I Might Be Dumb But I'm Not Stupid Enough To Stay With You

I was lying in the bed in my Da.. Billie's house. I had my own room and everything, next to him and his wife's. I didn't wanna have a room next to theirs. I didn't wanna hear them have sex late at night. In fact, I didn't wanna be here at all. I wanted to be home in Scotland, in my room on my bed. Actually, I'd rather be anywhere but here.

"Billie," I heard Adie's voice shout. I knew she was reffering to me, as Billie already was downstairs. Instead of replying I burried my face in the pillow. 'Satisfaction' was ringing through my ears.

'..When I'm watchin' my TV and that man comes on to tell me how white my shirts can be..' I heard Mick sing. The door opened and Adie entered.

"Billie Joe," she said. "You can't just stay up here all day. Come down love, time to eat."

"Don't call me Billie Joe," I mumbled, trying to sound nice. Before I'd gone to California my mother had been talking to me about how to behave.

'Please try and be nice,' was the last thing she said before she left me to travel to the other side of the world on my own.

''Alright then, Joey," Adrienne said, interrupting my thoughts. "Would you please come down and have dinner with us?"

"I'm not hungry," I replied. Adrienne walked over to me and sat down on the edge of the bed. She rubbed my cheek softly. I didn't like it.

"You didn't have anything for breakfast either," she said calmly. "Or lunch."

I didn't reply. I just wanted her to go away.

"I could bring you something up here?" she asked. I shook my head. She sighed.

"Alright then. But don't be shy if you want anything to eat."

Me? Shy? I was a lot of things, but shy wasn't one of them. She finally decided to leave me alone, smiled, and left. I started thinking. Everything that had happened this year had been so weird. I didn't wanna admit it, but it was hard for me, suddenly having new people in my life. I walked across the room and peeked out of the door. Downstairs I could hear them laughing. Billie, Adrienne, and their two sons. I didn't fit in here. These people were.. Nice. I wasn't nice. I was big, bad and.. Scary.

My tummy was now, literally, begging me for food. I gave it an angry look, as if telling it to shut up. I didn't wanna go downstairs, what could I do? Climb out the window, find a shop and eat? I smiled to myself. That was actually a very good idea.

I silently shut the door, and slowly walked over to the window. I didn't bother turning off the CD, they'd live. It suddenly hit me that I needed money. I sighed and decided to try finding Billie's wallet.

I opened the door, making sure no one heard me, and carefully walked over to Billie and Adie's bedroom. Opening the door, I was looking at the most.. Amazing bedroom I'd ever seen. I was just about to go 'wow' but this wasn't the time. I looked around, then noticed a wallet on the commode beside the bed.

'Bingo,' I thought, smiling to myself again. I grabbed the wallet and looked for the closest window. I found it, and looked out of it. Grass very far away, tree next to window.. Tree! I slowly opened the window and took a deep breath.

"Joey, you're crazy," I said to myself before carefully climbing out of the window. I reached out for the tree, and climbed up on it. The ground seemed a thousand miles away, I didn't dare looking down. I closed my eyes and held onto the tree as best as I could, carefully starting to climb down. Suddenly, and without foreboding, I slipped and fell down onto the green gras. I opened my eyes, expecting to be dead, but no. I didn't fall more than a meter at the most.

I got up and looked towards their bedroom window. Had they noticed anything? I shrugged to myself, starting to walk down the street. I had no idea where I was going, all I knew was that I needed to find a decent place where I could buy anything eatable.

After walking for what seemed like hours, I found 7/11. I entered, grabbed the nearest thing to food, and went to pay for it. The man behind the desk gave me a weird look, before telling me how much it cost.

I smiled to myself, for once in my life money was not a problem. I opened the wallet, searching for money, but found nothing.

Shit.

I smiled nervously at the man, and found something cold and hard. A credit card. Billie Joe Armstrong's credit card. The frontman in Green Day's credit card. A millionaire's credit card. I grinned. Who wouldn't want to be Joey Armstrong right now? I could probably buy the whole shop with this.

"Are you gonna pay, boy?" the man said, interrupting my thoughts.

"Of course," I said showing him the credit card. He nodded, and it suddenly hit me that I didn't know the code. I almost beat myself up there and then.

"I don't remember the code," was the smartest thing I could come up with. The man burst out laughing.

"You don't remember the code? Let me see that," he said, grabbing the card before I could react. His eyes widened.

"Well you're a little thief aren't you.. Where did you get this?" he said, holding it up in front of me.

"No you don't understand.. He's my Da- I mean.." I said, I didn't like thinking of Billie as my father. The man looked as if he was gonna explode.

"Billie and I know eachother.." I said carefully, waiting for him to respond. He shook his head.

"I'm gonna have to call the police," he said, picking up a phone. I shook my head.

"No, no, you don't understand, I'm his son, I'm Joey Armstrong, see?" I said pointing to my face.

"How many times haven't I heard that story," the man said, leaving me confused. It's not as if anyone else was pretending to be me was it? Getting dressed up as me? No, I was just being paranoid.

*

"Thank you," Billie told the police officer. He'd picked me up at the police station, and I'd had to explain the situation more than a houndred times to them. Billie nodded towards me, and I knew that meant we had to go. I gave the police officers an ugly look. One of them smiled sarcastically at me, and I replied with giving him the middle finger.

"Not now Joey," Billie said, dragging me with him. He sounded angry. No wonder, I had stolen.. No, borrowed his credit card without permission after all.

The ride back was silent, Billie was concentrating on the road, and I on the lights outside. It was dark. No snow. In Scotland it'd be plently of snow by now. I wonder what Mum and the twins were doing. I wonder if Don was thinking about me. I wonder what Jay would get from his grandmother this year. Thinking all of this, made the trip back shorter than expected. I got out of the car, and followed Billie outside. None of the others were awake, I'd probably been gone for hours. The livingroom was covered in darkness, until Billie switched the lights on. He tried to make eye contact, but my eyes were fixed upon the floor. I tried to think about something else, like pink elephants, or blue sheep.

"I'm gonna let is pass this time Joey, since it's the first time," he said, breaking the silence. The first time. As if he knew it was gonna happen again. I nodded slowly, I didn't wanna talk. I just wanted to sleep, and wake up home. Wake up in Norway, wake up being five years old again.

"Go to bed, it's late," he said, switching on the TV. I didn't say anything, just walked upstairs.

*

Lieing in my bed, I was thinking, once again. About myself, how I could get into the deepest shit without having to lift a finger. It was sort of funny in a way, made life exciting. Was it exciting? Probably not. It was just a life. A life that didn't matter to the rest of the population.

I rolled over, and closed my eyes. I smiled to myself. This was gonna be an interesting Christmas.