Aurora

Dog did not stay with me that night, nor the next, nor the night after. He always came to me in the afternoons, however, and stayed long after the sun had gone down. Many times he did not talk, but sometimes he told me about the forest. It had been there when the world was very new, home to all the spirits of everything. They lived in peace and harmony, until we humans came along. Then most of them had fled, had become trees and rocks and rivers and stars. There were only a few who stayed behind. I asked Dog if he was one of the ones who stayed behind. He was quiet, which by then I understood as meaning yes. He did not say much about himself, but I did not think he would.

When he came to me the fourth day, he seemed agitated and tense. When I asked him if he was all right, he only nosed my ear and whispered I am fine, don't worry yourself over me. That afternoon he stayed close by my side and when my hand was not on his head or on his ruff, he would whine. He followed right into the castle when I went inside for the evening; he usually was a little apprehensive about coming in. He sat close to me as I read stories to Sofia and the other young girls and let them pet him and scratch behind his ears. At ten I started up the stairs to my tower and Dog followed right at my heels. He made himself comfortable at the end of my bed and when I asked him if he were planning on staying, he barked.

That night, I sat at my desk, looking at myself in the looking glass. Years before, Delphine had not even had looking glasses in the girls' rooms, but they'd begged so much she'd had them installed. Even the least vain of our girls liked to catch a glimpse of themselves in the mirror, even if it was just to smile over their dirty faces and wild hair. Dog lay asleep on my bed and I surveyed my face. It was a map of tiny white scars that weren't noticable to someone who simply looked at me. I saw them, though, and agonized over them - secretley proud of them, my battle wounds. They were all marks from when I'd felt branches hit me in the face or when I'd been pelted by a wayward pebble that had passed underneath the feet of a scrambling wolf. Raising my hands up to the glass, I looked at the reflection of my palms. My hands were roughed and calloused, hands so unlike other young womens'. I made fists with my hands; my nails were dirty.

As I stood up, I blew out the candle. In the hearth, a low fire burned. On the stone floor, a large fur lay. I unwrapped the orange robe from myself and nestled under the covers, but for some reason, I felt cold. I shivered beneath the layers of blankets, my teeth chattering. I curled myself and closed my eyes, trying to fall asleep. I couldn't rid myself of the chill. Then, I felt Dog move at the edge of my bed. He got up and padded over towards me and nudged my face. I will keep you warm. His voice was breezy but his tone was concerned. I lifted up the covers so he could get in and he lay down next to me.

"Thank you," I whispered, my teeth chattering no longer. This time when I closed my eyes, I felt warm and comfortable.

My dreams were all violent and dark. I awoke briefly in the middle of the night, a strange noise in my throat, Dog licking my face. Shh, Aurora. I am here, nothing will hurt you. Sleep. His words, although not very reassuring, calmed me enough to send me back to sleep. When I awoke again, it was morning and Dog had gone. The room was cold once more and when I sat up, I saw the window was wide open and snow was sifting in. There was even a little on the stone floor. Sitting on the sill was a great black bird; a raven. In his clutches was a scroll of parchement.

I got up and wrapped the robe about myself, but I wasn't quick enough to fight a chill. The raven sat still, unblinking and unmoving, on the ledge. Even as I edged closer, he did not seem to mind. Finally, I reached out and touched the parchment. I did not know what it said or if it even was for me, but I was past shock at finding a raven perched on my windowsill early on a snowy morning. He opened his mouth and let out a mangled cry and dropped the paper into my hands. "Thanks," I breathed to him, not wishing to upset him. He nodded once, winked - or maybe blinked, I couldn't tell - and took off over the forest. I shut the window and a gust of wind brought more snow in. I dropped the rolled up piece of parchment on my desk; it could wait until I got dressed. I pulled on some thick woolen leggings and some soft deerhide ones over them.Then I pulled a bright tunic of red, green and blue and over that, a large woolen sweater.

My almost numb fingers went to the parchment and I unrolled it as carefully as I could. My heart began to beat as I read the words. I have your answers. Come find me. The writing was small and shaky, but curled and fancy. It belonged to someone old, that I knew instantly. And there was only one person who could be sending me messages with a raven as its messenger.

I balled up my hand and watched as the paper crumpled and crushed. Then I took a step towards the fire and tossed the message in, watching it catch fire and burn and burn until it was nothing more than a pile of black ash. In my ear, I heard the very quietest of whispering laughs. Then I turned on my heel from the hearth, strode across my room and shut the door; shutting out all the laughter, the whispers, the caws and the secret messages from a woman who cries and laughs and rules the damned.

Today was an important day, I realized as I stepped into the Dining Hall for breakfast. All the girls sat with bows against their chairs and I knew at once that today was the day that we practiced our archery. The youngest girls had an anxious flush on their faces; they strived to become better with each try but many of them could not wind the string back enough to send the arrow out shooting anywhere. The middle girls sent their eyes to the head of the table. Rosalyn and Niamh would be watching today, they must do their very best to impress them. And us older girls, us who had been hunting since Delphine had let us out of our cages, we were full of sighs. Today was a day to help the younger girls. We did not need practice - or at least, I knew I did not. I was the first to be able to shoot a target I could not even see, and I never missed a shot. I'd practiced harder than the others combined, though. I'd done it to impress Delphine.

I think she knew that.

The air was crisp and cool as we trekked out the back door to the shooting field. We shot all year, archery was not just a spring pastime for us, it was what we did. Magdalena and I stood behind all the others and we saw him last. He was a disastrously handsome young man with a shining face, smooth, pale skin, brown hair and large brown eyes. He was bundled up in furs but a large smile glittered on his face. He was new, that I could tell instantly. Rosalyn and Niamh began to twitter and giggle to themselves, even Lise and Ileana flushed. Magdalena laughed to me under her breath, but it was because she thought them fools. I answered back a weak laugh, for this man's smile was disarming and I felt my legs tremble beneath me. I suddenly, fiercely wished to be beautfiul; more than anything I wanted it. He did not look my way but strode up to the younger girls.

Delphine brought up the rear and I turned back to her, feigning casual interest. "Who is that man, Delphine? I don't believe I've seen him before."

A rare smile passed over Delphine's lips. "That is Nikolae. He comes to us highly regarded in the skills of archery. Normally I would not hire a young man for such a task because I feel women should be teaching women, but he was so skilled, I felt it would be doing our girls a disservice if I did not let him teach. You older ones, will of course, still be needed to help them along. And I would like it if you each gave Nikolae a demonstration of your skills so he could tell you what to improve." Even she did not look disgruntled, which was a change. Delphine usually did not like men doing what she believed a women's work to be; instructing in the art of the bow being among the first. Maybe she truly thought Nikolae's skills superior to others, or maybe she was just as charmed by his face as we were. I did not know, nor did I particularly care.

The girls who were of hunting age all adressed themselves to Nikolae, and when I told him my name, he gave me nothing more than a fleeting glance; a notion I realized with a sharp lurch of my stomach. And when we did our demonstrations for him, I knew the other girls were nervous. I was too, but the moment I picked up the bow and arrow, the nerves slid off. This was second nature to me, no matter how much I disliked doing it. I could shoot in my sleep if I needed.

Nikolae seemed impressed by me. "You have quite an arm there. The wood works well in your hands, almost as if it were speaking to you. What is your name again?" he asked, his lips smiling.

I swallowed. "Aurora. I am Delphine's daughter," I explained. My mind was still on his words, however. He'd said it was almost like the wood spoke to me. I did not tell him that sometimes, it felt that way as well. I'd put up my bow and my fingers would automatically go to the right place, my elbow would move in just the slightest way to shoot perfectly. It did not feel as if I were in control at all, but some mysterous force inside the wood of the bow that was making me turn this way and that.

Cocking his head, Nikolae's smile grew into a lopsided grin. "That's an interesting name," he remarked.

"Delphine had me when the Aurora Borealis was shining bright in the sky. She felt it only fitting to name me after it."

"Ah! That makes sense." He paused. "I don't know if I should be asking you this, especially since you are Delphine's daughter, but you seem to know so much about the bow. I was wondering if you would mind coming to the Lodge this afternoon or maybe tomorrow afternoon and going over the spare bows with me? There are a couple that feel like they could be discarded, but I don't wish to do away with them until someone with great expertise gives me the go ahead."

I gaped like a large fish until I felt a jab in my side and looked to see Magdalena standing next to me. "O-of course, Master Nikolae, I would be happy to. I'll stop by as soon as I can." Nikolae smiled and bowed before taking off to see Ileana perform. I turned to Magdalena, my face hot. "Why would he need me though, if he has such skills? He should know which bows can still be used far more than I do. I will be useless to him, I know I will!"

Magdalena laughed and pushed me. "He's smitten with you, Aurora! He's just making an excuse to be alone with you!" I began to protest but Magdelena would have none of that. "He does not need your help and yet he asks for it. He wants to see you again, without anyone around. Now Aurora you must be careful. He seems like a perfect gentleman but you must not let him do anything you do not wish. If you feel the need to slap him, then you must slap him hard across the face." She laughed again and shook her head. "Oh what am I saying! I sound so grim. You will be fine, he will be lovely and you will live happily ever after."

At her words, I blanched and turned away. Happily ever after. My eyes went to Delphine and after a moment, she caught my gaze. She nodded once and tightened her lips. My happily ever after would not include a handsome young man if Delphine had anything to say about it. I let the rest of the lesson pass by in a white blur, my thoughts solely on Nikolae, Magdalena and Delphine. The first was that I did not know anything about this young man other than the fact that he was handsome and had a charming smile. He might have something wicked hidden underneath, as Magdalena had so eloquently pointed out. And if he did not have something wicked beneath him, if he were just a kind young man, Delphine would not care. It would not matter if I pleaded with her or begged, it was already settled. I was to take over Schloss Lunarenstein and the schooling of the girls. I could close the school and turn my back on everyone but each time I thought of that, the wide, dark eyes of all the young girls looked at me. They would all be in homes for girls and dirty orphanages where they would have to do backbreaking work. I let the lesson pass in a daze, but as soon as all the girls retreated into the castle and Nikolae trudged back to the large adjacent Hunting Lodge where all the staff lived, I looked around, realizing with a start that I was alone.

Or, no, not really. The raven sat at the edge of the woods. I walked towards it cautiously, not feeling any direct danger, not the way I had yesterday when Lourdes had looked at me in the eyes, looked at me as if she might really kill me. As soon as I was close enough, the raven hopped up, up onto my shoulder where it turned a beady eye onto me. It leaned to me until its beak almost touched my ear. "Come closer," it said with a deep, scratched voice that I knew was not its own. I looked around once to see if anyone was watching me and then took a step into the forest. I didn't realize I was holding my breath until I exhaled deeply.

In my ear, the raven made soft bleating noises, like a lamb might make. The forest was so calm it made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. Soft snow fell from trees and there were constant shuffling and rustling noises from beyond where my eyes could see. I still held onto my bow and arrow, but I did not carry them the way I usually did in a hunt. Being in the forest for a simple walk was much different than being in the forest for a hunt. I did not feel so strung up today, usually my nerves were stretched thin on a high wire when I was here. Not because of the wolves or anything I might see in the forest, but because of the fact that the others might be watching, might see me not shoot a wolf, not kill one. They already thought it strange when I claimed to have missed every shot when I turned my eye away from everything. Aurora does not miss when she shoots, they thought. Aurora cannot kill because she is a coward.

I thought once more of Lourdes of the Wolves. I had not seen her since Dog had told me I should fear her. I did fear her now, though, I feared her enough to know not to kill her. I kept walking, my feet taking me to a place I did not know. I felt in control of my legs, and I knew I could turn back and walk out as soon as I wished, but that the raven was guiding me to her. I was letting him. I did not know why. No, that was a lie. Yes I did. I was going to her because I wanted answers and she said she could give them to me. I would make no deals with her, I would make no bargains, I would take nothing that she would not give freely, but if she wished to speak to me...I shouldn't be here and I knew that. She might kill me. Dog's words about her rang in my head again and I did not feel afraid.

We came to a small creek; it was running. We were deep in winter and the creek was flowing. I almost leaned down to touch the water but the raven's caw in my ear told me I musn't touch it. And then I saw her. She stood at a small, swirling pool. She was tall, in long purple robes and a tall crown of silver and gold. Her skin was plastered to her face and she held not one inch of beauty; she was hideous in the saddest way I could ever imagine. Her mouth was curved into a perpetual frown and her eyes which were milky with cataracts were pulled against her bones. At the edges, tears leaked from her eyelids and rolled down her blotched cheeks where they landed in a large silver bowl that she carried in both her long, boney arms. Looking at the ground she stood on, I saw that where she stood, the earth was black and that from the ground, things were sprouting. Upon closer inspection, I realized that these things were in fact the bones of a hand, reaching up. Sometimes they moved; their fingers cracking. I turned within myself but did not leave. The raven lept from my shoulder, flew to the woman and landed on hers. She smiled.

"Aurora," said the Liche Queen, her voice just as it had been when the raven had spoken. "You could not stay away."

"No. I am foolish for coming here but I had to."

The Liche Queen shrugged and I heard the horrible sound of bones grinding against bones. I saw that the silver bowl of her tears was almost overflowing. She knealt down and poured the bowl into the river before bringing it back up to let her tears fall again. Deep in the forest, there is an old woman, and the rivers of all the worlds flow from her eyes. "You wish to know why my tears go into these waters." She was quiet for a moment as she leaned up. "All water flows to death, Aurora. You are as every human is. You swim against the current, trying so hard to stay, but the river washes you downstream to where I find you, to where I keep you."

"You keep the Queen of the Moon here on earth. Why not make her go down the river?" I asked.

"It is not that simple."

"Why did you tell me to come here?" I asked, my voice impatient. "Why did you ask me to come here if you weren't really going to tell me anything?"

"You can save her." The Liche Queen's words were abrupt. "You can save the Moon Queen, you know."

"Why-"

"Because you are foolish and young and yet I see something in you, Aurora." She brought up a long fingered hand and pointed to something behind me. I turned to see a small thorny bush blooming behind us. "Take those blossoms. Make a crown out of the flowers and it shall be your greatest weapon." I went to the bush and picked one of the pure white flowers off. For a moment my hands stung as if they'd been cut and then someone had poured lemon juice over them, but the feeling faded. I gathered more blossoms and put them in the pocket of my sweater. The hurt died each time I picked another blossom. Then I turned back to the Liche Queen. "If you go today and never return, let me tell you one thing. Death is not evil, Aurora. It is fear that is evil. Fear consumes its victim, it destroys them, it swallows them whole and shoves them into darkness. Do not let fear consume you." She bent down once more and emptied the silver bowl. "No go. Go before night falls."

"Night? But I just-" but as I was about to tell her that it was morning, I looked up to see that the sky was fading into pink, the way it did at sunset. I looked back at the Liche Queen and she said nothing further to me, but did not disappear. The raven did not leave her side and I assumed I was to make this journey back myself. My feet trudged through the snow and soon, when I looked back I saw nothing, not even the flowing stream.

Darkness descended on the forest and despite the Liche Queen's words, fear grabbed my heart. Time moved strange here and if I did not make it out soon, the wolves could attack. I knew the sense of security I felt when I was around them was an idiotic thing to feel and now I realized it. Now I realized just how alone I was here. Sticking my hand into the pockets of my sweater, I felt for the blossoms. They were still there and when I touched them, it felt like something had pricked my finger.

My breathing became more rapid and I clutched onto my bow. My quiver of arrows was full but I was no match against twenty angry, hungry wolves. If they decided to attack; which they very well could, I was a goner. I swallowed and blinked. When I opened my eyes, a wolf stood before me. It was silver, brown and black, the same wolf I hadn't killed before. My heartrate slowed down. The wolves were half human at least. This wolf must recognize me, must realize that I had not killed it when I could, might wish to spare my life. The wolf shifted into its human form and what I saw before made my heart jump back into my throat for an entirely different reason. This man was the man I'd dreamed about, not so long ago. Even without knowing the face, I knew this man was he. He was tall, slim but solid. His face was narrow and his skin, dark. His eyes and hair were the color of midnight. He had not a handsome face but instead a beautiful one, a face that the gods might have carved out of stone and breathed life into. He wore a green tunic and tan breeches and no shoes on his feet, like my dream. Tonight he wore a belt of weapons around his hips and had his own quiver full of arrows that had pockets on the front. He held out his hand.

"I will lead you back." His voice was softer than I'd expected and yet I did not take his hand. "I can help you find your home. I promise you can trust me." Something in his voice, or his eyes, made me believe him. I took his hand and he pulled me towards him. His body was warm and it finally dawned on me that I was freezing cold. We walked along in silence, our hands clasped tight together. He did not entwine our fingers the way lovers might but kept my hand safe within his.

Before I knew it, we were at the edge of the forest and I could see Lunarenstein. I turned to my savior. "Thank you," I said to him. "You saved my life. You didn't have to. You could have killed me but you didn't."

The man shook his head and let go of my hand. "You are the only one who could shoot us without trying and the only one who doesn't. You have spared my life many more times than I have spared yours, I assure you. It is me who should be thanking you, Aurora."

"I cannot kill the wolves," I confided. "I do not know why but something inside of me will not allow me to shoot." He did not say anything to that and I realized he knew my name. "Who are you? You know who I am, but..."

"I am no one of importance," the man answered. "Do not come looking for me. It will only end in tragedy." He looked at me once more and then quick as a flash, he had my hand in his again and kissed my knuckles. Then he was off into the forest, a wolf once more, gone through the trees. I stood before the edge shivering with a new kind of chill, wrapped my arms around myself, and looked into the forest until night's blanket covered me.