off without out - well, whore," I said sympathetically, patting his arm. As we got up to go and work on our compositions, I realised I had forgotten to ask Tom something.
"Hey, Tom, how did you get my phone?"
"You dropped it while you were running away from me," he said quietly.
"How'd you know it was mine?"
"Jamie, that was easy. There was a fucking heart grenade sticker on the back."
I grinned, picking up the Gibson guitar and slinging the strap around my neck. I began to struma few chords randomnly while Tom set up the drums.
Maybe life had taken a turn for the good. But without Jade, how would Tom affect me and Julian?
Hopefully he wouldn't.
I stopped outside my locker, fumbling around my pocket for my phone. Except it wasn't there.
"Looking for this?" A quiet voice murmured from beside me. I wordlessly took my phone from Tom's grip, slammed my locker door shut and strided outside towards the front lawn.
I could hear Tom's footsteps hurrying after me. "Jamie, please - "
"I don't have time for your shit, Tom," I said forcefully, keeping my eyes up ahead. I continued pacing across the frosted lawn, ignoring Tom's frenzied presence beside me.
He grabbed my elbow and pulled me to a halt, moving in front of me to block my path. He loosened his grip on my elbow, before awkwardly pulling it away. I refused to look into his face, and instead directed my gaze at my feet.
"Jamie, will you at least look at me?" Tom pleaded helplessly.
"Why should I?" I asked, relenting and directing my gaze toward his eyes. "Going to pull the same stunt as last time?"
"Look, Jamie, I didn't mean to - it wasn't - "
"Wasn't what?" I cried, angry tears pricking the corners of my eyes. "You've been fucking around with my feelings since day one! I'm sick of your fucking shit!"
Tom continued to stare back into my eyes, refusing to break contact. I could see tired lines etched beneath the eyeliner, lines that seemed to have been there for a long time. His eyebrows were creased with genuine concern.
He took a deep breath. "You have every right to be pissed off. I'm a selfish bastard who thinks he can have everything with a click of his fingers."
"More like a kiss on the lips," I said quietly, forcing myself to keep eye contact.
He smiled sadly. "I can't fuck around like this."
"Tom, I was always the one chasing you. And now you're chasing me when you know you can't!" The tears continued to burn as I thought of all the painful times I watched Tom and Rachel.
Tom opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't say anything.
"Did you tell Jade?" I asked in a quieter voice.
Tom shook his head and lowered his gaze. This pissed me off even more.
"Well I told Julian. And you're fucking lucky he's a decent guy," I said bitterly. I saw Tom's jaw clench.
"I'll have to tell her," Tom sighed. His eyes turned pleading once again. "Please, can you forgive me for being such an ass?"
I rolled my eyes. "You're got to stop living in your fantasy world."
Tom nodded silently, beginning to move backwards until his froze momentarily.
"What - what does Julian have that I don't?" He asked hesitantly.
I paused.
"He was there for me when you weren't."
Tom gave a sad nod and turned away, hands deep in his pockets, heading up to the school building to find Jade.
***
Tom came into music looking depressed and sullen. Suddenly everything around me seemed to fade away; nothing else mattered but what he was feeling.
Tom lazily slumped into the chair beside me, holding his head in his hands.
"Tom?" I asked tentatively, watching every little bit of his body language. He sighed, lifting his head from his hands.
"We're done," he said shortly.
"She dumped you?" I asked in amazement, yet still trying to not look relieved.
"I dumped her."
"But how - ?"
"I told her what I did, and she slapped me-" he directed to a red mark on his cheek "-and then before she could humiliate me further, I broke it off." Even he looked slightly dumbfounded.
I stifled a laugh. "If it were me, you wouldn't be able to walk for a week. Ah, come on. It's only Jade - "
"Nah, thats the thing. I took her away from the group, but they still all saw me get slapped." He shook his head.
"You're better off without out - well, whore," I said sympathetically, patting his arm. As we got up to go and work on our compositions, I realised I had forgotten to ask Tom something.
"Hey, Tom, how did you get my phone?"
"You dropped it while you were running away from me," he said quietly.
"How'd you know it was mine?"
"Jamie, that was easy. There was a fucking heart grenade sticker on the back."
I grinned, picking up the Gibson guitar and slinging the strap around my neck. I began to struma few chords randomnly while Tom set up the drums.
Maybe life had taken a turn for the good. But without Jade, how would Tom affect me and Julian?
Hopefully he wouldn't.