Aurora

After Lady Joy's attendings scrubbed me raw and clothed me in a soft moss-colored gown decorated with ivy - that I discovered was real after careful inspection - which only stung my red skin a little, I was pushed down the hall where Adrian was waiting in front of the stairs with Lord Love. The Prince of Wolves stood in courtly garb imbued with the same strange style of Lord Love. His clothes were made from the same velvet-like material that my gown was made from and the suit, while formal and lovely, was not anything what a human prince might wear in the mortal realm. To me, he was beautiful, with half of his long dark hair up in a ponytail decorated with leaves. When we caught eyes, he flushed. As I joined him, he leaned down. "I feel foolish," he whispered.

"Me as well," I confided back. Lord Love, however, paid us no mind and started down the grand staircase. As we made our way to the grand ballroom, the laughter and the music grew in volume and intensity. And when a strange, ferret-y looking man pushed open the double doors to the ballroom itself, my eyes widened in awe. Hundreds of creatures all filled the glittering, gold ballroom. Some of the creatures looked more human in appearance than the others, however, none looked like me. They were either too tall or too short, had animal ears or a tail maybe and some even had wings. Some of the creatures had the body of a mortal Adonis or Aphrodite and the face of a twisted gargoyle. And those less human could not even be described - some looked like animals I'd seen and animals I'd never heard of while others reminded me distinctly of plants or - to some extent - feelings and emotions. I wanted to laugh at the wonder of it all, but instead looked to Adrian, who did not seem perturbed at all by this display. I shouldn't have been surprised. These were his subjects after all.

A trumpet that sounded like bells blew a merry tune and all the guests stopped dancing, talking or even moving. A bizarre looking...man with a lumpy body cried, "Presenting His Royal Highness of the Wolves and all the Land, Prince Adrian!" Around us, the creatures cheered and clapped. Adrian seemed stunned for a moment, but his discomfort melted away to an easy, if not forced, smile. Creatures one by one came to introduce themselves to him, to shake his hand, to assure their loyalty to the King, to tell them what a wonderful leader he would become. It amused me - the way the creatures disliked and distrusted the humans but could act the same way as we did. Delphine had warned the other girls about those who simpered and smiled their way into court, those who flattered royalty for their own pursuits. She warned the girls never to become one of those silly chits. I'd never thought I would need to worry. I'd never thought I would be standing in a glowing gold ballroom filled with hundreds of strange beasties.

I was not introduced and that suited me just fine. Still, as I was pushed away from Adrian by the crowd that soon surrounded him, I was once again reminded of our distance. He was the Prince of Wolves and all the Land, I was a silly human girl who foolishly believed she was a true citizen of the forest. We were as different as night and day, and I understood that. That did not make the hurt any less.

"My dear Aurora!" came a chattering cry over the din of Adrian's following. I turned, wincing a bit - my skin was still tender - to see Lady Joy coming to me. "I hope my attendings were not too harsh on you. You have such lovely skin and I would not wish to see them mar it!" She grinned, and it was then that I realized that although she and Lord Love were the most human of all the creatures here, they had small, pointed teeth. It was not at all disconcerting, especially so because of what I was surrounded by, still it made me think of just how unique I was here. I assured her with a demure smile that her attendings were fine and thanked her for the gown. She threw her head back and laughed. "Oh! Why of course. Anything for a dear guest. Now - your prince is off hobnobbing with politicians of the forest, such dreary, dull work that is. Here, let me see if I can find you a suitable partner for the next dance."

"Oh Lady Joy, that shan't be necess-" However, just as I was about to explain that I didn't know any of the dances, I was thrust into the arms of man with small feline ears jutting out of the top of his head and cat-like yellow eyes. Even with the odd features he was still handsome enough, and he bowed like a perfect gentleman. "This, my dear Aurora, is the Baron of Curosity. I'm sure you'll find him quite amiable, and very agile! My dear Baron, this is Aurora of the Forest."

"Aurora of the Forest you say? Have you forgotten your origins?" The Baron clicked his heels together and I nodded, flushing. "Why, that's no matter. Let me take you for a spin around the ballroom. I trust you remember how to dance?" I could say nothing. I did not wish to injure his feelings by admitting that I didn't know how to dance and would be better off just being left alone for the remainder of the night, so I let him lead me to the floor. It was then that I realized that the other couples were waltzing - a purely human thing to do. I almost wanted to giggle, but bit it back, lest the Baron think me mad.

"Ah no, no I don't believe I've forgotten how to dance."

The Baron grinned and oddly wide grin and we began to dance with the other couples. It was strange, I hadn't waltzed in years but my feet knew all the right steps. The other couples dancing seemed to be giving off a pearlescent, gold glow and the music...the music was like nothing I'd heard before in my life. I could not rightly say it was beautiful, only that it made my soul ache. The Baron, like his animal counterpart, was quick and dainty on his feet. He twirled me around with distinctively casual steps. "I couldn't help but notice that you came with the Prince of Wolves. Are you and he lovers?" The Baron's words were blunt and they caused me to flush. "Oh - I'm sorry to have embarrassed you. I am too inquisitive for most people, it is just my nature. Please, tell me if I am prying too much."

I shook my head and mustered an almost sad smile. At least, it felt sad to me. The strings of my heart seemed to be tugging the corners of my mouth down, no matter how hard I tried to lift them. "No." My words were breathless, and it wasn't because I was tired from dancing. "No, we are not lovers."

"But you wish you were," The Baron replied. I lifted my eyebrows in a blurry apology. "Hah! If there is one thing you should never apologize for, it is for love. Love never apologizes, therefore, you should never make excuses for it, hm?" His eyes were bright and I nodded, managing a laugh. "You should laugh more often, Aurora of the Forest. You are quite lovely when you do."

This caused me to laugh a real laugh and my throat once again opened and the tears that sat at the edge of my eyes were no longer important. I was about to thank him for the compliment when we were joined by another. The Baron did not even stop in an abrupt manner - even stopping was smooth and graceful for him. Adrian stood with us now, his eyes dark, his mouth set in a straight line. He was annoyed - that much was easy to see - but about what, I couldn't be sure. Amusement filtered over The Baron's face. "Excuse me, but may I cut in?" Adrian's words were just that - cutting. The Baron clicked his heels again, bowed, and moved away silently. Adrian resumed The Baron's place before me and once more we began to waltz in time with the music. "I apologize for deserting you. I did not mean to do that." Adrian's voice was less strained now, softer, easier, more relaxed.

"It's fine. You are the future king. I am just a silly human girl."

Adrian looked down, swallowed, and then looked back at me. "Would you like to go outside for a bit of air? There is something I...well there is something I wanted to explain to you. A few things, actually." I realized he must be talking about the comment Lady Joy had made earlier about The General of the Wolves planning a defensive strategy against Lunarenstein. I bobbed my head and Adrian led me through the crowd. Around us, couples paused in their dancing to watch us - or no, when I looked, I saw that their eyes were on The Prince of Wolves. I kept my head down until we passed through a set of doors and were outside on a small terrace half covered in snow. Even though we hadn't been in the room for that long, I was still flushed with heat. The cold air felt pleasant on my skin. Adrian took a few steps, put his hand in the snow, and then turned around. I kept quiet, waiting for him. "Awhile ago you asked about Lourdes's father. I told you he was not something you needed to know about. I suppose I was wrong. Lourdes's father is Ulrik. He is the General of the Wolf Army. He is the only one my father trusts, but he and I don't see eye-to-eye on many things. Ulrik, and Lourdes, as I'm sure you've noticed, relies on fear. He believes fear is the way to submission. He believes fear is the way to power." Adrian paused and lifted an eyebrow. "He hates the girls of Lunarenstein. He constantly tells me that if he were king, he would make us kill them all, rip them apart, one by one."

"A pleasant image," I remarked.

Adrian put his hands in the pockets of his velveteen trousers and looked out to the vast, neverending forest. "He believes that with Lourdes as my wife, I will be able to be persuaded into adopting his fear tactics. My father doesn't know it, doesn't see it. Or if he does, he does not say anything about it. He..." a pained look came over Adrian's face.

"What?"

"Nothing." Again his features went to stone and I looked away. He was about to tell me something and the backed out of it. What could it have been? "Either way, I do not support his ideas. My father, on the other hand, trusts him enough. He has promised that while I'm gone, he will make no rash decisions, but still, everyday I fear that rumors will start to circulate about a massacre of defenseless human girls..."

My hands balled up into fists. "We're not defenseless. Or, they're not, whichever. My girls are fearsome warriors. They can fight against you, we've killed your kind before and by the gods I am sure we could do it again. I am sure that we would not..." it was then that I realized tears were running down my face. "They would not..." Oh dear heavens above, if the wolves wished to kill my girls, they would do so. We had never stood a chance against them before, they had only been humoring us. Why hadn't they stopped after we'd killed one of their people? Why hadn't they torn us apart? I did not know, did not care. If they wanted to, they would kill my girls. I closed my eyes, silently crying, imagining Magdalena, Lise, Ileana, Rosalyn...even Niamh. And all the little ones too, they would leave none alive. And Delphine...I saw Delphine's cold body lying in the snow, dead. Because I was not there to tell them to run. I was not there to tell them they would never win against the beasts.

Arms came around my shoulders and Adrian crushed me against him. "Oh gods, Aurora, I am so sorry. I never meant to make you cry, oh please don't cry, please, please..." His voice was rough. "My father would do nothing to you, I am sure, he promised not to do anything while I wasn't there. He promised." Then, without warning, Adrian stepped away from me, his face contorted in anguish. He turned away from me and strode to a sad looking wrought-iron chair that listed terribly on the terrace. With a swift hand, he knocked the chair over, sending it shattering to the stone. I stpped back. "It wasn't supposed to be this way!" he cried, his voice guttural and fierce. "Oh what have I done...what have I done?"

Now it was me who ran to him. I touched his back and pulled him against me. "What is it? What is it?" I questioned.

He did not say, but his breathing stopped being so labored. His body, strung up tight like a wire, relaxed into my arms. "Do you remember...when Charon could not tell that I was a wolf? Not until I told him did he realize." Pressing my head onto Adrian's back, I nodded. "The reason I was so upset over that remark..." he laughed under his breath. "I have always been different from them. I don't know why. I don't want to know why. But I have always been different. More human. My father has never minded Ulrik's idea of killing and terrorizing in exchange for power. He does not rule by an iron fist, but he generally does what Ulrik wants to do. I have never liked it. But I have been too cowardly to stand up to him. Because I am different. I am not as fierce, not as strong, not as brave...not like them. I am too human. Too human, but not human enough. Not human enough to love a woman who has loved me her entire life. Not human enough to be accepted among mortals. Just human enough to feel...to feel as if my heart would explode with the burdens of my emotions."

I said nothing for a long time, and just let Adrian's breathing return to even and and normal beneath my palms. "Do you think..." I started, licked my lips, and started again. "Do you think it was fate that we might find each other? " Once more Adrian's body tensed. "That you should feel so different from your companions and I should feel so different than mine? You are destined to inherit the responsibility of the forest, I was destined to inherit the responsibility of Lunarenstein. They are both unwelcome burdens for us. You saved me, Adrian. And although I still feel for my girls...although they are still my girls, I am no longer a part of that future. I can make my own path."

He relaxed and turned his head back at me. "I wish we all had that luxury," he answered, his voice low. "When I told you this would end in tragedy," Adrian said, picking up his hand to run the back of it down my face and to my neck, "I was speaking the truth." With that, he gently pulled my arms from around his body and set them at my side. Then, still holding onto my wrists, he kissed my forehead and disappeared through the doors. Back to the ball. I watched as he walked through the couples dancing and then out of my sight. I stared at the golden scene in front of me, watching a woman with fire for hair dancing with a mouse on two legs. I watched as a green-skinned, fish-eyed creature walked in front of the door - but I didn't really watch.

My body ached with frustration and I turned around and stared at the darkness that was the forest. Damn him, I thought. Damn him, damn him, damn him! Opening my mouth, I let an anguished little scream. It was juvenile, almost a temper tantrum, but I didn't care. Not when one moment I was holding him in my arms and the next he was telling me that this would all end in tragedy. "What do you know, huh?" I yelled to the forest. "How do you know? Couldn't you at least give being happy a try?! Godammit!"

To my right I heard something crunch and crack and in an instant I was backed up against the doors, ready to throw myself back into the ball. I needn't have worried. It was Dog who came loping out of the darkness and into the light the spilled on the terrace, overgrown with weeds and brown moss. It was as if all my sadness and frustration was evaporated as soon as Dog appeared. My face lit up and I threw my arms around him. I heard his wind-laugh in my ear. I see you've missed me, he said. I was struck by how familiar and comforting his voice sounded in my ear. Like home. Wherever home was. Are you all right? Your eyes are red. Have you been crying?

Rubbing my eyes, I shook my head. "No, no I'm okay. Oh, I am so happy to see you. I have missed you so." A laugh escaped me. "It has been so difficult these past few days...or weeks I do not know. Adrian is...a difficult companion. At times he is so kind and so gentle and at other times, talking to him is like talking to a brick wall."

I understand, Dog answered and licked my face. Has he hurt you?

"Maybe," I whispered. "But it is none of your concern." Once again I hugged Dog. "He did tell me that this would all end in tragedy. I should have listened. Sometimes in that dark silence when I could find nothing to say, I would talk to you in my head. I knew that it would be easier if you were my companion, not Adrian." Dog laughed again my ear - chuckled was more like it. "Don't make fun of me! You are so easy to talk to. No false pretenses. I can be myself and only myself around you."

You cannot be yourself when you are with Adrian?

I lowered my head, thinking of the awful sinking nervousness that assaulted me each time I saw him. It was a joy and it was a pain so great I knew I'd never known joy or pain before this. "I can only be part of myself with him. There is so much we hide from each other. I know he has secrets from me and I have a few secrets of my own." Dog began to ask but I cut him off. "Oh you will hate me if I tell you. Please don't make me admit my feelings for him to you. No, I cannot. It is too embarrassing. He sees me as a silly child and that is truly all I am. Silly. And a child."

Dog gave an indignant bark. Never think that, Aurora. You are lovely. He licked my face again. Your feelings, as you call them, for the Prince of Wolves disconcerts me. I cannot lie. Do you... I heard him take a deep breath. Do you love him?

Burying my face in his fur, I moaned. "Oh Dog, I don't know. I don't know, it is awful, how I feel. If this is love, I want no part of it."

He is not good, Aurora. You are right. He does hide things from you.

"What kind of things?"

You know it is not my place to tell you.

I groaned and turned my head to the side. Dog moved his head so his dark, innocent eyes were looking at mine. "All you men are the same. Impossible to understand. You, sir, are no better than Adrian, or even that cunning little deviant Nikolae. And I had almost forgotten about him!" In exasperation, I sighed deeply and rested my forehead against Dog's warm body. My hands petted his fur and scratched his ears. "I miss them." My voice was quiet. "Magdalena would have known what to say. She would have been able to explain what was going on in my heart. She would have known. Gods, I even miss Rosalyn with her haughty glares and Niamh with her trickster ways."

Aurora, you could go back. You know you always have a choice. You can go back.

"No. No, I cannot. I am a citizen of the forest now. I am bound to Adrian for the remainder of this journey.The Moon Queen, The Liche Queen and now even Lady Joy expect me to complete this quest. And even if none of those obstacles were in my way...I would still know that I must finish this. I know that there is something for me at the end of this journey. Whether it is some gold or jewels or nothing tangible, I know I will feel rewarded. I know I must not go back. I know I must keep going forward. It is what is right. It is just so hard."

What is right is often hard, Aurora. I trust in your courage. You are stronger than you know.

"Thank you for your words." I kissed Dog on his face. "You are so easy to talk to, you set my spirits at ease."

You cannot have these sorts of conversations with Adrian?

"Sometimes I feel as if we are on the edge of...something. It is like we are both too afraid to be comfortable with one another, lest we fall into something neither of us are ready for." I laughed. "What am I saying? It doesn't matter. No, I cannot have these sort of conversations with the Prince of Wolves, Dog. He is just that, the Prince of Wolves. When this is all over, he will marry Lourdes and soon he will be king. After, I must find a place in this world, a place where I belong. It shall be my new quest. I am sure it will be much harder than simply rescuing the Moon Queen." I paused. "I do wish, though. I wish I did belong in his life. It is a small, silly wish. But it is a wish nonetheless." Dog didn't say anything after that and I sat in relative silence, hugging and petting him. "I should go back," I mumbled eventually, even though I didn't wish for him to leave my side.

If you need me, Aurora, Dog said, licking my chin. If you need me, you need only to think of me. I will try to be there as soon as I can. I promise you that. I nodded. Goodbye, Aurora. I will see you again soon. Good luck.

"Thank you. Goodbye," I answered and let him disappear off the way he'd come, into the darkness. It was then, with a start, I realized how freezing I was and slipped back into the ballroom. Finding Lady Joy, I asked her where Adrian had gone to, and she answered that he had retired for the night. I replied that I was thinking of doing the same thing as well and thanked her for a lovely ball and made my way from the grand ballroom back to the modestly sized yet ornately furnished chamber that the attendings had led me to earlier. A warm fire crackled in the hearth and a white nightgown was laid out on my bed. With a content sigh, I brushed my hair with my fingers, careful to be gentle with the flowers atop my head and changed from the moss and ivy gown into the white nightshirt. It was even softer than the ballgown. The bed felt like a cloud and, settling in to the downy comforters, I let myself succumb to sleep.

I was back in the Lake of Shadows and Songs. A figure was in front of me and the claws were pulling me away from him. I kicked at the webbed shadow-hands and tried to make my way to the figure. It was a man, but I could not see him fully. He had his hand held out towards me; it was a hand I took. Suddenly I was no longer in the lake, no longer drowning. I was standing in utter darkness, holding a low torch that did not burn bright enough. It flared and the man became clear in front of me. He had short black hair, but what before I'd thought was pale skin was dark - dark like mine. He smiled. His face was older, yet still handsome. 'Aurora,' he said. 'Aurora...my daughter...'

When I awoke I felt strangely alive, the dream a memory I could only half remember.