The Only Way I Know
It Doesn't Matter Anymore
Winter slipped into spring over the coming month without a care. My days passed by exactly the same, but nevertheless enjoyable, with constant phone calls to Alex, hangouts with Julian and random jamming out in the music room with Tom. He had become more like a best friend; and I was eternally grateful. The only gap I could really find in my life was that of my father – but I had rarely thought about it.
I often wondered why Tom could put up with me sometimes. Even in the past month, I hadn’t found a chance to hang out with him just like old times as promised. In between Julian and school, time just seemed to fly.
But I had noticed a change in Tom over the past few weeks. He slowly grew more depressed and sullen, but whenever asked, would merely put on that same reassuring smile and attempt to hide it.
At lunchtime one Friday afternoon we sat on the ever green front lawn, my iPod out while we listened to the Sex Pistols. I couldn’t help but notice Tom’s distant glances across the school, his ever bright eyes seemingly vacant.
I pressed the pause button, unable to hide my annoyance. “Tom, what the hell’s wrong? You’ve been acting weird lately.”
He took a moment to reply, slowly turning to face me. “I – I can’t explain it here. Now. I – I just can’t.”
My heart skipped a beat while my blood turned cold. There was a note of panic in my voice. “What are you talking about?”
Tom stood up as the bell signalling the end of lunch sounded. “Jamie, can we hang out after school? It’s – it’s important.”
I followed his lead, safely stowing my iPod back in my pocket. “Why can’t you tell me now?”
“I – just, this afternoon, please?” His eyes were almost pleading. I gave a shaky nod, almost terrified at seeing Tom so serious and upset. He gave a thankful yet ever sad smile, and made his way to his next class.
The way to my locker had never felt so long. Endless thoughts shifted through my mind, along with a mixture of fear, panic and confusion that flowed in my veins. My feet drifted on their own accord while I felt so distracted – I couldn’t bear to think of anything else. Why would he request I personally hang out with him so he could tell me something?
I sent a quick text message to Julian explaining I wouldn’t be able to spend my afternoon with him in town, making sure I turned off my phone so I wouldn’t have to explain why I was unavailable. The double period of art dragged on painfully; it was as if time had slowed down to a near stop.
Tom’s mood hadn’t change since lunchtime when I met him down by the gate after school. He offered a friendly smile as I approached him.
“Tom, tell me what the hell is going on right now,” I said angrily as his smile faded away as quickly as it had come.
He let out a long sigh. “Not now. Wait ‘til we get to the park. I feel like that place holds special memories.”
“What the hell? What does that have to do with everything?”
“Jamie, when I tell you, you’ll understand why I’m so upset. Come on.” He tugged at my arm and began to set off in the direction of the park. I noticed the threatening clouds ahead; it looked as though again, it was going to rain.
We walked there in silence, deep in our own thoughts. Thankfully, the journey didn’t last long – if it had, I thought I would’ve driven myself insane with my constant thoughts. Tom led me over to the swings, trying to contain himself from talking. I reluctantly sat down on the swing seat beside him, wondering if Tom had built up all this suspense for nothing.
“Tom, please, just tell me –“
“I’m moving.”
I froze. Do you know that feeling when everything around you slows down so much that you wonder if you’re dreaming? That’s all I could feel.
“Tom, no you’re – “
“Jamie, I’m moving. My family and I. All of us. Away from London, away from here, away from everything I’ve ever known.” His tone sounded so simple and matter-of-fact I thought he was joking.
My voice came out in strangled phrases. “Tom – you can’t – I – why?”
He turned to me, grasping my hand just like I had grasped his all those months ago at Rachel’s funeral. His magnificent emerald eyes began to shine ever so slightly with tears; and it was obvious he wasn't joking. I watched his mouth open and close uselessly as he tried to search for words; but neither he nor I could find them, and nor would we ever be able to.
Within seconds the world which had temporarily frozen lurched and began to spin dizzingly; nothing was perfect anymore.
Tom was leaving. For good.
I often wondered why Tom could put up with me sometimes. Even in the past month, I hadn’t found a chance to hang out with him just like old times as promised. In between Julian and school, time just seemed to fly.
But I had noticed a change in Tom over the past few weeks. He slowly grew more depressed and sullen, but whenever asked, would merely put on that same reassuring smile and attempt to hide it.
At lunchtime one Friday afternoon we sat on the ever green front lawn, my iPod out while we listened to the Sex Pistols. I couldn’t help but notice Tom’s distant glances across the school, his ever bright eyes seemingly vacant.
I pressed the pause button, unable to hide my annoyance. “Tom, what the hell’s wrong? You’ve been acting weird lately.”
He took a moment to reply, slowly turning to face me. “I – I can’t explain it here. Now. I – I just can’t.”
My heart skipped a beat while my blood turned cold. There was a note of panic in my voice. “What are you talking about?”
Tom stood up as the bell signalling the end of lunch sounded. “Jamie, can we hang out after school? It’s – it’s important.”
I followed his lead, safely stowing my iPod back in my pocket. “Why can’t you tell me now?”
“I – just, this afternoon, please?” His eyes were almost pleading. I gave a shaky nod, almost terrified at seeing Tom so serious and upset. He gave a thankful yet ever sad smile, and made his way to his next class.
The way to my locker had never felt so long. Endless thoughts shifted through my mind, along with a mixture of fear, panic and confusion that flowed in my veins. My feet drifted on their own accord while I felt so distracted – I couldn’t bear to think of anything else. Why would he request I personally hang out with him so he could tell me something?
I sent a quick text message to Julian explaining I wouldn’t be able to spend my afternoon with him in town, making sure I turned off my phone so I wouldn’t have to explain why I was unavailable. The double period of art dragged on painfully; it was as if time had slowed down to a near stop.
Tom’s mood hadn’t change since lunchtime when I met him down by the gate after school. He offered a friendly smile as I approached him.
“Tom, tell me what the hell is going on right now,” I said angrily as his smile faded away as quickly as it had come.
He let out a long sigh. “Not now. Wait ‘til we get to the park. I feel like that place holds special memories.”
“What the hell? What does that have to do with everything?”
“Jamie, when I tell you, you’ll understand why I’m so upset. Come on.” He tugged at my arm and began to set off in the direction of the park. I noticed the threatening clouds ahead; it looked as though again, it was going to rain.
We walked there in silence, deep in our own thoughts. Thankfully, the journey didn’t last long – if it had, I thought I would’ve driven myself insane with my constant thoughts. Tom led me over to the swings, trying to contain himself from talking. I reluctantly sat down on the swing seat beside him, wondering if Tom had built up all this suspense for nothing.
“Tom, please, just tell me –“
“I’m moving.”
I froze. Do you know that feeling when everything around you slows down so much that you wonder if you’re dreaming? That’s all I could feel.
“Tom, no you’re – “
“Jamie, I’m moving. My family and I. All of us. Away from London, away from here, away from everything I’ve ever known.” His tone sounded so simple and matter-of-fact I thought he was joking.
My voice came out in strangled phrases. “Tom – you can’t – I – why?”
He turned to me, grasping my hand just like I had grasped his all those months ago at Rachel’s funeral. His magnificent emerald eyes began to shine ever so slightly with tears; and it was obvious he wasn't joking. I watched his mouth open and close uselessly as he tried to search for words; but neither he nor I could find them, and nor would we ever be able to.
Within seconds the world which had temporarily frozen lurched and began to spin dizzingly; nothing was perfect anymore.
Tom was leaving. For good.