Aurora

When I stepped inside Lunarenstein, Delphine was waiting for me, venom in her eyes. With a biting tone, she asked where'd I'd been all day, an excuse I'd come up with while walking to the castle. I explained to her that I'd been in the stables all day, grooming and riding the horses. Delphine hesitated but, because of my tattered and disheveled appearance, she did not press the matter. I hoped she would not ask why I did not smell of horses, but if there was one thing Delphine did not like, it was tending and riding to the horses. She'd never been interested in the great, noble beasts - I could still remember the way she looked at them with a combination of distaste and mistrust - and so I knew she must not understand that grooming horses was dirty, smelly work. Instead she sent me to bed without supper, however I cared little. There was not much in my head beside the man I'd seen and fluttering nerves filled my stomach up enough for two meals. My heavy, soggy boots clomped nosily on the spiral staircase up to my tower room; no matter, I used that time to think of him.

At the time I had thought of him as beautiful and not handsome, and yet now, as I went over his face again, I realized there had been something distinctively masculine about him. He was wild and powerful like all the wolves were, his eyes were dark and his mouth had been set the way some of the older boys who did work around the castle's were. He was tall and lean but I knew the wolves all posessed an inhuman strength that carried over when they were covered by their human skin. Of the two times before the past few days when I'd seen the wolves turn human, one of the times it had been a young boy - maybe fourteen - who had broken a large limb off a tree as he was running through the woods. The size of the man did not fool me, he was even stronger than his younger brother.

Dog was sitting on my bed when I entered my room and with a smile, I rushed over to him where I buried my raw fingers into his fur and kissed him between his ears. His voice was silent but his breathing was heavy. "Are you all right?" I questioned, but he shook his head. I pulled back just a little to see that in his eyes was strain and concern.

Why were you in the forest today? His tone was cautious.

I put my face onto the top of his head and smiled a sheepish smile. "I went to see her. The Liche Queen. She sent a messenger this morning and I could not stay away." Dog was quiet beneath me. "It was you who told me not to be frightened of her. Even she said so herself. She told me not to be frightened of death, that death is not evil. She told me that fear and fear only is evil." Dog still said nothing. "Are you mad that I went to see her?"

Not mad, I'm not mad. I just...was far away. When I heard you were wandering around the forest by yourself for hours...it scared me. There are things in there, things like me, I suppose, things like me that will not hesitate to kill you. And I spoke the truth when I said the Liche Queen was not to be feared, but that did not mean I thought it a good idea to go off into the forest after her. She finds her pleasure in tricking people. You cannot trust the words she says. You never know when there is something for her hidden beneath them. His words made me feel foolish. Of course Dog was right. The white blossoms were still in my sweater and I thought of how it had hurt to touch them. I should have left them alone or better yet, I should have never come. I knew that then but I wished more than anything I'd stayed behind. Or did I? If I had not gone to see her, I would not have met...

"It was okay, Dog, I promise. Someone saved me." I paused. "A man."

Dog was on his feet instantly, growling, his teeth bared. I pulled back. Yes, yes, a man, a man who is not even a true man! You were saved by a savage, Aurora and savages are never to be trusted. I wanted to ask Dog how he knew this but didn't. He could speak to me without a voice, without opening his mouth. He must know all the things of the forest. Stay away from him, Aurora, Dog snapped. Nothing good can come from seeing him. Then, the fierce anger faded out of his face and he looked less like a fighter and more like a guilty puppy. He hopped off my bed and made towards the door. I cannot stay here. I should not even be here. The creatures of the forest do not trust those who become friends with humans. If I am around you too much they may cast me out forever. And there is still so much you do not understand. This friendship is dangerous, this alliance is madness and I am...breaking a promise.

"A promise?" My words were an echo. "Don't go." I knew I was begging; I didn't care. "If you are cast out you can come live with me forever. Please. You are the only one I feel I can truly talk to. Magdalena won't even let me talk to her the way you do. Please do not go. I am beginning to need you and if you leave now you are being very, very selfish." Unecessary tears were forming at the back of my eyes and the last part of that sentence had been difficult to get out. I did not know why I was getting so choked up over a dog I'd barely known a week, but what I'd said was true. I was beginning to rely on his company as a friend. He was easy to be around. We may talk once or twice every half hour and yet it did not matter. Being with Dog felt comfortable the way being with a true family might.

Dog came back up to me, his dark eyes guilty. He put his nose between my knees. Staying here is what is selfish, but the creatures of the wood have never been praised on their selflessness. I shall stay and I shall not leave your side. I am sorry though. I am always sorry.

"For what?" I asked, sitting down on my bed. Dog hopped up and sat next to me.

For what I am.

"What are you?"

I do not know. A coward. A liar. Something that can never be what his family needs. No, honestly, Aurora, I do not know what I am. Maybe I am some ancient god spirit of a rock or a stream but now I do not know. Now I cannot remember. His face looked hurt, so I knew I must change the subject. Maybe he'd had a terrible argument with the rest of his family. I imagined a group of small black dogs in the forest who were too wise for their bodies and who lived under the wolves. I knew so little about the forest and as I thought, I wondered if all the creatures could speak the way Dog did. And then I thought once more of the man, the man who had saved me, the man who was not in Dog's good graces. I swallowed.

I"I promise you and the man both that I shall not go looking for him." I turned to my side and took his long, furry face between my hands. His eyes were sad and innocent but the corners of his mouth curved up in a perpetual smile. It struck me now that Dog was the least dog like dog I'd ever known. All the dogs I'd met were bounding and happy all the time. Dog seemed sad and old. I kissed him between his eyes, where the fur above the nose was the softest. "But please," I found myself whispering into his fur. "If you know who he is, will you tell me? Will you at least tell me his name?"

Dog shifted, he was uncomfortable. He is called Adrian, and he is Prince of Wolves.

A hollow feeling settled at the pit of my stomach and Dog's words rang again and again through my head. Adrian, Prince of Wolves. Adrian, Prince of Wolves. I put my arms around Dog's neck and hugged him close. "I'm a fool, aren't I?" I found myself whispering, thinking of the way Adrian had kissed my knuckles and left me breathless. "What an idiot." My eyes burned and yet I did not shed any tears. As silly as it was, I did not wish for Dog to see my cry over such a little thing. How had hope ever sparked within me? Adrian had said it himself; I should not come find him, it would only end in tragedy. That had been what he meant. If I were to seek him out, I might be in danger of feeling something for him and it could never, never be so. Squeezing my eyes shut, I recalled the feel of his hand against mine, his softer-than-I'd-expected voice and his kind, humble words.

Dog nudged my neck and I crawled into bed. Dog did not join me under the covers tonight but lay so that I might keep my arms around him. All night it felt I lay awake, thinking of the Prince of Wolves. All night until the sky lightened and became pink, but when I finally came out of my sullen stupor, I realized Dog had gone. I must have fallen asleep some time. Blinking, I found that my eyes were sore and went to remedy that with cold water on my face. When I closed my eyes and the icy water hit my cheeks, I saw Adrian, but his form was blurry, if I'd seen him in a dream. I did not feel so hollow today; hollow or foolish. Stepping towards my looking glass, I exhaled deeply and smiled. He had told me not to seek him out. I wouldn't. That would be the last time I'd ever see Adrian, at least, in human form. I could not let myself be hurt over wolf princes because wolf princes were the stuff of fairytales and happily ever afters. Instead I looked forward to my meeting with Nikolae. He might be far off as well, but at least Delphine approved of him, and he seemed to...like me.

I went to the Lodge directly after breakfast; Magdalena's secret smiles and giggles following me out of the room. I knew my cheeks were painted a bright red. It had not snowed last night and the untrodden on snow was hard with a layer of ice. It was difficult work making my way to the Hunting Lodge, but once I saw it, my eyes lit up. I loved the lodge as much as I loved the castle. As a young girl I'd been spoiled by the head of staff at Lunarenstein and she'd spoiled me by bringing me here to help her make apfel streudel and other delicacies. Now that I thought of her, I realized I must have loved her as a young girl might love a grandmother. Thinking of her now, however, I couldn't remember what had happened to her or what her name had even been. This thought made me feel guilty, yet I pushed it out of my head for when I looked up, I saw Nikolae standing in the doorway, dressed for the morning in tan trousers and a colorful woolen sweater. When I met him at the door, I noticed his clear blue eyes were shining merrily.

It took me a moment of smiling like an idiot to realize that the feeling in my stomach was a feeling I got whenever I knew something was wrong. Blue eyes? I wondered, staring at Nikoale's face. Yesterday, I could have sworn his eyes were brown. I said nothing however, just mumbled a slightly embarrassed 'Hello' upon entering. I probably had just been too far away yesterday to notice that his eyes were blue. And I couldn't possibly bring it up; I could not let him know that I'd been so smitten over his appearance yesterday that I'd noticed every little detail about him and was worrying about it today.

"I didn't think you'd come this early but I appreciate the help, Miss Aurora. I do hope your mother won't mind if you assist me. She was already hesitant to employ me because I am a male, but I proved my abilities to her. Still, I think she'll like it if she see's I've asked her daughter for help."

"Are you implying that you asked me to help in order for Delphine to think well of you?" I questioned as I followed him through the Lodge. The Hunting Lodge was large and had many small rooms above the big downstairs. It had the same feeling of an inn, but was furnished much better. The inside was cozy and most of the furniture was made of pine. The fabrics were all reds and greens and tartans, making the large rooms feel small and secure. Fires burned in every hearth and the lodge was warm and cozy.

Nikoale flushed. "No, I promise you, no. I really do need your help and you are the best shot of all the girls, if I do say so." He smiled his most charming smile, but something still did not feel quite right. Maybe he was what Magdalena had told me yesterday: a wicked boy. We continued to walk to where the extra bow and arrows were stored. They were always stored in a heated room so the wood would not warp. "May I ask a question, Miss Aurora?" He looked back to me and I nodded. "I am curious. You do not call Delphine 'Mother'. Why is this?"

We came to the storeroom. It was a small room with two wooden chairs and fifty or so bows hanging on the walls. I sighed as I picked one up and looked at it. "It is what I've always called her. I'm not sure I ever knew any differently for a long time when one of the girls asked why I didn't call her 'Mother'. I didn't know that was what you were supposed to do. Delphine has always referred to herself by name."

"If I may, she seems quite cold. Did your father die? Maybe she misses him."

I shrugged. "I do not know anything about my father. Delphine tells me she did not know him, that she only knew him for one night and she never saw him again. Last time I asked about him, she...she...wasn't pleased. I have resolved not to ask her again. Sometimes I think what she says is the truth, maybe she did not know him and maybe she wishes she did. Or maybe there is something more to it. It certainly could be a possibility that he died and she misses him, but Delphine founded the school long before I was born and everyone I've asked does not remember or was not there."

"I apologize. It was quite impertinent of me to ask."

"No," I answered, smiling. "You were simply curious. I would be too. Now come, let's see if these bows are decent."

For much of the morning I helped Nikolae discern which bows to keep and which were unusable. I surprised myself by knowing much more than I thought I did on the subject of bows. Whenever I picked one up, I could usually tell if it was going to be good or not. My skin would react to the touch of the wood on my fingers, my elbows would tug and I could hear the rush of wind in my ears. If I picked up a bow whose balance was off or whose wood was warped, I would feel nothing. By the time we were finished, we were able to save forty one of them. The other eleven needed to be thrown away. To bid me adieu, Nikolae shook my hand, a perfect gentleman. He had not tried anything rude or and I left feeling a strange combination of contentment and apprehension. He was a kind young man. Still, the notion of his color changing eyes disconcerted me.

Magdalena was full of questions upon my arrival and on our way to a discussion of Astronomy, we disected every tiny detail of the time Nikolae and I had spent together. Magdalena was disappointed he did not kiss my hand as I left, however, I assured her that this was fine with me. The only thing the whole business of hand kissing did was bring up an absurdly painful image of Adrian, Prince of Wolves kissing my knuckles yesterday. Kissing them in a flash like he must show me affection quickly, without anyone noticing. But had it been affection? Or simply manners? I tried to focus my thoughts off of the Prince and onto Nikolae as we discussed constellations.

That afternoon I looked out the window often to see if Dog would return but he never showed up. Briefly I felt sick at the thought that maybe he was never going to come back, but I pushed those feelings away. He had to come. He promised me he would. He could not just abandon me. Not now when everything was beginning to get complicated. The flowers I'd picked yesterday lay on my desk, their white blossoms as pure and as fresh as if I'd only just picked them. After dinner I made the trip up to my room, feeling a little despondent, in order to start weaving the flowers together. Dog was sitting on my bed when I opened the door. All the feelings of worry that had sat in the pit of my stomach vanished instantly and I went to him and kissed him on the top of his head. "I missed you today. I was worried you weren't coming back," I admitted. There was no need to hide things from Dog. He probably already knew.

Dog lied down and put his head on my lap. He was quiet for a moment before looking up at me. You smell strange.

"What?" I questioned.

He sniffed my blouse and my arms and my face and then pulled back. It is nothing. You just smell different today.

"This morning I was in the company of the new archery instructor, a young man called Nikolae. Could that be it?" I asked. Dog said nothing and once again I knew that meant yes. "Are you upset I saw him? He seems like a fine young man, do you know something about him I should not?" I asked.

Don't be silly, Aurora, I do not know anything of the sort.

"Are you mad at me?"

Dog got to his feet and began to lick my face. Of course not. Just worried. Worried, worried, always worried.

I smiled. "Don't worry about me. There's nothing to worry about. I am growing up in this dull place called Schloss Lunarenstein and I am going to take it over and I will teach other young orphaned girls how to hunt and I will continue on Delphine's tradition. We will try to restore the moon to the sky. I will grow old and gray and we will probably not win until I am long dead. And that is what will happen to me, Dog. Do not worry about me. I already gave you my word that I would not seek out the Prince of Wolves and I shall not go back to the Liche Queen. In fact, I will throw out those blossoms from yesterday."

Blossoms?

I stood up, nodded to Dog and went to fetch the little white flowers. They hurt my fingers when I picked them up, but the pain was dull. "The Liche Queen told me to pick these yesterday, to weave them into a crown. She said that if I were to do that, it would be my greatest weapon, although, I still do not know what she meant by that." Dog hopped off the bed with an urgency and went straight the small flowers on the desk. He nosed them and stood up on his hind legs in order to see them better. His ears perked and he sniffed, anxiousness in his eyes. "They hurt my hands when I picked them but I have not died yet so I figured they were okay."

Dog looked at me for a very long time and I almost asked him again if he were mad at me, but then he let his front legs down and walked back towards the bed. She is right, Dog said after so long. You should make a crown out of it. It shall be your greatest weapon. If I was looking for an explanation, I was very disappointed. Dog said nothing more on the matter. I dressed for bed, did my toiletries, took one more look at the small white flowers and went to bed. Sleep did not come easily, but eventually I did sleep. However, something in the middle night woke me up. The night was dark. Dog still snored at the end of my bed. My legs felt restless. I must get up and move.

Lunarenstein was very quiet as I made my way down the stairs of the tower and to the great hall. Then, in the distance, I saw movement, near the door. Rosalyn. Waiting for a young man. Gregori, I knew that must be who it was. She'd been flirting with him on Saturday and he must finally be coming to her. I stepped into the darkness in order to let her have privacy. She never lingered long by the door, always went to her room with her prize. She would be gone soon. The door opened and Rosalyn threw her arms around Gregori. He stepped in, holding a candle. He snuffed it out as soon as he stepped in, but it was enough time for me to realize that it wasn't Gregori who was to be bedding Rosalyn tonight.

Nikolae gave her a sound kiss on the mouth and they moved through the dark; shadow-like. And I stood, watching, feeling more and more like a fool with each passing moment.