The Only Way I Know

The previous night’s sleep had no effect on my depressed mood. The next morning I woke up just as sombre, not eager to let my final full day with Tom slip by so easily. My feet moved on their own accord, dragging me out of bed, into fresh clothes and downstairs to force feed myself breakfast.

I could feel my phone, heavy in my jeans pocket as I made my way to the CD shop where I was meant to meet Tom. I knew I was completely avoiding Julian by blocking of any form of contact between us – and I was going to pay for it later. Yet what could I do? Tom only had a week left… but me and Julian hopefully had a lifetime.

Tom’s face was one of cheeriness as he waited by the doors of his old workplace. I smiled in greeting as best as I could, wondering why his eyes showed that mysterious sparkle.

“What are we doing here?” I asked, watching Tom’s every move as he glanced back toward the just opening store.

“Getting you a job, of course.” He rolled his eyes. “You’re so clueless.”

Punching him on the arm, I tried to swallow down my nervousness. A job? Already? But… I hadn’t even brought anything –

“Jeez, stop looking so scared!” He grabbed the hem of my sleeve and dragged me into the store. Before I knew it, I was at the counter beside Tom and in front of a young-looking black haired guy whose face bore a strange resemblance to that of Chris Cheney from the Living End.

“It’s Jamie, right?” He asked in an immediately recognisable Cockney accent.

“Yes,” I replied, a little too breathlessly. Jeez, Jamie, you were just applying for a job.

He gave a kind smile, the type which was enough to settle my unusually jittery nerves. “Well, with a very pleasing reference from Tom, I’d be happy to give you the job. He’s my little brother, this guy.” He gave a sneaky glance toward Tom before extending his hand. “I’m Marcus, but you can call me Marc if you like. So, what days are you free?”

I explained to him that I was pretty much free every day, due to my little commitment to activities such as sport at school. It was with a huge smile I exited the shop with Tom – I was now fully set up with quite a well-paying job with nearly no effort at all on my part. I couldn’t help but nearly force Tom to the ground with a huge hug.

“Jamie – what…what are y-you doing?” Tom yelped from underneath my tight clutch of him.

“Thanking you!” I exclaimed, finally releasing him. “A pleasing reference from you? It seems too good to be true.”

He rolled his eyes. “Really, it was nothing. I had to give you some form of gift as I went away, didn’t I?”

“Seriously, thank you,” I said honestly, giving him a soft punch on the arm. “Mum will be so pleased.”

“Seriously, no problem. Just think of it as repayment, okay?”

“Repayment for what?”

“Leaving you so suddenly.”

I shook my head, lowering my eyes to the ground. “Tom, it’s not your fault. I hid so much from you, it’d be hypocritical of me to say it was stupid of you to leave it ‘til the last minute.”

With a wide grin Tom swept his arms wide. “Well, the possibilities are endless now that you’ve got your own job. You’ll have loads of money to send me letters when I’m in York.” He quickly coughed, eager to change the subject off his future departure. “Anyway, where will it be today?”

“I dunno,” I replied sadly, remembering the reason for my depressed mood earlier. Our time was now so limited that my brain had trouble coming up with things to do. It was still in lockdown after finding out that Tom was leaving – and I didn’t know when it would recover.

Tom gave my elbow a quick squeeze before pulling me in the opposite direction. “Yesterday was fun, Jame – can we have that again today?”

I sighed, giving another reluctant smile. The excitement at having gotten a job was only temporary, it seemed, as the miserable cloud moved back over me. I moved beside Tom as we slowly made our way down the main street in silence, each divulged in our own thoughts.

Our day together, despite my sullen mood yet again was nonetheless fun. We did much of the same things that we did the previous day – sightseeing, random spots of bargain-hunting and just enjoying each other’s company. I noticed that Tom wasn’t just putting on a happy façade for me; he was eager to enjoy what time he had left in the city of London.

But all too soon, our day was drawing to a close. Once again the sun’s glow in the early evening reminded me that the boy by my side was leaving once and for all. I promised myself that I wouldn’t cry, yet no matter how hard it was to hold the stupid tears away they began to surface. I tried not to show Tom to make his job a little easier; he didn’t need some blubbering and dramatic girl making his departure from London worse.

Yet once outside my door, I couldn’t hold it back after pulling Tom into a hug. I clinged to his thin frame, almost thinking that if I held him tightly enough he wouldn’t be able to slip from grip. My body shook with quiet sobs as he tried to comfort me.

“Jamie, please, don’t cry…”

“I can’t let you go!” I cried, ignoring the embarrassing nature of my crying. What did it matter? This was the last time I’d be able to hang out with him for an entire day, and now it was just coming to a close.

He pulled away and placed his hands on my shoulders. “Jamie, you shouldn’t be sad. This isn’t a permanent goodbye. I – I want to l - leave a happy you, not a sad one.” His voice started crack, and this wasn’t doing any good for my mood.

“Just promise me you won’t forget this weekend,” he said after a moment, moving back into another hug. “You’re strong, you can do this. You have Julian…”

I nodded stiffly, tightly squeezing my eyes shut before hastily wiping the tears away. “Just promise you won’t forget me, even if I wasn’t perfect.”

“Don’t worry, Jamie,” he whispered back. “I won’t.”