Unitl I Break
Chapter 50: Dying all the time
Seville’s pov
(I haven’t used first person but I think now is the time)
I was sleeping so well… I could feel the months washing off of me. It seemed strange thought that they hadn’t woken me but then I realized that I should enjoy it while I could and drifted back to sleep.
I couldn’t relax though… not enough to sleep , then I noticed that it was awefully bright, and I mean naturally bright not like hotel lamp bright. That’s when I started to panic. Why hadn’t I woken up where the fuck was my wake up call. I finally convinced myself to get up because if I didn’t, bad things might happen the only thing was that as I went to open my eyes I realized that they refused to open.
I figured, “hey youre really tired,” or maybe even the disgusted, “ hey your sick and our eyes are crusted shut” but no. As I went to rubb my eyes I realized a second thing, the true cause for panic.
I couldn’t move
It felt like someone had dropped a house on me. I tried again and again and with great effort I could feel my hand move I tried to scream to beg for help but no sounds that I could hear were emanating from my voice. As I finally got my hand up to my face it fell on something I want expecting, plastic running along my cheek. I could hear something friendly and low mumbling to me but I was so scarred I just kept on clawing at my face trying to get my eyes to open. Someone was trying to restrain me but I couldn’t relax I had to open my eyes, I had to speak, I had to.
I could hear the voice a little more clearly but not enough to make a difference, my heart was racing then I felt it…
…I felt a pinch in my restrained forearm and almost instantaneously the numbing sensation spread causing me to sleep again.
Gee’s pov
This was wrong.
Every once of me says this is wrong.
So why am I here?
She’d be there if it was me…
….but she’d be mad if she woke up and I was there, she hates when we cancel shows.
We might as well have with the way we’re getting along. Everyone’s in piss poor moods… Frank stayed with her, Adam is playing for him, I wish I could be the one with her. Mikey is angry he even yelled at someone today…. For nothing and Mike NEVER yells .. at anyone. This sucks royally.
I don’t want to be here.
And I’m all out of cigarettes.
Sitting around the back room of the venue the guys were all miserable, the very thought of having left Seville in a hospital in a strange cities, made him so angry at himself that he wanted to vomit. Mikey sat idly clean his bass. Ray was filling Claire in on the situation and Bob, Bob was sitting right across from Gerard probably feeling the same guilt about leaving someone they loved behind.
“Gerard” Bob said somberly, causing Gerard to lift his head in response.
And then he knew. Without words the two had established that they were leaving, they were canceling the show and going back to be with her.
Gerard jumped up, throwing Mikey into shock.
“Claire I gotta go, no I think we’re leaving, love you too.” Ray said. They rushed about explaining that they were leaving to anyone that needed to know…. They loaded back up and headed out to be with Seville.
Frnak’s pov
I had been the one to stay behind…. We really only needed one guitarist and its not like Gerard could stick around…I wish he could have, he didn’t want to leave her.
I was watching her though, from the windo sill of her room…
It was hard to in=magine that she could lay so still, so peacefully asleep, when their wasn’t a peaceful part about Seville… maybe that’s why I found it so odd.
I was starting to space out when I heard her heart monitor change in pace. It was impossible to miss in the dead silence of the room. My head shot over my shoulder just to see her lift her hand to her face.
“Seville babe! Youre awake!” I said rushing over to her, “ don’t ville its an O2 tube,” but she was ignoring me and kept at it.
Then she went for her eyes. They had glued them shut so that they didn’t dry out or anything, somehtingthat they usually do for unconscious people but she wasn’t listening to what I was saying it was almost as if.. she couldn’t hear me… the I paniced. Becaseu not only could she not hear me but I could see her mouth moving but hear no sounds nad see was starting to gouge at her eyes.
I held her arms down “ Ville STOP ITS OKAY YOURE OKAY” I kept trying to tell her as I screamed for the nurses and doctors to come help and they did fairly quickly…but only to sedate her enough hat she wouldn’t hurt herself.
After that they wanted to restrain her to the bed to be safe….. I think I almost killed that dude.
Seville
I slowly awoke.. I don’t know how long itd been since I panicked or how long I’d been out in general, but at least this time I knew where I was…. Not that that made me feel any better because I fucking hate doctors/hospitals….
The room was dark except for the light coming from the muted TV … Frank had been watching lifetime…ha
He was slumped over the small couch in the room… I was so glad to see him, it was reassuring to know that at least I had the guys with me.
Though, I had hoped to see Gerard when I woke up this time.
Then the door opened… still not Gerard…. But two white clad doctors came in with somber expressions.
“Ms. James youre up” the tall lanky one said
“I suppose I am,” I replied not trying to come off as too much of a smart ass.
“I'm Dr. Shousher this is the head oncologist, Dr. Hansen” he said pointing towards the young doctor beside him.
Frank started to snore.
“So how are you feeling?”
“honestly?”
“Honestly.”
“I feel like shit, can you talk a little softer I don’t want to wake him.”
The doctors nodded in agreement.
“well that’s to be expected, you know you’re really extremely lucky that your friends knew to cool you off. We were concerned that your fever may have gotten to high. But it seems like your doing okay….”
“Well I suppose that much is good news… but I sense there’s more, you said you were an oncologist right?” she said looking at the doctor that looked way too young. Before he could even agree, “ so where is it at, what kind, and how bad?” Seville asked all very calmly still a smirk on her face.
The doctors were shocked by her demeanor, but Dr. Hansen snapped out of it quickly, “well we found it when we took your MIR, its acute lymphomatic leukemia, I don’t know how well versed-“
“I get it. It means I start chemotherapy tomorrow morning.”
“If that’s what you choose to do… then yes we can start treatment right away.”
“I don’t exactly have any other choices do I?” still smiling, Seville was oddly calm about it. “I'm sorry if my behavior alarms you, I just, well I guess I kinda of expected it to happen one day… what I mean by that is that it runs in the family….SO I get it I understand what it means I know that without treatment its a miracle ive lasted this long, whats my out look?”
“6 months”
“That’s 6 months I have to fight it then, so if you could get me the number for Dr. Ketterling and arrange for a transfer to UCLA medical center, I’d really appreciate it.”
The doctors didn’t know what to say they were stunned.
“Oh but before you do that if you could bring in a few specialist from various hospitals for second opinions Id really appreciate it, oh and don’t let the door slam when you leave I don’t want to wake him.
The door slammed anyways.
Seville sighed in defeat as Frank started to sit up yawning.
“Hey there buddy bear.” she called out lightly.
“Oh hey you’re up and not scratching your eyes out I see…” frank said playfully.
“well I was panicked that I had woken up late… I didn’t know that I was in the hospital, sorry to put you through that … why aren’t you at the show you better have gone to the show….”
“the guys went I stayed behind they don’t really NEED me to play, but their not playing they called a few hours ago to report that they’d be here soon enough.”
“Grand.”
“don’t sound so excited punk” Frank said pulling a chair up to her bed .
“ don’t sit there!” she demanded patting the sot beside her, “ sit by me!!”
“so have you talked with the doctors at all…ps this place gives me the heebies…”
“ME too! But yeah they came in and well they said I'm okay for the moment… but I’m dying….”
“hey guess what I'm dying too!”
“Every second of every day right?” Seville asked playing along….
“yup”
“yeah well me too.”
(I haven’t used first person but I think now is the time)
I was sleeping so well… I could feel the months washing off of me. It seemed strange thought that they hadn’t woken me but then I realized that I should enjoy it while I could and drifted back to sleep.
I couldn’t relax though… not enough to sleep , then I noticed that it was awefully bright, and I mean naturally bright not like hotel lamp bright. That’s when I started to panic. Why hadn’t I woken up where the fuck was my wake up call. I finally convinced myself to get up because if I didn’t, bad things might happen the only thing was that as I went to open my eyes I realized that they refused to open.
I figured, “hey youre really tired,” or maybe even the disgusted, “ hey your sick and our eyes are crusted shut” but no. As I went to rubb my eyes I realized a second thing, the true cause for panic.
I couldn’t move
It felt like someone had dropped a house on me. I tried again and again and with great effort I could feel my hand move I tried to scream to beg for help but no sounds that I could hear were emanating from my voice. As I finally got my hand up to my face it fell on something I want expecting, plastic running along my cheek. I could hear something friendly and low mumbling to me but I was so scarred I just kept on clawing at my face trying to get my eyes to open. Someone was trying to restrain me but I couldn’t relax I had to open my eyes, I had to speak, I had to.
I could hear the voice a little more clearly but not enough to make a difference, my heart was racing then I felt it…
…I felt a pinch in my restrained forearm and almost instantaneously the numbing sensation spread causing me to sleep again.
Gee’s pov
This was wrong.
Every once of me says this is wrong.
So why am I here?
She’d be there if it was me…
….but she’d be mad if she woke up and I was there, she hates when we cancel shows.
We might as well have with the way we’re getting along. Everyone’s in piss poor moods… Frank stayed with her, Adam is playing for him, I wish I could be the one with her. Mikey is angry he even yelled at someone today…. For nothing and Mike NEVER yells .. at anyone. This sucks royally.
I don’t want to be here.
And I’m all out of cigarettes.
Sitting around the back room of the venue the guys were all miserable, the very thought of having left Seville in a hospital in a strange cities, made him so angry at himself that he wanted to vomit. Mikey sat idly clean his bass. Ray was filling Claire in on the situation and Bob, Bob was sitting right across from Gerard probably feeling the same guilt about leaving someone they loved behind.
“Gerard” Bob said somberly, causing Gerard to lift his head in response.
And then he knew. Without words the two had established that they were leaving, they were canceling the show and going back to be with her.
Gerard jumped up, throwing Mikey into shock.
“Claire I gotta go, no I think we’re leaving, love you too.” Ray said. They rushed about explaining that they were leaving to anyone that needed to know…. They loaded back up and headed out to be with Seville.
Frnak’s pov
I had been the one to stay behind…. We really only needed one guitarist and its not like Gerard could stick around…I wish he could have, he didn’t want to leave her.
I was watching her though, from the windo sill of her room…
It was hard to in=magine that she could lay so still, so peacefully asleep, when their wasn’t a peaceful part about Seville… maybe that’s why I found it so odd.
I was starting to space out when I heard her heart monitor change in pace. It was impossible to miss in the dead silence of the room. My head shot over my shoulder just to see her lift her hand to her face.
“Seville babe! Youre awake!” I said rushing over to her, “ don’t ville its an O2 tube,” but she was ignoring me and kept at it.
Then she went for her eyes. They had glued them shut so that they didn’t dry out or anything, somehtingthat they usually do for unconscious people but she wasn’t listening to what I was saying it was almost as if.. she couldn’t hear me… the I paniced. Becaseu not only could she not hear me but I could see her mouth moving but hear no sounds nad see was starting to gouge at her eyes.
I held her arms down “ Ville STOP ITS OKAY YOURE OKAY” I kept trying to tell her as I screamed for the nurses and doctors to come help and they did fairly quickly…but only to sedate her enough hat she wouldn’t hurt herself.
After that they wanted to restrain her to the bed to be safe….. I think I almost killed that dude.
Seville
I slowly awoke.. I don’t know how long itd been since I panicked or how long I’d been out in general, but at least this time I knew where I was…. Not that that made me feel any better because I fucking hate doctors/hospitals….
The room was dark except for the light coming from the muted TV … Frank had been watching lifetime…ha
He was slumped over the small couch in the room… I was so glad to see him, it was reassuring to know that at least I had the guys with me.
Though, I had hoped to see Gerard when I woke up this time.
Then the door opened… still not Gerard…. But two white clad doctors came in with somber expressions.
“Ms. James youre up” the tall lanky one said
“I suppose I am,” I replied not trying to come off as too much of a smart ass.
“I'm Dr. Shousher this is the head oncologist, Dr. Hansen” he said pointing towards the young doctor beside him.
Frank started to snore.
“So how are you feeling?”
“honestly?”
“Honestly.”
“I feel like shit, can you talk a little softer I don’t want to wake him.”
The doctors nodded in agreement.
“well that’s to be expected, you know you’re really extremely lucky that your friends knew to cool you off. We were concerned that your fever may have gotten to high. But it seems like your doing okay….”
“Well I suppose that much is good news… but I sense there’s more, you said you were an oncologist right?” she said looking at the doctor that looked way too young. Before he could even agree, “ so where is it at, what kind, and how bad?” Seville asked all very calmly still a smirk on her face.
The doctors were shocked by her demeanor, but Dr. Hansen snapped out of it quickly, “well we found it when we took your MIR, its acute lymphomatic leukemia, I don’t know how well versed-“
“I get it. It means I start chemotherapy tomorrow morning.”
“If that’s what you choose to do… then yes we can start treatment right away.”
“I don’t exactly have any other choices do I?” still smiling, Seville was oddly calm about it. “I'm sorry if my behavior alarms you, I just, well I guess I kinda of expected it to happen one day… what I mean by that is that it runs in the family….SO I get it I understand what it means I know that without treatment its a miracle ive lasted this long, whats my out look?”
“6 months”
“That’s 6 months I have to fight it then, so if you could get me the number for Dr. Ketterling and arrange for a transfer to UCLA medical center, I’d really appreciate it.”
The doctors didn’t know what to say they were stunned.
“Oh but before you do that if you could bring in a few specialist from various hospitals for second opinions Id really appreciate it, oh and don’t let the door slam when you leave I don’t want to wake him.
The door slammed anyways.
Seville sighed in defeat as Frank started to sit up yawning.
“Hey there buddy bear.” she called out lightly.
“Oh hey you’re up and not scratching your eyes out I see…” frank said playfully.
“well I was panicked that I had woken up late… I didn’t know that I was in the hospital, sorry to put you through that … why aren’t you at the show you better have gone to the show….”
“the guys went I stayed behind they don’t really NEED me to play, but their not playing they called a few hours ago to report that they’d be here soon enough.”
“Grand.”
“don’t sound so excited punk” Frank said pulling a chair up to her bed .
“ don’t sit there!” she demanded patting the sot beside her, “ sit by me!!”
“so have you talked with the doctors at all…ps this place gives me the heebies…”
“ME too! But yeah they came in and well they said I'm okay for the moment… but I’m dying….”
“hey guess what I'm dying too!”
“Every second of every day right?” Seville asked playing along….
“yup”
“yeah well me too.”