Unitl I Break

As he headed into the shower Gerard knew that all of what Seville had said was true. He wasn’t stupid; yeah he’d heard all the anti-drug facts before. But nothing else worked. At first he did it to escape the thought of failure, his miserable high school days, his failed cartoon.

He remembered when it got worse, when he started the band; it’s like candy for a band…always available, always at hand, and ever so addicting. But again he knew, not a good enough reason. Then he met Seville and losing her just made things worse. But he couldn’t blame her. He shook the idea from his head; that much was his fault; he was the one that never had enough nerve to tell her he loved her, he had broken her heart, he just hadn’t expected it to break his too.

Gerard got in the shower trying to shake the thoughts form his head, he was going to have enough demons of his own if he as actually going to do this; to be sober. But the thoughts wouldn’t stop coming. As he washed the shampoo from his long black hair he thought of the guys, he thought about how he was afraid he’d never see the again; “I can’t do this,” he thought to himself, “How am I going to do this?” But for these questions he had no answers.

After having pulled on a The Used hoodie and some jeans Gee headed downstairs, knowing that what he was going to do now might kill him, but knowing that if he didn’t stop that it would definitely kill him. As he reached the bottom of the stairs he saw Mikey sitting on the sofa engrossed in a game of Halo. Gerard knew that he would miss it; miss seeing Mikey hypnotized by the Xbox, that he would even miss getting his ass handed to him by Mikey… Gerard smiled, knowing that maybe he’d get to play with Mikey and the boys again ...but he could already feel the onset of his addiction.

As Gee headed into the kitchen, Mikey paused the video game and slowly turned his head over his shoulder. He looked at Gee as he walked away. Mikey smiled…his brother was going to be okay.

“GEE honey, how’re you feeling? Seville said you were feeling better. I called her I was worried. Honey, you sleep like a bear hibernates you know that?” Donna, Gerard’s mother, who sat at the dining room table, went on.

She had to know that her son was in a bad place right now, that he had been and would be for a very long time yet. Seville thought that Mrs. Way had to know, about the drugs that is, but just wouldn’t allow herself to see it; just like so many other parents before her had refused to see it in their own children.

For this, Seville took pity on her, she herself didn’t know that she would be able to confront her own children if she were in Donna’s shoes.

Gee and Mickey understood this too. They knew their parents were not stupid, they had to have known; every now and then the little comments would leak through, revealing some degree of acknowledgement.

Seville was busying herself about the stove, clearly concocting something amazing. She was an amazing chef, Gee could remember her waking them while on tour with loads of delicacies. He took a seat opposite his mother, leaving his back to the entrance way.

“I mean look at her she’s amazing! First she comes form the City to check on my baby, manages to get you up, then makes dinner? Good Lord Seville how do you do it?”

“Trust me, Donna, we may never know.” Released a girl’s voice from just over Gerard’s shoulder.

Seville, still slaving away over the stove giggling at Donna, felt her ears perk at the voice, “Carmella!?!??” she whipped her head around to confirm the voice with the body.

“CARMELLA!!” she said running and jumping onto the girl with dirty blonde hair standing just behind Gee, spatula still in hand. Unfortunately, Carmella was not expecting such an embrace, though she should have, and the two feel laughing to the floor.

“Hey!” said a frustrated Mikey, who just entered the room to find the two on the ground. “That’s not fair, Seville!! YOU CAN’T HAVE HER SHE’S MINE!” he said all whiney. Gerard turned in his chair to watch Mikey pout. It was funny.

“Oh Mikey sweetie…. “Carmella said mockingly…Seville in tithers.

“In all fairness Mikey those two made out before you two did...” Gee added.

“Well Mikey you could always join us…” Seville said looking up at hi from the ground while Carmella continued to roll in fits of giggles.

“YAY!” he screamed excitedly flopping onto the floor in between the two; smiling gleefully.
This only made the laughter worse. Seville stood and went back to the meal, while Mikey and Carmella began a serious game of tonsil hockey. Carmella and Mikey had been together for a long time. They had met while Mikey was working at a Barnes and Nobles when they were younger and hit it off. After that they had been inseparable. It was refreshing to think that they were still together.

“Sure don’t mind me, not that I haven’t seen it before, but I’m just your mother! But not here, in my kitchen Mikey. Mikey? MIKEY!,” she yelled, mikey still attacking Carmella, “MICHAEL GET OFF THE FLOOR!” she said as the two got really into it.
“Ha-ha you just made out in front of mom, hehehe.” Gerard mumbled to Mikey as he arose and took a seat, Carmella taking a seat on him. Mikey giving Gerard the death stare.
“It’s okay babe,” Carmella said kissing Mikey on the nose, “Gee’s just, what’s the word? … I can’t think out it….hmmm… oh yeah jealous!” Laughter rolled throughout a household that had seemed devoid of joy for months.

“whatcha making Ville?” Carmella asked leaning onto Mikey’s shoulder.

“Okay well I decided that in honor of Gee waking up, for dinner, we would do breakfast!” this sounded perfect to the entire group. The thought of fluffy waffles and pancakes moved mountains in each of their stomachs, which was expressed by the voice of the group, Mrs. Way.

“See What I mean? This girl always thinking she is! Seville darling it really has been to long? I hope you find a nice girl like her to cook for you someday Gee.”

Touchy subject, as conversation amongst the group grew stagnant with this comment.

Carmella ended the silence, “I’ve missed you ville where you been all my life!”

Carmella and Seville had been close, especially during tour season….Seville could just relate to her, they were both hyper and easily distracted by shiny objects which always made things interesting when they all went out(going out= lots of shiny outfits). But when the tour ended, Seville had taken off without much more than a, “See ya around.”

As far as Carmella knew, nobody had even spoken to Seville in six months or so, but then again Carmella understood the situation, and didn’t blame her, she knew Sevile as te level headed one...if she left , she left for a good reason.

“Around, I’ve been here there you know that sorta thing. But no I actually had been in Germany for a few months, then I got back here about three weeks, yeah three weeks ago… so it’s been an adventure all my own.”

“What were you doing in Germany?” Gerard, who had been awfully silent, asked.

“Oh well I, you remember that guy that offered me a job for his record company?”
“Yeah?” said Gerard gravely.

“Oh that guy that we met in that club the one night?” asked Carmella,

“The same. Well turns out he actually worked for some lame advertising company but his cousin worked for Warner Brothers. One thing lead to the other and I managed to get in over at Warner Brothers. I did some contracting for them for a month or so, then when they found out I had musical promotion experience they offered me a position at one of their sister companies, Reprise so…”

“Reprise records?” Mikey chipped in, in awe.

Mrs. Way, noticing that Seville was acquiring a stack of finished food at the counter rose to set the table, while Carmella joined her and gathered glasses for the group.

“Yeah, so now I’m doing commercial promotion for some of their up and comings…. It’s a pretty sweet gig.”

“I’d say…” said Gerard, clearly feeling even more pathetic than before.
“ Dinner..er…Breakfast is served!”

Carmella and Donna returned to the table, as Seville laid out a whole spread for them.

Pancakes, Omelettes, hash browns, English muffins, sausages, bacon, briskets and gravy, French toast, and all the fixings.

Digging in “Where did you get all this food?” Gerard asked shoveling a waffle into his already full mouth,”

“Well Gee, you take a really long shower.” Everyone laughed a little, “I went to the store while you were getting dressed; I didn’t know what you guys would want so I got a little bit of everything!”

They finished the meal in silence; everyone was too busy eating to talk. Afterwards Mikey and Carmella went upstairs to Mikey’s room, to do who know what (I know what ;) ) and Mrs. Way went out to go play cards with some friends of hers while Gee and Seville cleaned up after dinner.

As Gee shoved the last plate in the dishwasher, Seville noticed something that Gerard had been feeling since he awoke that afternoon. She noticed he slight shake in his slender, long hands.

Gee noticing this too, set his hand against the counter top in hope to stop the shake. It didn’t.
Seville merely set her hand on top of his, and gave it I loving squeeze.

“And now it begins,” she thought to herself.