Aurora

My morning dawned warm and content. For hours I constantly blurred the lines between dreaming and half-awake, I kept slipping into dream of dark eyes and soft lips, of fingers on the skin of my back and of small, happy noises in my ear. When I would wake I would feel something warm and soft against me, I heard heavy, yet quiet, breathing in my ear, but my only registered that sighingly sweet happiness that I continued to fall into. Those few moments I was entering the realm of the waking I would move myself closer to the object against me and in my head, all was right and good. The room was warm and glowed orange whenever my eyes blinked softly opened and then closed. My world was perfect in those in-between moments. I was safe and loved and happy. And then something tightened at the bottom of my stomach and I opened my eyes for real and realized where I was.

I tried not to cry, then, as I felt Adrian's breath on my cheek. In my head I saw myself thumbing the pages of Jorinda and Jorindel and I imagined little Sofia asking me if I was ever going to get a Happily Ever After. I was no closer now than I was then. I should not even feel anything for Adrian. He was a wolf, he was the Prince and he was engaged to Lourdes. I was a mere human, I had no home and no family to belong to and beyond the Moon Queen, I had no future. For one more moment I closed my eyes and remembered my dream. The lips and the eyes were distinctively Adrian's and I'd been confusing my fantasies with reality. My hands went out to touch the bare skin at the base of his throat. For one more moment he was mine. For one more moment nothing mattered.

And then I stepped out of bed and turned my face towards my life and what today might bring. There was no more time for fairytales, no more time for dreams. My life was one of hard work and bitter cold, and I must accept that and keep that in my heart and mind. I took a deep breath and went to the washroom to perform my morning ritual and dressed myself. Adrian still slept when I came from the washroom. He was curled up against where I had been last night. I blinked and then turned away from him and left the room. I didn't even know I was heading towards the Keeper's library until I reached the archway. The tall room was still mostly the way we'd left it, with the exception of a small stack of books on the table. The Keeper sat in one of the chairs and when she sat in them, the chairs did not look so cartoonish.

The Keeper did not look up as I entered but said, "Aurora of Lunarenstein. You have slept well, I assume?"

I nodded and took a seat in the other chair, pulling my legs up to my knees. "Yes, thank you for asking." Then, I paused and studied her face. It was beautiful in all honesty. Today, her features wore a kind expression and I knew she was happy here, in her library, with her books. "You cannot call me Aurora of Lunarenstein, however. I no longer belong there, at the castle." Again I hesitated. "I'm not sure I ever did." The Keeper turned an eye on me. She did not look particularly interested in my words, but still she regarded me with a careful expression.

"And where do you belong?" she inquired.

I thought about it for a moment and then breathed out a bitter laugh. "Nowhere I suppose."

"Is there something so wrong with being just Aurora?" There was a thinly veiled annoyance in her voice and I knew she did not enjoy hearing my whining about not having a family, not having anywhere to belong. I had not felt this so hard yesterday, or maybe I had, but this morning's dream had made me feel so strange and lonely for something I did not even think existed. A warm, happy place where I was wanted and loved and where people smiled when I came into the room. I tried to smile and shook my head no. There wasn't anything wrong with being only Aurora. For now, it would have to do. "Then it is time for us to discuss how you will get to the Moon Queen's tower."

At this, the Keeper stood and started for a wall of books. "Do you believe I can save her?" I questioned. The Keeper stopped and looked towards me, an eyebrow raised. I gave her a sheepish look. "It's just, everyone I've met tells me they know I can free the Moon Queen and yet, I'm not even sure who I'm saving her from. All I know, I've learned from my mother Delphine. She told me that the Liche Queen trapped her in a tower, but it was the Liche Queen who told me I could save her. Delphine also said that the wolves were the army of the Liche Queen but I do not see how they could be if they are the guardians of the forest." I shrugged. "The story is confusing and I do not know the history or anything about it, really."

"It was Fear who stole the Queen of the Moon, Aurora. Do not let this Delphine woman tell you otherwise. Fear stole her away, or it could have been one of her children, Jealousy or Greed."

I stared, wide eyed, at the Keeper. "Do you mean to tell me that there is a person called Fear?"

The Keeper laughed at this, a mocking, sarcastic sort of laugh. "Everything in this world has a spirit that embodies it. As The Keeper of All Forest Lore and of the Gate to the Forest Itself, I am the spirit embodiment of the action of Seeking Knowledge. You will meet many more who are spirits of rocks and streams and then others who are the spirits of Tears, who are the gods of Laughter, who are the lords and ladies of Harmonious Sound and the action of Writing Down Dreams. Every tiny thing, Aurora, has a spirit. Many of the spirits of actual things have died when their true forms were destroyed by humans, however, spirits of thoughts and actions do not die unless the action itself dies and no thought or action ever dies completely from the earth."

"And the wolves? What are they spirits of?"

"Great hunters and huntresses, I suppose. The wolves are the only spirits who die because they decided long ago that they wished to be human. When they die, their spirits are reincarnated. This is what makes them so unique." She shrugged as she pulled a large book from the shelf. "The wolves are strange creatures, strange creatures who we cannot always trust. I give you this advice, Aurora: Never trust a wolf with your life or, more importantly, your heart. The wolves can eat away everything you have until all you are left with is darkness. They are not meant to be trusted. They are humans, are they not? They always look for what benefits them."

Her words made me bristle. "Adrian wouldn't betray my trust-"

"The Prince especially would betray your trust."

"That's quite enough." The words came from the doorway where Adrian stood, his face dark, his hands balled into fists. The Keeper stared at him with cool eyes and did not say anything for awhile. Then she turned to me and blinked once.

"Aurora, as the spirit of Knowledge Seeking, one of my talents is the power to observe. Some say it is a talent that allows me to look into the hearts and minds of others - this is not entirely the truth. However, I am able to feel, quite clearly, what most are thinking and feeling. Let me warn you now, the Prince is not all that he seems." She then turned her frosty eyes on Adrian, whose face was livid. "You may wish to kill me, Your Highness, but how do you go about doing that?" Adrian said nothing and walked towards me. He stood behind me and his shadow threw a strange chill on my body. I did not want him to know that her words made me frightened. Hadn't we promised to fight for each other? Hadn't we promised to trust each other with every part of our being? How could I trust Adrian if there was something he was hiding from me? Once again, Adrian's ominous words came to me...Don't come looking for me, it will only end in tragedy. Maybe this was what he'd meant. "Now, I have the map for you," the Keeper said, her voice once again benign. "Would you like to see it?"

"Are you planning on letting her pass?" asked the Prince of Wolves.

The Keeper smiled a smug smile. "Of course. You know what those flowers mean as well as I do. I could not keep her out, even if I wished." I looked up to Adrian, who did not look down at me, but stared straight to the Keeper. Her smile disappeared then and she dropped the large book down in front of us and opened the cover to reveal a folded piece of parchment. She took it from the book and opened it on the table. It was much bigger than I expected, and much more detailed. It was a map of the woods. I scanned over it and saw that the woods were enormous. Someone had drawn a small section at the very edge that included a miniature drawing of Lunarenstein. In flowery handwriting, the words To Human World and arrow pointing away from Lunarenstein and towards the village sat on the page. The gate extended, at least according to the map, all the way across the parchment and was fairly close to Lunarenstein. Then, the forest seemed to go on forever. I looked briefly at some of the drawings that said things such as: Lake of Shadows and Songs, The Golden Glade, Fairy and Trickster Realm, Caves of Insanity, etc. I did not see anywhere on the map that said The Tower of the Moon Queen. The Keeper turned away for a moment and returned with a pot of ink and a quill. Carefully she dipped the quill and, towards the other edge of the parchment she drew a tiny tower and labeled it. "Excuse me, I haven't updated this in quite some time."

"Did you draw this map?" I asked, not even trying to hide the awe in my voice. The Keeper simply nodded and with that, she blew on the ink until it dried and then folded it back up; she did not give it to us however. She looked up and settled her cool eyes upon mine.

"You understand now that I cannot give this to you for nothing. Everything come with a price, knowledge especially. If you want something, you must give something up."

My stomach turned. "What?" I asked.

Briefly, the Keeper's eyes slid up towards Adrian and I knew instantly that she could feel what I felt for him. She probably even knew about my dream this morning, knew I'd awoken in his arms and had pretended that we were together. I feared that she would make me give him up, or worse, make me give up my small - however, growing with some intensity - and secret feelings for him. Her mouth curved up into a slight, amused smile. "No, I will not make you give that up," she murmured to me. She stood up to her full height. "Aurora, from now on, you cannot be Aurora of Lunarenstein. You know that. In order to receive this map and safe passage to the other side of the gate, you must once and for all give that name up. You must give up your ties to the human world. Today, you become a part of the forest. Can you do that?"

"Do you mean I must give up my humanity?" My voice held apprehension.

"No. Humanity is something you never lose. Today, however, you transform yourself to a child of foundations, brick and mortar and become a child of the stars. You become Aurora of the Forest. Can you shed your mortal skin? Make no mistake, this is no easy choice. This means you can never return to your mortal life. You can never return to your life of Schloss Lunarenstein, your life of gossiping with your friends and fighting with your enemies. If you return to Lunarenstein, each night you sleep will be a night that fills you with anxiety, you will be filled with a terrible sense of foreboding that you cannot shake until you return to your home - the forest. You can never return to your life of Stefan and Gregori, of flirting and courtship and manners. You will become one of us, Aurora. Forever. Can you make that choice?"

I knew she would not be satisfied with a maybe, which was the only answer I felt I was in the position to give. Still, the Moon Queen called to me and the crown on my head told me - for some reason - that I could do what I was trying to do. Adrian was by my side and he had pledged his life in order to save mine, and I had pledged mine for his. And I realized then that I had already made this decision. I had decided that I would never go back when I'd decided to chase after the Moon Queen, when I'd asked Adrian for his help. There was nothing for me back there; there never would be. "Yes," I said to her, my voice confident. I did feel fear, but I pushed it away.

The Keeper did not grin, nor did she smile, still, something about the way her face moved told me she was pleased with my decision. She gave me the map. "Then I will keep you no further. You will find breakfast in the kitchen and then I will lead you to the next part of your journey."

We did what we were told: we gathered our things, put our bows and arrows back on our bodies, ate breakfast of some sort of sweet, flaky pastry I'd never seen before in my life and then found the Keeper back in the library. We followed her down another set of stairs that led even farther underground, through an enormous cavern with an underground lake and huge crystals growing everywhere that threw the light of the torch the Keeper kept with her. We followed her through the darkness until everything seemed to be getting lighter and lighter until I could see white and trees in front of us and then we were out in the forest, coming out of the mouth of a small rock formation. Looking back, I saw we were not too far away from the gate - it was still in sight. I turned to our hostess. "Thank you," I said, curtsying once more.

"Think nothing of it." She looked at Adrian. "Keep my advice in mind, Aurora of the Forest. The wolves are not to be trusted."

Adrian flashed her a glare, but I knew he did not say anything because he was trying his best not to anger her. He wished to keep peace with her because she was important to the creatures. If he harmed her, the creatures would mistrust him even more. I swallowed. "Keeper, you told me that the wolves were not to be trusted because parts of them were human, and I understand that you cannot trust him because you are not human and you do not know and understand human emotion. But I do. I am human. And I know my own heart, and it is telling me that I can trust him. I appreciate your advice, but truly, it is not necessary."

"I hope I you are right. Goodbye." She gave a stiff bow then, turned and disappeared back into the small opening of the rock formation. When I blinked, it was as if there was no opening at all, like it was just a group of large boulders covered in snow. It was then I turned to Adrian.

"You are good to let her have her say. You are good to let her not trust you and say nothing, instead of giving her more reasons not to trust the wolves." When Adrian said nothing, I smiled. "I think you will make a good King some day, Adrian. I do. You are kind and you have a good heart; yet you are fierce and you are loyal."

Finally, he shook his head. "I did not say anything because she is right." He looked away from me and shook his head. "We must be going. We will be traveling for quite some time, we have much ground to cover and I usually make this trip on four legs instead of two. Come, let us go." Adrian turned away from me then and began to walk through the snow. I stood, unmoving, for a few moments, looking somewhat dumbfounded down at the map. I wanted to run after him and force him to explain everything to me, everything including himself. I could still remember last night when he'd told me about the dream he'd had and how he hadn't had when I was around and I remembered the kind smiles he'd given me and the soft way he looked at me that had made me feel something strong at the pit of my heart. I did not understand how that man and this could be the same person - how at one moment he could be kind and gentle and the next be closed off. It did not seem fair and I wanted to tell him that. But then I remembered it was not my place to ask. I was not his lover, I was not Lourdes. I was Aurora. Aurora of the Forest and even if the forest was my home now, Adrian was not. So I must try and put the mysteries he presented out of my mind. They were not mysteries for me to figure out. They never would be.

So I ran after him, catching up to him and looked down at the map. Adrian was right, we did have quite a lot of ground to cover - and what would happen once we got to the Tower? Would we simply free the Moon Queen and be done with it? Then what would happen? What would happen if we succeeded? I supposed then Adrian would go back to his palace and I would find somewhere to live. Strange, as I grew more and more accustomed to the idea of the forest being my home, I felt like this was where my life was heading all along. When I'd imagined myself living with my father it had always been in a forest - maybe I'd imagined this one. I wondered where he was, if maybe he did belong in the forest himself. Maybe I'd always meant to be here.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier," Adrian said abruptly after what felt like hours of walking. The trees began to look all the same and I'd almost feared that we were walking in circles, except then I'd recalled the strangely human compass the wolves had packed in my bag earlier and had taken it out and had seen that we were heading Northeast, the direction of the Tower.

I smiled. "Have you been thinking about that this entire time?" I asked.

Adrian gave me an embarrassed grin. "I suppose I have. I'm not usually...cross like that and I have no reason to be cross with you. I haven't known you long and already I feel closer to you than I do with any of the other wolves." He paused at that. "I'm sorry if that was too forward." I shook my head as a blush rattled my cheeks. "Either way, I want us to be on good terms with each other. I want us to be friends. So I'm sorry about what I said earlier and how I said it. It is the spoiled side of me coming out. I get angry and rude and I think I'm entitled to get angry and rude because everyone is supposed to worship the ground I walk on and it isn't true. So I apologize."

I grinned, but then my smile faded. "You are a puzzle, Adrian," I told him. "Just not my puzzle to solve."

The way he looked at me then - like he was about to cry - made my throat close up. We were quiet for a very long time after that. I wanted to be close with him but my words were the truth. He was not mine to decode. He was not mine to discover. I looked up at the gray sky between the trees and took a deep breath in and out, pushing silly, childish tears out. For a moment I remembered my dream and all seemed sublime. If I could just keep the memory of that dream in my mind forever, maybe I could be happy.

It was then that we stopped. The ground was gone. For miles and miles it seemed to have disappeared. In its place was the bluest-green water I'd ever seen. Adrian and I looked at each other. "This must be the Lake of Shadows and Songs," he informed me.

I stared at the huge expanse of land. Going across it seemed impossible but going around would take too much time. No, what this was was a problem.