Philophobia

It was a week since Christofer had kissed me and I’ve basically avoided him like the black plague. Everywhere he was, I left or moved away. I didn’t know what to think anymore about little Christofer Drew. I was afraid to even mention his name, cause every time his name is mentioned, my lips started to tingle and the fibers at the tips of my fingers become sensitive to touch.

I’ve also avoided Kendall, Morgan, Matt and Jeremy all together. I didn’t want them to come near me at the moment, cause wherever they go, he follows them. I’ve sat by myself the entire first half of the morning, and I planned to keep it like that, but it seemed like the more class droned on, the worse my emotions were getting scrambled up.

I was in Math, in the far back by myself. It hadn’t dawned on me that this used to be my old seat in the beginning of the year. I shoved my face into my hands, trying to hold back the tears. I hated not talking to him, I really did, but what he did was too much for me to handle.

I managed to go through most of the class without bawling my eyes out, which I was proud of. It hurt being away from Christofer, especially now that I’ve gotten so attached. The teacher gave us our independent assignments and we were all about to start until the door creaked open slowly and in walked in the one person I didn’t want to see.

Christofer.

I had to use every fiber of my will to not choke out a sob and just burst into tears. I peeked over at his slumping form, seeing that he must have been exhausted. His face held no real expression and his eyes were slightly drooped. He peered over to me, and then slowly made his way to his seat, placing his bag in my seat.

By the time the class actually ended, I bolted out of the room and shoved my way through the thick crowded hallway. I couldn’t stand being in the same room without getting emotional, especially when he looked the way he did. I made sure that no one was following me and I left the school grounds. I didn’t care if I would get in trouble with the school, or my parents, I just needed to get out of there.

**

I took a stroll around town, trying to reorganize my thoughts. School was nearly ending and I still hadn’t returned nor did I plan on it. I still felt weak, I felt like shit.

Understatement of my life.

I didn’t want my friendship with Christofer to end, not like this. I that I had to talk with him at some point, but how can I when I’m usually that girl who opts to running away with every problem she’s been faced with? I’m afraid of getting my heart ripped in two, but it seems like in the end, I’ll end up with a broken heart if I don’t fix this.

I sighed and ran my fingers through my thick black hair while my free hand twiddled with my necklace. I didn’t really feel like leaving to go home, but I knew I had too. I also knew I had to listen to the hell my mom was going to give me for skipping half of school, but my mind is too distant to really care at the moment. All I really give a damn about right now was Christofer.

**

“Aara Lee Moore! Where the hell did you go this afternoon?” my mother screeched as soon as I stepped into the house and dropped my bag.

“Mom, just chill out. I just needed to get out of there for a while.” I sighed.

“Chill out? You want me to “chill” out after I’ve spent the last couple hours worrying about you!” She hollered while glaring at me. Her legs were locked and her arms were crossed.

“Yes mom! It’s not like I got lost, hell, if we walk right across the street, there’s a freaking police station and a poor excuse for a grocery store, it’s a little hard getting lost in Joplin!” I yelled. My mind was in a whirlwind and I didn’t need my mother’s bitching.

“Just go up to your room. Your father and I will discuss this later.” She gave up and walked herself into her room and slammed the door. I rolled my eyes and ran up to my own room. I desperately needed my own peace and quiet.

When I finished showering and changing into my pajamas, I couldn’t help but notice my cell phone on my nightstand. It was vibrating and the screen was on. I didn’t want to look at my phone, but the urge of curiosity pushed me to look at it. I looked over and sighed. Over 130 text messages and 43 voicemails. Some texts where from Morgan and Kendall, and the voicemails were from Matt and Jeremy. There was the last voicemail, and I chose to read it. I inhaled deeply and waited to here the message.

“Aara… I can’t think of one good reason why somebody hasn’t slapped me across the face yet. I’m sorry for what I did to you on Christmas; I just couldn’t help myself. You are the most spectacular person I’ve ever known, and I” There was a slight pause in his message before he began to speak again. “I understand if you never want to speak to me again, I just… I just need to know you’re okay. I still worry about you a lot Aara. I just hope I didn’t ruin one of the best things in my life.”

The tears had run down my cheeks half way through the message. I sobbed softly, letting everything I tried so hard to suppress out in the open. I wanted to talk to him, but I was afraid. I didn’t want to face, but if I wanted to salvage what was left of my friendship with Christofer, I’d have to face him.