The Only Way I Know

Neither my nor Tom’s mood had improved by the next morning. At least he appeared to be making an effort, trying to be cheery, and I felt thankful for that. I’d kept my mobile off since the previous afternoon, not wanting any form of interruption from Julian. Deep down it felt horrible that I was avoiding him; but I had too little time left to care.

We made arrangements as to how to spend our day. I honestly couldn’t think of things to do, while Tom was positively brimming with ideas. His tone, however, darkened slightly as he suggested we visit Rachel’s grave.

The grave had been done up since I had visited last. The overgrown grass had been neatly trimmed back while fresh wreathes of flowers lay against her headstone. Tom and I stood in silence, both staring at where she lay completely oblivious to our presence. I desperately wished that Rachel would just pop out from beneath the ground, alive and smiling, just so I could talk to her. There had been so many things left unsaid…

I watched Tom’s expression for a little while. His face remained forcefully blank and his eyes were concentrated in thought. Again I found myself wondering about what would have happened had Rachel not died. I probably wouldn’t have met Julian, and there was no chance Tom would have asked me out. Really, compared to Rachel, what was I?

“I guess we should move on,” Tom said finally, his eyes still avoiding mine as he threw his head back and looked ahead at the overhanging trees. “But I’m glad we came here. I’d forgotten how much I missed her.”

I nodded wordlessly. I had forgotten how much Tom must have missed Rachel, too. We had hardly ever talked about it, anyway.

“Hey, don’t look so down!” His change of tone was so sudden, I thought some other guy had joined us by Rachel’s grave. Tom was wearing a bemused smile, so different to the blank look that was present on his face only moments ago.

“Why – “

“Jamie, c’mon, it’s one of our last hangouts together. You’ve been such a little ray of sunshine lately.”

“Tom, do you expect me to be partying for your planned departure and dancing on Rachel’s grave because she’s dead?”

“No, I mean – we shouldn’t be here. We should be out having fun, acting like stupid teenagers. Don’t get me wrong, I mean, I really needed to visit Rachel and everything… but, let’s just have fun, alright?”

“Okay…” I began slowly, thinking about the last time I’d just been my normal, usually hyper self. Ever since my move to England, I’d become some sort of serious robot.

“Good. I won’t tolerate that terrible attitude, young lady.” Tom gave me a grin that immediately reminded me of Julian. I laughed, linked my arm in Tom’s and pulled him along as I skipped back towards the road.

With a final glance back toward Rachel’s grave Tom and I made our way slowly back to town, trying to skip in unison. I hadn’t laughed so hard in too long; Tom skipping was a sure reason to crack at least a smile.

It was an unusual day, hanging out with Tom. Having only the relatively recent hangouts with Julian to compare it to, I’d forgotten what it was like to hang out with just a friend. Everything was just as fun, but without that air of extreme intimacy. Tom showed me parts of London I’d never bothered to visit before; sights like Big Ben seemed just as foreign and exclusive. We were lucky enough to be in town on the weekend of a market – where Tom bought me a Green Day shirt and I bought him a huge Sex Pistols poster. We sat in a park by the Thames river for lunch, enjoying the rare sunshine.

All too soon the day was coming to a close, the bright orange glow of the setting sun casting over the familiar streets of home after our bus trip back. We soaked up the pleasant evening breeze while slowly walking back to my house, the light continuing to fade.

Once at my front steps, we pulled to a stop, still silent, obviously lost in thought. I could see the sadness in Tom’s eyes as he acknowledged the fact that times like these were soon to become memories… or at least, that’s what I was feeling.

“I meant to ask – have you already quit your job?” I asked, breaking the silence.

“And I meant to tell you that I had … oh, and I meant to ask you – are you interested in a job there?”

“What?!”

Tom grinned. “I put in a word to the manager that you’d probably be interested…” For the first time in what seemed like years, there was a mischevious spark to Tom’s dramatic eyes.

“You did? Oh my god, Tom!” I was trying to hold down my excitement. I really did need a job, and Tom had found me the perfect one. Pulling Tom into a quick hug didn’t seem like enough thanks.

“Really, its nothing,” he replied, yet looking nonetheless pleased. “My manager was like a third parent for me, so he trusted me in my suggestion.” He sighed. “It would’ve been cool if you got a job while I was there, too.”

I gave a sad nod. “It would’ve been,” I agreed. “Remember that first time I met you?”

He laughed. “With Insomniac? How could I forget? I was in such a bad mood that day.” His tone darkened once again. “I wonder if there’s any Green Day fans in York where I’m headed.”

“York?”

“Yeah.” He sighed again. “Apparently it’s really nice there, and my family wanted a break from this huge, bustling city. I’m really going to miss it, though.”

“At least in York there’ll probably be tons of hot girls impressed by your darned good looks – and music taste,” I said smilingly, trying desperately to ease up the situation.

“Ah, you’re just jealous,” Tom retorted, trying to look annoyed. He glanced at his watch. “What are we doing here talking? We’ve got loads of time tomorrow, remember?”

Reluctantly nodding, I bid Tom goodbye and watched him walk away, into the setting sun, wishing that this turn of events was just a dream.