What Are You Waiting For?

“Hi sweetie, where’s Nick going?” Mom asked as I closed the door.

“He has a lot of homework to do, and he wants to study for finals.” I said, smiling at her, though it was half forced. For some reason, I didn’t believe him like I thought I would. I felt like something was happening that I didn’t know about and that he didn’t want me to know about. It’s slowly eating away at me, but I know Nick won’t say anything to me, and if I bring it up, he’ll just say he was studying, nothing else, and reel me in to believe him with his sweet little kisses and soft touches.

“Oh, and you’re not studying with him?” Mom asked again.

I shook my head. “Do you really think we’d get much studying done, Mom?”

She laughed lightly, turning the corner. “You boys are something else.”

The rest of the ride was silent, leaving me to my thoughts, and I don’t really know if that’s a good thing or not. Leaving me to think means making myself freak out more about what Nick could possibly be doing other than studying. He could be getting drunk, he could be getting high, he could be…

I don’t want to think about the last option. He would never cheat on me. I know he loves and cares for me too much to even think about doing that to me.

But…what if he does get drunk? What if he does get high? The alcohol and drugs would be controlling what he does, not his rational mind. I felt my hands start to shake, and I hid it the best I could from Mom. She doesn’t need to be worrying about me.

She pulled into the driveway and I got out of the car, going straight to my room, shutting the door. I dropped my bag on the floor and crawled onto my bed, sitting against the wall, knees tucked into my chest, staring at the wall in front of me. I need to stop freaking out about this. Nick is fine. He’s going to stay completely sober, completely clean. He’s going to be at his house all night, studying, doing homework, whatever he does when I’m not there.

I pulled out my phone and scrolled down to Nick’s number, sending him a text, asking what he’s up to. If he responds within a half hour, I’ll be convinced that he’s just studying. If I don’t get a response, then I’ll really start worrying.

I pulled out some homework and started working on it to pass the time, even though my mind was wandering far too much to concentrate on anything but Nick. I glanced at the clock every two minutes, and when a half hour had come and past, I slammed my book shut and came out of my room, going straight to the kitchen. I guess his anniversary present’s going to be a lot bigger than I expected.

I grabbed ingredients for brownies and cookies from out of the cabinets and got started, mixing everything furiously. A few tears escaped my eyes and fell into the brownie batter, and when I saw that, I set down the spatula I was using to scrape the bowl clean and sat at the table, steadying my breathing, relaxing, pulling myself together. I can’t scream or let my anxiety out any other way, so I just dug my nails into my palms, squeezing the last of my tears out.

I really shouldn’t be stressing out so much over something so minute. Nick’s more responsible than what I’m giving him credit for. I should trust him more than this. We’ve been together for a year tomorrow; I’ve trusted him this long, what’s so different about this time?

I laughed a little to myself, thinking it silly that I’m practically reduced to tears over something that I shouldn’t even be worrying about. I wiped my cheeks and got up, a small smile on my face, continuing with my brownies. I slowly put the ingredients for cookies away, realizing that I won’t need them.

“Oh, it smells good in here. Brownies?” Mom said, coming into the kitchen in her bath robe, grabbing a small glass of wine.

I nodded, smiling. “Tomorrow’s a big day.”

“Why’s that?” She asked.

“It’s our one year anniversary.” I said quietly, my cheeks getting warm.

“Awww, honey, congratulations!” She said, hugging me. “I’m so proud of you!”

I hugged her tightly, smiling.

“Well, I’ll let you get back to what you do best. Don’t stay up too late tonight, you’re going to wear yourself out by staying up so late.”

“I know, Mom.” I said, sighing, and I couldn’t help but smile.

She smiled at me and kissed my cheek before grabbing her wine and going back into the living room where she was watching one of her evening shows; I think it was Desperate Housewives.

I went back to my brownies, sticking them in the oven and setting the timer. I wandered around the kitchen for a bit before deciding to bring out the stuff for cookies anyways. It gets boring waiting for something to bake. It would’ve passed quicker if Nick was here.

My good mood faltered slightly as I was dropping the balls of cookie dough onto the cookie sheet. I don’t think I’m freaking out because of all the things he could be doing, I think I’m freaking out because he’s not doing them with me. I miss him. It sounds pathetic, I know, but we’ve been inseparable ever since we’ve gotten together. It’s just so…lonely without him here with me.

I sighed and scooped the cookie dough back into the bowl, putting it in the fridge for the time being. I scrubbed the pan the cookie dough was on and washed the rest of the dishes I made. The timer for the brownies beeped, so I took those out and let them cool before frosting them, just how Nick likes them.

I rinsed out the sink and grabbed two spoons, taking the cookie dough out of the fridge and walking into the living room to sit with my mom.

She looked up at me with a smile, but it turned into a concerned expression, seeing how down I was feeling.

“What’s wrong?” She asked as I sat next to her. She put her arm around my shoulder and I leaned into her.

“I miss Nick.” I said, digging into the cookie dough, beginning to eat it.

“Well, sweetie, you’ll see him tomorrow, it’s not like he’s gone forever.” She said, rubbing my upper arm.

“It’s just so lonely without him here.” I said quietly, keeping my eyes down.

“Well sometimes you have to take priorities into consideration. If he wants to do good in school, he has to study.”

I sighed, not telling her what I thought he was doing. “I know.”

She leaned towards me slightly, looking at something. “That extra spoon doesn’t happen to be for me now, does it?”

I looked up at her and gave her a small smile, handing her the extra spoon. We both indulged in the bowl of cookie dough in front of us while we watched some romance movie on Lifetime, my mom’s favorite channel. Surprisingly, I started getting really into the movie, getting really emotional at parts.
“Amy! What are you doing?! You’re obviously sooooo much better off with Harker!” I yelled at the TV, threatening it with my half filled spoon. Mom and I have devoured about half of the bowl, and we’re both ready to explode. Whoever discovered cookie dough as comfort food should be a saint.

“No, what are you saying, Ian? She obviously needs to be with Steven! They’re connection is so much stronger than her and Harker.” Mom argued.

I scoffed. “Whatever, Mom.” I yawned and rested my head on her.

“I think someone’s tired.” Mom teased.

“Shhh, nuh uh…I wanna know what happens. I wanna prove you wrong.” I said, smiling a little.

“If you don’t fall asleep first.” She said.

I glared at her before turning back to the TV. When the movie was almost over, I could hardly keep my eyes open, but I had to see the end.

“Yes! I was right! I told you! Amy and Harker!” I shouted, doing a dance.

Mom laughed, messing up my hair. “Alright, alright, you win. Now I think you should get to bed before you fall asleep out here.”

I smiled and kissed her cheek before getting off the couch. “Night, Mom.”

“I love you, sweetie.” She said.

“Love you, too, Mom.” I said, smiling before turning around and going into my room, barely having the energy to change into pajamas before passing out in my bed.