Status: LATE BUT STILL GOING ON
Why me?
Shit!
Andrew now waving his hand in front of me to make sure I’m still alive. I snap out of shock that I was in.
“Ahhh no way you knew all this time and didn’t tell me? But I can’t believe I’m going to marry someone I actually wanted to! Not some stranger. Well I guess you could be because you could lie in your e-mail. But on the other hand you might not-” I rambled. “I’m sorry I’m assuming things. But how did you find out who I was? I didn’t have a clue about you or anything else. Also do you want to be married to me I mean we haven’t spoken in ages. All we did was talk by e-mail and things change-”
“Raven.” He said cutting me off. “I actually want to get married. Also I haven’t lied to you since the time you were 7 and I told you a rock is a pet. I know one thing you haven’t changed on bit even on your e-mails or in person. I know you haven’t lied because we go to the same school and at times when I did see you in the hall I saw you weren’t lying. I figured a couple of months after I moved back here. Now it has been like 3 years and you are only figuring it now. It looked like to me that you didn’t even remember the promise we made was we were young. To tell you the truth it kind a hurt, when I first saw you with Alex.
That took me by surprise. Wait but I told him about Alex in the e-mails and I also said that he still sounded sweet and I would go out with him if he lived up here but maybe he forgot I did write that 3 years ago . And he brought up Alex like it wasn’t a problem. Now the mood changed from good to bad.
“I didn’t know I’m sorry but I told you about him and I still have feeling for Alex I mean we only broke up today. I was in the rain for that reason.” Oh I just remember Andrew has a girlfriend also I wonder if he told her?
“What you all ready broke up with him? Why I thought you loved him? Also I haven’t even broken up with my girlfriend yet. I was going to but then I couldn’t do it, it was too hard for me to brake her heart.” Well I guess that answers my question.
“I couldn’t keep seeing him without-” Ring, ring, ring. It was my phone.
I dough through my pocket to see it was Alex calling I don’t know what to do? Should I answer it or should I let it go to voice mail. Without think I looked up at Andrew with a worry look on my face. All he did was nod his head like he was saying go ahead and answer it. I slid my phone up to answer and got up. But I hesitated to bring it up to my face and actually answer. Somehow I was able to bring the phone to my ear. Now all I have to do I say hello.
“Hello Raven are you there?” It sounded like Alex wasn’t heartbroken at all but a little hopeful.
“Yes… I’m here.” I managed to get out in a broken voice again try to make myself not to cry.
“I know what you’re thinking right know why is he calling me after what had happened? Well I have to ask you one more thing do you really love Andrew? I have to know this if we broke up for nothing or because you really love this guy and you wanted to be with him more than me? So please answer my question.” I was in another state of shock. “Raven say something please I have to know if there is a chance that we can still be together?” he sounded less hopeful and more worry the longer I took to answer his question.
“I don’t know Alex I really don’t know. I’m sorry.” I managed to spit out.
“Don’t be sorry… if you don’t know, you don’t know.” He choked. “I have to go now by-”
“WAIT ALEX DON’T HANG UP YET!” I yelled into the phone. Now my knees are buckling and I’m holding it with both of my hands. “This doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. I still do with all my heart.” I knew what I just said was the biggest thing in what was left in our relationship. Both of us didn’t say I love you because we knew that it was a big step to take in saying it.
“Raven…. I … No I can’t bring myself to say it back…” His voice sounded cold and emotionless now. Like took everything from him. “But we can’t go on if you don’t even know if you love me or Andrew more. But I think I know which one you love more. I didn’t say this before because I couldn’t but know I think I have to. Good bye Raven this is the last time I will speak to you as a boyfriend. Beep, beep, beep, beep.” He hung up on me.
My knees finally gave out and I fell to the floor trying to hold in my emotions, so it wouldn’t have Andrew taking care of me again once is good for like 2 years. I hit the end button to hang up the phone. I got to my feet still feeling shaky but kept my balance. I stuffed my phone into my pocket and fix my hair. Then I looked at a confused Andrew sitting on the couch. I gave him a sweet smile and walked into the kitchen to make myself breakfast. I got some eggs out and started myself sunny side up. I put some toast in the toaster. Even though I’m freaking out on the inside I’m keeping my composer on the outside. This whole thing is just so weird and confusing. Just then Andrew walked through the door.
“Hey do you want anything to eat?” I said as got out the butter, toast, and eggs and my plate. “Hello? Andrew are you there do you want me to cook you anything.” I said snapping my figures in front of his face.
“No I ate before you started screaming and I had to wake you up. But I do want you stop ACTING like your okay I know you’re not okay. I saw they way you were acting on the phone.” I knew he was staring right at me even though I wasn’t even looking at him and getting myself a glass of milk.
“I’m sorry. You have done so much for me already and I don’t even know I want to marry you. So it is kind of hard for me because I don’t even know why I like Alex so much I mean we don’t even like most of the same thing. Also I’m trying to think of you and how you are feeling. I know you have a girlfriend and you must care for her. But I’m just sitting here worrying about myself and having you take care of me. I don’t want that I want to know how you feel also.” I put my breakfast and glass of milk in front of me on the counter.
“Okay you want to know how I’m feeling I will tell you.” He then took my hand in both of his like in one of those bad love movies. “First of I feeling kind of confused, about this whole thing. I mean on day I woke up a single man loving my life in New York. But when it came to night I was an engaged man who is moving to Chicago to marry his childhood friend who I didn’t know looked liked because we never sent pics to each other.” He took a breath and let go of my hands so he could run them through his hair. “And another thing I’m feeling is pissed off. That both of us didn’t fight this but just said okay without giving it a fight. Now we are standing her talking about how we are heartbroken and how this thing is ruining our lives’.” He finished with slamming his hands on the counter breathing heavy the a pissed off look.
“Thank you. Now I can ask you this. Do you want to get married?” I said with relief. If so I can make up a plan so we don’t have to get married.
“I don’t know any more. After what happen I just don’t know. I barley know what you. Even though we talked liked over e-mail I feel there is something missing.” As soon as he said that I knew that the whole plan thing is might not work.
Dingdong. Dingdong. Dingdong. We both looked at each other in confusion. I know I didn’t invite anybody over. And with the look Andrew was giving me I knew he didn’t. We both slowly walked to the door. Andrew looked through the peep hole and his eyes widened.
“I knew I was forgetting something I have a baseball game today and my friend is picking me up.” He slapped his hand against his forehead.
“Which friend.” I then looked through the peep hole and saw Noah.
My mouth dropped opened he was the last person I want to know I was living with Andrew. And on top of that Andrew was friends with him.
“Your friends with my mortal enemy who I recently found out liked me.” I whispered with a shocked face.
“This is the guy? He is my best friend! This won’t look or be good for our friendship. Damn it.” He whispered back.
“Well if he is your best friend he would need to know one way or another. Plus we have an English project to do together.” I compromised still whispering.
“Yeah you have a point. I think you should open the door. Also why are we whispering?”
“I don’t know? Seemed appropriate.” This time I said that without whispering
Dingdong. That was the door bell again I guess he doesn’t want to wait. I turned toward the door and took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I opened the door slowly opening my eyes with it. Finally the door was wide open. Without a word all three of us just stood there without a word. No one was willing to break the silence.
“So would you like to come in.” I finally said. Sorry I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Huh? Oh yeah sure.” He blinked his eyes and took a step in.
“I should get ready. I will be back.” Andrew then ran to his room.
“Would you like to sit down.” I asked walking to the living room.
“Sure.” Noah followed me and sat down. “Why are you here so early?” He was trying not to make eye contacted.
“I’m not here early. I live here.” As soon as I said that his head shot at me.
“What since when? Why do you live here? Does Alex know about this at all?” He exploded.
“I lived here since that day you kissed me. The reason I live here I found out one the same day and yes Alex does know about this.” I was trying to stay calm until Andrew got back.
“Okay but why do you live here?” I think that was the one question that wanted to know the most.
“That’s because Andrew and I are-”
“Engaged.” Andrew walked into the room and finished my sentence.
“That’s why. Well at least I know now. Andrew I think we should be going.” Noah sounded heartbroken. God what’s wrong with me.
“Yeah or we will be late.” Noah got up and followed Andrew to the door.
I followed so I could lock the door. When I got there Andrew was grabbing his gym bag so I just stood there and waited. It was kind of weird all together. I just want to yell right now. But I still can’t help but think maybe I do want to marry Andrew. I hope that I don’t have to go dress shopping today. I need to see what my mom is planning I want to be perfect. Wait I might not even want to be married.
“Hey do you want to come watch us play?” Andrew was gesturing towards the door.
“Nah maybe next time.” I opened the door for them. They walked outside the door. Andrew stopped and turned around.
He walked up to me and kissed me. I was in shock again. But I didn’t want to pull back but I didn’t want to kiss either. He pulled away and held my head in his hands foreheads touching. He was leaning down a little. But still looked me in the eyes.
“Raven….. I changed my mind I do want to get married.” He then walked way.
“Ahhh no way you knew all this time and didn’t tell me? But I can’t believe I’m going to marry someone I actually wanted to! Not some stranger. Well I guess you could be because you could lie in your e-mail. But on the other hand you might not-” I rambled. “I’m sorry I’m assuming things. But how did you find out who I was? I didn’t have a clue about you or anything else. Also do you want to be married to me I mean we haven’t spoken in ages. All we did was talk by e-mail and things change-”
“Raven.” He said cutting me off. “I actually want to get married. Also I haven’t lied to you since the time you were 7 and I told you a rock is a pet. I know one thing you haven’t changed on bit even on your e-mails or in person. I know you haven’t lied because we go to the same school and at times when I did see you in the hall I saw you weren’t lying. I figured a couple of months after I moved back here. Now it has been like 3 years and you are only figuring it now. It looked like to me that you didn’t even remember the promise we made was we were young. To tell you the truth it kind a hurt, when I first saw you with Alex.
That took me by surprise. Wait but I told him about Alex in the e-mails and I also said that he still sounded sweet and I would go out with him if he lived up here but maybe he forgot I did write that 3 years ago . And he brought up Alex like it wasn’t a problem. Now the mood changed from good to bad.
“I didn’t know I’m sorry but I told you about him and I still have feeling for Alex I mean we only broke up today. I was in the rain for that reason.” Oh I just remember Andrew has a girlfriend also I wonder if he told her?
“What you all ready broke up with him? Why I thought you loved him? Also I haven’t even broken up with my girlfriend yet. I was going to but then I couldn’t do it, it was too hard for me to brake her heart.” Well I guess that answers my question.
“I couldn’t keep seeing him without-” Ring, ring, ring. It was my phone.
I dough through my pocket to see it was Alex calling I don’t know what to do? Should I answer it or should I let it go to voice mail. Without think I looked up at Andrew with a worry look on my face. All he did was nod his head like he was saying go ahead and answer it. I slid my phone up to answer and got up. But I hesitated to bring it up to my face and actually answer. Somehow I was able to bring the phone to my ear. Now all I have to do I say hello.
“Hello Raven are you there?” It sounded like Alex wasn’t heartbroken at all but a little hopeful.
“Yes… I’m here.” I managed to get out in a broken voice again try to make myself not to cry.
“I know what you’re thinking right know why is he calling me after what had happened? Well I have to ask you one more thing do you really love Andrew? I have to know this if we broke up for nothing or because you really love this guy and you wanted to be with him more than me? So please answer my question.” I was in another state of shock. “Raven say something please I have to know if there is a chance that we can still be together?” he sounded less hopeful and more worry the longer I took to answer his question.
“I don’t know Alex I really don’t know. I’m sorry.” I managed to spit out.
“Don’t be sorry… if you don’t know, you don’t know.” He choked. “I have to go now by-”
“WAIT ALEX DON’T HANG UP YET!” I yelled into the phone. Now my knees are buckling and I’m holding it with both of my hands. “This doesn’t mean that I don’t love you. I still do with all my heart.” I knew what I just said was the biggest thing in what was left in our relationship. Both of us didn’t say I love you because we knew that it was a big step to take in saying it.
“Raven…. I … No I can’t bring myself to say it back…” His voice sounded cold and emotionless now. Like took everything from him. “But we can’t go on if you don’t even know if you love me or Andrew more. But I think I know which one you love more. I didn’t say this before because I couldn’t but know I think I have to. Good bye Raven this is the last time I will speak to you as a boyfriend. Beep, beep, beep, beep.” He hung up on me.
My knees finally gave out and I fell to the floor trying to hold in my emotions, so it wouldn’t have Andrew taking care of me again once is good for like 2 years. I hit the end button to hang up the phone. I got to my feet still feeling shaky but kept my balance. I stuffed my phone into my pocket and fix my hair. Then I looked at a confused Andrew sitting on the couch. I gave him a sweet smile and walked into the kitchen to make myself breakfast. I got some eggs out and started myself sunny side up. I put some toast in the toaster. Even though I’m freaking out on the inside I’m keeping my composer on the outside. This whole thing is just so weird and confusing. Just then Andrew walked through the door.
“Hey do you want anything to eat?” I said as got out the butter, toast, and eggs and my plate. “Hello? Andrew are you there do you want me to cook you anything.” I said snapping my figures in front of his face.
“No I ate before you started screaming and I had to wake you up. But I do want you stop ACTING like your okay I know you’re not okay. I saw they way you were acting on the phone.” I knew he was staring right at me even though I wasn’t even looking at him and getting myself a glass of milk.
“I’m sorry. You have done so much for me already and I don’t even know I want to marry you. So it is kind of hard for me because I don’t even know why I like Alex so much I mean we don’t even like most of the same thing. Also I’m trying to think of you and how you are feeling. I know you have a girlfriend and you must care for her. But I’m just sitting here worrying about myself and having you take care of me. I don’t want that I want to know how you feel also.” I put my breakfast and glass of milk in front of me on the counter.
“Okay you want to know how I’m feeling I will tell you.” He then took my hand in both of his like in one of those bad love movies. “First of I feeling kind of confused, about this whole thing. I mean on day I woke up a single man loving my life in New York. But when it came to night I was an engaged man who is moving to Chicago to marry his childhood friend who I didn’t know looked liked because we never sent pics to each other.” He took a breath and let go of my hands so he could run them through his hair. “And another thing I’m feeling is pissed off. That both of us didn’t fight this but just said okay without giving it a fight. Now we are standing her talking about how we are heartbroken and how this thing is ruining our lives’.” He finished with slamming his hands on the counter breathing heavy the a pissed off look.
“Thank you. Now I can ask you this. Do you want to get married?” I said with relief. If so I can make up a plan so we don’t have to get married.
“I don’t know any more. After what happen I just don’t know. I barley know what you. Even though we talked liked over e-mail I feel there is something missing.” As soon as he said that I knew that the whole plan thing is might not work.
Dingdong. Dingdong. Dingdong. We both looked at each other in confusion. I know I didn’t invite anybody over. And with the look Andrew was giving me I knew he didn’t. We both slowly walked to the door. Andrew looked through the peep hole and his eyes widened.
“I knew I was forgetting something I have a baseball game today and my friend is picking me up.” He slapped his hand against his forehead.
“Which friend.” I then looked through the peep hole and saw Noah.
My mouth dropped opened he was the last person I want to know I was living with Andrew. And on top of that Andrew was friends with him.
“Your friends with my mortal enemy who I recently found out liked me.” I whispered with a shocked face.
“This is the guy? He is my best friend! This won’t look or be good for our friendship. Damn it.” He whispered back.
“Well if he is your best friend he would need to know one way or another. Plus we have an English project to do together.” I compromised still whispering.
“Yeah you have a point. I think you should open the door. Also why are we whispering?”
“I don’t know? Seemed appropriate.” This time I said that without whispering
Dingdong. That was the door bell again I guess he doesn’t want to wait. I turned toward the door and took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I opened the door slowly opening my eyes with it. Finally the door was wide open. Without a word all three of us just stood there without a word. No one was willing to break the silence.
“So would you like to come in.” I finally said. Sorry I couldn’t take it anymore.
“Huh? Oh yeah sure.” He blinked his eyes and took a step in.
“I should get ready. I will be back.” Andrew then ran to his room.
“Would you like to sit down.” I asked walking to the living room.
“Sure.” Noah followed me and sat down. “Why are you here so early?” He was trying not to make eye contacted.
“I’m not here early. I live here.” As soon as I said that his head shot at me.
“What since when? Why do you live here? Does Alex know about this at all?” He exploded.
“I lived here since that day you kissed me. The reason I live here I found out one the same day and yes Alex does know about this.” I was trying to stay calm until Andrew got back.
“Okay but why do you live here?” I think that was the one question that wanted to know the most.
“That’s because Andrew and I are-”
“Engaged.” Andrew walked into the room and finished my sentence.
“That’s why. Well at least I know now. Andrew I think we should be going.” Noah sounded heartbroken. God what’s wrong with me.
“Yeah or we will be late.” Noah got up and followed Andrew to the door.
I followed so I could lock the door. When I got there Andrew was grabbing his gym bag so I just stood there and waited. It was kind of weird all together. I just want to yell right now. But I still can’t help but think maybe I do want to marry Andrew. I hope that I don’t have to go dress shopping today. I need to see what my mom is planning I want to be perfect. Wait I might not even want to be married.
“Hey do you want to come watch us play?” Andrew was gesturing towards the door.
“Nah maybe next time.” I opened the door for them. They walked outside the door. Andrew stopped and turned around.
He walked up to me and kissed me. I was in shock again. But I didn’t want to pull back but I didn’t want to kiss either. He pulled away and held my head in his hands foreheads touching. He was leaning down a little. But still looked me in the eyes.
“Raven….. I changed my mind I do want to get married.” He then walked way.