Aurora

"What was the language you were speaking to me in last night?" I asked, sitting with my legs curled under me in a chair near the still roaring fire. Adrian was bare-chested, lying in bed, his head resting on his elbow. I couldn't take my eyes off of him for too long. For some reason, I was afraid that if I looked away, he would disappear or that I'd wake up and discover that this all was a dream. In response to my question, Adrian flushed and shrugged, obviously embarrassed.

"All members of the royal family must learn it, it is the ancient tongue of the wolves. We speak it during our rituals...the princes lead all wedding and funeral ceremonies and other traditional practices for us. We speak in that language for all of those traditions." He hesitated. "I don't know why I spoke it to you last night. It slipped out when I was thinking of things I wanted to say to you, maybe it was just easier to speak in a language I knew you wouldn't understand." He sat up and let his hair fall over his face. "I don't even think I could explain to you what I said. It's too different. I think it's the language of the stars."

I pulled my knees up to my chest and let my chin rest on top of them, hiding a smile. The language of the stars. I liked that. We were quiet then, and as I looked at Adrian, my happy thoughts began to fade and the same worries set in. What if all of this was hopeless? What if we never could be together? "Adrian?" I asked and he snapped his head to me. "I think I might tell my mother that I don't want to be the princess of the moon. I mean, of course I will try and free her, but after that, I don't want to go to the moon. I want to stay here on Earth." With you. "And...how am I supposed to defeat this Witch of Fear anyway? Gods, why does everything still have to be so confusing? The Liche Queen said that coming here would give me answers but I still have so many questions..."

"And I have no answers for you, Aurora. I apologize for that."

I shook my head then. "No. You're wrong. You are the answer. Every decision I am making in my head...it is all to lead me back to you. Does that sound stupid?" Adrian only smiled and jerked his head back, motioning for me to come join him. I gingerly stepped on the fur rug in the room and, as soon as I reached the bed, I laid myself down next to him. He took me in his arms and pulled me close so my head was on his chest. "I love you, Adrian, and I don't even know what that means. I don't even know what that implies or how we're going to be able to stay together throughout this. All I know is that I love you, against everything, I love you."

Adrian laughed. I looked to his face, his eyes were bright. "What is it that people say? That love is supposed to conquer all?"

"Hah. If only that were true."

We looked at each other for a little while, Adrian's eyes testing me to disagree with him further. Finally, he dipped his head down and kissed me, his lips sweet with sun. "You should go speak to your mother," he muttered against my lips. Taking my hand within his own, Adrian gave my fingers a squeeze. "Let us just stay together. I am sure we can overcome any obstacle we face...when we come to it. For now, we are free for a moment." I pulled away from him, and I knew he could see the worry in my eyes, for he kissed my forehead. "You are strong, Aurora. You are stronger and braver than anyone I know." Then he smirked. "More beautiful, too." He kissed my neck. "Now go, before you distract me again."

I wanted nothing more than to stay and distract him, but I knew he was right. I kissed his temple and jumped from the bed. "I'll tell you what she said to me."

"Please spare no details." He was still smirking.

"Oh, shush you." With that, I left the room, my face flushed, and began up the stairs. It came to me then that when I'd last been on these stairs, when I'd last been through that hallway, when I'd last spoken to my mother...Adrian and I had not confessed our love. We had not...I had not...I flushed harder just thinking about it. I now joined the ranks for Rosalyn and Magdalena. And perversely enough, I could now understand why Rosalyn subjected herself to so much heartbreak just for those nights. I'd never experienced something so strange and wonderful in all my life. Painful, yes, but still. I stomped up the spiral staircase towards where my mother was, trying to force my blush away. I wondered if she would be able to tell. For some reason, I didn't want her to know.

Mother sat in the same chair as she had when we'd first seen her yesterday. In her hands she held a china teacup and she was looking out the window once more. She turned her head when she saw me and her face broke out into a smile. "Aurora, daughter. I am so happy you're awake." I went over to her, my heart swelling. All my apprehension melted away when I saw her. She was my mother. She would understand. She'd been in love with a wolf, too, hadn't she? Her love was high in the sky now. She must understand. Mother set her cup down and embraced me, her soft soft white gown enveloping me. "Please, sit, there is so much I want to tell you." I noticed a chair appeared then and grinning, I sat down across from her. Instantly, a teacup appeared in my hands.

"I am so happy to have finally found you, Mother. I now understand why I felt so different...why I never had any love in my heart for Delphine."

Mother sighed. "She was a good woman, Delphine, for taking you in. She wanted a child. I believe that she tried to love you, but saw too much of myself and your father in you to really be able to love you like her own. She always was reminded that you were not hers." She took a sip of tea and her gaze turned sympathetic. "I have been wanting to ask you, Aurora...what is your relationship with Adrian? Are you and he lovers?" My flush returned full force then. Were we lovers? We had to be if he intended to marry me. I didn't know how to explain this to her, though. "Oh Aurora, I only ask because you and I both know that it is impossible. He is of the Earth and you are of the Moon. Once we return the moon to the sky, you will have to return to my palace there. It is such a lovely place, I assure you, my daughter. Everything is made of crystal and silver. It is so beautiful there."

"But Mother," I exclaimed, "are I not a child of the wolves? Does that not mean that I can stay on Earth?"

"Yes, you can stay on Earth, Aurora. You will not die or lose your powers as I would without you here. But you would always feel restless. You would never be able to stay here. Your soul would call you to the moon. Besides..." she trailed off and looked out the window once more, to the sky. "Besides, I want you to accompany me to the palace. I...have missed you. I have only been able to watch you from afar, briefly, as the Witch permits. I have not been able to watch you grow up. I want to get to know you as my daughter. And I will not live forever, that is not the way of spirits like me and the king of the wolves. We shall die, and our children must inherit our duties. Eventually you will be the Moon Queen."

Unexpectedly my throat closed up and my teacup shook. "What if I do not want to be the Moon Queen, Mother? What if I want to stay on Earth?" I asked as soon as I could find my voice again.

"But Aurora, you will learn to love the Moon, I promise you. I promise you that eventually you will see it as I do. It is inside you, is it not? You will miss it when it is gone, and when you are there you will know that it is your home. Your fears will pass when you defeat the Witch of Fear, free me and we return to the Moon together."

I said nothing for a few moments. "What if...what if Adrian left the wolves, like Endymion did for you? What if he lived in the mortal world? Then could he come to the Moon with me and rule as my king eventually?"

"It was easier for Endymion, because he was not a ruler. His position could easily be replaced. Adrian is not like that, my darling. Adrian will be king of his own people someday. Aurora, I know it is hard to hear this, Gods, it is hard to say this because I know how you must feel but...you need to let go of Adrian. You two can never be." Hearing the words from her mouth sent something sick and quivering down my stomach. I pulled my knees into my body and turned away from my mother, feeling shaky and ill. Tears came to my eyes and leaked from them. I made no noise, but let them fall and tried to hold my breath, as if holding my breath would allow me to hold my entire being together. I did not want to hear her words, I did not want to understand. I did not want to let go of Adrian. No, it was more than that. I couldn't let go of him. After my first taste of love I realized that there was no living without it. Adrian was a necessity to me. He wasn't something I could simply throw away. I'd told him the truth. He was my answer. He was the end to all my ends. "Aurora..."

"I want to tell you that you don't understand, but I know it isn't true. You love Endymion as I love Adrian so you must understand. I will not simply let him go. There is no letting go, Mother, you must understand that this is not something I can simply walk away from."

Her eyebrows were furrowed together, but now they relaxed and she slumped in her chair. "I do understand, Aurora. When I realized what Endymion was...when I realized that we could no longer be together, I did everything in my power to make it not be so. And now, every night, I look at the sky and my heart aches to be near him but I cannot. And even if I am able to get him down from the sky once I am freed, how do I know that he will be mortal enough to accompany me to the moon? He may still be a wolf. He may still be a child of the Earth. But if that happens, I will let him stay on Earth and I will simply love him from afar. I will allow him to continue with his life and you and I will live as happily as we can together on the moon. Our love will be enough, Aurora, I promise you. You think I haven't wondered what if would be like if I were never again able to see him? Convincing myself that we will someday be together is all that has kept me alive these twenty years - that and your face every so often. But I cannot love him selfishly. If I force him to love me despite the impossibility of it, I am not only hurting myself, but him too. Do you understand, Aurora? Making him believe that there can be something between you to only hurts the both of you. Letting him go is the only way you can ever give you and him any peace."

I hated that she was right. I stood up and set my cup down, my tea untouched. "Please..." I choked out. "Just let me tell him myself."

"Wait!" Mother said, and arose from the chair. She stepped forward, her lovely face pinched with concern. "Give this to him." She held out her hands and gave me a small golden star made of...what, I did not know. "Tell him to hold this in his hands, close his eyes and think of where he would like to be. The magic in that will send him there. He must be outside, however, for it to work." When I understood her words, more tears came to my eyes. I had to send him away. He would go to the Palace of the Wolves and I would stay here. Then, when the Witch of Fear came, I would defeat her - somehow - and the Moon Queen and I would go to our palace on the moon.

I would never see him again.

I nodded and left down the stairs, a horribly sour feeling in my stomach. My entire body felt alive with heartbreak. I wanted anything but this.

Adrian was standing at the bottom of the stairs. Instead of saying anything, I took his hand and began the descent down. He said nothing, too, after noticing my tears. They would not stop and I was thankful that he was not asking me what the matter was. I did not need his words right now. If he spoke, I might lose the courage he had earlier praised me for. This was the single most difficult thing I had to do...but my mother was right. It was the only way. If I made him believe that we could be together somehow, even if it was for a couple nights a year, it would only hurt us both. Eventually we would only get angry with each other, we would yell and scream and I did not want that. At least this way we could part as friends.

I did not have my surcoat on and the air was cold as we stepped outside. Now Adrian stopped and looked at me. "Here," I said softly and gave him the star. "You mus-"

"I know what I must do. I heard your conversation."

"Good, then I do not have to explain that we cannot be together."

"No. Aurora, I will not beg you to let me stay. I will not beg you to come with me. I will not beg you to give up your duty as Queen of the Moon. You have taught me so much, Aurora. You have taught me that I must not run away from my duties, that I must not run away from the responsibilities I have to my kingdom and my people. You have taught me that sometimes love of your people and of your land must come before love of your soul mate. And although it hurts...so much..." I saw something small, like a silver tear, escape his eye, "although it hurts me so much to say that your mother is right, I know that she is." The terrible part was that I wanted him to beg me to come with him. "I love you, Aurora, enough to let you go and become the beautiful Moon Queen I know you will someday be. You will meet someone else on the Moon, I am sure. There is a beautiful palace with a lovely court there. My father used to tell me stories of people who went there. You will meet someone. And you will fall in love again. You will be happy, Aurora."

"No, no, I won't. Not without you. But I will pretend, Adrian, I will pretend for you. And I will do everything in my power to make you proud of me."

"Then I will do the same."

Adrian put his hand on my cheek then. "I will always love you, Aurora." He attempted a watery smile, but it looked so forced that I almost laughed. He leaned down towards me, to give me one last kiss before he said goodbye to me forever...

"I am glad that you two have realized your love for one another," spoke a new, yet familiar voice. We pulled away to see the Liche Queen standing in front of us. "I was wondering when you'd both realize. It is funny, how I am supposedly blind and yet I see clearer than anyone else..." she sighed. "No matter. Before this sad reunion ends, I figured there were some loose ends to tie up."

I stepped away from Adrian, immediately on my guard. My stomach clenched tightly. I was reminded of the Liche Queen's army of the dead who had attacked us. Even though she said that she'd done it as a test of my strength, I knew there was a part of her that enjoyed testing people for the sake of testing people. I did not like her tone. It sounded treacherous. "What do you mean by that?" I questioned, walking towards her just a little bit.

"When you were in the Karnivale of the Nighte, you and Adrian both had your fortunes told by a very wise woman, did you not?" We did not speak. The Liche Queen's form trembled for a moment before the image of the fortune teller from the Karnivale came into view. Then, in a flash, the Liche Queen herself was back. As I realized what this meant, the Queen of Death laughed. "Yes, I disguised myself as a fortune teller...and how did I know your futures...? Death sees all, my friends. And it is high time your fortunes came true. Adrian, I told you that you were walking to your doom. Did you really not think I didn't know your plan? Did you really not think I did not know the plan of the wolves?" I stared at Adrian. His face was ghostly pale. "You can hide nothing from me, Prince of Wolves."

"Adrian? I questioned. "What does she mean by this? What was the plan of the wolves?"

He hesitated. "I told you about it, Aurora. Ulrik, the General of the Wolves, planned a defensive strategy against the girls of Lunarenstein. I told you that he hates Lunarenstein, I told you that he wanted to take it down, I told you that he said that if he were king he would rip the girls to shreds. Well, he planned a strategy to get rid of Lunarenstein once and for all. It was to launch a full-scale attack against them as soon as we figured out a perfect time to attack them. I promise you, they swore they would not do anything if I was not there and when I go back, I will figure out a way to stop them..." There was still something strange to his voice, a tightness. There was more to this story, I knew, I could tell. His mind was whirring, his emotions were flying, I could feel them, the bond was letting me feel him. Still, I couldn't make out what he was thinking, not like I sometimes could.

"Oh, Adrian, you've left out the most important part. The wolves had to figure out when to attack them somehow, didn't they? And what better way then have someone on the inside, getting to know the girls...better yet, getting to know the girl that the wolves already knew was the Queen of the Moon's daughter." The Liche Queen laughed.

"What? You knew what I was?" I asked, feeling my heart rate spike. "You knew what I was and you didn't tell me?"

Adrian nodded, his eyes looking down. "Yes, as soon as I saw those flowers, but Aurora-"

"Aurora, you haven't even heard the best part of the story yet. I told you, I told you that you would be betrayed." The Liche Queen went over to Adrian and touched his shoulder. Although he flinched, he did not run away from her, he did not really even recoil. He had resigned himself to whatever was happening. "So the wolves decided they had to have someone infltrate the school, get to know you. They knew you would be the most open to the company, since they knew you already felt so lonely and strange...they decided to capitalize on your loneliness and your weakness. And then the wolves realized they had the perfect person to disguise...you see, Aurora, the Prince of Wolves is blessed with one very strange power...besides a human and a wolf, he is also able to take the shape of a large, black dog..."

My heart constricted as the Liche Queen's hand tightened on Adrian's shoulder. He began to glow, as if she were forcing him to change and then in a moment where Adrian had stood, Dog, my Dog now sat.

What are you? I'd asked Dog once. I do not know. A coward. A liar. It made sense. It made sense. It made sense. If I kept telling myself that, maybe it would cure the ripping of my heart. "No, no, no please tell me this isn't true," I felt myself say and settle down on my legs. Dog...no, Adrian, came over to me. For a moment I hugged his face close to me and then when I realized what this meant, I pushed him away. "You knew, all this time you knew. You knew what I was, you knew what you were, you knew what was going to happen to me...you knew all of this and yet...oh Gods, Adrian, you knew I loved you before I even understood it for myself! You told me to stay away from you!"

I'm sorry, Dog - Adrian - said. He changed back to being a human and his eyes were red and angry.

"You only...you only were with me to discover when we would be weakest to attack. You were only there to destroy me. That was your only purpose. I realize now."

"No, Aurora, it wasn't like that-"

"Please stop."

"Aurora, you must belie-"

I stood up and, even though I felt everything around me falling apart, I looked straight at the Liche Queen. "Why!" I cried. "Oh why? Why would you do this? I would have never seen him again anyway, I would never have, oh why, why, why did you do this? You could have just let everything be? But now, oh gods..."

"I asked you if you were strong enough, Aurora-"

"Aurora, I told you this would all end in tragedy-"

"ENOUGH! I bellowed. "I don't...I don't want to hear any more." And with that, I did the only thing I could do. I turned from both Adrian and the Liche Queen and plunged back into the maze of the forest. I ran and ran through the trees, not caring that I didn't know where I was going and probably was now lost forever. I wanted to be lost forever. I wanted to die in this forest so I wouldn't have to face any of it. Adrian was Dog and he had only come to me because he meant to kill me...and even if wasn't it didn't matter because I could not be with him anyway. All I wanted, all I wanted to do was keep running and maybe forget. Forget about all of this, forget about Dog, about Adrian, about the Moon Queen, about the Witch of Fear...

Then I remembered. Instantly, I stopped. "Liche Queen," I said, my voice just above a whisper. She appeared before me. "I thank you for telling me all this and I want to take you up on your offer." I swallowed. "I want to go back to Lunarenstein. I want to forget about all this. I want to live my simple life. I want to be with my friends, I want to fight the wolves as I did. I do not want to know who I am, I do not want to know my destiny or my duties, or that my true love only wished to kill me. I want to forget about that. I want to be as I was before."

"You are not strong enough to overcome all of this and find a way to change destiny in your favor?"

"No. There is no way other than this. Take me back, Liche Queen."

"As you wish, my Princess."

As soon as she spoke the words, a dark wind closed in all around me. For a moment I felt scared, but then a great calm washed over me. The whirlwind whipped me around and I closed my eyes and mind against it, letting it spin me. I heard a whisper in my ear but could not think of whose voice it was. The voice was old and wise but full of authority, telling me that I was a child of the stars. I tried to open my eyes to see who was speaking to me, but my eyelids felt like lead - in fact, my whole body felt as heavy as a stone. Instead, I pushed the whisper away from me and relaxed my body completely, slipping further and further into this strange dreamworld. The wind felt like silk against my skin, silk and then fur maybe...and then I finally realized I was no longer spinning, that I was lying down and that my body ached and my head felt fuzzy and despite everything, I could not dredge up a single thought besides the acknowledgment of pain.

When I opened my eyes, I realized I was home and the sun was shining. My castle room was cozy and warm and Magdalena was sitting on my bed and was placing a cool towel on my forehead. When she realized my eyes were open, she gasped, dropped the towel and clutched onto my shoulders. "Oh, gods, Aurora! You're awake!"

"Yes, yes of course I am. What has happened?" Now as I began to collect my bearings, I thought of the last thing that I could remember happening. I had been reading Sofia and the other girls the story of Jorinda and Jorindel. Ileana had rushed in saying there was an attack. We'd gone outside...then I could not remember. "What happened to me, Magdalena?" My voice was tight.

"You were attacked by one of the wolves. Niamh saw it happening, but she was too slow. The wolf bit your shoulder and then another wolf dragged you away. We thought you'd been killed, until you showed up at the edge of the forest last night, cut and bruised all over. You've been gone for months, Aurora! Do you remember nothing?"

"No. No, I remember nothing."

"Oh, gods, Aurora, I am so sorry. I should have gone in after you...but you are all right now, and that is the only thing that matters now, is it not? That you are all right?" Her eyes were so eager and kind. I smiled even though my body ached. What had become of me? I strained to remember but there was nothing. Maybe I'd just wandered around the forest for months and had gone delusional. That must have been what had happened. But why had the wolves not killed me? Maybe they one who had dragged me away had been that one I hadn't killed all those months ago. Maybe he'd just left me in the snow, thinking I'd die eventually anyway. Either way, Magdalena was right. All that mattered now was that I was all right. And that I was home.

"Yes, I am all right now." My eyes began to close again. "I think I must sleep a little more, Magdalena. I've had quite an ordeal."

"You sleep, Aurora, I will tend to you."

I looked to the small table that was by my bed. Sitting on top was a crown of perfect white flowers. I marveled at their beauty for a moment before letting sleep overcome me.