Hope

Hope woke early and she was surprised at this seeing as she'd had quite a late night the night before. She couldn't believe what had happened and the conversation that had occurred with her mother.

How had it happened? She couldn't quite remember.

She frowned to herself trying to think back to the evening before, after everyone had left the little cottage that she had lived in with her mother for as long as she could remember.

They went back to the attic for something or other and that was when Hope had found the doll. The doll with the traditional irish costume that her mother had bought for her so many years ago. It looked old now, its face scratched, the hair matted and the outfit full of holes and all frayed at the edges.

"I haven't seen this for years," Hope said as she picked up the doll. It was much lighter than she remembered but then she was only a young child when she'd played with it before.

"That old thing. I remember once upon a time you wouldn't let that out of your sight." Franky said remembering how she'd bought the doll the day after she'd arrived in Ireland and it had sat at the bottom of Hope's cot and as she grew older the fonder she became of the doll.

"I don't remember much about Ireland." Hope said suddenly. Franky glanced over at her daughter who was still staring at the doll and fiddling with the hem of the dress.

"Well...you wouldn't you were very young. You were only three when we came to live back here." Franky said.

"Why did we stay there so long?" Hope said then looked at her mother, her brilliant green eyes full of questions. Franky sighed.

May be it was about time her daughter knew. After all, she was going to be 18 in a few hours and Franky felt tired of the whole thing, tired of the fact that it had been going on for years, the fact that she still hadn't found out herself who the father of Hope was.

It had gone on far too long but now, now was the time.

She felt it.

"What do you know?" She asked Hope.

"What do you mean?" Hope responded, placing the doll back where it had been lying for years and coming over to her mother. They sat on the floor of the attic, side by side. Franky could feel her daughter's eyes on her. She turned to face her.

"I know you talk to Ramona, I know how well you get on with her and...I'm sure you discussed...things, me before. What has she told you?" Franky said, waiting for her daughter to respond.

"She's told me most stuff really," Hope said. "She told me about when you were young and you won a competition and that Billie was your idol, that Green Day were your idols but that Tre...Grandpa was your hero, that you thought he was the best drummer in the world. She told me that you met up with him and that later you found out you were his daughter because he'd been in love with your mother from years before."

"She would have loved you." Franky said, interrupting and knowing how much her mother would have loved Hope.

Hope carried on. "She told me that you all came to live here and how sad it was after your mother died. She then went on to tell me how you went off the rails for a bit how you went out with Hannah's brother James, how he let you down and for godsake mum how you were going to marry Gerard Way. How did you forget to tell me that one?" Hope said, her voice raising slightly. "Some of my friend's think he's so hot. I haven't even told them he's going to be here tomorrow and you were going to marry him and you never let on. Thank god for Aunt Ramona!"

Franky smiled. Of course Ramona would tell her everything, she always did have a big mouth.

"That was so long ago. You don't know the reasons."

"Then...tell me...please Mom, I'd love to know." Hope said and she did, she was sure her mother was keeping something from about the past. Sure of it.

"It was so long ago but, I thought I loved Gerard and we planned to get married. He let me down, he got involved with James, they took drink and drugs together and it was the end for me. I ended it on our wedding day. I don't feel proud that I did it like that but I couldn't go through with it. He's changed since way back then, he's clean, he's done so well for himself. He's...he's a good guy."

"I think he still likes you." Hope said. "I'm sure of it, its something I just feel, when he's been here before he's always looking at you."

"Don't be silly Hope of course he doesn't, we were together years ago."

"I'm not being silly and you know it."

Franky did know it because Gerard had approached her twice over the years to ask if he could have another chance, that he'd never got over Franky but she'd always refused and she'd always known why.

Billie.

"That still doesn't explain why you went to Ireland and didn't come back." Hope said. Her mother wasn't looking at her, she had this distant, faraway look in her eye. She was weird sometimes, always checking back on old photographs, sometimes Hope thought it was though her mother lived in the past, as though she couldn't quite leave it behind.

"Things got complicated. My best friend in the entire world, Charlie died and I think it affected me. Everyone was coming to me with various problems of their own, asking for my advice and....quite honestly Hope i couldn't handle it. I had my own worries to think about and when I went to Ireland it was amazing there. I could be myself, away from all the problems and concentrate on the charity and I wrote so many songs while I was away. It worked for me."

"But...didn't you ever come back once in those three years?" Hope asked.

Franky shook her head. "No, not once. But...I had visitors, Green Day toured and I saw them, Billie flew out a few times on his own to see us but...I was busy and the time just flew by."

"So what made you come back?" Hope asked again. Franky laughed. Her daughter just wanted to know everything.

"I was ready, it was as simple as that. Now, is there anything else you want to ask me before we lock up for the night, I'm exhausted?"

"There is really, yes Mom. Is there anything at all you remember about my father. Just a small thing like how tall was he? Or was he fat or thin? Anything. Try and remember."

God this was hard.

"Listen Hope, I think its about time you knew the truth, I've put it off over the years for various reasons but now I have no reason and....please don't hate me but.... your father wasn't the one night stand that everyone thinks he is."

Hope was astounded by this news and it showed in her response. "What? What do you mean Mom? What are you saying?"

Franky couldn't look at her daughter, she felt ashamed, ashamed for not telling her, ashamed for not finding out the truth, ashamed that her father was always on at her to do the right thing.

She'd been an idiot for all these years, had wasted time and had kept a daughter from her father. It had been easier than finding out the truth.

"I'm ashamed, I admit it but Hope it could have been one of three people and for that alone I'm ashamed." She looked across at her daughter and noticed how pale she'd become.

Hope didn't speak. Shit, thought Franky, what have I done?

"Hope, please listen to me."

"I always thought you knew who he was, I just had this feeling. One of three people Mom, what were you like back then?"

"It wasn't like that. Let me explain, will you listen, properly listen?" Franky said. "I hope you understand," she said putting her hand out onto her daughter's arm.

"Then try me." Said Hope.

**

So lying here on the morning of her 18th birthday Hope thought back to her mother's confession the previous night. She'd told her story so well, she'd seen tears spring to her mother's eyes a couple of times and Hope had to admit she did feel for her as she told it and by the end of it she could understand why her mother had done it.

Her heart went out to her mother as she told of the fact that she'd always loved Billie, right from before she even knew him but tried to block it out and get on with her life with people her own age. She told her of James, how she'd really liked him, had thought she'd loved him and how he'd tricked her into sleeping with him and then how she'd been upset and had met up with Billie and the inevitable happened all the while thinking she should be with Gerard and when Gerard was back she'd slept with him too.

So. Her father. The person she thought she'd never know or get to know she'd found out last night she'd always known. She knew all three.

So who could it be?

Could it be James? She'd seen him a few times, especially when she was younger when they were at Aunt Hannah's house and he'd been there too. He'd let her mother down when she'd needed him, had tried to rape her mother and had caused the split with Gerard. He'd changed over the years though and he'd always been friendly and kind towards her, so she had no real reason to dislike him.

Could it be Gerard? This one she couldn't get her head around. She'd always seen Gerard as just a friend of the family, he'd visited many times, mainly hung out with her grandfather but she could see that he liked her mother and she'd always wondered why her mother just didn't get that fact or didn't see it or...didn't want to see it. She'd never understood it because Gerard was just great, she could relate to him and his music, her friends and her loved his stuff.

Could it be Billie? Billie who she could never quite call 'Uncle' like she called Uncle Mike, Billie who was always around, and had a strange relationship with her mother. They got on so well, they were so alike. Hope could never understand why they'd just never quite got their act together and got together properly. He'd asked her mother to marry him once, just before they'd gone to Ireland, Ramona had told her this. So why hadn't her mother? She just didn't get it. She loved Billie, could relate to him and had a similar sense of humour.

She thought about all three guys wondering which one was her real father but reaching across the drawer beside her bed she took out three envelopes knowing one of them contained the answer.

How come her mother had never just had the guts to just open them all up and find out? This being the question she'd asked her mother when she'd given her the envelopes. And her answer?

"I just couldn't bring myself to do it Hope, I was too scared to find out. Your grandfather and Julia did it for me, apparently they managed to get the DNA from each one of them while I was in Ireland and had it tested against a small hair of Hopes that they took from her crib."

The two of them had hugged then, tightly and Hope had felt sorry for her mother knowing that this must be difficult.

"Its OK Mom, I think I understand but...I really think we should find out soon, don't you?"

Franky had nodded at this point and handed the envelopes to her daughter. "You do it, its up to you now."

They'd said their goodnights and Hope had gone to her room and put the envelopes in the drawer, exhausted from her mother's confession but now, with daylight streaming through the windows she knew it was time to open them and finally find out.