Philophobia

My heart never seized to stop pounding into my chest the entire day. My eyes always flicked to the clock, counting down the minutes. My palms would be super sweaty and my leg kept hopping up and down. I was restless and frightened for dear life. It would be the first time in 6 years that I’ve actually spent time with another classmate.

I’m gunna to puke, guaranteed.

Christofer had told me in advanced to bring my bathing suit from swim class with me after school. I obviously knew that we were going to go swimming when he said so, but the thought of him staring at me in a bathing suit made me squirm in my seat.

I had only had one class left before I met up with Christofer in the parking lot. I told my mom that I had a big class assignment that I didn’t understand, so I would stay after school. It’s only been a week of meeting this boy and he’s already making me lie and hang out with him.

Through the entire class, my mind was in complete isolation. No noise too big, no laughter too obnoxious could reel me in out of my own thoughts. I was hopelessly lost within my own mind. I couldn’t have cared less about the lesson the teacher was hollering at the students, or how disruptive the kids were. All I could think about was Christofer.

Christofer Drew Ingle

I didn’t understand why I was so nervous. I didn’t understand why I was so scared. I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, or at least I hoped he wouldn’t, but it puzzled me. How could someone be so understanding and patient?

I almost didn’t notice that the final bell had rung until someone bumped into my desk, making my thoughts dissolve. I quickly gathered my bags and headed for the parking lot. My legs felt tingly when I walked, even when I tried walking lightly. It felt weird at first, but I got used to it. I shoved most of my books into my locker and pulled out my swimming bag and slammed the door shut.

When I made my way out of the building and to the parking lot, my legs felt they were going to collapse right under me. My mind was in a whirlwind of emotions and thoughts, making it almost unbearable even to breathe. I took little paces to the parking lot and saw that Chrsitofer’s car was the only care in that entire parking lot. He was sitting the hood of his car slightly, letting his legs dangle freely. I gulped down the little worry and bile that was stuck in my throat and walked towards him. He caught the sight of me and grinned widely. When I came close enough, he spoke.

“I thought you wouldn’t show up.” He smiled widely while offering to take my bag into his car. I handed it over to him and played with my fingers. He noticed it and smiled softly.

“Go ahead, that car door is open.” He spoke softly. I nodded wordlessly and sat in the passenger’s side. My breathing hitched up and my heart started a riot in my chest.

This was going to be a very long afternoon.

**

It wasn’t long till we reached our destination, and by then I thought I was going to die from lack of oxygen. It felt awkward the entire drive over, like if your mom had found a dirty magazine under your bed and confronted you about it.

That awkward.

“Where are we?” I asked while placing my hand on the door handle.

“The lake.” He flashed a toothless smile at me before hopping out of the car and slamming the door while I followed suit. He went over to the back of the car and popped open the truck and handed me my bag over. I smiled and walked behind the nearest bush to change into my swimsuit.

We walked for what felt like hours under the hot sun. I felt my hair pressing onto my forehead from the sweat and my breathing was heavier. I was exhausted to say the least and I wanted to know where he was taking me. It was like he read my mind before he came to a sudden halt.

“We’re here.” He sighed before slipping off his dirty shoes and letting the earth go in between his toes.

“And where exactly are we?” I asked, puzzled why he would take me to a cliff. He smiled and started to unzip his pants, revealing his green swim trunks. Once he took his pants off, he removed his white t-shirt.

Oh god.

Next thing I knew he dashed toward the edge of the cliff, hopping over little twigs and roots from the trees. I didn’t understand what he was doing before he leapt into the air where the ground and sky met. And went down. My eyes bulged out of my sockets and I ran as fast as I could to the edge. When I looked down, I saw nothing, no sign of Christofer.

“Christofer!” I hollered. I still hadn’t got a response. I laid down on the ground with my head peering down into the water. I squinted my eyes together tightly and saw a tiny mass of bubbles pop up before I saw Christofer messy brown hair surface up.

“What the hell Christofer!” I hollered. He was laughing uncontrollably and flicking his hair away from his face.

“Come on Aara, Jump!” He yelled while going belly up in the water. I shook my head fiercely, not wanting to even attempt to jump off a cliff.

“No, I’m afraid.” I said softly.

“Come on Aara. I’ll be right here. I’ll catch you.” The sincerity of his voice from below scared me. How could I tell if he was someone worth trusting? I went 6 years without any friends, and now he wants me to just throw that out the window and jump feet first into the water.

“Please Aara. Jump down. I promise nothing will happen.” He spread his arms open wide and smiled warmly up at me. I thought and thought hard. What if he was just lying? What if he just wanted to jump to only let me drown?

It lay there, on the cold ground, thinking about all the choices I had. The choice to stand up and walk away, like I always did, or the choice to take a chance and leap into waters of unknown depth. Looking down into his face, it didn’t take me long to figure it out.

I shakily stood from the ground and removed my shirt and shorts. I tossed them away along with my flats and stood at the edge with Christofer watching. I closed my eyes tightly and my hands were balled up into fists. My nails were digging into my palm, trying to pluck the nerve to jump. I tired blocking out my thoughts so I couldn’t hear them. The only thing I heard was Chrsitofer’s voice from the water.

Jump. I’ll catch you when you fall.

Without any more hesitation, I sprang up into the air and felt myself falling through the air. It felt almost peaceful to be falling, that is, until I landed in the water. I felt the stinging sensation pick at my thighs and arms as I desperately tried to poke my head back up through the surface. I kept flailing around in the water until I felt someone grip my forearm and pull me up, allowing me to breathe.

It was Christofer.

When I regained my composure, I looked at him. I didn’t mean skim over his face, I mean I seriously took in every detail I could. It had took me little over a week to see he him for who he was. I looked into his eyes; the mixture of brown and green were clouded over. He was smiling at me, telling me what a brave girl I was, but in my mind, all I could see in his eyes was trust.

I could trust him with my life.