Aurora

karnivale of the nighte.

We ran on and on during the night, and above us, the Aurora Borealis flashed through the sky. At times Adrian was a lead weight behind me, but at other times his hand felt alert within mine. On we ran, through the snow, through the still woods, until at last we came to an abrupt stop, found an empty tree and collapsed into sleep, huddled next to each other, our fingers still entwined. All night I dreamed of nymphs laughing at me as my hands reached towards Adrian, pulling him to me, trying to kiss him. When I awoke, I was alone. The dream was still fresh in my mind. I closed my eyes and imagined kissing him: what his lips might feel like, what he might taste like...I'd only read about kisses or seen them. I didn't even know if I could begin to imagine something so foreign to me.

"I need to ask for your forgiveness." Leaning up, I saw that Adrian had somehow entered the small space without making any noise. I was still trying to blink away sleep and could not comprehend what he meant by his words; I only thought of his lips against mine and his body on top of me. "I betrayed our oath last night, our oath and your trust." He'd been standing as tall as he could before without hitting his head, now he sat cross-legged on the floor of the little space. "I did not know my own mind last night. I thought I could fight them, and I was able to for awhile. You...don't know what they do to men. I felt things...I saw things...if you had not done what you did, I would never have left."

I hugged my knees to my chest. "What do you mean, you felt things and you saw things? What sorts of...'things'?" Then again, did I really want to know. Adrian flushed and turned away. I shook my head. "It's not important. I'm sorry I asked. Please, don't apologize, you've nothing to apologize for. What happened last night, it was not any of your doing. It was the nymphs. I should have shot that one who seduced you...what was her name? Oh what does it matter, I should have shot them the moment I saw them, we should never have stayed longer than necessary, we should have kept going, I should have refused to stop."

"Can we erase it from our journey, then? Can we pretend that it never happened?" His voice sounded hopeful.

For a moment, the thought of my confession flashed through my head. I'd told the dark-eyed nymph that I loved Adrian, and while that was true, it could not be so. I was not his and he was not mine. He was Lourdes', and he would always be hers. No matter what I had told the nymph last night, those feelings must stay secret. No more dreams, no more aches, no more longings. I needed to shut that part of my body and my mind away, it must lock up tight. I was growing restless with this love, it was weighing down and burdening me the way Adrian had sometimes been last night. I nodded my head. "Yes, we can pretend it never happened," I answered. It never happened. You did not thrust your love for him into the light. It does not exist.

Still, while we said that we must erase it from memory, this was not as easy done as it was said. Adrian was embarrassed around me all day. When he stood too close to me and accidentally brushed my leg with his fingers, I had to force him to stop apologizing. When he absent-mindedly picked a very dead leaf out of my hair, he flicked it away, caught himself and became sullen. The day was awkward, filled with half-encounters and the whispers of things I could not face, nor name.

As the sun traveled through the sky, the light in the forest turned from gray, to golden, then to brilliant red and finally a dusky purple. We did not speak of stopping. Something kept telling me to keep going; it was as if the Moon Queen herself was telling my heart that she was close by. With each step we took we were nearer to her tower, and although I could not see it through the trees, I could feel it, just beyond our reach. I glanced towards Adrian to see if he felt what I did, but he was looking absentmindedly forward. Then, he stopped. Startled, I forced myself to stop as well, sending my torso over my legs in an awkward fall that I caught at the last minute. I opened my mouth to ask Adrian why he'd stopped, I heard it. In the distance there were voices...music...strange for this time of night. When we passed by villages at nightfall they were quiet. Malevolent spirits, they warned, but Adrian had whispered it off as superstition. Now I wondered if we were to finally come in contact with these so-called spooks.

Adrian held his hand out to me, but when I took it, he let his hand come around my wrist. Distracted enough not to care, we took careful steps forward. There was light ahead, through the trees. Firelight. The voices and the music was growing louder, until we broke through into a large clearing and my eyes widened in awe.

It was a carnival. The banner hanging between the trees proclaimed it to be so. Karnivale of the Nighte was written in red on the tattered, purple cloth. I looked to Adrian. "Do we go around?" I questioned. If he meant to say yes, it was lost as we were approached by a man sized frog standing on his hind legs and dressed in a colorful red costume.

"Step right up folks, to the greatest show in the forest. You'll see things here you never knew could exist in your wildest imaginations...in this Forest of Wonders, anything is possible!" I looked past the entrance to see creatures of all forms stalking up and down a well lit midway. I'd read about carnivals in books, the curiosities and the delights, the sights, the smells, the tastes...fires burned in between large tents made of cloth as tattered as the sign. Wooden structures on beams tilted in the distance. An unearthly howl pierced the air, followed by laughter. Stone statues adorned the path, their smirking faces staring at me, inviting me in. This was the territory of the malevolent, I could tell. It was entrancing, though, everything painted in colors that once had been bright but must have faded over time. Through the hum of voices, I heard the faint notes of an out-of-tune calliope.

Adrian shook his head. "No, no thank you. We are but travelers passing through."

The carnival talker grinned and grasped Adrian's arm. "No charge for you folks, come on through," his voice was a croak as he pulled Adrian, who pulled me, through the entrance. As soon as we walked through, an illusion like the nymphs' came. The temperature had not dropped - however the nearby fires kept us warm enough - but the snow was gone. The carnival seemed to be plunged into a perpetual late autumn. Dead leaves adorned the ground, the towering evergreens looked monstrous instead of soothing. "Enjoy." The slithering croak of the carnival talker came from behind my head. He let Adrian go and disappeared. Creatures and spirits walked by us, mostly oblivious to the young human-looking couple.

"This is what malevolent spirits consider a party," Adrian informed me, squinting. "We should stay close together. I don't want to lose you in this."

I flashed a grin. "And I don't want to be lost." I looked back at the entrance where the frog carnival talker was deep in conversation with an abnormally tall and buxom women with skin the color of the night sky - bluish black with a faint hint of purple. "I'd suggest trying to go back, but I don't think our friend at the entryway would let us leave." Adrian gave a weary nod and we started forward down the midway. I tried my best not to cast curious glances at the tents we passed by, until a copper skinned woman who looked human - in fact, she reminded me of Niamh with her warm skin and dark eyes. She wore the colorful costume of a human gypsy. Could she be...?

"You don't belong here, I can tell ya that." She spoke to me, her voice haggard. She took a drag of something and let green colored smoke seep out of her nose after a moment. I stopped and nodded. "Yer human." Then she turned her eyes to Adrian. "And you're a wolf." When she smiled, I was witness to a set of crooked yellow teeth. "Best not tell anyone around here who ye are. Nobody around here likes the wolves." Then she laughed at our pinched faces. "Come in, I'll tell ya fortune."

"I have no money," I answered, my voice feeble.

The woman grinned. "I don't take money. Come." She pushed the doorway of her dilapatated tent away, revealing a small table with a candle on top. With one wary glance to my prince, I followed. It was difficult to fit the three of us in her small tent, but we managed to sit on one side while she on the other. The candle sat in a tarnished silver holder with a claw foot. On the table sat tarot cards, but like no tarot cards I'd ever used. They were black and red, with pictures that almost came off the card. "I used to be human like you," the woman said to me, her voice husky. She took another drag of whatever it was she was smoking. "But you spend so long in this forest and you become something else." She began to shuffle the cards around and took a look at my face. "You're off to save the Moon Queen, aren't ya."

"Yes, how could you tell?"

The woman pointed to the flowers on my head, but did not say what they were for. She flicked a few cards on the table. Outside, the calliope picked up and laughter floated towards us. I heard the snap of a whip, a scream, a giggle. I shuddered in my warm clothes. I was brought back to the tent by the woman's soft laughter. Looking at her copper face, I saw she was staring straight into my eyes. "Tears. I see many tears. You will be betrayed." Then she began to shuffle again and said nothing else.

"...That's it?" I questioned, furrowing my brow and flashing a frown. "That's all you have for me? Nothing else?"

She grinned. "Nothing else to say." Then she turned on Adrian and simply laughed. "Oh don't look so frightened, Prince. I have nothing to say to you. You are knowingly walking the path to your doom. You know your future. There is nothing else." She began to laugh more after that, but Adrian had already stood up and was dragging me out of the tent. Her words frightened and puzzled me. We stood outside in the crowd of the carnival. I watched creatures pass by. When I turned to Adrian, his face had a far off look on it.

"Are you all right?" I thought he did not hear me, for he did not look at me for a long while. Finally, he face turned. I saw the same anguish in it that I had the night of Lady Joy and Lord Love's ball. Something that haunted him. Behind that anguish, though, there was an intensity in his gaze. He took a step towards me and out of habit, I stepped back, doing my best to keep our distance. I backed up against the tent. Adrian put his hands out and placed them on the tent next to my shoulders and leaned towards me. From inside, we could hear the woman's soft singing. She stopped every so often to chuckle, chuckle and cough.

"I told you this would end in tragedy, did I not?" Adrian's voice was low. I wanted to answer, by all the gods I did, but all my head kept shouting was Kiss me, you fool! Kiss me, dammit! And for a moment, it seemed I was going to get my wish. I didn't care if, for some reason, I was to be betrayed. I did not care if my future meant tears. I did not care if this was going to end in tragedy. Nothing else but this moment mattered to me, the moment where Adrian was leaning down towards me, and now his hand was cupping my chin...

A group of revelers, laughing loudly, crashed into us and we were sent stumbling away from each other. When we'd regained our footing, Adrian's eyes were far away. "Let's just get out of here as quickly as we can," I said, touching his shoulder. He nodded, and I suspected he wasn't listening to me. Still, he followed as I began to walk from the tent, refusing to look back. The missed opportunity burned in my head and now with it another memory came, the one of yesterday when I'd seen him, when something like this had almost happened...the hot, painful feelings shot through me again. As I pushed them away, we were caught up in another group of creatures who looked mostly human. They pushed us along with us and although I tried to grasp Adrian, he did not fight them. I wanted to scream to him, but didn't for some reason. Fine, let us be caught up in this, then. Let us let these creatures take us where they may.

We were herded into one of the larger tents, a red-and-white stripped candy cane looking one where, inside, creatures were dancing around a color-changing fire. Hypnotizing music played near the back of the tent, but I forced the haunting melody out of my head and managed to catch up with Adrian again. "What's wrong with you, you idiot? You just agreed that you wanted to get out of here as quickly as you could."

"I suppose I'm a little distracted right now," he replied, his eyes dark.

"Why?" The word was strangled.

Adrian threw me a frustrated look. "Don't act like you don't know...don't know what's been happening, don't know what's going on..." We were once again caught in the crush of people who were moving to the music, their bodies contorting lewdly against each other. This time it was Adrian who held his hand to me and it was I who refused. I knew it was childish, still. Finally, he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me towards him, but before I could get caught up in how I felt, I pushed him away.

"Stop! Please," I half-begged, my voice thick with unshed tears. "You are not mine, Adrian. You are Lourdes' and you will always be hers. Gods!" I cried, and wiped away one tear that had fallen past my eyelid. Adrian's eyes turned soft as he took a step towards me. "No, don't come any closer. Why didn't you just leave me alone, Adrian? Why didn't you just let me get back to Lunarenstein? I don't care what was going on there, I would have left anyway. Now what am I? I can never go back to the mortal world, but I do not belong in yours. I have no home, no family anymore and it is thanks to you. I have nothing, I am nothing. So please, please just leave me alone." With that, I pushed my way through the throng of people. Maybe I was being childish in running away. I didn't care.

The air was thick and sweet and did not fill my lungs when I finally managed to make it outside. I ran through the carnival, pushing my way through people, wanting a place to sit down. It finally came in the form of a play, or demonstration of sorts, that was going on. There was a listing stage benches mostly filled with creatures, but at the very back, there was a free bench. I sat down and leaned my head over my knees. Well, you're an idiot, I thought. What had I done that for? I needed Adrian. Not even because I loved him, but because he was my companion and we'd made an oath to protect each other. I had the map, yes, but I did not know these woods the way Adrian did. I'd cast him off as an ally and now what was I supposed to do? I cursed my moment of infantile behavior. I should have just acted rationally. Still...the painful feelings rushed back. Why had he done those things? Why had he almost kissed me those times? Why had he begun to dance with me the way the creatures were? I wanted to curse his name, for his behavior reminded me of Nikolae. Nikolae who had made me hope and Nikolae who had gone to Rosalyn's bed. Adrian was making me hope and then he would go to Lourdes' bed. He did not seem at all like Nikolae. I would not love him if he were, I knew that.

I felt a presence next to me and looked up. Adrian sat there, looking ahead, not at me. Exhaling deeply, I looked up at him. I did not feel half as angry anymore and while I did regret acting so rashly, I did not regret what I had said. Not entirely.

Adrian shook his head. We turned our attention to the play that was going on and I finally realized what it was. It was an anti-wolf demonstration, complete with a horned creature dressed up as Adrian. I looked beside me and the real Adrian flashed his eyes to me as he realized what was going on. I remembered what he'd said, how the lesser spirits did not agree with him and his father. "We should get going," Adrian muttered to me.

The next moments were a blur of confusion. Adrian and I tried to stand up discreetly, however, at the same time, a small, yellow-skinned female looking creature with wings did as well, knocked into me which sent me tumbling against Adrian, who stumbled right into the aisle of the benches at the same time all the players on stage turned towards the audience. I cursed, quite audibly, as the members of the production gave a sharp gasp and everyone turned to look at us. "It's the Prince!" the creature wearing Adrian's face said, jabbing his finger to us. "It's the wolves!" The creatures stood up and the ones who had human-like faces were scowling. Now it was Adrian's turn to curse loudly. We grabbed onto each other and broke off as fast as we could. Tonight it was Adrian who ran faster than I, however, it did not make much difference. The creatures were after us, their complacent attittudes replaced with fury. Behind us I could hear somewhat indistinct cries of Don't let them out of your sight! and We'll make them pay for not protecting us..!

They had gathered up a large crowd, now, however, and people in front of us were suddenly realizing what was going on. I wanted to scream to Adrian, ask him if he had any ideas as to what we should do - for my mind was too flurried to think of anything rational - but my lungs were already aching from sprinting so fast. And then, all of a sudden, I heard a shout in my head. Grab your bow, we'll have to make a path through them! It was the bond. The bond was letting us speak to each other in our heads without wasting any precious energy.

I could see the dark forest beyond the merry carnivale but around me was a sea of violent smirks. We ran through a thick cloud of opium smoke that dizzied and confused me, it reminded me of when I'd had to take Laudanum syrup after I'd cut myself badly during practice. It made my eyes water, but I ran forward, ignoring the haze. Laughter arose through the clearing, dead leaves blew past us as we ran towards a wall of creatures. I grabbed my bow from my back and slung it with an arrow. Please let this work, I prayed to whomever was watching. I sent arrow after arrow flying towards advancing creatures, not knowing exactly where I was shooting, simply letting my senses guide me. Adrian had his sword out and at the sight of the blade, most of the creatures backed away. Still, I heard a howl of pain of one who'd decided to stand in our way. For a moment searing guilt flashed through me. This was a living, breathing creature. This was not some dead thing. But what could I do? If Adrian had not forced them out of our way, they would have caught us and then...and then who knew.

The crowd had thinned out considerably, but I did not look back to see if there were creatures still following us. The pounding in my head was loud enough to drown out any other noises now, but we continued to run until I saw another purple banner slung between two trees. The Karnivale of the Nighte: Where All Your Dreames Come True, it said, and we plowed through it. I half expected us to be sent right back to the beginning of the carnivale, trapped in this mad limbo forever, but in a blink of an eye we were running through ankle deep snow.

The night was at its darkest now. The Witching Hour. I snuck a look behind me as we continued to run. There were fifty creatures standing at the edge of the carnivale, staring at us, their faces jeering. Curls of smoke waved behind them, and their shadows danced against tents, never staying in one form for too long.

I stopped then, and Adrian slowed. The noise in my head quieted. The sounds of the carnival could still be heard, even through a line of trees. "Why...?" I asked, breathless, knowing Adrian would understand what I meant.

"They cannot stand the light. If they go beyond their realm, daylight will reach them and they'll burn. That is the way of malevolent creatures." He sounded surprisingly calm.

When I finally found that my breathing was not so labored, we started off again to find somewhere to rest the night. A new feeling plagued me now, the one that had been bothering me all day. It had disappeared while we were at the carnival, but now it came back in full force. I could feel the Moon Queen's tower. She was close by...she had to be.

Aurora...

The whisper was ice through the trees. I stopped. "She spoke to me just now. She said my name. We are close."

Adrian nodded, his expression grave. "We should be there by nightfall tomorrow, I hope."

"Should we just continue onward, and not stop?"

"No. We don't want to be tired if we do reach the tower tomorrow. We'll need all the strength we can get if we wish to free her. And then...and then who knows what will happen afterwards. I have no idea how this will all work out. If we can simply free her, if she'll be able to take us home, if, if..." I realized Adrian was right, but the word home sparked the same hostility in me that I'd felt previously. I had no home now. Where was I to go after all of this? Adrian must have felt my change in attitude, for he stepped closer to me. "You're wrong, you know. You do have something."

"Yes. My bow and arrows. My sword. The clothes on my back. The items in my backpack." I did not mean for the words to sound so bitter. Adrian laughed, however. He was difficult to make out in the dark, but the stars gave us a tiny amount of light. For a moment I imagined seeing the moon, high in the sky, seeing it light up the night silver. The image filled me with something apprehension.

Adrian picked up my wrist and held it to his. Our tattoos glittered gold. "You have this," Adrian said out loud.

In my mind, I heard something else. A snippet of far-off words, maybe, or maybe just a half-imagined sentence, like a dream.

You have me.
♠ ♠ ♠
Um. Yes.
Not sure what to say.

I just realized, though, that so many of my chapters end with short, italicized sentences.
Don't ask me what's up with that, clearly I'm unoriginal.