Unitl I Break

“Oh oh hot damn seville honey…” Bert said touching himself,“….I don’t think you should ever put clothes on a again!”

“hmm maybe I wont…”

“Dear Jesus Seville! I cccc can’t believe you you you you…”

“I what?” she said with an evil smirk.

“You look fucking fantastic…” matt said blandly… he was weird and kind of made Seville slightly regret running down the stairs so eagerly but she didn’t let it show that it bothered her.

“Now that is fucking punk rock…” Candace said walking into the living room, an early morning beer can in her hand that she quickly smashed against her forehead and tossed aside.

“Told you she’d figured it out D…so much for your revenge” Candace said flopping down beside Carmella and Claire who were both still in shock. Gina was snickering…and occasionally letting a snort sneak out. Frank and Mikey sat with their eyes closed, though Mikey was definitely peeking, Toro was forced to stand and give Seville her clothes back….

“”ummm…Seville?” he said eyes gazing at the ceiling, “I think these are yours… please don’t kill Dustin.”

“What fun would that be?” she said pulling her pants on, slapping on her red lace bra and the tank she had packed for the day.

Gerard stood on the steps still in awe. Seville flopped down on the sofa and patted the spot next to her beckoning Gerard to come sit next to her, which he did, hesitantly.

After several moments of awkward silence, Frank finally cracked, “So we know how Seville feels,”

“So fresh and so clean clean,” Gina burst in a fit of laughter.

“Well maybe not so clean,” Claire added receiving a high five from Carmella, Seville made the ‘oh how dare you, not I’ face in mocking fun while frank continued, Dustin sitting pissed.

“….How was it waking up to that this morning?” Frank finished, all the boys with evil smirks spread across their faces and eyebrows raised.

“she got up first….”Gerard grumbled. All the guys’ heads began to hang as they sighed in defeat.

“we tried,” Matt said passing a beer to Gee. Seville, Claire, and Gina rose and made breakfast for the group while the guys started talking about the night before and how they had gotten the two of them naked. (they left Candace and Carmella in the living room with the boys-they cant cook very well) Apparently Seville had passed out in the car and Gerard in the living room were Bert, apparently, stripped of his pants, ripping them, and coaxed him up the stairs were he promptly passed out on his bed. Dustin, being so protective of Seville, made sure bert got no were near her and planted her in gees bed, tightly wrapped in a sheet separate from gee, and stuck her bra under his pillow.

Shortly there after Gerard’s parents awoke and bid everyone goodbye. Thanking Seville, Claire and Gina for a delicious breakfast and sending them with plenty of goods back to the bus from hell. Walking out the door she watched and Gee lovingly hugged his mother goodbye, then Bert, which was odd, then watched as Mikey followed suit. She could have sworn Mikey was crying as they all boarded into the MCR van.

Back to the tour, they all grudgingly went. The last month had been hellish but none of them would change anything for the world….at that point. But the tour life was getting to everyone. The whole crew had been doing what they had to stay awake and have a good time for most this meant booze, and for others it was drugs. While Frank, Dustin, Jack, Mikey and Hannah stuck to the occasional drink; Bob, Ray, Aaron, Chris, Jeph, and Branden did the heavy drinking; Bert, Quinn, Claire, Gina, Jack, Gerard, Matt and Seville found themselves doing whatever was on the table, from booze to pills, they kept themselves busy living “the life”. The only ones on the entire tour, though, in their defense, the few who weren’t doing drugs were the ones who didn’t have the time, john, Kevin Lyman, and Mad Molli the hater (who probably could have used a drink), the ones who barely were able to sleep because of the hectic schedule.

Each night there after they hit the parties and partied hard. Seville and Gerard having discovered their identical dependence on the pills that made things lite found themselves swallowing or snorting them in the morning when the woke in the afternoon and in the evening… and they loved every minute of it. When they were together nothing seemed sad, Seville forgot her sorrows and Gerard forgot his loneliness. While most use was overlooked Dustin soon caught Seville. WOJ was to leave the tour for a month to do a stint in the UK at the summer festivals, and things blew up.

Seville had just finished working a set at the main stage when shed pulled the pills from her pocket, swallowed them dry, as Dustin rounded the corner. Knowing when and how often she should be on them Dustin freaked out.

“Seville, what he fuck are you doing.”

“Taking my meds… don’t worry about it.” She said with a shrug,” lunch?”

“Yeah sure,” Dustin said fuming but wanting to take the matter behind scenes.

Once in the back he should have immediately been berserk but he maintained control.
“Seville give me the pills.”

“Why? What are you talking about Dusty?” she said with a slight chuckle.

“Ville, how long have you been popping?”

“Ok now im really confused Dusty.” She was nervous, the forced smirk said it all.

“You know what im talking about Ville, give me the pills now or I’m sending you home.”

“What are you a teacher now, give it to me or you’ll go to the principals office…blah blah blah, no Dusty I need them, its fine don’t worry about it, lets just enjoy our last lunch together before you leave okay? Besides don’t you leave in like an hour?”

“Yeah we leave in an hour, and if you don’t give me the pills now im canceling the rest of our dates and taking you to get help.”

“Get help for what Dustin,”

“Ville you’ve turned junkie on me…. Every other person here may be users and abusers, but not you Ville you’re not like that, you don’t NEED those and you know, hell I had to convince you to fill the damn prescription in the first place, this is all my fault I know it now, but Ville, if you don’t give those pills to me now so help me…”

“No I don’t see why should, they take the edge off, the doc gave them to me for a reason.”

“Yeah so you didn’t off yourself, NOW GIVE THEM TO ME.” He said his temper flaring.

“Dustin LEAVE ME ALONE!” she shouted holding the pill bottle away from his grasp as he reached around her trying to get at them. This went back and forth for several minutes more, back and forth until…

“Ville what the FUCK!” he shouted slamming his fist down on the table beside him that held their meal. About ready to pick her up and throw her in the cab alongside himself Candace, Aaron, and Chris, her decided to leave her alone… he loved her too much to fight with her and if she really was that depressed he didn’t want to make her want to do what she had done before. So he turned a left without another word to Seville who was left slightly tear stained and definitely distraught.

Dustin may have left Seville, but he was not done with Gerard, to whom he passed partial fault for Seville’s dependence to.

“Oh hey Dustin, what’s up? I thought you guys had left.” He said nonchalantly smoking a cigarette while selling merch.

“Not yet, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“uhh surree, one sec, hey Claire, can you watch our tent for a few, sure she said, leaving Gina to work the used tent.

“What’s going on Dustin?” Gee asked curiously.

“Listen, now, I, okay, well , I’m just gonna say it… I know you and Seville are…Whatever…involved and business but I need you to know she’s been in a bad place for a long time. She was finally better and then...Dammit.”

“What?”

“Nothing this is just …nothing, but I need you to promise me you wont give her anything else?”

“What you do you mean, give her what else?”

“What is with you two and your rhetorical QUESTIONS?” Dustin shouted, “sorry sorry I, its just Gerard swear to me you wont give her any drugs..

“I…”

“GERARD SWEAR IT! I know you two are tripping together, just please don’t help her ruin her life, she’s worked hard to make it right, and I can’t bear to let her fuck it up again.” Dustin pleaded in near tears.

“Yeah Dustin, I swear.” Gee said sympathetically, grateful he was still sober that day.

“Sorry man I just, I

“I know Dustin, you care…”

“yeah…”Dustin said turning to leave,” one more thing Gerard…”

“Yeah Dustin?”

“Candace said that if you hurt her in anyway shape or form, she’ do you the liberty of removing your testicles.”

Seville didn’t leave the bus the rest of that day, Dustin was right. So she sat and cried to herself that entire day. When John ran in looking for her because she was late to run a set, he took one look at her, turned and left, she was in no condition to work. That night, Gerard came looking for her, took her in his arms as she begged him to help her.

“Gerard I’m so stupid…” she sobbed

“no you’re not…” he slurred

“yes yes I am why am I doing this, this isn’t me, why?” she cried harder soaking Gerard’s shirt.

“ville, it’s okay… these things happen.”

“not to me, Gee, not too me, help me….please…help me.”

It was that night, in the arms of a nowhere near sober Gerard that Seville found solace and realized what she was doing to herself.

The next time Seville woke was a week later. The days had blurred together and she couldn’t really remember much of them. She remembered the chills, the chills that made her body convulse in agony, after one day of sobriety, lying in bed all day trying to stay warm- even though it was a hundred degrees Fahrenheit and the air conditioning on the bus hadn’t worked since the beginning of the tour. Claire had watched after her that day. She was kind and genuinely concerned. She made sure Seville was hydrated and didn’t overheat. She recalled every now and then being shaken awake; to consume water or whatever liquid they decided to pump into her. It may have been the same day or a separate occasion she remembered being carried off the bus and to an ambulance… whatever happened she had no memory of it, her memory was merely full of images without sound, sunsets without color. But when she finally awoke, came to consciousness-she was alone… the bus was dark and quiet.